I am ashamed to say I had an "episode of rage" this morning that has made me want to crawl into a hole and disappear. My husband works nights and always gets home around the same time, give or take 30 minutes. When he was over an hour late, I accused him of "seeing someone." My brain wouldn't let my mouth say anything but mean, hatefull, accusations. He of course, said I was crazy and just went to bed to get away from me. I haven't done anything like this in quite a while, so I feel terrible. I feel even worse since he apologized for calling me crazy, but I offered no apology in return. I have no reason to think he would do anything like that, because he never has before. It was just me feeling insecure. Sometimes I don't know how he can put up with me and all my emotions, but he does understand about peri and hormones, and I'm thankful for that.

Paula, Try to be easier on yourself. The more you "beat" on you, the more guilty you will feel. It's like a downward spiral. I had awful rages duing peri. I started seeing a therapist and learned some techniques to get a grip on myself. It was the best thing I ever did. The insecurity seemed to go along with the rages. I had no reason to be making the accusations with my hubs that I made during one of my rage attacks. Hormones at their worst

Take care!
CG

Hi Paula,
I think you need to try and put your episode of rage behind you and not beat yourself up about it too much. These hormone surges are unbelievable. I have always been kind and gentle but last year, on occasions, I became a spitting cobra, sometimes with the slightest provocation. As Power Surgers we have insight into our irrational behaviour; so it is really important to recognise these incidents for what they are and make extra special efforts to make amends after the initial explosion. If the victims of our outburst fail to understand the underlying reasons for this 'nastiness,' we risk damaging relationships. I don't see why we should let fluctuating hormones damage some of the most precious things we have.


Cheers,


XIII

Paula,

I have had the unreasonable rage before, and it is a horrible feeling, especially later when you calm down and realize how crazy you really sounded! I personally believe we are accountable for our behaviour, even if it is hormonally driven. And even if we have little control over it at the time of the explosion, we certainly should be apologizing for it later. Like XIII said, we could do permanent damage to relationships at this time in our lives, and particularly if we don't step up to the plate and take responsibility for it.

Those two small words, some have such a hard time saying, can make all the difference! "I'm sorry" I am no stranger to those words these days! But left unsaid, can cause more harm than the tiny bit of pride we may have to swallow to say those words.

Paula....I think all of us have been down that road. Sometimes you get so angry, so frustrated you just have to take it out on someone and it's ususally the ones we love most. I'm glad your hubby understands - consider yourself lucky since many husbands don't. With that said, may I offer a suggestion? Now that the hormonal war has "calmed down", how about you write your hubby a note? Sometimes it's hard to get the words out, you want to cry, which only makes your hubby feel worse. So, while he sleeps...write down what you want to say to him, then prop it someplace where he'll see it when he wakes up.

Paula, we all truly do understand how you feel. Your going along in your life and suddenly it's like your life shatters. You mourn for the girl you used to be. You fight demons no one can see...insecurities, anxiety, self esteem. All you want is to feel normal again. The girl with the toned tummy, the shining hair, the one full of energy, and what you see is anyone but. You turn to friends, but instead of offering support or commiseration, they 'feed you a line'. The...oh, I didn't have a problem, which makes you feel all the more certain there really is something wrong with you. When the first time an ache or pain hits...you obsess. You want to close your eyes as you brush your teeth in the morning because that tired, graying woman can't possibly be you. All you want is to pick up that shattered life - fractured mirror and somehow make it familar again, but you can't. So, like I said, you mourn, you get angry...and words are said.

However, it is easy to forgive when there is love and understanding. So....write him a love note, it will make you both feel better!

Hugs
Tay

Hi there...TRY to let it go and move on. Be present for your present...that is the only place of power now. We ALL make mistakes. Cut yourself some slack.

Maybe this will help you; it helps me to come to terms with my ruminating behaviours. I love this story:

Two Zen monks, Tanzan and Ekido, were walking along a very muddy road. They came upon a young woman, trying to cross the road with a beautiful kimono on. Tanzan picked her up and carried her across to the other side. The monks carried along for miles in silence. Five or so hours later, Ekido just couldn't stop thinking about it and finally said to Tanzan, "Why DID you carry that girl across the road?! We Monks are not supposed to do things LIKE THAT!" Tanzan replied to him, "I put that girl down hours ago and you are still carrying her!"

We have to try and look at our mistakes in the same way. Perhaps carry them for awhile; learn from your conscience, but do not hold on to it because that prevents you from being a better person today, because of bad nerves.

Take care,
Suzanne

Thanks everyone for all the great suggestions. By yesterday afternoon, everything was fine between us. I told him how sorry I was and he simply said, "Maybe you should hang a sign around your neck so I'll know when to watch out for your moods." Then I said "I'd have to wear it all the time then!" We both had a good laugh! Anyway, I'm TRYING to think before I say hurtfull, stupid things now to anyone.

repeat this prayer- god keep your arm around my shoulds and your hand over my mouth

isn't it terrible when hormones make us jealous? I was like that amonth ago we had a family renunion more of my hubbys family and they brought friends which were in twenties, i seem to notice hubby hanging around the young girls i accused him later of wanting young twenty five year olds. I haven;t been like this in a long time we have a well secure relationship. And the thoughts i get about him wanting young girls just ridicoulous!!!! don't beat yourself over this at all! hormones do weird things to our minds and more. I wish you the best and just remember its hormones not your hubby lol . hugs Terry