Hi everyone. I'm starting a new topic because the other one was 8 pages long (thank you to all my sisters who reached out to me so generously.) I'm a mess. Can stress bring back the hot flashes and night sweats? 'Cause I had them all night long.

My husband goes to court on Thursday. Our lawyer is driving me up the wall. Every time we call him, he makes all kinds of promises and tell us to call him the next day. We call him the next day and he has forgotten every single thing he promised. I don't know if we have good representation or not. The prosecutor has had our forensic report for over six weeks now. Our lawyer claims she still "hasn't gotten around to looking at it." The evidence they used to bring charges against him was FALSE....so why can't we file for a dismissal? Because we can't, our lawyer tells us. It's "the way the game is played." Game. Nice. My life is falling apart piece by piece and he wants to talk about games.

I'm hitting the wall again, girls. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I cry all the time. Our marriage is in shambles. We fight constantly, we sleep apart, I can't even stand to look at him. I just want to curl up in a ball and die. For 16 months now the state has ruined our lives. We have no money, no savings, I can't even my mortgage. We get continued, and postponed, and shoved under the carpet. When we first contracted this attorney, and he wanted our life savings, he talked really big about how he was going to fight for us and "get on the DA's back every day"....NONE of this has happened. He returns about one out of five of our phone calls and he is always in a rush. Always. Tells us he is in court, when I can clearly here his kids playing in the background. I get no more than 30 secs before he hangs up on me, after absent mindedly telling me to 'hang in there, i gotta go, bye.'

I'm ready to rip the skin off my face, that's how stressed I am. I HATE MY LIFE. We have no support from anyone, no friends, no family. My parents didn't even call me at Easter. The last time I spoke to my mother I told her I felt like killing myself and she told me I was stupid and hung up. She hasn'ts called since.

I have to get away. What will I do with my house? What will I do with my bills? What will I do????

Please, pleaes, please, please, go gentle on me. I'm at the breaking point---again.

Robin, for the record...my offer still stands.

I feel so much pain for you....I wish I could reach out and magically make it all good. I don't have any advice that is going to help. I think at this point nothing is going to help, except this nightmare coming to a close. I think it won't even matter how it ends, as long as it ends.

Try not to think about it. Think about anything BUT. Distract yourself. Do some serious hard physical work....spring cleaning even....anything to make you physically tired and will mentally distract you. I know I have some issues in my personal life which I have not shared on PS which are leaving me financially about where you are.....and I have cleaned out almost every closet in my house!! It is a great distraction, and even gives me a small feeling of having some control...even if it is only of my immediate surroundings.

You are not allowed to break!! You can feel like it, but no doing it, ok? You are too strong of a woman to let this take you down. You fight back, it is in you and you know it! And I don't even mean fight the "system", I mean you fight for yourself. You fight to keep it together, to keep your sanity and your grasp on reality. Tell me, who is gonna care about this in 100 years?? Anyone?? If not, it is not worth letting it drive you over the edge. And as I give you this advice, I find I am giving it to myself also!! And I need to hear it too.

Hang in there, my friend. I am thinking about you, as I often do.

Hugs
Floater

Robin

I have not been on PS for a long time so I had to go back and read your other topic. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am praying that the truth will set you free! This is so unfair and at a time in our lives that we are so vulerable. Just get by an hor at a time if you have too. I agree with geetting yourself physicaly tired.

Hugz
Barb

Robin,

One wee little baby step at a time. Today, you do one thing at a time. Same tomorrow. Same day after that.

We are all waiting with you for the Big Day, and you know you have a million prayers here. So many people on your side. When you go to court Thursday, don't you forget for a minute that we are all in your back pocket. We'll be waiting to hear how it went.

A million (((HUGS)))

JJ

Thank you SO much. Power Surge is the only place I have for support. I want so badly to donate some money back here, but we are completely broke. When and if we get our money back, though, I want to take Dearest and all of you on a giant 'meno-cruise' to someplace warm!

Sigh. I just sat down and wrote yet another letter to the judge. I sent it to our attorney. It's powerful...I just hope it might make a difference.

Our lawyer has told us that the state has every right to force us to go to trial. I'm afraid we will both break down completely if this happens. I don't want a jury trial---I want a JUDGE to read the evidence. And our anonymity will be broken...once a trial happens, we'll be in the public eye. I'm scared. I wrote a letter to Matthew Bandy's mother (her son went through a sort-of similar experience) and she wrote me back. Her son was publically ridiculed, beaten up, had people in stores throwing rotten food at him. How will we handle this?

I can hire a crisis management consultant...but I have no money left.

The worst part is the feeling of helplessness. I've always been the kind of person that moved heaven and earth when I had to. I'm a mover and a shaker; I take ACTION. Keeping busy doing household chores keeps my body busy, but my mind is eating itself up alive.

Does anyone here have any contacts in the publishing industry? I need to talk to someone about writing a book. I don't even want to make any money from it...I'll start a non profit agency to help other people like my husband who are unfairly charged by overzealous prosecutors. People who don't have retirement accounts they can cash in. At this rate, we'll never be able to retire. It will take the next 30 year to re-earn the money we have lost.

Did I also mention that there is a law in the state in which he in being charged which limits us for suing for no more than $100,000.00. That's less than half of what this has cost us.

I need to do something RIGHT NOW. I did call the ACLU but they want everything in writing and told me they won't be able to review my case for 6-8 weeks. Anyone have any other suggestions? I'm desparate...I'll listen to anything...

Robin:

I am so sorry to hear that all of this continues. I pray that Thursday brings some relief. What I see that you need to do above all else at this point is take care of yourself. I know you love your husband, but you will be no use to anyone if you are not healthy. I honestly don't know what I would do in your case, so all I can do is offer you a hug and a prayer. Follow your heart. If this gets to be too much you might have to take a step back and let your husband deal with this on his own. This may sound harsh, but if I recall you have your own children, and I know you want to be around to see them thrive. Do not wear yourself down over this. Do what you can but remember you do not have to carry this burden by yourself.

Will be thinking of you and your husband on Thursday.

Shakin'

(((((((((((Robin))))))))))))))))))

What is the purpose of court this Thursday exactly, do you know?

Can you try turning this over.....do you believe that there is a power greater than yourself that you can turn this over to because I don't know what other option you have at this point. It is in the hands of the court system and judges, etc. You have done everything you can. My offer is always open for you to come for a visit, if not me, someone else - it may be the thing you need. Again, I must point out that you have love and support all around you.....it's here if you need it.

Hugs,
Karen

Robin,

I can only add my support and prayers that your ordeal with end Thursday. I just read a news story about Matthew Bandy and it IS frightening. It makes me nervous because I have two young ones who like to play some web-based games (all kid oriented - we try to keep a close eye on it).

It seems you're doing all the right things legally. Hopefully the judge has enough internet knowledge to know that innocent citizens can falsely charged.

((MAJOR HUGS))

just a small offering but unfortunately i have nothing else to give you...

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((robin)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry that this has happened to both of you.

Please don't rip the skin off your face, you'll need it to smile with when this is all over.

And the money? There is always something that can be worked out, especially if you own your home. The housing market isn't great, but here in the Northeast isn't nearly as bad as the rest of the USA. I am in tremendous debt also, but I am grateful that if worse comes to worse, I will have to sell my house to pay off my debt. At least I have a house to sell. Which is more than a lot of people can say in this bad economy.

Hopefully, all this crap will be over soon, so keep your skin on!

Dear (((Robin)))
I'm going to remind you of how strong you are and that this will not beat you!
Remember the posts you have written - there they are -
8 pages where you cried your heart out and then came back strong and confident and with plans to change your life.
8 pages of tears and heartbreak, but also of great strength and resourcefulness.
8 pages where we got to know a lady whom we all admire!
8 pages where you got so many hugs and prayers!
8 pages of support and love and friendship.
Remember Robin - you are not alone!
Remember Robin how much love surrounds you!
Remember Robin - we are all praying for justice to be done!
8 pages of love to be printed out, Robin!
Put them on the table in front of you, take them to bed with you and don't let that confidence you felt leave you!
God bless you with peace,
Jonie

Thank you girsl...my tried and true friends always come through. Karen, thank you for your kind and generous offer. If I do decide to run away for awhile, I've decided I'm going to see my daughter. She has a 4 bedroom apartment on campus and one of the bedrooms is empty. It's not technically allowed for me to stay with her, but no one ever checks, and besides, I'm her mommy. She is worried about me...she just called again to see how I am doing. Amazing, isn't it...all her life she leaned on me and now I'm the only leaning on her.

The crap with my own mother and father is also eating me up alive. I'm so ANGRY at them. How can you have a child who is in obviously in distress and just IGNORE her? How do they sleep at night?

Okay, I'm just rambling now. Think I"ll go lay down...I feel totally drained.

Thank you again, girls...a million times over. You are all precious gems..

Well I'm not doing too good. My ex's mother died yesterday...she and I were very close...she was very, very good to me when I was married to my first husband. Plus court tomorrow. I went off my vegan diet, and I had a complete meltdown last night. Crying hysterically, throwing up, the whole nine yards.

I feel so guilty. Such a loser.

Robin - you are NOT a loser! You will get through this!

Does the US system allow for claiming back compensation (ie loss of earnings) on top of the limited amount you can sue for suffering?

Yes, do write a book in the background - that is such a good idea. As much as anything, it will be an outlet for your feelings. It sounds like you need to be doing something as the waiting is so tough on you. Like you - when there's an issue, I like to feel that I am doing something!

I'm sorry that I cannot offer any great advice. (I don't really know the US system). But like everyone else, I am willing you to get some good news on Thursday and will be thinking of you.

Robin,

There are so many of us who don't post often, who are following your story. I hope you feel the gratitude that I feel for the many times you have contributed great advice and support to all of us on Power Surge. At times I am amazed at the way you reach out even though you are in such a struggle yourself. Please know that I speak for so many of us. We hold you close and offer prayers and positive thoughts for you.

I am praying that you will feel better and that there will be some good news tomorrow.


Love,
Kaydee

(((((((((((((Robin))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry about your ex's mother. Just remember the good feeling from your relationship with her.

As for court, are you going? What are they going to try and accomplish tomorrow? Robin, please try and have faith that he is innocent and he will be exhonerated, please.

We're here for you.

Hugs,
Karen

Robin, I'm sorry to hear about your ex MIL. It's great that you and she were close. Are you feeling guilty about going off your diet? Don't. You can pick up your diet again when you're feeling better. At the moment just be kind to yourself after the news about you MIL. You are so not a loser. Good luck for tomorrow too.

Robin - I know you're looking for answers, and I sincerely wish I had some to give you but I don't. However, I do know attorneys are deceiving, I've been a landlord for...what almost 8 years now and throughout that time I've had to take many deadbeats to court who simply stopped paying the rent. At first I was shocked at how my attorney responded to them...nice, helpful. I sat and thought, I'm paying you big bucks and you're asking if that jerk wants some water? Then we'd enter the courtroom and BAM, I'd watch as this 'nice guy' would 'dismantle' the renter. Apparently, one of his tricks was to put the deadbeat at ease, then when they least expected it, he'd rip their throat out. So....for right now, give your lawyer the benefit of the doubt...wait to see what he has up his sleeve tomorrow. ok?

In the meantime - have you thought about contacting Nancy Grace or Dan Abrams? Both are retired attorneys who have news shows. I believe Nancy Grace is on Headline News and Dan Abrams is on MSNBC with a show called Verdict - I believe. Both love stories like this...something they can sink their teeth into. I'm reminded of the Shank family over these last few days. The lady from Wal-Mart who was seriously injured and wal-mart sued to get their money back? (it's been on the news constantly the last few days). Anyhow, do to media 'pick-up', Wal-Mart backed down, so media can help you a great deal. I think it would be easy for you to locate both of these 2 just by either going to MSNBC and Headline News (or possible CNN). Drop them both a note and see what comes out of it....

And...hang in there my friend. You have the thoughts and prayers of all of us on here!! Remember - we're in your corner!!

HUGS
Tay

Thank you everyone. Karen, I can't decide if I should go to court or not. I'm literally afraid I won't be able to act rationally and I'll make things worse. I'm scared I'll faint, or have a seizure (I had one last night) or sob hysterically without being able to stop. I'm experiencing de-personalization right now...I feel like I"m in a dream like state, but it's not pleasant.

We have NO idea what is supposed to happen tomorrow. My husband spoke to his lawyer today for about 20 seconds. He gave us the usual BS line about how he is going to do this and that, blah, blah, blah. He says the same thing every time...no news, and he's going to 'get on it' right away. It's a complete 180 degree shift from the way he spoke to us in the beginning (when he wanted all our money.) He filled us with hope and told us he'd be fighting for us hard, and that he had a good relationship with the DA. Totally different now. The DA won't talk to him, won't return his calls, won't answer his emails (that's if I believe he is even calling her or sending her emails....it could be just talk on his part.) He's always in a rush, rush, rush. Never has time to talk to either of us for even 1 full minute. He's always in a meeting, or about to go to a meeting, or interrupting a meeting to talk to us. He makes us feel like we're bothering and annoying him. Okay, I'm crying now. It's such a horrible feeling; this man and his firm have all of our money...every cent that I've worked so hard to save for over 20 years and he won't even spend more than 30 seconds on the phone with us.

We're trapped and we have no options. I can't afford a new lawyer even if I wanted one.

I sent my parents a short email telling them of my MIL's death. They knew her quite well. They never even acknowledged that they received it. They haven't called or written. I have to face, again, what I've known all my life. They just don't care about me at all. Don't care if I'm sick or well, dead or alive, thriving or suffering. It hurts so much I can barely stand it.

Sometimes I wonder if this is gong to be how I die. This....thing, this case, this horrible, awful miscarraige of justice. Maybe it's going to finish me off.

I'm having bad flashbacks of my childhood. Of being trapped, not being able to move. Helpless...like a frightened, caged animal.

I had therapy yesterday. He's a nice man, but he doesn't say much. He feel sorry for me, thinks this is just an awful situation...but then asks me "what I need." How am I supposed to answer that? What I need is IMPOSSIBLE.

I NEED this case to be dismissed.
I NEED our lawyer to talk to us for more than 1 minute and to treat us like human beings instead of #35 on his To-Do list.
I NEED for my parents to love me...to call and to talk nicely to me.

I'm sorry if I"m whining. Sigh.

All the things listed above are beyond your control. You really don't need any of them, because you cannot control the outcome of any of those "NEEDS".
You NEED to let go, stop trying to control everything, and let peace come into your life.
The only person you can change and control is yourself. No one can fulfill that need except you.

Robin, ditto Armadillo's post. The same with your parents. I understand from my own experience how it feels to feel disbelief at how our parents behave, but how they choose to behave is out of our control. I speak from personal experience that there are times when we just have to let things go and concentrate on ourselves and those around us who really care.

Big hugs to you
robin

Armadillo: I'm sure you are only trying to help, but your post hurt my feelings.

I'm not trying to control everything, and if it were as simple as just letting go and letting peace come into my life, don't you think I would have done that already? I admitted that I was feeling very sensitive and to please be gentle with me.
I give up.

I should have just recorded my feelings in a blog instead of showing my beat-up insides here. Sorry for being so needy...I know it's unattractive and I feared that I would get hurt at some point, since my 'story' and my pain is getting old. Believe me, it's getting really old for me too.

It's probably best if I just stop posting for a while. Thanks for everyone who has been nice to me and tried to say encouraging and positive things. I didn't think I could feel worse than I did, but I do.

Robin I've pm'd you

hugs
robin

RoundRobin,

You're very vulnerable right now... Try not to be too hurt by what someone says - the women at Power-Surge mean well, Sweetie.

I encourage you to go to court tomorrow. Otherwise, you will wonder what truly happened, and if your presence could have made a difference. As I mentioned before, you have a LOT of Power-Surge love and support behind you - we will be there with you in spirit tomorrow, and will be wanting to hear how it goes.

The love that has come to you in these threads, as you've faced this long struggle, is tremendous. Let that enter and sustain you.

A million (((HUGS)))

JJ

Robin,

We don't think you're being needy. Hell, we've all been needy at some point and come here for some much needed support.

I just wanted to give you a big {{{{{HUG}}}}} and let you know we'll all be thinking about you and hubby today. I hope it goes well.

mrsb

Robin:

Today is the big day! I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you today....and wishing you and DH good things! I have my fingers and toes crossed that they will just drop the charges today!

Hang in there, my friend!

Hugs
Floater

Robin

I am praying for you today! Blessings to you and your husband and your lawyer.

Barb

Hubby just called. Nothing happened. DA claims they need more time to look into things. Postponed again (this is offically the 13th postponement) till May 5. It feels like the state has no regard for our time, our jobs, our money...sigh. Thanks for all the good wishes. More waiting.

(((HUGS))) today Robin - it's a big one for you. Let us know how it goes.

JJ

Oh Robin,

That *****! I know how much all the waiting is so frustrating. My daughter has been dealing with a car accident for over 3 years now and I know how it can be. I can only imagine what you're going through.

Hang in there!

Maybe the DA isn't feeling as confident as they were!!

Think of this as a positive thing.

Also, you have another month of freedom (ok, perhaps "freedom" isn't quite the right word, maybe ummmm, well....ok, I just can't think of the appropriate word here!!)....you may as well just kick back and relax for the time being. You can't change it, you can't make it happen faster....remember the serenity prayer....God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change!!!

I know this is awful for you.

RedRobin,

No doubt this isn't helping you relax. Hang in there! Sometimes the continuance means they don't have much of a case. It could be that they are actually taking into consideration all that you have said and need to ferret out the previous user of that laptop. Try to stay positive. Still keeping you and hubby in my prayers.

happy46

What is the definition of 'timely prosecution'?

Robin,

What Floater said in her quote above is what I was trying to say about letting go of your control. Except Floater actually has tact and good sense to advise you in a pleasant and positive manner. And build up your spirit instead of tearing it down.

My words sometimes come out like a sledgehammer. Floater's words come out like silk.
I apologise, I never mean any harm. I have built up a rock hard wall to protect my weak inner self. I have lived in a harsh place, much like yourself. But you have retained your sensitivity and warmth in spite of a hard life, whereas I have become a stranger to polite society, and have withdrawn into a safe, but dark place . In other words, I have my head up my arse!

Armadillo: It's okay. I get over stuff fast. Right now, I'm still in my pajamas. I'm running a fever and I feel so incredibly beaten up and exhausted. Hubby just came home from court and is going back out to work. I'm going to bed.

If the case is dismissed, our lawyer wants to hold a press conference and "smear my husband's face all over the news" (his words.) I am scared to do this. People react too quickly...they'll make rush judgments and his reputation will be ruined. Sigh. We'll never recover financially from this, but at least the specter of jail won't be hanging over our heads.

I'm too tired and sick to think straight. Last night I spent the whole evening doubled over with horrible stomach pains...I kept going from throwing up to diarrhea to just crying frome pain. Bye bye vegan diet. I can't even hold down water.

(((Robin)))
Hope you can sleep tonight - please take something to be able to relax.
This waiting game is really awful and we all understand your despair.
I pray that you can leave this now in God's hands, as Floater and Armadillo have suggested.
Keep yourself busy - have you managed to get rid of the furniture? Are you starting to decorate?
Many, many hugs and don't give up posting!

Thanks Jonie. I didn't go to court with my husband today. Had a really bad 'stomach night.' These happen out of the blue, but usually as a delayed response to stress. I took a Clonopin and slept all day.

Hubby just got home; I made vegan eggplant parmasean...couldn't eat much...when I'm depressed, my appetite just takes a vacation.

The prosecutor did show up today...and according to my husband, she admitted that the state "did find a few things that indicated there was forensic trouble." Now she tells us. This was stuff the state was supposed to do this before they charged him.

Robin...ok girl...deep breath - this is VERY good news! It's becoming more and more obvious that the further the state delves into your hubbies case, the more problems their encountering. Let's face it - if the state had a 'cut and dried' case against your hubby, don't you think they'd be racing into court instead of dragging their feet asking for postponment after postponment? I truly believe, this case will be dropped...

And that probably explains why your lawyer is acting the way he is. He's probably been down this road many times, and knows if he gives them enough rope, they'll eventually hang themselves. In fact, I'd go so far as to say, while it may not look like it, the ball is in your court. I mean...ok, there's the 'state', the ones convinced they had a case against your hubby. NOW, however, all this evidence is coming to light and they've found themselves in a 'opps' situation. They've already spent out big bucks of tax payer dollars and it's looking more and more like your hubby is innocent. What's that going to result in? You filing a lawsuit against them, plus, I'm certain, wide spread coverage of how awful the state has been to you, and a public apology for accusing the wrong man. No matter what way it shakes out for them, they are gonna end up looking like thugs...

So hang in there....ok?

Huge (((HUGS)))

Thank you, my friend. I'm hanging....

Robin,

I'd been away from PS for a few days and hadn't read your posts until this morning. I am so amazed at all that's happened to you and I am so sorry you're going through so much....still.

I agree with Tay, though, that it sounds very encouraging and you need to keep hanging on.....it sounds like there could be a good outcome after all!

Thinking of you and hoping for the best,
Deb