I just need to vent so thank you for being here for me to do so.
I am just so tired, and feeling depressed this morning. I don't even have a job outside the home, and asked my husband, "how do yall do it everyday?"..... (because in my mind I'm feeling so depressed and incapable of all those extra responsibilities that I think I just couldn't handle it at this point), and he says, "We're grownups - we just do it". I said, "I'm just so tired", and he answers...." well, they say if you are tired, exercise is supposed to help and that's something you haven't tried".

Okay...I know all that - but I guess that just wasn't the empathetic answer I wanted to hear, and yes I DO need to exercise on a regular basis. What is wrong with me? I'm too sensitive to mere comments such as those when that's not even a "mean" comment at all. It still hurt my feelings though.

I need to "buck up" , "soldier on"...but today I just am in a down mood. I'm mad at myself for even feeling like this when I have so many blessings, and yet....maybe this is hormonal, and this too shall pass.

The fatigue is overwhelming at times, isn't it? Not always, but sometimes.

Dear Depression and Fatigue,

Oh honeygirl, I know just how you feel. All of it. Depressed, tired, overly-sensitive-- all of it. As hard as it is to actually motivate to do so, and as much as I hate to suggest it right now, knowing full well that it will seem like more of the same from your husband, I have found that exercise does help alot- and the truth is, you only have to start out small. Don't think you need to go workout for an hour. Give yourself 15 minutes to start. I drive myself to our town beach and walk the beach roads where there are gorgeous houses and I pay attention to the details of the landscaping and the houses, in between seeing the water...it just takes my mind away. If you cannot motive to do that (and believe me there are days, when I cannot)- then I say find a girlfriend to talk to about ANYTHING- just to get yourself out of the funk for a short while. We need our "YaYa's" now more than ever.

For the last 6 months I have wondered if I didn't need AD's and was freaking out about taking them, and so I have tried everything but...exercise, meditation, therapist.... and this week, I have definitely had more better days than bad days. It can be a FULL TIME JOB coping with peri.... and sometimes I just get so mad at that fact-

This website is new to me just this week, but in this last week I have found more solace and support here, than anywhere- so keep writing and we will be here for you. You are not alone in this. It will get better- I promise

I was in that funk for about 3 months......... it is exhausting to be exhausted! Finally got myself back to the Gym 2 days ago after not being there for a year. Cannot wait to go today! The depression is really lifting. I Hope you can get enough energy to take a few babysteps and you will get it back.
Hope you feel better soon!
Carolyn

Dear ss,

I can so empathize with how you are feeling. And I don't think that trying to deny those feelings or punishing yourself for those feelings does a bit of good.

I find that acknowledging what I am feeling is the best first step to moving in another direction. Don't be afraid to feel bad--as bad as you want. Ask yourself what small thing you could do to improve your mood. My therapist told me to try to distract myself when I am feeling blue. I find that it works tremendously well. Most of the time, if I do something--anything--I find that I can do something a little bit more challenging as time goes on.

I am sorry you are having a tough patch. Please feel free to PM me any time.

Marcy

Hey SS,
So sorry you are feeling so blue! Everything these wonderful women have said is true - it just has to start with one tiny step........

I read this study where they took a group of people diagnosed with fairly mild depression. They put some on AD's and some on the treadmill 4-5 times a week. Guess what?? Both groups improved the same amount! So if we can do it without meds, it's worth a try. (But I think meds are also invaluable at times!)

Hang in there. Sometimes it just helps to know there's somebody listening, right? And we all sure are.
Adair

hey girls,

I am usually one of the positive posters on here. I dragged myself up from the pit of despairs caused by menopause, family tragedy and stress from a kid with a heart condition...it was really bad...I ended up in a bad bad place. I have tried it ALL to get back on track....Paxil, Ativan, L-Theanine, Vitamins, BHRT, exercise.

And all of these things have helped, helped a great deal, in fact. But today I am not feeling very good. I am feeling very saddened by a client having a heart attack and a friend's son being killed in a skiing accident....I haven't felt this blue for some time. Feeling tired (only got 5 hours sleep), feeling bummed out, feeling overhelmed by everything. And all of this makes me feel like a big fat loser!!! I thought I had gotten beyond this!! To say I am frustrated is beyond understating things.

I can only hope tomorrow will be a better day.

Hey Floater and all,
I'm feeling really blah today too. Is it the moon, post-holiday let down, hormones, sleep deprivation......all of the above plus our lives in general? It's nice to know I'm not alone. I hate this feeling because it seems like I'm 'wallowing' or stuck in quick sand unable to move.

I need to take my own advice and go out in the sunshine. The walls of my office are closing in on me. I had very little sleep last night, ate too much for lunch, and just want to go home and curl into the fetal position!!

Is a little self-pity allowed?
Adair

Adair! Yes it is, I am doing it too....a little wallowing and curled up on the couch!

Thanks for all the ones who responded to my venting about terrible fatigue and depression. I appreciate all the comments and the helpful support. Truly it is encouragment and support that help me to feel better - someone to understand how I'm feeling because they have "been there" too.
I really do need to get motivated and start exercising. Every now I then I begin a small exercise program on my own, then after about a week or so...I tend to get "un-motivated" and stop it. I"m not sure why. I like how many of you mentioned just taking "a small step" or "baby steps". That is a good bit of advice and is not as overwhelming to think about .
Somehow I did make it through the day without feeling too terribly depressed, but I must say I do hope I get a good night's sleep tonight and hopefully feel better tomorrow. I hope you all do as well.

I'm going to check in later. Right now I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to a class on managing Depression. I'm very anxious about going! I'll let you know how it goes. I'll tell you right now, if it is too depressing, I'm not going back!

Just wanted to check in and say I had the flu last week when I was feeling so terrible! So no wonder I was so down...I was sick!! This has been a much better week. Not that the situations of real life have changed, but not being sick makes it easier to bare, thats for sure!!

Hang in there everyone.

I know how you feel my friend. I have moments like this myself and the last thing I want to hear is advice. I know loved ones want to help and sometimes they don't know what to do to help, support or advise us. My husband does his best but I think most of the time he hasn't got a clue. He doesn't function well with or interact well with the kids if I'm not managing well. I guess he just worries and feels a little helpless. Now for some practical advice. Yes, I found that exercise does help. Whilst it's the last thing I want to do and it can take a while to get motivated to even get to the front door, I do push myself. Just a little at a time. Don't do anything strenuous. Keep it gentle. When I'm at my worst, I put some nice gentle music on so I can walk to a nice rythm. I don't go far and I might walk up and down the path a couple of times but I do go. I've gone off the coffee and have green tea instead. The thing that helped me the most was to find something meaningful to do every day. I took up beading. It was inexpensive and it didn't matter if I didn't finish a piece every day. I'd make sure I'd get myself out of bed and straight into the shower and put make up on. I have been better since being on progesterone cream and increased my vitamin B intake.
Make sure dear friend that you that you're kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up because you're depressed. It's not easy pulling one's self out of depression coz it's not something that you can snap out of. Depression needs kindness, comfort and loving care. Sometimes depression needs to be treated with medication. I do believe hormones have played a huge part in my suffering with depression. It's still largely misunderstood as a medical condition. Please take care and know that your pals on this site are here if you need us.
Hugs...lots and lots of hugs
Gabby

So, how are you feeling today?

My Depression class was not as depressing as I feared. I do feel a little guilty though. I don't have the stressors that some do, so my depression, well, there doesn't seem to be a reason for it. My problems are not that bad, relative to some in the class. I know the hormonal stuff is making it worse, but it just seems like I have no right to be depressed, because so many people are dealing with so much worse! Some of the people in the class are dealling with some serious stuff. The man next to me lost his wife to cancer a couple of years ago. The woman on the other side of me -- she has a daughter in Irag and a son who is mentally ill. And her sister had a stroke and is in a vegetative state, and she's taking care of her sister's two kids. AND she's going through menopause. So, my problems don't seem so bad compared to that. Yet, I am still depressed, and having trouble functioning. Not living the kind of life I want to be living.

We were given an assignment to do belly breathing every day until next week, and also something good for ourselves. I decided I would make a pot of soup either tomorrow or Friday.

Anyway, I've been forced to make some changes, this depression has lasted waaayyy too long. And then I started getting horrible anxiety on top of it. So, being tired of being tired, I started taking Rhodiola and l-theanine -- suggested here on Powersurge -- and the energy level is better. I go to an excercise class a couple of times a week, but it was tough going, it was hard to get through the class, but that has gotten better too. I have given up my Diet Coke and switched to drinking tea. That is really a big thing for me. I've been thinking I should give up the Diet Coke for oh, about 20 years now! And lately, I'm trying not to eat very much sugar. Don't feel like it as much anyway, because of the herbs and the Revival Soy I'm taking -- these things make me feel full. The Diet Coke and the sugary stuff -- it seems they make my heart skip beats. At least I think there is a connection.

Anyway, I'm still depressed, but the energy level is much better. And the depression is not as deep. Feeling more moments of happiness. But, it seems like it doesn't take long to get knocked down. I can go from feeling pretty good to feeling terrible in a few seconds, and nothing even has to happen to cause it, I just start thinking sad thoughts. ERGHHH! And the crying. I've never cried so much as I have in the past year.

Well, I'm working on it. The next step is to find a therapist. That is hard for me. I want to do it, but it is awfully hard to make that phone call.

I'm rambling. I think it is time for bed. G'night my friends. Tks. for listening. I hope we all get through this and are stronger and better people for it.

HI, I read here and just wanted to say that I admire you! WOW! You are taking so much action to help yourself and that is pretty good when sometimes the last thing you feel like doing (as least I do) is getting out of bed!

It is inspiring...and I bet in a few more weeks you will be posting that you yet again are feeling a bit better....It is so hard, I can fully appreciate that....good for you!

It's Very good that you are helping yourself. The course on depression sounds like it will help you. Try not to compare yourself with people that seem to have worse problems than you;easy to say, I know. The way you feel is the way you feel and is not any less important than their's. I was once told by a therapist that your problems are not any less important than somone else's even if their's seem worse.

I understand about feeling depressed. It's so hard to do anything and I identify with your statement about the depression not being as deep but then it doesn't take much to be knocked down. I find that part of me is scared to relax and trust because I never know when it's going to come back; like being on edge most of the time.

I just watched a TV Show called "Brothers and Sisters" with Sally Field and Rob Lowe. I got right into it and forgot about everything else. Usually, I can't relax and am afraid. Depressed too.

It's so important to watch what you eat etc; Great that you gave Up the Diet Coke!! That is a huge change. Every thing helps. Your message helps me because I so identify. I feel like crying because I am not alone.

Jan

My Depression class was not as depressing as I feared. I do feel a little guilty though. I don't have the stressors that some do, so my depression, well, there doesn't seem to be a reason for it.

Favorite things - I appreciate your honest statement ( above) about feeling guilty about being depressed. I also don't feel like I have a "good enough" reason for being so depressed at times, and yet... it happens. I KNOW I am not eating correctly though - I am eating way too much sugar and chocolate, and am not exercising enough. I must do better.

Here's my newest (shallow though it is) overwhelming concern: my husband coaches our school's Jr. Varsity softball team, and we have some home games coming up on Monday....and for some reason I feel like people think (although they probably don't) being the coach's wife I should be in charge of the concession stand. I have another friend who is willing to help me get it all together...and yet...I feel like I just can't do it. I feel totally overwhelmed thinking of ALL the details involved. I mentioned it to my husband and he said, "just don't do it if it is going to cause you any stress (he doesn't want to hear me complain about it)". He told me we could post a sign up on the door and say there is a store just down the road. OH...that would make people so mad! Anyway..... these are the kinds of minor things that can make me want to go jump off the ledge. That's how stressed I can get over minor problems when I'm feeling hormonally and situationally depressed. Then I feel guilty for not being a capable person to handle life better than I do. I have it so easy compared to others, and yet.... even on Prozac....I still don't cope well at times. Oh the guilt, the guilt....

Thanks for listening. I appreciate reading everyone's posts and how you all deal with your own fatigue and depressive episodes. From what I read here.....exercise truly helps. I started exercising about a month ago, but fell out of the habit once again. I need to do it everyday!
Sandy

sscmack26,

I don't think you should be in charge just because your the coach's wife. When my daughter was involved in volleyball, the parents took turns bringing snacks for the kids so that no one person was left doing all the work. In the beginning of the season, the coach would have a meeting with the parents and players and at this time, parents would sign up at what practice/game they wanted to bring goodies.

Anyway, just a thought.

Plumeria

I agree. The parents should be stepping up. Maybe you could have your husband--since it is HIS job--post a sign or send home a handout asking parents to sign up for games, etc. There is no reason this should fall on your shoulders just because you are someone's wife. Only do it if you WANT to do it.

Can you call one parent, who in turn could call another and so forth, like a phone tree? Instead of having a fully stocked concession stand, sell bottles of water and bags of chips. That's it. Nobody has to reinvent the wheel here. The parents should be doing this, IMHO. It's their kids were talking about, after all.

My daughter is in marching band, and I've seen the band director's wife at one competition. None of the parents has the expectation that she will do what we should be doing. It isn't her job! Nobody talks about her or is mad that she doesn't make cookies or serve meals, etc. You owe NO ONE an explanation either.

I know what it's like to feel that you just can't do what you THINK is expected of you, but guess what? It feels so good to say NO once you get used to it! Give yourself a break for a while, then get back into things with baby steps. Make it something that YOU are interested in, not something you feel obligated to do.

Remember, it's O.K. to say no.

Thank you all for your sweet responses about my concession stand stress-out dilemma. :-) I appreciate your encouragment and advice so very much! My wonderful friend who also has a daughter on the team will be in charge and doesn't want me to stress about it ( I feel guilty about that though because she does so much stuff already) , and she said other moms on the team would help also. I guess I just feel like I "should" (those nasty "shoulds" in life) be able to handle it all by myself. I've seen some women who can do that, but I am not one of them. I am such a people pleaser though and I don't want people to think bad thoughts about me, like I'm not "measuring up" , or fulfilling expectations (mainly my own I suppose). Anyway...I'm sure it will somehow all work out. I don't think I've ovulated this month therefore - less estrogen in my system and that really makes me feel so much worse. Thank God for my prozac pills, and I really mean that. Those new studies that were released this week about antidepressants not really working....are wrong in my opinion. Prozac has truly helped me! Sandy

Boy, do I ever know how you feel. I teach a singing class (volunteer) sometimes, once a week after school, and I love doing it, but wow, there was a time about a year ago when I just was staring at all the music and everything and didn't have a clue how to organize the stuff even though I've been doing this for several years, off and on, and like I said, it's something I enjoy and WANT to do! I taught it again this fall with the help of another parent, and it was better. Last year also, I had some terrible bouts of forgetfulness (showed up at a couple of appointments on the wrong day, for example). I mentioned it to an older woman and she told me it happens, but it does get better. And it has.

Please let your friend help you. You know you wouldn't hesitate to help someone else who was feeling overwhelmed if you could, and you will be able to again, one of these days. Now is the time, though, for you to let others do for you!

I am reading a wonderful self help book, Feeling Good, by David Burns. It is about dealing with all these negative thoughts that are such a big part of depression and feeling hopeless. Our thinking really gets off track when we are feeling down, and recognizing these thoughts and teaching yourself to think about yourself and your situation differently is one of the keys to change. I'm not describing it very well, but I am finding it describes depression very well and gives some practical tools for change. Wow. What power there is in the messages we give ourselves, in our *self-talk*. It is reinforcing what I have been learning in my depression class, which as I noted earlier, has turned out not to be another depressing thing to have to do, which I had feared it would be. My last class is next week. I dreaded going to it, but now I am sorry to see it end.

I believe you should all definetly let others step up and help. First of all, if your husband is spending his time coaching, I think your family has done their part. Yes, he's doing it for your daughter but you guys don't have to do it all.
I, too, have been a people pleaser my whole life, and now, only the past year, have I decided to only do what I have to do and want to do. It has become clearer now that I have entered this phase of life. It is rough to stop and let go, but if you take care of you, then you can take care of your family better. If you feel stressed about it, then it doesn't do anyone any good. Please, don't be so hard on yourself. It's healthy to know when to stop and a good example to show your daughter that you can be strong and say no when you need to. Teaching her not to be a people pleaser will give her a greater sense of self in years to come. I am not telling you how to parent, I just know I hope I am getting that message out to mine as well.