Hi: Do the peri-menopausal symptoms follow each other in any logical order. We could at least know what
is up from down. How have others dealt with any forecasting attempts.

Thanks
jx

I wish! I'd write and sell the book (and film rights) if I knew.

It's like a tsunami that comes along and turns your life upside down!

I do have trouble believing that this is so random that it is written off as completely random. I can believe that the timing is hard to read, and that each woman has her own sequence of symptoms. I also believe that if there are at least 34 different symptoms that some of them must follow each other. Even if the emotional issues are the ones that lead, there must be others that are either concurrent, or at least tailing indicators of 'oh that is what is up'.

jx

when you figure that out,you will get the PUlitzer Prize in Science."what is up now" takes years in some cases.Trying to be patient can really make a big difference in a relationship'-----for both.

No jxjx. It doesn't seem to work like that at all. You experience symptoms then they subside and bam they kick the legs from under you. "Neither rhyme nor reason" sums up perimenopause. Perfectly capable women are reduced to helpless beings when confidence goes poof out the window, and you feel like a shivering wreck.

I assume you are a man as you've posted on this thread but there is no Dummies Guide to menopause... the symptoms are as individual as women are.

I admire your interest though. The only advice I can offer is:-

Listen when your partner needs to talk

Give her space when she doesn't

Encourage her but don't force her

Don't think she doesn't love you when she doesn't want to have sex and don't go on and on about it...rent a dvd

Don't ridicule her when she seems forgetful

If she's agoraphobic, don't take over (even if it seems the kind thing to do), instead try and take her to fetch groceries during the quiet times. It's much harder to start going out again.

Don't praise her if you are out (if she's agoraphobic) as it will remind her and she'll just think she ought to go home, in case

Buy a punch ball, for the times when she says mean things to you. Just tell her in a calm manner that it doesn't feel good when she speaks to you like that...then go and box the ball. Why should the poor dog get it?


Remember, it gets better in the end

Alice, this is brilliant!

I'm dying laughing here, but you've expressed it all EXACTLY right!

JJ

I stand corrected... there is a Menopause for Dummies (see Amazon)

No-one seems to be able to make up their minds regarding it's value tho!

You could dip in and see...

The UK one is written by the annoying TV doctor Dr Sarah Brewer (bouncy, happy and a bit of a know-all)

Synopsis
Every woman experiences the menopause in different ways, so you need to know what to expect in order to help yourself. This book explains the various stages of the menopause, including the perimenopause, and helps you understand how it can affect your body and your emotions. It evaluates all the options available including HRT and explains what treatment and lifestyle changes will help you stay healthy and happy. With in depth coverage of HRT, covering new developments and weighing up the risks and benefits, advice on adopting an holistic approach to managing the symptoms and side effects including conventional medicine, and alternatives, diet and lifestyle changes, "Menopause For Dummies" will help you make the right decisions and stay in control. (Yeah right!)

From the Back Cover
Includes the latest information on HRT and the alternatives
Make the right decisions and maintain your health and well-being
This expert guide explains the various stages of the menopause, helping you to understand how it can affect your body and your emotions. Packed with balanced advice on everything from conventional and alternative medicine to adopting a holistic approach to managing your symptoms, this book helps you to make the right decisions to stay healthy and happy throughout the menopause and beyond.
*Understand the various stages of the menopause
*Keep healthy with food and fitness regimes (what about comfort foods)
*Minimise the impact of the menopause on your daily life
*Prevent bone loss and take care of your heart
*Manage your emotions

Thanks for the input. I still want to see what the academic journals are saying. Yes, they can be time consuming, but they will outline what has been tried and failed. There may be some things like skin colour or eye color, redness under the nails, or any number of signs. It seems me our bodies would be like the weather. Just by knowing the feeling of the air, and looking at the tops of the trees, one can tell if a storm is coming or not.

Yes, this can be a bit much. My wife compares me to a rotwheiller. Once I get an idea, it is very hard for me to let it go

jx

I'll watch your posts with interest.

I'm post, but we gals need help!

I think this one is tough all the way around. I know my wife is trying like the dickins to get a hold of
this. From what I can see there is no clean way. HRT is out of the question. She does not want, and
it seems like the wise decision. We are looking at nutrition and exercise.

Just to mention. I have been wondering what the alternative thoughts are. Women's community in
the past had allot of knowledge about itself that has been lost.

Thanks for your posts jx

Hi jx,
If you are a Rottweiler then I am a spitting cobra with a background in research of the medical sciences and after reading as much medical info as my poor menopausal brain can assimilate, I can find few answers. Now I could argue that the medical profession has betrayed womenkind by not paying enough attention to menopause but I am beginning to come to the conclusion that interfering with what is supposed to be a natural process is both fruitless and possibly dangerous.
Menopause is like a tunnel. We women are required to enter it and leave by the one and only exit. The body is trying to shut down the reproductive system and we think that by tossing in the odd artificial hormone here and there we can solve all the problems. The journey is as unpredictable as it is fraught with pitfalls, especially the mental kind. Any diseases or problems in situ will be worsened by the hormonal turmoil. The journey is complicated by the fact that we have just reached the age when we no longer believe in Santa and fairy stories, we have to face the reality that humans age, get ill and die. Try coping with that when someone has just stolen your supply of feel good hormones. It is like confiscating the cigarettes of a chain smoker on the evening his girlfriend dumps him!

The only defence we have is to modify our lifestyle during the transition. Stress needs to be cut down to size or meltdown will occur! One lady described herself as having to 'simmer' gently whilst all the changes are taking place. I like that analogy. Any one who tries to cope by peddling much faster is going to crash and burn. Sometimes we have to accept feeling awful for long periods and that can be terrifying. The exhaustion felt at this time is like no other!
Menopause will always have the last laugh. Of course there are always those who breeze through it, gazing down in disgust at those who are having a rough time. They are just lucky. These days we are well educated in terms of health and most of us aim for optimum diet etc. We must just simmer keeping an eye out for serious medical issues until the transition is done and we can escape into the light at the end of the tunnel. The most precious thing to a peri-menopausal lady is to have understanding from those around her whilst she tries to overcome all the obstacles. In many cases the medical profession do women a great disservice by being ignorant and dismissive of their symptoms. If many of them just spent an evening reading this site they would be better placed to give women the support and care that they need. I wonder why it never seems to happen?


Very best wishes to you both, for the journey,


XIII

jxjx,

As the ladies already said it is different for every one, for both the ladies and the men in there lives, because
after all every one is different, a good book or at least one that helped me and the wife is Before The Change:
Taking Charge of Your Perimenopause from Ann Louise Gittleman, after I got the book my wife was mad at me
because I got it but as I was reading it and then just left it around for her to read it, after she read parts of it
and seen that many of the issue's she was having was in the book and that she was going through this stage of
life, then she was ready to talk to me about it, she then got a few of the natuaral stuff that it suggested in the book
and after taking them for awhile then became more open about talking to a doctor about it and getting even more
help.

And the doctor she is seeing is a NMD (Natural Medical Doctor), she has been able to help and advise my wife thru
this stage of life. I do think that most MD are clueless to menopause and most of them could give any real help
to a lady if there lives depended on it.

Anyways welcome to PS, and if your wife isn't already reading the post here on PS then I suggest she starts.

Regards,
Don

Thanks 13 and Alice, and all others:

I have been thinking this through. I see the fundamental error I am making leading into this. What I need to avoid is avoid turning my wife into a science experiment and making this about me. It is really she that is front and center of this one. Whatever discomfort I have, is nothing to what she will go through. We have sat down at a nice meal and talked and put together our approach. It centers around reducing stress, not losing our heads, and staying healthy through all of this.

This site has been a great help so far. I feel lucky to have found it.

jx

Yes, I think you are right, but I admire you for reading up on this topic. It can't hurt to be prepared for the things that may possibly happen and be understanding. In fact your wife may be one of the lucky ones and get fewer symptoms.

The list of symptoms I read about menopause was minor compared to the wierd things that I have had, from burning feet to pins and needles in my face.
This is from our National Health Service ...


It is estimated that 80% of women in the UK experience symptoms leading up to the menopause and, of these, 45% will find their symptoms difficult to deal with.

In most cases, the first symptom of the peri-menopause is a change in your usual menstrual pattern. You may find that your period starts to appear every 2-3 weeks, or you may not have one for months at a time. The amount of menstrual blood loss may also change with most women finding that it increases slightly.

Other common symptoms of the peri-menopause, menopause, and post-menopause are detailed below.

Hot flushes and night sweats

A hot flush is a sudden feeling of heat in your upper body, which can start in your face, neck, or chest, before spreading upwards and downwards. You may find that the skin on your face, neck, and chest becomes red and patchy, and you may start to sweat. You may also experience a change in your heart rate; it may become very rapid (known as tachycardia), or irregular and stronger than usual (known as palpitations).

Hot flushes that occur at night are called night sweats. Most hot flushes only last for a few minutes, and are most common in the first year after your final period.

Sleep disturbance

Many menopausal women have trouble sleeping due to night sweats, but sleep disturbance may also occur as a result of a mood disorder, such as anxiety, or a primary sleep disorder, such as insomnia (difficulty sleeping). You may find that a lack of sleep makes you irritable, and that you have problems with your short-term memory and ability to concentrate.

Vaginal symptoms

During the peri-menopause, you may experience vaginal dryness, itching, or discomfort. This can cause sex to become difficult, or painful, which is known as dyspareunia. These symptoms combined are known as vaginal atrophy.

Approximately 30% of women experience the symptoms of vaginal atrophy during the early post-menopausal period, and up to 47% of women have them during the later post-menopausal period. However, in some cases, it is possible to experience vaginal atrophy more than 10 years after your final period.

Urinary symptoms

During the menopause, you may find that you become prone to recurrent lower urinary tract infections, such as cystitis. You may also experience an urgent need to pass urine, and need to pass it more often than normal.

How long do menopausal symptoms last?
Without treatment, most menopausal symptoms are self-limiting, which means that they gradually stop happening naturally. This usually happens 2-5 years after the symptoms start, but some women can experience symptoms for many more years.

If you experience vaginal symptoms, such as dryness, itching and discomfort, it is likely that they will persist or worsen over time, unless they are treated.

As you can see, this is so simplistic it's untrue. PS was the best place I ever came to.

I don't know, Alice. In retrospect, this sounds pretty accurate to me. It's easy now to minimize how bad it all was, but when I was going through it, and didn't feel good, not even for one day, that was another story indeed.

The only issue I have is how do we "minimize stress???" I've heard this as a recommendation lots of times, whether as pertaining to reducing high blood pressure or dealing with heart problems, etc. But I really wish I know how to stop stressful events. Sometimes all I have to do is get up in the morning, and it starts, through no action of mine. The phone rings or something happens. When I went through meno, I had family issues that seemed, as far as I know, to be happening "around" me and there was nothing I could do to stop them or minimize the stress that resulted. I will never know if meno was worse because of these stressful events, or if, because I was in meno, the events seemed worse.

Few of us really "enjoy" stress. Maybe some do, for dramatic purposes, but most of us really do not like feeling stressed. I know that I don't. But how to "minimize it" eludes me. All I know to do is take a common sense approach; don't create problems and avoid situations that could make me feel rushed and frazzled. But otherwise, stress just conks me in the head. Duh.

Hi Sugar.

This kind of website stirs the bee in my bonnet

My point is that most menopause web sites list these symptoms as if that's it. Dearest lists 38(?)
Most of them list HRT as cure all, not mentioning what often happens when you come off it.

What bugs me most is they think slap a bit of jelly on (sex was the last thing on my mind!), bung 'em some HRT and they'll be alright.

That's not really true is it? My life was wrecked and miserable with peri. Had I not got a good hubby, I think I would be living on my own after that lot!

sigh

Hope you are keeping well!

CSugarGrove,

If you ever figure out how to stop the stress PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!! let us know, the doctor said just not to stress, but when it got
so bad that I wasn't able to sleep for more than a couple of hours a night at a time, he then gave me some sleeping pills, that
helped for awhile but now its even worse, I will go to bed at 9pm sleep by 9:30pm then wake up at 11 and then back to sleep by
11:30 but then wake back up at 2AM and not be able to got back to sleep, and that was with the pills to put me to sleep.

All by the stress, sure go have fun to get rid of the stress but when you are as busy and have as much going on as all of us do
then who in this world has the time to get away and have fun, or at least much fun, the wife and I are taking off for a couple of hours
tonight to go have dinner and a small get together of nice cars, its one of those things that the people with them all show up just to see
what has been done to them and to check them out. My wife told me that it was ok if I didn't want to go because of how I was doing
and I told her no I want to go, even if its just to get away for a couple of hours with her, I just need out of the house.

And as far as the other post about the periods being only a little bit worse, according to my wife she thinks she is tring to bleed out half
the time while she is shedding the linning, but at least that is mostly done with now, thank goodness for that.

Regards,
Don

YOU GOT IT!!!!!! it is such a wild ride some days that you would do well just to be able to hang on your plan sounds great...just add a line "and we'll be flexible and open to changing our approach as needed to preserve the integrity of our relationship!"

i was reading through my meno-scrapbook/journal and saw my first entry two years ago after my DH and i had a dinner and talk similar to yours and our plan sounded lots like yours! two years later there have been some significant changes to that original plan ~ i like to call them "my drugs " ....stuck it out for two years until i realized that i needed to do something for the sake of our family relationships...it got to the point where i saw (through a comment posted on this board in fact!) that it's not just about me....it is about those i have poured my life into as well.

wishing you all the best! stick around...it is a great place to be!

Don,

I found that sticking to an exercise program really helped not only with sleep, but with the stress. I know it's hard to find time to exercise. I work full time and the only chance I have is my lunch hour. I eat a sandwich at my desk while I'm working so I can devote the whole lunch hour to the exercise. I've heard of people who get up in the morning and run or work out, and I just don't have time to do that. Or they work out in the evening, and I don't have time then, either. You have to decide when during the day you can realistically spare an hour, and then figure out how to do some kind of exercise that you can stick with. Maybe you prefer lifting weights or doing aerobics. I like to walk. Fortunately, I work about a minute down the road from a fitness center. I joined and I use a treadmill there four days per week. I don't care for running--hurts my knees, but I do walk as fast as I can, and recently on the Oprah show they recommended an incline when walking, so I've started doing an incline. Not much of an incline--I just do five minutes at 2.0 and then drop it back to 0.5 to rest, then go up to 1.0 for five minutes, then 2.0, then rest again. I'm dripping with sweat when I get done, but found that I really sleep better at night and I don't get as upset about things as I used to, so maybe that means my stress level is lower. On the weekends we try to take our two dogs out on a 90 minute walk, as much for their benefit as ours. I wish I had time to go with the dogs every day, but that's out of the question until I can retire, LOL!

Try starting a peri-agenda...start to track what times of the cycle different symptoms appear. Atleast with me, I am able to follow a pattern with tiredness, moodiness (putting it mildly) teary, blah and even happy and energetic is in there ;-)
Like you've read in every post, everyone is different and something new is always creeping up on us. I think accepting that "Today is a Peri-day" helps alot. I don't expect so much of myself and am able to warn my Children too!
Good luck...she is lucky to have someone care enough to check this all out!
Girlsmom

It was several months that I was away from PS. I am trying to get back to read as much as I can.

YES. The symptoms should follow a reasonable order, but it's usually called a cycle. If the symptoms are hormonal/menopausal, they will follow a cycle. There will be peaks and valleys. Usually two to four weeks apart.

The next time there is an episode take note, then watch and see if there isn't an ebb and flow to it. Watch everything from energy levels to state of mind. It's all part of it. We are complex creatures.

GREAT QUESTION by the way.