I have been hanging out on a website called Flixter for about a year now. It's a MySpace kinda thing for movie buffs. I SWEAR I was not out looking for love, but I think it found me anyway.

The only reason I was interested in Flixter is because I'm such a film freak and I don't have anyone to share my interests with. Thought it would be fun to talk to anybody -- male or female -- about movies. And I've made several good email pals. But a guy named Jim in NY (I'm in TX) contacted me the other day -- just for fun -- because we shared a huge interest in foreign films. We started messaging back and forth, and then just by accident we started learning that we have MUCH more in common than films. Jim's messages held a warmth and friendliness that I hadn't experienced with any one else I'd talked to, and I got a little more interested. Then I started looking for his messages -- getting disappointed if there weren't any and jumping for joy when there were. Now I think about him day and night, and he's confessed that he does the same about me. We exchanged regular email addresses last night, but not phone numbers or home addresses yet.

I've been alone for three years now, with the exception of a real good friend of mine that I've gotten a little cozy with in the past (not much of a future with him though). So I'm sure the attention is causing part of this. And I have enough sense to know that I'm not going to head to Rochester after just 2 weeks. I don't even know what Jim does for a living yet. But I am definitely crushing on him -- BAD. I know three women (my sister for one) who met her future husband online. But none were that far out of town -- we're talking 1500 miles here, although I do have a lot of family not far from where he is.

Am I crazy? Is there any sense in pursuing this? How do I know he's genuine and not a conman or serial killer? Has anyone else done this? I'd like to hear your stories -- heavenly or horrific.

I think there is every reason to pursue this. Not every relationship is going to end in marriage but they are still worth having. I've never done the online thing but I do have two good friends who met their husbands online. They got tired of being alone but were in stuck in the same circles of people and couldn't seem to meet anyone. I say enjoy it.

Congratulations too on finding someone who puts a spark in your life.

give it a go.. be safe while you are doing it, but go on!

i met my young man chatting online, back before the internet, on a chat BBS.. we met, married, and are still blissfully happy together 16 years later..

I am all for it. I met my husband on line, however it was a dating site. I was 48 and he was 52 and neither one of us had ever been married. We're now happily married for 5 1/2 years. I am convinced if it weren't for that website, we never would have met and I'd probably still be single...not that there is anything wrong w/that.

I say GO FOR IT, but as others have posted, be cautious. If you do meet, make sure you meet in public and you tell your friends/family where you are going and with whom you are going. In this day and age you cannot be too sure.

Don't let distance discourage you. I believe that instinctively, you can know it's right. The internet simply narrows it down for you.

Good luck.

EJ

Webalina, I left my hub June last year, and met Mr. right the following August. Yes I met him online, and when I told my DD about it, and how embarrassed I was, she assured me that's it's the trendy thing to do now. My new guy is just the best thing that's ever happened to me, we've been together almost a year now, and now I'm getting ready to move in with him. Computers have changed the world, and brought so many close together. But EJ is right, make sure your family knows where you are:)

Cris

Weblina.......... Absolutely, you need to pursue it!! With caution of course. I don't see any harm in meeting someone through the "worldwide web". Years ago, we'd go to the bar to meet men, just because we saw them didn't mean we knew them. Have a few drinks & blew caution to the wind

So, the bar scene isn't all that wonderful either.........saying that you need take a step & venture out. Never mind the distance, if it is meant to be, it will. Good luck & keep us posted.


Loganbil

You ladies are awesome! I guess it would more likely that he would be a psycho if I had met him on a general dating site. Maybe because this is a page for people of specific interests, he MIGHT be a little more trustworthy. After all, he filled his page with all kinds of movie stuff that he liked before he ever met me. I get lots of messages from guys on the site just lookin' fer some lovin'. They have nothing on their page but name and age. I don't go near those guys. The crazy thing is that I never intended this to happen! I even have written in my profile "Don't contact me if you're just looking for a date. I'm here to talk movies, not flirt and giggle." But now that's exactly what I'm doing. Go figure.

The coolest part is that we are almost exactly the same age -- 48 (he's 3 months older). There will be lots of commonality with kid experiences -- same cereals, cartoons, toys, memorable news stories. As you all suggested, as "wonderful" as he sounds, caution is definitely the name of the game. I had already been trying to fit in a trip up north to visit family and get some genealogy work done. So I could plan to meet him then, instead of going up there especially for him. Won't be for a while, but that gives me more time to get to know him, right?

Right after I posted the original message, my closing signature caught my eye. Never has it been more appropriate than right now -- "Go as far as you can see. When you get there, you will see farther." Sounds like a plan.

Thanks girls. You're all gems.

I have not, but my GF did and ended up marrying the greatest guy! I can't remember which site she used.

Webalina,
Go for it you need some happiness sometimes. If this guy brings that into your life then thats a great thing.

Good Luck with things.

Take Care From Deb.

Webalina: I vote 'yes' too! I met my husband online and actually did a fair amount of dating thru match.com. Just be very careful...do you know what he looks like? It might be a good idea to exchange pics first. And as the others have said, you almost have to had a ridiculous level of paranoia when you first go on a date...public place, no alcohol, make sure at least 2 other people know who you are...

Okay, I'm going to post this last suggestion, and you can take it for what it's worth. A lot of my friends said I was nuts for doing this, but it made me feel better. There is a program you can buy called 'Net Detective.' Actually, there are a bunch of them...I know of another called 'Check Him POut' but I don't know if it is still around. You pay a fee; either monthly or a one-time charge, and you type in the person's name, age, etc, and it will do a criminal background check. I'm sure Jim is a nice guy, but in this day and age, I'd rather spend $29.99 (the one time search isn't expensive) and know for sure that there isn't some deep dark secret lurking in his past, than find out later. I actually purchased six months worth, and you wouldn't believe how many guys lie about the stupidest stuff...age, being divorce, being married, being in debt, having had several DUI's (driving while intoxicated.) One guy I met online had been in a car accident in which he was at fault..he left the scene and the person died. I found out he had several other 'disorderly conducts' from incidents in bars..and he told me he was a 'moderate drinker.' I disapeared quickly from his radar screen. Again, pls don't be offended by my suggestion, I'm just trying to keep you safe. It's a weird world out there. Hopefully, this guy will turn out to be everything he says he is, and maybe you two will end up together AND have a great story to tell of your courthship!

Let us know and good luck!

I'm happy for you and think it's worth exploring! I've made quite a few friends online, it's such a boon for finding folks you have things in common with, who you would otherwise never meet!

I also think RoundRobin's suggestion to do a background check is wise. The world is so much more anonymous than it used to be. Back in the day when you'd meet someone in your own town, their reputation preceded them. Since our worlds are no longer so small, it's only reasonable to take what precautions we have available!

I actually do know what he looks like...at least I think I do. He posted a photo on his profile. Whether it's really him I obviously don't know. Not Johnny Depp, but not bad. It's one of those horrible webcam photos that makes everyone look like their DMV photo. I just recently posted a photo of me. Had a cartoon character before. Can't believe how many weirdo hits I've been getting since I posted the photo, which is the reason I didn't post it in the first place. Probably will go back to the cartoon. Mostly just wanted Jim to see what I looked like.

I'm not offended a bit by the idea of checking him out. My sister went out with a guy she met online. He admitted he had a minimal criminal record. Turns out he understated just a bit. He showed up in the news a few months later, having been busted for setting up a sex meeting with a 15 year old. And the news also revealed that he had such a criminal past that he could get 20 years for this latest indiscretion. Thanks for the link. $30 is worth it to keep from making a serious mistake.

Thanks to all of you for the encouragement, though. I guess doing something like this isn't as oddball as I thought it was.

Webalina..........


Yes, GO FOR IT! i just PM'd you ....( just use caution.) and hey, ROBIN, that is a great idea, and the $ well worth it!

Webalina, did anything ever come of the guy?

I met the greatest man ever online five years ago. We are now married and living happily ever after.

Just be safe, check him out if and when you decide to meet up. Maybe only share a cell phone number at first and not your home phone which can be looked up easily.

Lucky for me, my husband worked for a company in the IT department. I was able to do little things like go to the website where he worked and sure enough there was his name and the cell phone number matching the one I used to call him. Eventually I was able to trace his home phone number to the exact area/address he had given me. Or you can do what was posted and do a paid search on him.

I still think back to when I first went to meet my now husband and how crazy I was. I had to fly half way around the world to England. The moment I stepped off that plane, I thought omg what am I doing. He turned out to be more perfect in person than he was on the net! I am no longer embarassed telling people where I met him, because the shock on their faces after they know him and then find out how we met is priceless. Most gals are now begging me to help them find someone just like him rofl!

Best of luck, take your time and if it is meant to be it will happen! If not you can have fun along the way no harm done!

Seems some of y'all want an update, so here we go:

I AM IN LOVE.

Really. And according to him, so is he. It's been a little over 9 weeks now (had been only about 2 weeks when I first posted), and I have been completely swept over by this guy. I have gotten to know him much better, and he is like a dream come true. We contact each other in some way -- email, IM, phone -- every day, sometimes two or three times. We have more in common than we could have ever dreamed. He has even started sending me presents...a DVD I love that I didn't have in my collection, candy, even a gift card from a video store. I've sent him a couple of things as well, including a lock of my hair because he wanted something personal. He seems to be everything I've been looking for. We are talking about meeting but neither one of us is financially able at the moment (he's still new on his job and I've been unemployed for nearly 5 months -- anybody work in Houston that can point me in the direction of a job?). But as soon as we find a way, it will happen. Stay tuned for updates!

Oh that's so wonderful!!!! I'm so happy for you. Thanks for giving us an update and good luck on finding a job... I'm in similar situation... (have job but this is probably my last month)... the job hunt is hard.

Well that is awesome news! I think I knew I loved my husband within about the same time frame. It took him sending me this random email one day describing what he felt and finishing it with I love you. The rest is history and five years later here we are! I would suggest webcams if you don't have them already, it is a great way to see and spend time together. We used to watch each other eat, clean etc it was the closest thing to being together we had over a three year span and 4k miles apart.

Pursue it by all means! I met my husband on line. He lived in CA and I lived out East. It started off as a pen pals board and became much more. This was back in 1996 and we've been married just over 10 years. He even left his wife and kids for me! I've never regretted having pursued it further. I had kept meeting jerks closer to home and that's why I choose someone so far away so as not to get involved. Well a year and a half later we were engaged! If you feel things are going good, get to know him more, take it slowly, but don't let the distance deter you. I wish you all the luck in the world!

Oh yeah...we're doing the webcam thing. My computer is old so doesn't handle the technology very well (broadcast tends to freeze up), but it's better than nothing. And I don't know what I expected to see -- some kind of computer nerd or freak I guess -- but I was VERY pleasantly surprised. Very attractive, great hair, nice body and maybe the nicest smile I've ever seen on a guy. Didn't think you'd be able to get any sense of personality with that thing, but I can see what a warm, genuine person he is now, with a really silly side that I just love. He seems to be pretty pleased with what he's seen from this end too. There are times I'm glad the camera isn't on, however. Yesterday he was talking about what he is most looking forward during our first meeting is being finally able to sit on the sofa holding me in his arms. I got a little bit misty at that (I am now too, thinking about it again), so it's better that he didn't see that.

Thank you again ladies for all the positive support. I was scared to death to pursue such a crazy idea. And I wouldn't have otherwise, but you all gave me the confidence to try. If I had listened to the members of my family (almost all a bunch of paranoid pessimists), I would never have given Jim a second look. I shudder to think that I could have missed out on such a wonderful man because of fear. Reminds me of another quotation --

"What is more sad than to have missed out on the plum for want of courage to shake the tree?"

Oh yah family can be nasty. My mother did not speak to me for over two years because of it. Now her and my husband get along perfectly. She will sometimes call and talk to him and not me ! It's just the idea of the unknown or really what they see on the news with stalkers, murderers and rapists. Look at all of us women getting along here on PS just fine and I doubt any of us fit the stereotypical bill of an internet freak!

I still encourage you to be careful, there are people who can hide behind the internet for months on end just to **** you into their schemes. If you go to meet the first time, do so in a public place, let someone know where you are and who you are with even down to giving them what you do know about him already and a picture.

In our case the intention was that I traveled to the UK to see the country we would meet the first night that I was in and he would then go home. Our situation was different in that we were both in crummy marriages so there was no way we were going to start divorce proceedings without having at least met one another. It turns out that his wife got curious the day we were to meet and while I was in flight to London. That really accelerated everything that happened for us the next two weeks and even today. So instead of one evening of getting to know one another, it turned into two fabulous weeks in a cottage on a river in the country side of England. Needless to say I never saw anymore of the UK lol.

The first moment I saw him I just knew what it was. I learned that I never knew what love was until then. He honestly made my knees weak and I trembled for an hour while he held me tight. Never ever ever had anyone made my knees weak and I discovered it isn't something just from a romance novel. It was nearly hysterical that night, we went for a walk through the gardens at the hotel and each time we stopped to kiss or hug, fireworks exploded in the sky. It was the week of bonfire but such an odd coincidence. We got a good laugh out of it, cuz it was nearly like living some sappy movie or novel. The whole two weeks together went that way. We swear it was a sign that it was meant to be.

I'm so happy for you (a lock of hair---geez, how romantic is that ?) But I agree with the the previous poster--you have to be sooooo careful these days
...just for your own sake and peace of mind, pls consider running a one-time check on him...it doesn't cost much money and you'll never have to do it again. I hope I didn't offend you with this suggestion.

No, I've never met a man on line. My husband wouldn't be too pleased but how can you really trust anyone? You could meet him in a bar, in a nightclub, he could be a friend of a friend and you don't know him... you just have to trust your instincts.

Is meeting on line that much different to how women during WW2 used to write to soldiers, so they'd get letters from home? I'm sure quite a few relationships sprang from them.

Dear Webalina
Congratulations on finding love and I really hope all goes well for you.Actually,my daughter met her second husband online and he really is a Good Guy!
Let us know when you actually get to meet him in person though he does sound very cute from your camera description.You go for it girl.
Wish you all the best!
God Bless
Elizabeth

I'm happy for you - love is a wonderful thing!

My only suggestion would be to make that first meeting happen sooner rather than later. I read recently on another board about a couple who fell in love online and were so compatible, they got to know each other through webcams and phone calls and everything was just peachy ... but when they finally met, the chemistry was SO not there, and then there were other real life factors that came to light making it clear that it would NEVER work ...

It's natural to idealize the other person early in a relationship even when we meet them in the flesh, but online of course it's even easier to keep reality at bay ... your time is precious so make sure you are spending it on someone you can really make a life with!

Jasmine -- Trust me...the ONLY thing that has kept a meeting from happening already is money. I haven't worked since April 11. I haven't paid my house note in three months and I'm now being threatened with foreclosure. Any extra money I get goes towards bills, groceries, etc. Jim just recently moved back to NY from AL for family health reasons, and has only been on his job for about 4 months. So he's trying to get settled as well. So while the attraction is definitely there, the timing was terrible. And I have worried about in-person chemistry. I'm sure there's things about him that will bug me, and vice versa. And he does have some issues -- bad divorce, son committed suicide last year -- but then so do I. Biggest problem is that he smokes, and I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. But he's not one of those belligerent smokers. He claims he knows it's awful, and wants to quit. But his attitude about it doesn't make it any easier for me to breathe. But otherwise, it's hard to imagine that we won't click...we get along so well. I'm shooting for a visit in late fall sometime if at all possible. The fact that it will probably be only a weekend visit will give me a chance to feel him out without being committed to TOO much time in case it doesn't work.

DaVinci -- I have the feeling the same thing will happen with us. My original plan is to go up there for a week to do some genealogy research (I'm in Texas, but my maternal bloodline is in Vermont), and use the weekends as bookends to visit with him. But somehow I think that if the first weekend goes as I anticipate, the genealogy will never get done!

Robin -- NO! You didn't offend me at all with the idea of doing a check on Jim. I plan fully to do so, as soon as I can spare the cash. I've done as much as I can do for free...done a web check on his name, and looked in the Sex Offender database. Only got one hit on his name, which actually comforted me. It was a wish list in Amazon.com of favorite movies he posted back in 2003. Since he and I met on a movie buff website, this just confirmed that he was for real at least in that area.

When I first posted this dilemma of mine, I didn't know I'd become a celebrity over it! It's pretty cool that all you fine ladies are so concerned. Thanks for all the advice and good wishes. I'll keep everyone posted when something else happens post-worthy. Thanks again!

I agree with Alice, I have always told people it is no different than all the gals and guys during the war being pen pals and marrying. Seriously I met my first husband in a bar and this has turned out much better! The positive thing with the chatting online is that you do tend to be more honest and open and so long as the other person is genuine you end up knowing more about each other than had you of first met in person.

That first meeting is pretty scary, you have high hopes yet this doubt in the back of your mind of what if we don't hit it off in person. Like what if he/she smells bad, lives in a pig pen, doesn't look a thing like their picture ha ha. My husband still tells people how worried he was on his drive to meet me that I would turn out to think he was the ugliest guy on the earth. It turned out there were more good qualities about him that would have never showed up over the internet. He was more handsome than his pictures and the webcam, he had the greatest hands I have ever seen on a man , he is one of the cleanest guys personally and inside the household and is anal about organization. I think more than anything the first meeting is about physical things more than anything else. You spend that time getting to know one another and I think by the time you meet the physical things don't matter, you love the person for who they are on the inside the rest you tend to over look.

I took on odd jobs and saved for our meeting. Of course mine was probably more expensive with a trans Atlantic flight, a two week cottage and the dollar versus the pound difference. It took me two months of busting my butt to save for the trip. There was no way he could have done it himself. He did pay for a lot once I got there though so it worked out well and then he came to the states four months later for a visit. Needless to say our first date cost me about $1800, the most expensive date I will ever have loooool. Sighhhhhh he was worth it though!

Hi All,

I belong to an online dating website. It is somewhat unique in that it is really geared toward marriage. The site does not even offer more than a 6-month subscription, in order to discourage people from simply serial dating.

I met a wonderful man a few months ago from Montreal. After two months of emails and phone calls, he invited me to visit. I have a good friend here in DC who is from Montreal, so she checked him out 100 ways to Sunday (does that expression date me?). So he paid for the flight and beautiful Marriott hotel in downtown Montreal for three days. He worked half a day, and then we went to lunch and dinner each day, and then to parks and old Montreal. I had a fabulous time even though it did not materialize into a permanent relationship.

I met and dated a very nice guy from Virginia; I have talked on the telephone to a man from NY and one from Baltimore, closer to where I love. I am having a wonderful time.

It is possible to meet nice men online. I am veeeery careful though. I meet for the first few times only in a public place (Starbucks is usually it). And I check the person out in every way I can.

I say cheers to everyone who is looking for love and companionship!

Marcy

closer to where I LIVE , where I LIVE!

Anything Freudian about that?

heehee, I noticed that! Is he your favorite?

<<<It is possible to meet nice men online. I am veeeery careful though. I meet for the first few times only in a public place (Starbucks is usually it). And I check the person out in every way I can.>>>

I think Starbuck's can use this in a new ad campaign. While I was serial dating before I met LOML, we always met at a convenient Starbuck's. And even my first date with LOML had a Starbuck's in there at some point on our first date. We met for dinner, and that went so well, we went to a nearby Starbuck's for a latte. And since we were really really hitting it off, we went to a movie afterward. And the rest, as they say, is history

That's funny you say that. Jim LOVES Starbucks! It seems nearly every time we get on webcam, he has a Starbucks cup. I am not a coffee drinker myself, but I can always down some hot chocolate or some tea.

See you have become a hit, because we all love love! It's fun seeing others fall in love as much as it is falling in love ourselves. Reminds me of Love Actually, thats a great movie!

I wish all of you gals searching for that perfect man the best luck. They really are out there somewhere!

I met my husband on a dating website. I met him just about 6 years ago and we got married 3 years ago. We lived in the same County so it made it easy for us. I met lots of men from dating sites over the years. Wishing you as much success with this adventure you're on. Please do a check on him as others have suggested.

Hugs,
Karen

This comes from a loving, concerned place...one that wants you to be safe and happy...


Please, please be careful pursuing such a relationship on line when it is NOT through the means of a professional dating site where people are screened and emails are sent through the site as a filter. I am not trying to be a naysayer or the harbinger of doom nor am I suggesting that you should not have love in your life, but I do urge you to proceed cautiously and go through other means, such as a dating site - where filters and safety precautions are in place - in order to find the love you want in your life. Although I am a huge supporter of online relationships because I met my second husband in that venue - but through a dating site, where I did a MAJOR background check on him - I am not supportive of love relationships that are generated in this way. Too many women have fallen victim to men who really didn't have their best interests at heart and other cases have occurred were women have been killed by men they met this way. I am not trying to alarm you but please do be aware. The Internet is FILLED with some wonderful people - I have developed friendships with many great people that I have never met (but talked to on the phone and continued an email dialogue with FOR YEARS), except for one couple who actually came to my wedding. But just as it is filled with great people, it is filled with a bunch of kooks, whackos, head cases and nut jobs, some of whom may be harmless and appear normal, but others who may be serious psycho and sociopaths that are skilled at the art of manipulating others with fatal outcomes. Additionally, people "sense" neediness in others - be it in person or online - and sometimes when we are feeling most vulnerable, alone and scared we are prey to people that surf the net for their OWN gain. In those cases we can find ourselves in situations that we cannot extricate ourselves from, but can if we realize what it is and why we are doing it. It has happened to me, even in the case with new friendships.

A few months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer and was pretty wigged out. The Internet became my primary distraction from everything I was going through such that I spent an inordinate amount of time online while I was on medical leave. It was the perfect distraction and I was in the perfect place to be the most vulnerable to people - male and female - who sensed something vulnerable in me. I am a part of a lot of sites and one day, just weeks after I was recovering from breast surgery, a young man found me on a site and befriended me. We had a great message board banter going on - the type of intellectually inane but witty banter that appeals to me - and I loved it. We had the same sense of humor and the banter was a riot. I wasn't looking for anything by any means, but he was. Unfortunately because I was so immersed in my real life breast cancer issues by day, and needed the distraction of this banter at night to forget my reality, I didn't see what he was up to. He shared confidences with me and asked me for advice - that made me feel important - and once, confessed to having a crush on me. I was undeniably flattered and for a moment, I felt young again, as if I had not one care in the world. Every day I looked forward to his messages and the chance I had to banter with him until I "woke up". I realized that it was becoming somewhat obsessional on my end and that the distraction it was serving for me was not what he had in mind, really.

I had hoped I found a friend that could support me - apart from those cloest to me who had their own issues about my cancer, so an outsider was a perfect choice for me since they had no history with me - that I could honestly share what I felt about my situation, but that wasn't what he wanted. Sure, he gave me pat answers to quell my needs, but truthfully he wanted to meet me. I never allowed that to happen, which was a smart move on my part - even though part of me did want to hang out with him as friends. As flattering as this was to my deflated, wounded self, I realized this was not healthy for me as it was distracting me from healing, just as it was not healthy for my marriage. My vulnerable state of mind blinded me such that I could NOT see the truth clearly, but when I did I severed the ties. NOTE: As a side bar, my husband sensed that I was distracted by something and we discussed it. When I told him what was going on - because somewhere beneath the cloud of distraction I was in I realized that 1) I was not a kid again no matter how much I wanted to be and that 2) this was hurting me on many levels and 3) It felt weird - he got upset because he KNEW - better than ANYONE (including me) how vulnerable I really was underneath it all and was angry with him for trying to take advantage of me in light of the circumstances. He urged me to be careful because he felt this guy was a "player" and whether he was harmless or not, I needed to be more careful, which I was and have remained ever since the fog lifted in my brain. I learned something.

Please be careful. Join a real dating site and do it that way, please. At least you can protect yourself - and always meet in a public place - never at your home - because your safety and security is of far more paramount importance than meeting someone who may or may not be what he claims to be.

In support...

I think a "real dating site" gives a false sense of safety. They are as dangerous if not more so than your average Joe on the internet. There are many people who have committed horrendous crimes that have never been caught, meaning they have no record. So by saying they have background checks means little or nothing. My other thought about this is, what an easier way to find your victim than to join a pay to date site one where a woman is more likely to let her guard down because she feels it is safe. These dating sites aren't worried about the end result, it is a business.

From all of my extensive immigration researches and my own process I can tell you that the Pay to date websites are some of the worst out there. So bad that the USCIS put a law in to place a couple of years ago called IMBRA. This law makes the dating sites do their standard background check and if anything such as domestic abuse, DUI's or drug charges come up the dating site then has to inform the foreign lady of this before a visa will be issued. NOW that is to protect FOREIGN WOMEN not women who are citizens of the Unites States of America. Let me tell you there was a huge lawsuit brought forth by many of these pay to date sites, they DID NOT want to have to release this information....it was their customers privacy and they wanted to pick and choose what they would tell the women on the other end.

Another thing to think about...why would you want to be paid for? I don't want to be bought, I would rather spend my money and pay for my own background check. I am not a prostitute for sale. Does it not strike you as odd that many of these sites, women can join free?

Just some food for thought. I still say safety safety safety, but don't profess that a dating site is safe some women would believe this.

Google Imbra and this is the first thing you get:

The International Marriage Brokers Regulation Act (IMBRA) is abhorrent to the Constitution and an affront to American men and Foreign Women. It violates freedom of speech, privacy and association. It requires American men to submit to revealing their private information to strangers if they want to communicate to foreign women. What is worse, it creates a legal presumption that American men are abusers and that foreign women are stupid. This radical - and sickening - idea has been invented by American feminists who insist that American men submit to feminist ideology.

We disagree. We still believe in freedom of speech. We believe in freedom of privacy and association. We believe that foreign women are at least as smart as American women and deserve to be treated with respect. Most of all, we believe in love. Feminists may see love and marriage in a cynical light. Feminists see love and marriage as tools of oppression. We see love as the ultimate experience of being human and a fundamental right of all people.
Taken from http://www.imbra.org/ I am not sure if this link is okay or not, just want to show women thinking of using a dating site, the mentality that is there about women and that the mens rights should be protected.


It is all the feminists fault! Laughable to say the least, It could not possibly be all of the nut cases out there that go on dating sites in order to get a woman in their clutches only to lock her in a room and beat her sometimes to death? Oh no way, blame it on the women.

Sorry I can't edit my posts but thought about my statement on being paid for, I know not every man on even the paid sites are out to buy women. Only trying to make a point that a dating site can be as bad as randomly meeting a man on line....same goes for some women. Sometimes certain people let the fact they paid to find someone be a rights to ownership. That just horrifies me.

You brought up some excellent points and I thank you for the clarifications that you made, specifically about IMBRA, which I was not aware of. I am horrified that these sites didn't want to release this information, just as I am horrified that American female citizens were not protected in this regard. But, nothing surprises me anymore and I find such things terribly sad.

Insofar as your concerns about women being "bought" per se, I respect and honor your point and agree with you. I personally don't want to be bought, so when I was looking to find that special someone I purchased an expensive membership at a reputable site, one that I researched thoroughly, because I didn't like the services and screening capabilites some of the other sites offered. Free memberships were not offered to women at that time, so if this is a practice that is now in place, then yes, I do have some grave concerns for the safety of other women, just as I don't like the inference that they are being bought by being there.

The use of an Internet dating site was not my first choice, actually. I had dated friends that other friends introduced me to, a friend I previously worked with for years, a guy I met at a support group, along with my fair share of disastrous blind dates that still horrify me, including a memorable night with a guy who was nuttier than a fruit cake despite the fact that he was a Psychiatrist. In effect, my resources were slim and I wanted another option. I thought carefully about joining a site because I was scared of the very things that you mentioned, but I took a chance and found one that worked for me and gave me a sense of security. Because I was guarded about myself and was concerned for my own safety - despite my husband's great profile - I independently purchased a thorough background check on him to allay my fears - regardless of the protective measures the site offered. He, in turn, had me checked by someone he knew who had numerous law enforcement connections. In effect, we both protected ourselves by seeking professional resources outside of the site's realm.

The bottom line that we agree on is that safety is key in all respects -whether we meet someone in person, at the supermarket or the bookstore, on an Internet dating site, or on the Internet itself - safety is always the priority. That was my intent in the last message, but I wasn't clear.

I appreciate the concern, I really do. And I've had the same questions as everybody else. Having said that, there is really no need for me to join another dating site because I am not, nor was I ever, LOOKING for a date. I stumbled on Jim completely by accident....a happy one, but an accident nevertheless. I was looking on Flixter for people to talk movies with, not someone to hook up with. Talked to plenty of people over the last year and a 1/2. I just happened to click with this one more than the rest, and then it developed from two people liking to talk about the same things to something with a little more promise.

As I've said before, it actually seems to me that there would be FEWER freaks on a specific interest site (depends on the topic of interest, of course -- I'd be much more worried if I had met this guy on the NRA site, for instance) rather than a general dating site. At least you know you have ONE thing in common. After all, my friend built his profile and I built mine with no prior knowledge of each other. The similarities in our profiles are what drew us together to begin with. And now that I've been talking with him for 3 months now, I feel much safer than I did before. He hasn't pressured me into doing anything and hasn't made any odd requests, like asking for money or demanding that we meet by a certain date. But like I said, I thank you all for your concern, and I will continue to err on the side of caution.

Now for a bit of good news...after three months of email, IM and text messages, I FINALLY got the nerve to call and talk to Jim for real. It was awkward at first, as both of us had previously admitted to being shy at meeting new people, but it got better pretty quickly. It was a little weird because he sounded very much like a cousin of mine who died recently. I kept picturing my cousin talking instead of Jim. But we talked for nearly two hours, and it went fine. Now I've gone from thinking about him just every 3rd heartbeat to constant 24/7 We IM'd for the 1st time in three weeks today (I had evacuated because of Hurricane Ike, to a non-internet capable home, i.e. my mom's), and the phone call DID NOT scare him off...it made him (and me) even more affectionate and attentive! So things are progressing slowly but very well. More news as events warrant...

Hey girl, so glad to hear things are going great !!!!! I meet my guy 4 years ago on line and we couldn't be happier and guess what he IS a NRA member lol Watch it girl !!!! lol I love to hear great stuff like this so keep posting and update when you can. Hugs, Cathy

HAHAH! I KNEW somebody would call me on that! I just picked that because, being a tree-hugging liberal like I am, NRA members are about as opposite from me as anybody I could think of. No offense. I'm sure he's awesome! Thanks for the good wishes.

I didn't take offense, was just busting ya.

I looooove love-stories!
(((Webalina))) enjoy every moment!
Jonie

Webalina: Congratulations that things are going well with Jim! Talking on the phone was a big step; and it went well-yay! I still think that you should pay to run a background check on him...it's not that expensive and soooo worth it. Google "net detective" and you'll come up with a site that I used when I was dating.

Keep us posted!

Robin -- thanks for the good wishes. Everybody has been so nice about this! Jim and I had another good hour-long phone call this morning -- he called me this time -- and he checked in a few minutes ago just to tell me goodnight through IM before he headed to work (works nights at a paper mill in Rochester). I fully intend on doing a background check, but I have a bit of a problem doing it on the web right now. Everybody wants a credit or debit card and my current financial situation is such that I don't have either at the moment. I've tried to find some free sites, and they are technically out there, but you have to purchase things from their "sponsors" to get the free report. So I'm no better off than I was. I might have a solution though. A close friend's father is a constable. He used to run criminal checks on my friend's boyfriends. I've known the family for 18 years (although I'm much closer to my friend than her family). I might be able to get him to run a check for me. Even though I'm fairly certain that Jim is OK, I'll feel better if I can get that confirmation.

And as for Net Detective...I found them listed in a "Consumer Reports" type site. Net Detective was rated as one of the best search sites to use for individual criminal background checks. So there you go...not only are my PS friends willing to help me out, they turn me on to the best sources for information. Thanks again!

Oh, and another thing...hope things are finally getting back to normal for you. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own affairs that I forget that others have their own issues to deal with.