Hello all!, I am new to the website and I've found it wonderful to see so many other here that can possibly help. "ve read many posts and articles but I didnt find anything that really hit my problem to well. I am dealing with overwhelming fits of rage and yes in this moment of confession I found this website at a huge moment of my rage. To explain a little of where I'm at. first want to apologize right off the top. I wish with all my heart this feeling would go away because the guilt I feel when I hurt people for no reason. It destroys me after I've step out the the "Twilight zone" and become myself again. Then I fall into depression only to get angry all over again just to tell people to leave me alone (omiting actual words)

A few months ago my "young" male doctor told me that I was in the first stages of the "big change" and I point blank told him that was none of HIS business and I told him just where the sun didn't shine and I walked out on him. Later I called and apologized and he prescribed for me a low dosage of zoloft. Which that made me angry all over again. I felt like he was telling me I was crazy and I blew up again. I am to the point I can't stand myself and I can't stand anyone hanging around me. (including my husband and kids) I get irritated if someone is too close and their breathing MY air. I've gone to the point that I've told a total stranger he had bad breath and to quit breathing on me.

The anger has gotten so bad that I get the shakes like an electric current is coursing through my very soul and I know I have to step away from the scene or I will say something awful to them. (thank heaven I have the mind to do that much) I'm not a violent person by any means but I have found I have more nerve to confront others and not care what they think, when I feel threatened. At those moments I am afraid of nothing, including my boss, co-workers, public, family and friends. I cring when others around me ask for my opinion because unknowing to them they will get it with nothing held back.

I've read the article posted here on how to manage the anger and how it's good to vent but my position at work and at home is I can't find the off button and it's NOT okay. I am 24 hours of anger, even in my sleep. I've also noticed the moment of what use to be a normal cycle. I fall into a deep, deep depression and cry at everything. (that's another story) I've taken all the typical "big change" tests and right now I feel like a pin cushion and I am fet up! I definetly feel alone, yet I don't want anyone to bother me. What is going on with ME!!!!!!!!! Are drugs the only answer? or do I just need a padded room for a year or two......or three? My house is never empty from company and no matter where I go I can't be alone to meditate because someone will find me and it starts all over again. It's bad enough I have my neice venting HER honesty to her selfish boyfriend and I don't like the pattern I'm leaving behind.

I hate THIS and I Hate the world around me! I've always lived by being honest but I knew when to shut up to keep from hurting others. Reciently MY honesty has no limit and I feel like a run away train and those around me are standing on my tracks.

Okay, I ranted... I feel a little better but not completely
Thanks for vent!
Bless you all who are going through trying times. At least I read your posts and know I am not totally alone.
Lady Veil

welcome! yes, there are many of us here who have "BTDT". have u read through the thread here on anger, anxiety, irritability, mood swings and rage?

i couldn't live with myself anymore and when the vits, bio-identicals, etc didn't help, i started something similar to HRT as well as a conglomeration of other meds / treatments. i tell myself that i personally would have preferred the padded cell for the duration of perimenopause, where i could have been left alone to tear my hair out at will, scratch up my arms, chew off my fingernails and rant and rave and pound walls without disturbing anyone. if they wanted to provide me with dishes i could throw at the walls and break that would be an appropriate distraction. i told my DH to simply shove some food under the door periodically and he could see me when i was ready to walk out. unfortunately my DK and DH didn't agree with that solution (the first solution, of course, being that they just shoot me and put me out of my (and their!) misery, but they didn't like that idea either....)

if it was all about me, i say that is what i would have chosen. since i have a husband and kids, i had to think beyond myself and agreed to taking whatever it took to stabilize me through this phase of my life, even if the stuff i read on the net about the treatment options make them sound very scary. for me, i am thankful that they have restored significant quality of life and appreciate that they help me get through this last year with my kids before they head off to college without me permanently scarring them emotionally since stabilizing on treatment, my mood swings and rage have dramatically decreased.

HRT and some of the other treatments are definitely not for everybody and i agree that doctors should not prescribe them across the board for every woman who reaches a magical number. BUT for those of us whose lives are significantly messed up by this hormonal turbulence, i say, we need to do what we need to do, make lifestyle changes (ie reduce stress as much as we can, learn to say no when we really want to say no but would have said yes anyway, etc) and plan in our minds to wean off the stuff as soon as we can when we reach the other side. we can eat well (avoid foods that contribute to cancer and poor health), exercise (even if it is a walk with a friend, a pet or SO) and do what we can to be healthy and then just pray that the benefits of treatment outweigh any potential issues in the future.

hugs from india! best wishes!

I, too, have fits of rage. They are not pretty, and I end up treating people I love inappropriately. What is happening to you sounds perfectly awful...plus it can't be good for your heart. Have you thought about counseling? It would be the non-drug approach...and you would have to commit to not walking out on your therapist if they triggered your rage.

The other question I had was, have you had a full blood panel done? Hormones, thryoid, etc?

Don't accept this situation as it is..you've already taken the first step and written about it. Print out your letter and perhaps bring it with you when you go to your doctor...or a counselor. Whatever you decide, pls do something. Life is too short to feel this miserable.

I'll be thinking of you..keep us posted.

-Robin

Hi there...
I found myself very angry a lot of the time. The anger began to morph into depression/anxiety and I did eventually end up on Celexa, which is in the same family of drugs as Zoloft. I have to say , there is a world of difference in my attitude now- I feel like a new person. I think talk therapy is a great idea, but don't completely dismiss meds. Hang in there, it will get better!