Hi Everyone,

I am just wondering what is going thru your mind while you are experiencing anxiety? I am just wondering because for me, it is a fear that I am losing control of my mind, that I am going crazy. It is weird, one day I can read a newspaper and not be affected by the state of the world and the stories in there and other days, it just sends me into a tail spin. I have gotten to the point where I can sense that my body/mind is anxious and I avoid the paper and news like the plague because I know it feeds my fears.

I just would like to know what you think about when you are anxious or what sends you into anxiety.

Thanks

THE MOLL

This is an interesting one.
Mine are usually health related like feeling scared that I can't cope.
The ultimate is really fear of dying.
as usually feel like a heart attack or stroke are happening and now I have started these migraines and my mind does flip out from time to time, I am just scared that I am losing my mind altogether
Outside things, such as horrible things which happen in the world, I can cope with quite well..its just ME I have trouble with.

My anxiety stems from health issues. Ihave had to stop looking things up on Web MD and I am trying to avoid reading about mid-life problems and diseases. It's a struggle though. There is so much information circulating around, you can't even turn on the TV without reporting on something or some statistics.

I think it boils down to a feeling of vulnerability. I also get scared about the idea of not being able to care for myself as I age or running out of money for retirement. Then it becomes a vicious cycle -- your mind just takes off with these anxious feelings and everything feeds on itself.

I am working on things now to calm myself. I don't read the same news article anymore. I've taken up yoga and I'm trying to find peaceful time just for me where I can sit down and read a book or something.

The anxiety has been the worst peri symptom for me.

In the beginning, over 5 years ago, it was all about losing control of my mind too. i even tried to commit myself but i couldnt drive myself there and they wouldnt come and get me. that was the scariest time of my life. i think i can call that period of my life traumatic stress syndrome and i'll suffer from POST traumatic stress syndrome from that for the rest of my life. but now it seems almost all of my anxiety is health related. its strange but now if i start to feel anxiety hitting me for no reason at all i know to just go with it and let it run its course and then im done, but if i feel anything might be wrong with me at all, like a dumb little twich or a pain in my side or a headache or just a cough, i will start to obssess to the point of panic and will have to take an ativan to stop my mind from spinning out of control because i WILL go to the ER. i cant help myself, i HAVE to get that reassurance that im ok and not going to die.
During an anxiety attack, i will shake all over, especially my legs and i cant sit still at all. my breathing gets shallow and fast and i have to force myself to slow it down and focus mind on just that.i stay close to my bathroom just in case i have to jump into an ice cold shower so i wont pass out and die. i get dizzy and terrified of just dropping dead right there where-ever i am.

For a very long time I could not read the newspapers or watch the news on TV or even watch television shows with unsettling plots (like CSI or Law and Order). They just made me crazy.

Over time, as my anxiety decreased, I was able to do these things a little at a time. Now I am able to watch TV or read and not automatically think that I am in the middle of the story.

I used to think that the world was coming to an end when I had an anxiety attack. Now I just kinda go with it... I lie down or drink tea or listen to music--anything to distract myself. Sometimes I repeat over and over aloud "it's only a feeling; a feeling can't hurt me." Simple techniques like the ones I described can be very effective. I urge you to try them. And develop your own.

Hang in. Anxiety is just a feeling and a feeling can't hurt you...

Very best,
Marcy

Moll,

For me its totally unfocused anxiety. I wake up every morning anxious and shaking and climbing the walls and nauseous but there is nothing specific that I am even thinking about.

nancy

I do believe that a LOT of the anxiety we feel, isn't true anxiety...meaning we aren't particularly worried about any one thing. It is a physical manifestation of our hormonal imbalance, and we have no other word to describe the feeling...because that is what it is, just a physical sensation which is terribly unpleasant. If we give in to the feeling, and let it take over...then it can spiral into an anxiety/panic attack.

I don't think for a lot of us, and Marcy I am not saying ALL of us, therapy is the answer...because I don't think this physical sensation is phsycologically driven. All you have to do is look at the sheer number of women who take hormone replacement and poof, anxiety is gone!! Women who have never had issues with anxiety and panic, suddenly develop them out of the blue?? For no apparent reason?? They just start losing their minds in mass numbers in their 40s?? Strong, smart, independant women suddenly can't leave home because of agoraphobia?? Nope, I do not buy it!! I am another that was knocked on my butt by anxiety and panic....shakiness and jitters in the mornings....panic attacks if I left home, panic attacks THINKING about maybe having a panic attack!! It was insane, a nightmare...totally debilitating.

And what went through my mind when all this was happening?? Mostly "what the H*ll is THIS???" Even in the midst of the panic and anxiety, I was so frustrated and angry. Once I started to understand it, and how hormones (or lack thereof) was driving it, it did become a little easier to deal with. Although I had no problems using Ativan daily to keep it at bay.

I totally agree with Floater. I know that my anxiety was hormonally driven. The only other times I felt such anxiety was when I went on the pill when I was younger, as soon as I stopped it the anxiety went away. And after the birth of my first daughter. When anxiety would hit me I would think that I was losing my mind. Terrifying. Not until I found Power Surge did I understand what was happening. I have been feeling better lately but am so afraid that it will come back. But I know what is causing it, which makes it a little easier to deal with.

All great replies ... I just was wondering what other people felt/thought .... I know when I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I just shook my head and thought how could this appear out of the blue, would this not have been present years ago ... I searched and searched because I wasn't satisfied with that diagnosis. I did have my hormone levels checked at the time and was told they were normal ... but really when you have one set of tests what do you compare it to that makes it normal - what is normal for ME? I am going back for more test because I keep insisting to my doc that it's peri, and he is very accomodating.

I have found help in therapy, but I believe that I have found just as much help in this website.

I was just curious as to people's thought pattern during or leading up to anxiety and I appreciate all that have shared, and still would like to hear more!

I agree with all above posts. Although when it first "hits" you, it is scary. Mine started at 39, one month before I hit 40. I surely thought I was cracking up. Felt totally out of sorts not myself at all. Crying jags, nervousness, anxious over every ache & pain. You all know the drill. After tracking my symptoms, there was clear proof it was hormonal. I too went to doctors (Ear doc, eye doc, gyno, etc.) Funny thing I got the most help from the EYE DOCTOR!!! When I told him about getting lightheaded/off balance, he was the first one to ask if it was related to my period!!! Called it Menieres, which the ear doc said it could be, because we tend to retain water/fluids (i.e. salt) which can throw the balance off. His advice, lay off salt.
Anxiety is no fun, but it is a part of life. I say to myself "thoughts only thoughts". Claire Weekes book "Hope and Help for you Nerves" is good as is "From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett.
Basically it all boils down to how you talk to yourself. I thought I had changed my way of thinking from negative to positive, but after I started to really write down my neg. thoughts, I realized I hadn't done that good a job at all. When anxiety hits, be kind to yourself, acceptance that this is a part of life and just moving on with your day (knowing that is always passes by distraction) really helps me get out of that vicious cycle of worry and panic.

Floater, I agree. How is it that I was able to drive 3,000 miles round trip with my kids without another adult and not worry at all, then I can't drive around the block? I don't think therapy could figure that one out! There are definitely changes to our body that can't be explained by therapists. We have such drastic "changes" that it becomes very anxiety producing.

When I saw a neurologist this week I was talking quickly and she asked if I always spoke this quickly. She said she felt there was an "anxiety component". Of course there is--doctors can't figure out what's going on and we're debilitated. Who wouldn't be anxious?? I don't need a therapist to tell me this! Like you say, there are strong, powerful women who become agraphobic for short and long periods. We begin to doubt our abilities because of these symptoms and afraid to go out because we might pass out, feel odd in public, etc. Of course we're anxious!

Frisbee

Floater.... I'm new here and new to peri but certainly not new to hormonally driven anxiety and panic. I couldn't agree with you more. I first experienced this about 16 years ago when I developed thyroid disease. Until then, I never had anxiety or a panic attack in my life. Once I got the thyroid problem, I was in a constant state of anxiety and panic 24/7. Every doctor under the sun told me there was no relation and that I had some kind of depressive order and needed a psychiatrist... Not knowing anything about thyroid at the time, I believed them until I started researching and couldn't believe all the hypos I found complaining of anxiety. I was so confused..... Even though depression can be a thyroid symptom it was just never one of the symptoms I had so when they would all tell me how depressed I was I would think this is so strange cause I don't feel depressed. It got to the point where I actually resigned myself to the fact that I must be so mentally ill that I couldn't even realize I was sick so at that point I decided to listen to them and go to a shrink even though I was sure it was physical.... I was put on every anti-d under the sun and they actually made me sicker, not better. The only relief I got at all, despite all the anti-d's and therapy and biofeedback, was for about a 45 minute span after I would take a tranquilizer and once that wore off I'd be right back to the anxiety.. Some of the people I met with thyroid convinced me the source of the anxiety was from undermedication of my thyroid condition.. Back to the doc I went but they wouldn't raise it saying my levels were perfect.. Eventually, I took matters into my own hands figuring I had nothing to lose at that point and raised it on my own and surprise, surprise, within three weeks the anxiety and panic left as quickly as it came and I've never had it again until now.

I'm sure there are people who have psychologically driven anxiety and therapy is great and does wonders for them. But, like you, there is nobody who will ever convince me that people who were previously fine and now have some hormonal imbalance have all of a sudden developed this and that there can only be a psychological basis..... Sorry.... been there, done that and no matter what I did there was no amount of therapy or psychotic medication that stopped it..... The only thing that stopped it was when I finally got the right amount of hormone that I needed....

Oh Menosisters, Reading your stories makes me wonder why???? Why do so many of us have this and have to struggle?

I was diagnosed with GAD, panic attacks at age 34 (I'm 51 now). Couldn't handle the side effects of the AD, so just treat my anxiety attacks with lorazepam as needed.

Even after having this for 17 years, I still don't have a complete handle on it. I do as much self care as possible....relaxation efforts, working through the panic, focusing on other stuff, saw a psychiatrist, prayer. Since entering peri, the panic attacks increased, as did the GAD. Anytime I (or a loved one) gets sick, my anxiety goes through the roof.

THE MOLL asked, what is going through my mind? Well it is impending doom. And it is a terrible place to be. TERRIBLE.

What an interesting thread for me to read about how other Menosisters have dealt with this.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your story. And thanks, THE MOLL, for an interesting question.

janeann

Moll: Great thread; I love reading everyone's posts. What's going through my mind when I'm having an anxiety attack? Hmm. Depends. Sometimes it's related to money. Sometimes health. But the worst, the absolute worst is when it's (seemingly) related to nothing at all. Try explaining this to someone who has never experienced it; pretty much impossible.

I will wake up sometimes and simply be filled with fear, dread and anxiety. There is nothing in particular giong through my mind...in fact, I'll do a mental checklist "Money? Paid the mortgage, credit cards still active, daughter not thrown out of college yet...okay..Health? Same old, same old. Not feeling well but then again never do. Relationships: nope, husband and I are fine. No new issues, no new arguments....Work? Again, nothing new. Always some client who is screaming at me; freaking out over a $50 discrepancy in their invoice--acting like it's the end of the world. Unpleasant, but hardly unexpected or unique. World Events: different date, same old stuff. Can't watch the news channels anymore; the media is hell-bent on whipping up the public into a hysteria of fear.

So...WHAT? Why am I having chest pains, trouble catching my breath, shaky hands? Why do I feel sad and upset; exhausted & yet agitated at the same time? It's baffling, and I hate it. 'Free-floating anxiety'; the feelings without the facts. Emotions divided by zero; and what does one do when it's Monday morning at 9 am and you don't have time to do yoga, or light candles, or lie down? You have to drag your body into the shower, pull out the blow dryer, (not at the same time), get dressed in a business suit and forge out into the world so you can make money and pay your bills. I just white knuckle my way through it. The older I get, the more pessimistic and cynical I'm becoming. Seems like life is just 'one damn thing after another.'

But I'm drifting off topic. Not really sure I said anything!

Interesting what Franky said about the pill. I was on it for years and I was always full of anxiety, moody, downright hateful at times. When I stopped the pill I became calmer, until........peri hit, then it was the same anxious out of sort state of mind. Hormones can wreck havoc on our mental state. I didn't want to leave the house this time last year, wouldn't answer the phone, felt a state of dread all the time but now that I'm 1 year without a period my moods, crying jags, and state of mind are much better. Theres still some physical symptoms that come and go, but thank goodness the anxiety has lessened. This topic is very informative. Thanks

Fin

When I feel the anxiety coming on, it's always because of some symptom I'm having at the time......palps, tingling, pain, whatever. My thinking almost always goes like this: " What if this is REALLY something serious and not just a peri symptom?" I can almost feel my anxiety level rising when this happens. I don't know what I'd be like if it wasn't for being on a low dose of Buspar on a daily basis. I've also had to resort to half a Xanax on many occasions....

Floater,

I couldn't agree with you more nor could I have said it better.

Nancy

Hmmmmmm interesting .............

I'm in the same boat as Franky and finola. The only other time in my life that I had anxiety like this was when I was trying to take the BCP. It's hormonally driven for sure. It struck me again 2 years ago during a 6 month stint using Progesterone cream that just didn't agree with me (much like the BCP didn't) and now I've been left with all sorts of hormonal issues. I had a good few months recently and thought I was on the right path to some degree of normality but this period all heck has broken loose again .....

Health anxiety is rampant, constipation is now my new main issue fueling all kinds of weird thoughts and what if's.....I'm just so done with all of this and I'm only coming up 42, I don't want another 10 years of this............I want to live my 40s not crawl drag myself through them.........I feel cheated .......I feel defeated .........

Rox

What goes through my mind is very simple -- Death. I'm convinced that I'm dying. I sit there knowing that this is the end, wishing I had more time than 47 years, wondering what it will finally be like (will it be peaceful or painful), how my friends and family will react to the news, and how I know how devastated my parents will be. I wonder whether I should quickly write some kind of note about my burial wishes. I get curious on what the sensation is -- is my heart about to stop, is it a stroke that will just paralyze me rather than kill me? Do I have some kind of infection or virus eating away my organs? If I'm in the car when it happens, I hope and pray I don't hit anyone else with the car when I go. If I'm at work, I pray that someone will see I'm in distress and that they will call an ambulance. If I'm at home, I worry that I'll lay here for days before anyone finds me (I live alone and don't have lots of company). I get concerned that I haven't completed my will, and that my house is a mess, and my family will have to wade through so much junk I've collected over the years.

As you can see, I'm having a hard time. I've been on Effexor for about 3 months now, and it's made such a HUGE difference. I still have some health anxiety, but it doesn't completely take over my brain. I've only had 3 panic attacks bad enough to break through the medication, while I was having multiple attacks a day before. I consider that progress. I hope I don't have to be on this forever, but if that's the choice over what I was going through before, I'll take this stuff until I'm 100.

I see that so many of we women "of a certain age" are going through very similar anxiety problems. It's so obvious to us, and yet I can't understand why severe anxiety isn't listed as a major symptom in the standard menpause information along with the hot flashes and vaginal dryness.

Hi All,

I really appreciate everyone's honesty in answering this question. I find that I fit into a lot of the scenario's mentioned, and I find it comforting to know that I am not alone.

I am honored that everyone has opened up to the question.

THE MOLL.

This is an interesting thread - but does anyone have anxiety that leads with the physical symptoms before the crazy thinking starts? My body rises into panic fight/flight mode before I am even able to think of anything. Then it kind of happens in reverse - I feel the physical panic then I scan my mind for what could potentially be wrong. That's when the crazy thinking starts and we're "off to the races"

Pookish

oh ;yes, big time. I feel a sudden rush, then it can go anywhere, my weird head feeling, tingling in the arms, jello legs, palps, floating feelings, etc. then, my mind races into heart attack, stroke, etc. I was given xanax by my doctor and resisted for a LONG time, but now use it if necessary and it helps alot. I feel if I can relax myself now, it saves damage I may doing to my body in the long run. Good luck.

Webalina, you have said so eloquently exactly how I feel during an attack, regardlesss of what may or may not provoke it.

At first, I feel like I can't breathe. My heart pounds so hard I can feel it in my eyeballs. I start to feel weak and faint. I still can't breathe. I think that I will be dead in a few minutes. If I am driving, I have to pull over. If I am at work, I sit down at my desk. If I am at home. I lay down. This way I won't have so far to fall when I pass out. I'm gulping for air now, and praying that death will be painless and quick. The pounding of my heart is deafening. I feel hot and nauseous. I can't see a thing, even though my eyes are wide open. I am still afraid to die, but a feeling of relief somehow comes over me. I hear a sound in my ears like rushing wind, and my world goes black and silent.

Armadillo - you've described exactly what happens to me!
Thanks!
Are you at home again?
How are you doing?
I do pray that you're feeling more at peace with yourself and life.
Hugs, Jonie

Thanks, Jonie. Yes, I am back at home, slowly adjusting to life "on the outside". I am stable on my meds right now, and as long as I keep to a daily schedule and routine, I should be OK. I will be back to work next month.