Hey girls,

I have been having some rage issues lately and honestly don't know if they are real, or if they are hormonally driven! I felt like I had really bad PMS, but I am over 11 months since my last period, so pretty sure PMS isn't the culprit here. I do have some new life stresses to deal with....hubby got laid off, and decided to be depressed and lay on the couch. It infuriated me! There is lots of work that needs to be done around the house, he could have been helping with that...or looking for a new job! I even asked him to move his sorry butt into the bedroom so I didn't have to LOOK at him laying on the couch.

I was SO angry!! I realize he was depressed and feeling bad about himself, but I just didn't think laying on the couch was productive at all! And this coming from a person who spent 2 months immobilized by anxiety and panic! I think I was kind of unreasonable and unfair...but I was seething with rage...it was horrible!! I have to say though...since then he has been up off the couch, helping around the house and looking for a job! So apparently my little freakout did have a positive impact on him in the long run!!!

I am using estrogel and prometrium. I thought maybe the P was causing the rage, so stopped it two days ago...and already I am having hot flashes again! And I thought it was the lack of E that caused flashing, not P! I am not as angry, but then hubby isn't laying about anymore. Sheesh! Was I just really mad at him for acting like a bum? I just don't know. I am thinking I won't make it a week off the P if these flashes come back with a vengance!

Well, if anyone else is confused about their rage being real, or hormonally driven I would love to hear from you...it would be good to know I am not alone in my confusion.

Floater

Hi Floater,

How I look at it is this:
The rage is there because the problems are, but normally I am too darn placid to say anything, and I let family and others walk all over me.
So when my hormones are raging, I get a lot of things sorted out.
I don't consider it a bad thing at all.
Saying that I don't have major issues but I do notice that when I am on my own, I have no rage

You sound pretty normal to me.

Caroline

I believe rage is part of our passage at this stage of life. I'm not sure why but I've seen it for myself. Perhaps it is something about reclaiming our power. For me the practice has been to really SIT with the anger and rage as it arises -- without acting on it, just noticing what it feels like IN THE BODY. For me I can literally FEEL the currents of energy sometimes trapped in small places in my abdomen or shoulders or throat. If I can for a moment drop the story line which goes with the anger (usually he/she needs to CHANGE xyz PDQ!) then I can just experience the RAW ENERGY of ANGER all on it's own. It takes on quite a different quality when we can just be with the energy and not the story of anger as it rises ... and yes does fall away even without action.

I've worked with friends who were caught in a bio-chemical anger state and in our conversation, I ask them "Where do you feel this rage in your body?" When they can place the area, I ask them what color it might be, or shape or how fast it is moving. Then I ask a strange sounding question ... "If this energy could move, where would it want to move?" Often the answer is down one of their arms and perhaps out the finger tips. We take a moment to visualize the energy moving together and then within a few more deep breaths it completely vanishes. Once the bio-chemical part of the surge has past, the issue (if it remains at all) can usually be addressed in a way that wasn't even available to them during the rage storm.

Darn! I should have tried that energy visualization myself this morning when I was trapped in my own bio-chemical fear. I totally forgot and instead blamed myself for the feelings and old habits. Many thanks for giving me chance to remember how to take better care of myself.

Peace.
~EM

Caroline - You are so right! The problems ARE there. We're not imagining them and it's good you use the feelings to propel you into action! That sounds like what you did Floater. (My opinion is men are generally such big babies anyway.) EM, I like your approach of trying to sit with the feelings and do some identifying. I will definitely have to try that. My own response to RAGE extraordinare has been that I have to "walk it out". It feels so uncomfortable to me, like it's all encompassing, that I have to go outside and after walking for awhile I'm calm enough to think rationally.

I will definitely monitor myself the next time I feel this way. You all are amazing.
Adair

Thank you for your responses, I appreciate it!

I believe there is some truth in the fact that rage sometimes can help solve a problem. In this particular case, it did get the man off the couch. And I really am tired of everyone expecting me to carry their burdens. It is time for them to be more self reliant.

EarthMother, I have always used rage to clean my house. I rage clean!! It is a physical outlet for all that pent up energy, and at least it is productive behaviour. If I think about where it lies inside of myself, I would say in my upper torso...as far as where does it want to travel?? Well I have no idea...into cleaning the house! I have on occasion had to leave the house during rage...but it has almost always been during PMS, back in the olden days when I had PMS

This rage may have been real....certainly it grew from a real issue. You would think between the ADs, the L-theanine and the hormones...I wouldn't feel rage like that!! Unless I was just really mad...cuz I was really mad! Oh well, anger is a real emotion and shouldn't be suppressed. Why is it only ok to express positive feelings, not negative ones as well? I think I interpret anger as being unhappy...and that is not necessarily correct. I think a person can be happy overall and still feel anger. Oh my, am I sounding as confused as I am feeling?? I also hate feeling like I am not in contro of myself, and rage is not a feeling one can control very effectively....although it still beats the heck out of anxiety and panic!!

Thank you again ladies! I am grateful for the support.

Floater

Well, it is sooo good to have finally found the right place! In the rage department I can so totally relate to "all of the above" ! Why is it that females are expected to write "welcome" across their bodies and just lie down at the door? I, for one, find this rage and speaking my mind - on the spot - to be a right of passage and right. Why indeed are we "expected" to know where every thing is, how to operate all household appliances, clean up after and just "naturally" cater to - what should be self-sufficient, sovereign human beings?!
I read in another post "That her #1 priority is no longer her husband or even her children but herself. She can act so selfish at times that it shocks me to this day because she really wasn't like that. But I have learnt (am learning?) to not make it a confrontational issue and just leave her alone when she needs to act like a spoilt child." I think we are finally standing up for ourselves and seeing the world with (well, after the fog, sweats, rage, tears and exhaustion) clear and self-recognised eyes. Its ok to honor yourself - first.

More from me later!

Floater... i hope you don't have to 'rage' at your husband again too soon... i feel it at times too, not against my husband, but just little things, like webpages not coming up fast enough! makes me want to dash my mouse to the floor, or beat it against my desk!! silly hey? i laugh at myself afterwards, but the rage is real at the time, and i know i cannot give in to feelings like that as my desk is a solid sheet of glass..

i even bought a couple of chunks of rose quartz, as i read that it is supposed to help with anger... now, i have never believed in the power of crystals before, but was willing to give it a go! lol... i put them right in front of me here where i type, on the tray under the monitor, of course it hasn't helped, only yesterday i wanted to bash my mouse again!

good luck girl..

I can only say that after my last child ,I developed PMS.At that time they said that woman who go through bad Pms will probably have a difficult menopause.Don't know if that's true but it happened to me.Doing visualization and yoga are great.

Floater,

You're not alone. I can relate to the rage!! It is hard not to get mad when we have to take care of everyone else and deal with all the hormonal issues. Hope you are feeling better.

Cindy

OMG. I am in big trouble then. I had PMS so bad, I called my gyn's office and told them I was coming in NOW. No, I did not want to make an appointment, because I almost stabbed my husband with a phillips head screwdriver, does that sound like I can wait?!?!?!?? That was ten years ago, and I only told my poor husband how close I came to ruining a good screw driver maybe a year ago. We had a good laugh about it, but deep inside it really wasn't funny to me. Hormones helped. When the time comes, if needed, I will do bio-identical hormones. The hell I went through is not worth avoiding whatever risks the patch has. I cannot/will not live like that again or make my family suffer again.

I'm having a really good day, btw, which I have come to cherish when they happen. No crazy food binges, mood swings, rages. Thank you guardian angel!

Floater, I had the same situation with my husband a few years ago. My situation was a little different than yours, but there are also a lot of similarities. I'm six years younger than my husband, so he was able to retire earlier than I because he was also lucky enough to have a buy-out at the time and he bought five years so he could go even sooner. I still work full time and have been at my job almost 25 years.

When my husband retired, he started to sit around the house and do nothing all day. At first, I told myself things like he deserved to do that; he had worked hard for decades; he deserved to enjoy some free time, and so on. I have to clean the whole house myself in addition to working, but at first I didn't expect too much from him. He'd never done much of the cleaning anyway. However, I secretly started feeling a little resentful as time went on. He had nothing to do all day now and it seemed reasonable to expect him to help me out. But I kept my mouth shut about it. His "relaxation" began to increase; he was never out of bed anymore when I left for work, and he'd stay in bed until noon. If I called him at lunchtime, he'd say he had just gotten up. He used to shower every day, but he started skipping days and he'd wear the same clothes morning and night. He'd be slumped in front of the TV when I got home, and he had absolutely nothing to say. After about six months of this, I started to get irritated. He wouldn't even help me at all; I'd ask him to do ONE THING all day, like something around the house that would take him 10 minutes, or could he go to the store (he had ALL DAY to do it) and pick something up so I didn't have to do it after work. He wouldn't do it.

I tried leaving him a written list with three or four things on it. He laughed and balled the list up in his fist and tossed it across the room. He started getting really mean. We had never quarreled that much in our 20 years of marriage, and now we were having fights every night. It got to where I avoided talking to him at all after work; I used to tell him little things that happened in my day and like that, but now I did not even want to speak for fear of setting him off.

Well, to make a short story long, he was crashing with depression. I didn't know it then, and he happened to go to the doctor for something else and he started sobbing uncontrollably in the doctor's office. The doc put him on an SSRI and the rest is history. It really turned him around! I won't say he's even THAT great at helping me now, LOL, but he's much better than he was! If I ask him to do something, he will do it.

Now I'm looking forward to retiring and staying home, too. Maybe in two more years. I'm hoping.

OMG. I am in big trouble then. I had PMS so bad, I called my gyn's office and told them I was coming in NOW. No, I did not want to make an appointment, because I almost stabbed my husband with a phillips head screwdriver, does that sound like I can wait?!?!?!?? That was ten years ago, and I only told my poor husband how close I came to ruining a good screw driver maybe a year ago. We had a good laugh about it, but deep inside it really wasn't funny to me. Hormones helped. When the time comes, if needed, I will do bio-identical hormones. The hell I went through is not worth avoiding whatever risks the patch has. I cannot/will not live like that again or make my family suffer again.

"The hell I went through"

At the age of 42 1/2 (am now 44 1/2 can you tell I have small children?) my "light symptom" girlfriends tried to warn me...but no one anywhere close to me or in the world that I knew of could have described the brick wall that I HIT - one day - BAM! In retrospect I can see that it was slowly sneaking in over the years but when it hit I was crazy, exhaused, enraged, craving, craven almost drooling and I was afraid that I was going to do serious harm to some one I loved. I went to my reg. doctor and all he wanted was to put me on low level hormones (he did not offer any alternatives even though my mother died from metastasized breast cancer that was estrogen dependent) Oh, and charge me extra for discussing something not "general".

Yes, it is getting better (I am trying high does of SAM-E) but I did have PMS of varying degrees pretty much since day one. I have to abstain from all metabolisim boosters (aka: diet pills), energy enhancers, excessive caffine and alcohol AND I must practice my "inner stilling" and being present in my body so that I can stop and evaluate before I slip over that edge into "turned inside-out rage monster".

My husband is now visting this site (gotta point him to the exact spots he needs to go) and is benefiting - it is benefitting both of us.

I am happy to share this much needed space with all who need it (about 51-100% of humans).

Hey it is nice to know I am not alone with the rage! I am feeling less angry now, and hope it was just a blip on the radar, and not a hint of things to come. I know my mother had some rage issues during menopause, but with the right hormone cocktail she is just fine now. I hope I will be the same. My man is still not working, but I am not saying anything as he has been helping around the house (and tell me why it is "helping" when they do it....but it is just "expected" from us?? That really really makes me mad!!!!)cooking, so that is something!

I don't have the answer but speaking from experience, I can say that when I'm stressed out and not feeling good I have more flare ups with rage. I can go months without them then bang zoom, they come fast and furious, even after my period ends. Now, I have the rages before, during and after the period. Other times nothing. My doctor prescribed Risperdal for the rage and it really helps. I have the melt tablets, you just put them on your tongue and they melt and deliver the medication really fast. I have the lowest dose available, but he said that if I don't feel relief after 1 to take another and so I do. That usually does it for me, not that I'm nuts about taking more meds. but sometimes the rage is too much to handle like at work and snapping at my DH.

My first post here, and I'm so glad to see I'm not alone in this nor am I bi-polar! I'm taking progesterone and I feel better, but I continue to rage over certain triggers. I can't let go of a lot of things that upset me this past year, but where I was able to handle the issue at the time, now I go into a complete rage over it.

I feel my anger is justified, but, as my husband puts it, it's overblown. I'm a stick of dynamite with a very short fuse. I have no control over my feelings or myself when I get like this and I really hate it. During the rage I'm sure I can feel my blood pressure rising. After the rage is over, I'm exhausted. Most times I just want to run away and go someplace where no one knows me. I'm tired of having to apologize.

It's reassuring to know it's hormonal -- just wish there was a better cure!

i have pans that are dented from being banged against my concrete kitchen counter. thankfully the tibolone that i am taking has helped SOOOOOOO much. my OB/GYN says that rage is indeed part of it ~ its intensity terrified me and was probably the last straw that convinced me to try medication that i was so scared to take.

Good morning, Floater! It has been about 3 years since I've been on this site. Received a birthday greeting this morning which brought me back. I'm glad I did. I just read your posting and I can totally relate. 2.5 years ago my marriage broke up. I am still perimenopausal after 8 years! And the rage over the last 3 years has been terrible. Friends told me I was out of control. Diagnosed with lack of serotnonin and norepenephrine. Now taking anti-depressants BUT... I wonder if it all relates to menopause and I could have gotten away without the meds.
Saddest thing is that I have alienated a lot of people because of my rages. Now trying to mend fences and get my life back.

Hang in there and know that you are not alone.

im new and not sure how to ask a question of my own on this topic.
i want to know if it is normal to fly into uncontrolable rages due to pre-menopause?
im afraid i am going to lose a wonderful man due to this. we have only been together for 6 months. I don't want him to believe this is "who i am." what can help curb these outbursts? i do have a doc appt jan 14.
thank you

Welcome!

Yes, it's quite normal. When this happened to me about 11 years ago at the first stages of peri, I spoke to my doctor and he put me on a low dose Birth control pill and it helped immediately. I've also heard some say that OTC progesterone cream like Progest helps but some ladies on here say that it has made them worse.

To open up a new topic, You should see a "New Topic" button on the left once you are in the board discussions and pick a subcategory.

Dear 'Rita Riggs'

Welcome to the Forum.I know you are going to find it very helpful and informative filled with savy,caring ladies

Now to your question.Yes,the bursts of rage are part of Menopause.They are bourne of frustration and anxiety as the hormones fluctuate.I felt better when I started my HRT but you might well find alternatives that work equally as well or better

Meanwhile, have a frank talk with your partner.You might be surprised at how understanding he will be and at least he will know the rage is not directed at him

Keep Posting
Good Luck with Drs.appointment
Best Wishes
Elizabeth