My MIL has always been a little strange, my husband is a only child but basely has no relationship with his parents. I was always the glue that held them together. I wanted his grandparents & my kids to have a bond. In-laws never gave a hoot about their only two grand kids, no bonds where ever formed.

My mil & fil lives 5 hours west of here and we get back to see them at least once a year. A duty call my husband calls it.
My fil had a stoke a few years back so his mind is not 100% and he's pretty much confide to a wheel chair.
Other then a house keeper they have no one to help them.

I had heard brief weirdness come out of my mil mouth a few times but was surprise when their housekeeper (Kim) called the other day and was very concern, my mil now believe someone is coming into their house at night> tying them up sticking needles into them, contaminating their food all kinds of bizarre stuff! At first Kim took it serious and started to call the police but after finding out the only things that mil claim was missing was cabinet knobs-cake pans-wooden spools she decided not to! Kim found the cabinet knobs. So she called me!
I mean mil is taping the door shut and putting flour on the floor looking for foot prints! Fil claim he doesn't sees or heard anything and she's trying to prove to him it's true!!

My in-laws have no other family to help them except fil one brother and he a nut too! he may take them to the store-doctor or not depending on his mood. MIL will take the senior bus once in awhile but complains about the $1.00 fare?

I spoke to her doctor and he said she has early kidney failure and dementia and they shall no longer live on their own.
To get over here and get power of attorney for both health and finances ASAP. And find them a a assisted living apartment.
All this is now my responsibility! ME!
Me in my fragile sorry peri state! I can barely get out of bed most days. My husband will drive me there but he told me yesterday he pretty much don't care since they never care about him!
I had always like them and had excepted the fact they never address my husband (their only son) directly!
They will ask me to ask him> and he's sitting right there!

I know for sure they will not go quietly and leave their home> the doctor said he will intervene if he has too. I did not have time to ask what that means!
They have a nice home which they bought new and love it! But it's in the country and they never get visitors, they are very introverted people!

I just so emotional right now> another period plus my daughter just left. She was in for a visit and now lives 3000 miles away! I have decided to board my dogs but still have to find someone to take care of my horse and cat.
In home pet sitter, but I don't want my dogs left for such long periods.

In truth I do not feel up to such a task! My coping skill are in the ditch!
My son is a attorney but in a different state but he will do what he can.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Wow... No advice really. I'm sorry you are in this situation of having to make choices that aren't really yours. I do believe we reap what we sow. So even though you shouldn't have to be the one to step up to the plate and take care of them, if you should do it anyway... you will be blessed. I think I would have to kick husband in the butt though and make him help as it IS his responsibility.

((Hugs))

I totally agree, if you do it, you'll be glad in the end. No regrets, no guilt. The POA and Health Care Surrogate are pretty important, and you need to get them sooner than later especially if they're showing any signs of dementia.

Oh, my goodness, Snowmoon! Another example of how you and I have parallel lives!!!!

I'm going through this with my mother! She is convinced that when she's out getting groceries or whatever, someone is coming in and taking things from her house! She claims "all my jewelry is gone," but then I see it sitting on her dresser. She says someone has taken money from her purse when no one has gone to visit...

She's been having memory issues for the past year, but has had a big dip recently. Yesterday I was on the phone with her, and she said, "I was talking to Jacquie last week...." So upsetting!

Next week I am taking her to her doc so he can begin testing for dementia/Alzheimer's. My brothers and I are having a "meeting" with her this weekend, to determine if there's any way she can remain at home with help from us and paid caregivers, or if she should really be in assisted living. I'm going to the city's eldercare program in her hometown early next week to see what's available there...

Having said all this, YOU ARE ALL ALONE, AND THIS ISN'T EVEN YOUR PARENTS! Your husband really has to help you, here, especially given how you've been struggling, Sweetie. It might be helpful to tell him that by getting his parents settled into a different place, he will never regret it after they are gone... Otherwise, he may find the day comes when he feels bad...

So, so sorry you have to deal with this pretty much on your own, Snowmoon. It just doesn't feel fair.

(((BIG HUGS)))

JJ

Oh goodness just reread my post, glad someone made sense of it I'm so rattler myself!

JJ how bizarre your Mother is doing the same thing. A year ago Betty told me the same thing, while they where out shopping or going to the doctor someone was coming into their home and taking things!
Not the TV etc but her favorite shirt-wooden spools etc. I tell you she must be attached to her wooden spools
She had told me someone took Bill old walker but NOT his fancy new one? I know for a fact it was turn in when the new one was picked up. My husband had changed the locks on their doors twice now but yet we didn't realize how serious this was.
I can see she has gotten much worse the last year since now the intruders are supposedly entering the house at night while they are at home.
The women never sleeps, she stays up all night watching TV and watching for her intruders.
What the heck is she watching on TV?
And Not sleeping is surely not helping!
She won't tell me anything over the phone but told my son someone was watching her through the window while smoking, so she keeps her house all closed up! Not even sunlight can enter and they will only go outside when the housekeeper is there. She said the cigarette smell bother her so there's only one window they will open for fresh air and they must set in front of it while it's open.
The housekeeper thought if she would just look around outside and find no cigarette butts it would comfort her, of course none was found! Betty said "Oh that's because I go out every morning and pick them up. She won't even go outside now to take the trash out so that's a lie. It piles up until the housekeeper takes it out.

Plus she hear noises that are not there, noises drive her crazy>>>like she kept calling the furnace repair man to come and check the furnace because of a noise it was making. Of course he heard no noise, she does it with everything! She had called me one day about the ice maker and even put the phone up so I could hear it. At the time I never thought much about it, just hindsight!

We plan to talk to senior services in their county to see what can be done when we get there.
I heard there could be a 2 year waiting list for apartments.
A lot will depends on what the doctor thinks. Due to the all privacy laws we must have poa's before he can discuss more with us.
So we just went out and pick up the financial and medical poa forms. I didn't know there where two.
Not sure if they will agree and then we will have to take them both to the court house to get them recorded.
The doctor said if they don't agree we can get guardianship papers, he has to fill them out I think?

In a way I find this a distraction from my own problems, so I shall be ok dealing with things.
Plus I got you guys!

Snowy & JJ

You both need to make sure you have the POA for both health care and finances.... THEY are very IMPORTANT to have them..and they need to be signed before your parents are too far gone. Do that FIRST!!! Also Snowy....sounds like your MIL might be having auditory hallucinations. My Mom went thru that.....its scary for them and for us. also My Mom went thru the being scared of people being after her....she used to baricade her bedroom door to make sure no one would come in. She even wanted me to sleep with her some nights. A few times i would lay down with her til she fell asleep but then she would wake up and be scared again...I couldnt keep up with her being up all the time..so i would just let her fall asleep watching TV. when the hallucinations start...i found with my Mom...she went downhill very very fast....so PLEASE.. get those documents...have your son draw them up Snowy..hes an attorney...he will know how to do it or know another attorney who can do it for you... GET THEM SIGNED FAST. If you want anymore suggestions...feel free to PM me...hope this helps you some. Get your MIL to a doctor ASAP! And JJ ...your on the right track with eldercare..also look into the Alzheimers Assoc. they can be of some help to you too.

Peace
AA

Snowy~ Bless your heart, all this to go thru and the peri stuff to deal with(((hugs)))

I hope your hubby will help you out. I admire you for being able to help so much with his mother I do understand his view of things, if his parents never showed much care for him, but I guess sometimes we just take a deep breath and do things we really dont have in our hearts to deal with.

My hubbys mom is 82 and for several years shes been doing the same things that you, JJ and AA describe. We get calls from her saying people are pounding on her doors and on the outside of her house. One time we went down and it was fireworks she heard on the 4th of July. My hubby has his market right in front of MIL's house yet she keeps every door locked, blinds pulled and I cant get her to come to the door. Hubby needs the bathroom on occasion as theres none at his market, so he has to pound on windows and yell "Mommmm" everytime. His market is so close her house yet she bolts the house up. Shes been put on an anxiety meds for now.

Much Love to all and my thoughts are with each of you during this difficult time.

Snowy, JJ, AA, you are all very special ladies and we could all learn many lessons from you. I know I have.

Fin

Do you think dementia/Alzheimer's is increasing? I mean, I had a LOT of elderly aunts and uncles as a child, and don't remember dementia being so much an issue... People generally had more of the physical issues of growing older and slowing down, needing that kind of help. Now it seems everyone has someone in their family with dementia...

(((Snowmoon))), (((AA))), (((FIN))), and also my good friend (((TAY))), so sad we're all in a position of handling or having handled this situation - it's tough!

Snowmoon, you have quite a lot to handle in the weeks ahead - good luck with that, Sweetie. Hopefully, the distraction this brings, as you mentioned, will help keep your mind from the physical stuff you've been going through. You're a strong lady, and bless your heart for taking this on.

But then I always knew you were one of those "earthly angels."

Take good care, Sweetie.

JJ

Everything went good on the trip, in-laws thought poa's where a brilliant idea. We even talk about apartments but the unit they like is fill right now.
Next trip maybe we can get them to go out and look at others!
Must say I felt great doing the trip and we got a lot done. We took them on a picnic-shopping etc, I even made a dent in their clutter problem.
Mil seems so normal until she starts to talk about her nightly vistor's! Almost sounds like aliens!
Anyway won't go into that> just glad things went smooth!

Snow...I'm sorry I didn't see this topic sooner. As JJ mentioned, I'm all to familiar with alzheimer's and various forms of dementia, but what she didn't tell you, was that I have a website - several actually. One exclusive to alzheimer's and another that covers other diseases that cause dementia as well.

If you'd like the address to the website, just PM me and I'll send it to you. I think it may help you to understand why your MIL is reacting the way she is.

Just know I'm here if you need me girl...

Love
Tay

I'm glad everything went smoothly for you.