I feel so ugly lately. I've always been somewhat self conscious about my looks but it's gotten really bad lately...almost compulsively. My hair is so dry a breaking and I can't seem to get it to grow. I always wore my hair long and hate it getting shorter.I find myself constantly looking in the mirror and feel very overcompulsive. I get more stressed about what I'm going to wear etc....it totally exhausts me. Anyone else notice this change? I know sound awful but I'm just trying to be honest.

I sort of feel the same way. To me, I feel so out of touch with how to do my hair, what to wear, etc. Sometimes I don't really care how I look and sometimes I get really upset about where I am in my life. But when the brain fog lifts and I have a moment of clear headedness I always think "this is like everything else in the peri journey .... escalated." I feel I am just not willing to put forth the effort right now - it's easier to wear a baseball hat and track pants and eat ice cream than it is to find a new hairstyle, go shopping for some new clothes and get off my butt and out for some exercise - which would go along way in making me/us feel better about ourselves. WHERE DID MY ENERGY GO!

I feel that way, too. I never really had much confidence before so now things seem worse!

yes...I do B U T...you know what menopause gives me the right to do in my eyes? Look, feel, talk and act ANY way I want to! I have more frumpy, ugly days than I can imagine but the way i deal with that is dress in the most comfy clothes I can find...usually my jammies and call it good. While I have never felt more ugly, depressed, manic and just plain wrong in my life I have also never felt so...liberated!

yes. I have lost so much self confidence with the peri thing. Confidence in my health as got the be the worst.
But I have lost confidence in looks too. A lot is the loss of my figure. Clothes do not hang as well on me anymore. My Paxil put weight on me. It is tough.

I do have more confidence in me as far as life is concerned. I do feel one up on the 20s and 30s in the wisdom dept.

I feel ugly because I AM ugly.
Menopause has nothing to do with it!

In any case, I have no mirrors in my house, except for a small make-up mirror for myself and a small shaving mirror for my husband. This way I cannot ever see my reflection, and spiral into the bad vortex of self hatred. But I did go out last week with a dryer sheet stuck to the back of my pants.

Armadillo, You have such a good sense of humor. Here I am feeling blue and crappy, today and you made me laugh with your comment on the dryer sheet stuck to the back of your pants. At least, it was not toilet paper trailing from the waist band of your pants. You are beautiful person inside and out! Thanks! Pam

Great Armadillo. The dryer sheet thing gave me a real laugh. At this age the really wise thing is to be able to laugh at oneself! To be honest I would rather be ugly than prance about looking like Victoria Beckham eeewwwwww!
Your embarrassing incident reminded me of the time when I went shopping in town with the previous' days tights and knickers still in my jeans. I wandered along and started to feel an embarrassing bulge descending down one of the trouser legs. As I walked along, they gradually emerged at the opening of one of the trouser legs. Ahhhh! I can still remember struggling to retrieve the offending items and stuffing them into my bag, whilst being scrutinized by a whole bunch of curious shoppers.

Cheers,

XIII

Hi, put me in with all you ugly ducklings.....why is it when we look in a mirror, we aren't seeing what others see? I am not sure, maybe we have a different mirror but we are harder on ourselves than anyone else, I know this for a fact. I look in the mirror and see an ugly fat old woman who never gets compliments from her family, so it is hard to feel good about myself. Thank goodness for friends who actually compliment me otherwise I would wear a brown paper bag over my head and a potato sack on my fat body. Ok, my pity party is over, thanks for coming!

I have a sister in law that prances around like Victoria Beckham and she's coming to visit for 4 days.Just what I need.... I guess I just have to grin a bear it. She'll be one of those people who just glide through menopause.

That's hysterical!!

Now I don't feel so bad about the dryer sheet.

rj: Oh tell her to go stuff it. Society is so messed up..so much emphasis on the outside, when what really counts is on the inside. Beauty is so much more than smooth skin and a perfect nose....some of the ugliest people I have known were considered "gorgeous" by society's standards, but they were selfish, insconsiderate individuals who cared only about themselves.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the women's movement...it seemed we were really making progress in the 70's...and now we are right back to where we were in the '50's. All these female celebs scared to death of getting older...have you seen a recent picture of Joan Van Ark ? She was a beautiful woman 30 years ago...now she looks like a freak from all the lifts, tucks, and nips. Doesn't anyone see beauty in older people? I do...every line and wrinkle speaks for the heartaches, experience, tears and laughter that were behind it. What is so wrong with getting older? Why are we obsessed with youth? People in their twenties are, for the most part, confused, naive and self-obsessed. I love talking to older women; hearing their stores, advice...listening to their wisdom.


Thoughout my life I had have trouble with self esteem...stemming mostly from an abusive mother who constantly told me I was ugly, stupid and unwanted. But I've learned...and I've grown. At 46, I'm far from the ideal beauty...but I accept myself more than I ever have. It is so important to love yourself and believe in your own precious qualities.

Don't even say the word "ugly" in relation to yourself...if you are a kind person..if you care about others and love your family, how can you possibly be 'ugly?' Wars are ugly. Injustice is ugly. Women in menopause are not.

Oh my gosh! This is exactly how I feel. I'm not even sure WHAT I look like to others anymore. We were recently at a wedding and I just got some of the pictures back. I've spent at least an hour pouring over those pictures to figure out "is that really the way I look?" "Do I look good or bad for my age?" "Look at those fat arms!" etc. I honestly feel like I'm aging pretty gracefully and it showing doesn't bother me too much. What bothers the heck out of me is that my husband NEVER comments or gives me a compliment anymore. And so I wonder if he thinks I look like an old hag! It's difficult to say to myself that I don't care what he thinks, but sometimes that's exactly the way I feel. (Obviously, we have other issues, huh?).

By way of cheering ourselves up: We are all really beautiful inside. Take care everyone.
Adair

Thank you so much for this post....you are so right. I do find myself more beautiful on the inside .We all need to acknowledge that part of us which is sooo important. For instance I have a true love of animals and nature. I surround myself with it and I teach my daughter to be kind to animals and people. I give to the needy and am one of those people who see a guy on the side of the street holding a sign I'm the person that will give him money. I'm kind to everyone and have a loving heart. So at least if the looks go I'll have that for people to remember me by.

oh so funny Armadillo,

You made me laugh so much.

Yes some days I feel really ugly.

I am so shocked at my body shape right now,HOW DID IT HAPPEN AND WHEN ????
Have tried to diet, have given up as I asked myself, 'How the hell is a 54 year old supposed to look anyway.and trying to find a bra that fits, I seem, to have more flab than boobs. Any sizing that I do comes out wrong. I perhaps need to turn my bra back to front, that should do it. I am only an A size anyway. Probabaly DD aat the back.
I went hiking bra-less today (not topless) and the first time in ages I didn't get shoulder ache.Perhaps its time to burn the dam things.

i hate bras.. i have stopped wearing them at home, and take the ratted thing off as soon as i come home.. i stopped wearing one while i walk in the mornings too (gulp) but i rarely see anyone and i am wearing a tight tank top under my sweatshirt so it doesn't look too awful! lol...

ugly. maybe. definitely not as confident anymore.. i wear all loose clothes, someone once commented that i am hiding under my clothes - maybe so. i too had some photos given to me recently, taken when i didn't know, and i was aghast - i look like that? argh..... i hate being this old, fat person..

Arrgh.....bras!! Hate 'em. And the fat! Even if you're NOT fat, menopause makes you feel like you are. All that bloating.....and the fat cells that congregate right around the middle. You could have twiggy stick legs and STILL feel fat! Like the drawings kids do of stick figures. (Except they'd have to draw in the bat wing arms instead of just sticks!).

Seriously though, do you ever still have times when you feel like "ok, I look pretty good for a broad my age!"? Or do any of you have someone special who still makes you feel pretty? (Big sigh.....).

I'm getting ready to go out for a walk, but I'm wondering if I can even make it around the block I'm so tired!!

Chin up! (or multiple chins, what with all the sliding south skin).
Adair

All of you made my evening. How I combated these things: cut my hair like Jaime Lee Curtis, wear long what-is-considered hippie dresses, quit wearing a bra in 1992 (mainly because they made the PVC's worse), but still do put on mascara and eye shadow and bronzer on cheeks, chin, forehead and tip of nose (I did take a hiatus from makeup for a couple of years and was good to go if I could get the mascara on). There are still lots a days when I don't do anything except stay in my jammies and cruise the internet or read or ???. Things are getting better in a different way--will never be able to go back to my "old" self. Now that I am coming out on the other end--I don't think I want to. We'll all make it thru this crudy stuff together.

P.S. Should add that I look like this funky older overweight woman doing her own thing and coming into her own. For the most people are accepting. If not--what the heck. Some older women admire the fact that I have my own style and they loosen up with all the foofoo stuffs they make themselves do to look good and be "presentable."

I prefer startlingly unattractive to ugly when describing what I see in the mirror. I think I literally go into shock sometimes especially when I use one of those mirrors 10 x's magnifying mirrors to look at my face.

If the face isn't enough to scare the beejeezus out of me (and others) then my rear end and stomach will for sure send them screaming. My once perky butt and flat stomach obviously conspired one night and decided to switch places. I now have a perky belly and a flat rear end.

I don't even want to start on the breast which, when I lie down have decided to take up residence with my underarms and when I stand up like to taunt my belly button.

Makeup? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! I don't even know where my face ends and my chin begins anymore. Lipstick? What lips? Mascara? I've got maybe 3 eyelashes left on each eye and even they won't curl with an eyelash curler.

All things considered, from a 100 feet away, I still look pretty darn good.

Yes I feel ugly. I too have never been confident in my looks but I have bald spots on my head. Everything seems to sag, nothing is where it used to be.

You can add me to this list too. I always feel ugly. I think I look okay sometimes and that's when someone snaps a picture of me and bursts my bubble completely. My eyes always look tired, my nose looks way too big for my face, I've got underarm jiggle OMG!!!! I'm getting depressed just typing this.

Maybe I'll just go to bed now. At least when I'm asleep I forget about what I look like.

luckily enough yes.. i do have a special someone who makes me feel like my old self again.. my wonderful husband! and yes! some days i can look in a mirror and think i'm not so bad for 55..




thankyou for the laugh!! especially the breast thing! lol.. and yes, from 100 feet away, even i could look good!

Your post made me literally LOL! It looks like we share quite a few physical characteristics!
I have eyelash issues now, too. The good news is, ONE eye is still doing fairly well in the eyelash department. YES!!

Rats! I DO feel butt-ugly these days. Not to mention I went in for more bloodwork today - got weighed and the nurse was stunned to see that I gained almost 10 lbs in the two weeks since I was last weighed. There's something going on and doc wants to get to the bottom of it. I feel fat, totally undesirable, and just plain tired!

Me too. I packed on about 20 pounds this winter from stress - and the fact that I get two periods a month so have a constant case of the PMS munchies. Salty, crunchy, sweet, crunchy, salty, sweet. You know the drill. Ugh. And it's all going in weird areas- not the normal places blubber usually went! Although there's plenty there too. Ok, it's late and I'm REALLY feeling ugly tonight so I'd better go to sleep!

I remember looking in a mirror when I was 39 and saying (outloud) Hey, not bad for 39!!! Then, 40 hit and everything (and I mean everything) changed. Now, almost 10 years later, It's just scary to look in the mirror.

I'm really Just miserable with my appearance... But on the bright side - I'm greatful for my health and that truly is everything!!!
Goodnight, I'm heading for bed. Where its dark... and comfy.

I have to keep reminding myself over and over. Good health is everything.

I really don't feel good about myself on the inside, either. There are too many demons in there torturing me. Whenever I hear someone say, "You are beautiful inside", I cringe. When I was in high school, one of the "pretty" cheerleaders said to me, "That's just what ugly girls say to make themselves feel good! Nobody cares what's on the inside, anyway."

In today's world of superficial values, this has never been more true!

I have and do. I am constantly having people (mostly medical) tell me how fat I am. I am turning gray and noticing wrinkles more. Also with this knee arthritis I walk like a gorilla. I don't have that youthful stance anymore. Also I used to wear tailored pants. Now it is "buffet pants" as Stacy and Clinton from what not to wear call them. You know, the pull on jersy pants. I have such a thick waist and I haven't even had children.

Sherri

Just sat down to check messages AFTER eating two Reese's peanut butter cups! I said "what the hell?" and ate them both!! And you know what? They tasted wonderful. Sort of orgasmic actually. So I'll sit here with my own over 50, no eye-lashed-expanding middle self and read some more PS.
Adair

You read my mind! I used to care a lot more how I looked when I was younger. My hair is short and my husband hates it, but do I care? NO It's MY hair. I'm the one who has to wash it everyday. And it's SOOO easy to take care of now. Also helps when I have a hot flash! My nails used to be strong, long and beautiful. I could turn a screw with them. I got compliments all the time. Now they're short and split and crack all the time. The way I look at it, I'm clean, my clothes are clean and decent looking. I'm not cross-eyed. That's enough for me. And I do know how to smile.

I agree that all that plastic surgery some of the female stars are having looks so very unnatural. They have that "Madame" look, remember that show with the ventriloquist from the early 80's? Her name was Madame. Their face looks so tight. I can name a few here but I would really rather not, LOL. Am sorry but the truth is the truth. I also see beauty in a few wrinkles, it just looks sexier to me than that tight face. Also, a slight sag to the breast is also more sexy to me than breast with balls underneath the skin. LOL... JMHO.

Boy! If I feel ugly? Yes!!!! specially in the mornings. Sometimes when i look myself in the mirrow i feel to scream very loud. Because what i see is swollen eyes with a hair like a bird nest, well you can immagine. I wonder if my husband really love me too much or hi doesn't love me enough I can't stand myself. My skin dry like a alligator skin, and we the sexy aroma of the sport cream. Everything stink to me!

menosick