I have not lost my sex drive yet but I probably will soon since sex only seems to lead to frustration for me.
I have not had an orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. The time before that when I did have my last orgasm (geez I hope it wasn't literally "my last") it was more like a barely-there- gasm.

I don't think I have loss of sensation..... everything pretty much feels the same but I just can't quite get there if you know what I mean. I feel like I'm almost there....... and then nothing.
After a while we just give up out of frustration.
Anyone else going through or been through this?

One quick question -
Are you taking any meds.? Any homones. Any antidepressents? When I was taking an AD, I completely lost the ability to have an orgasm, and that usually is not a problem with me. It is better since going off, but still have some troubles with it.

THis could be a factor? If not, I am not sure why the sudden change...sorry!
Di

no antidepressants or other meds. I did start using a vaginal estrogen cream about 5 months ago because of severe dryness but all was good untill about 10 days ago.

Yes, I've had that (while not on any antidepressants or other medications) and testosterone cream fixed it! I did have get my estrogen supplemented first (it keeps the testosterone receptors working) and then the addition of a small amount of T did the trick. It also increases sexual sensitivity and pleasure.

I am with you on that one jasmintea
I completely lost the ability to have an orgasm and indeed lost all sexual sensations after my ovaries were removed.
Since I started the testosterone at a tiny amount and local estriol cream my libido is fantastic-better than it was before my op!
Perimeno-It could be that you have used too much of the estrogen cream. I lost my ability to have an orgasm when I was using vagifem vaginal tablets.
They fixed the atrophy but they also caused side effects after a while such as palpitations and loss of libido.
Maybe you could stop the cream for a couple of weeks and see if your problem goes away. If not then a little testosterone should help.
janet c

Hi Ladies,

I am so afraid of testosterone...... I am so confused with all these hormones and how to balance them???????.... does testosterone make you horney and HAIRY? I never had to wax my lip in my life, was never a hairy person at all........ now with this peri stuff I have to do it once a week!! I also have to shave my legs a lot more often as well......... I could use a labido boost ..... but is it worth all the extra hair. I also went through that no orgasm thing for a while........ it comes and goes.... could use some help there.....
So tell more about this testosterone...........
I will check back soon!
Thanks
Carolyn

where do you all find a doc to prescribe testosterone? my doc said it was not yet FDA approved for women?
I only use the estrace cream once a week so I don't think that I am getting too much. I hesitate to go without it because I did try going off it for a few weeks after 3 months of use and the dryness came back so fast and much worse than it had been before. It was unbearable. I also started leaking urine durring sneezing fits.

Also has anyone done those saliva hormone testing kits that you mail to the lab yourself? I was thinking it might be time to get my levels checked but I don't know if those sites you see online are legit? I hate to do it if it's just a waste of money. My doc only tested my LH and FSH. I wanted my estradiol and progesterone checked.

My testosterone cream comes from a compounding pharmacy, it's cheaper that way than getting one of the T products made for men. Women use a very tiny dose compared to men.

There is at least one testosterone product made for women, Estratest, (combined with estrogen) but the T dose in that is way too high.

I don't know about saliva tests. My doc did blood tests for estradiol, testosterone, free testosterone, etc. An FSH will not tell you if you're in perimenopause.

If you're not happy with your doctor you can find one who is more familiar with bioidentical hormones by getting a referral from a compounding pharmacy.

T cream won't make you more hairy if it's the correct (tiny) dose. When I very briefly used a dose that was too high, I got very angry - that was the only side effect I had from too high a dose, but I was only on it a few days.

It does seem confusing trying to balance all the hormones, but hey - that's what we pay the doctors for, you don't have to figure it out yourself!

When I had my blood work just the few tests they did was 1200 dollars.... I see saliva testing is much less and it would be all I xcould afford right now.
I'm not happy with my doctor but that's a whole other story lol.
I don't know how to find a compounding pharmacy either. I am in a very rural area and there is not much around here and very limited choices for medical care.

Perimeno
Do you live in US?
I am in the UK and we have a new testosterone product which is only approved of in this country at present. It is called Intrinsa and is a patch to be used in conjunction with HRT. It is only approved for women who have had their ovaries removed.
I have not been using it even though I have no ovaries because I am not allowed HRT, but I asked my doctor for natural testosterone gel which is really for men.
I do know that some US doctors will prescribe it if you ask but it does have warnings on it saying it is not to be used by women.
This is because the amount women require is tiny compared to men and it is very difficult to get the dose correct.
It took me a lot of trial and error and i spent months waiting for an overdose to wear off.
I think you should be able to obtain it if you find a sympathetic doctor but be warned- you need the tiniest amount-I only use a little lentil sized dot about once a month.
When I overdosed it made me very agitated and angry and I was not interested in sex at all. At the right dose it works well.

Yes I'm in the USA and my doctor (who I like less and less as time goes on) said there was no testosterone approved for women. I do still have my ovaries too (and uterus)

No there isnt any approved for women in US- but I know for sure that you can get a gel in US called Testim and that some ladies are prescribed it.
I would think the only way is to shop around for another doctor who is more sympathetic.
Please dont give up!

You can go to the website for the International Academy of Compounding Pharmacists and click on "Find a compounding pharmacist" at the top of the page.

Another resource is The Women's International Pharmacy - they are a mail order pharmacy that my doctor uses, and they will mail you a list of docs in your area that prescribe bioidentical hormones along with a packet of information about hormones.

Also Pete Hueseman, Power Surge's "Ask the Pharmacist", can refer you to a doctor in your area. His number is 1.800.728.0288 or you can email him. More info about Pete:

http://www.power-surge.com/asktheexperts/pharmacy.shtml

I see that at the bottom of this page they talk about saliva tests:

http://www.power-surge.com/educate/yourhormones.htm

thanks for the links I'll check them out.

I know what you mean. Even masterbating, it takes a very long time and when it finally arrives it is a ho hum gasm. Sometimes it doesn't arrive at all. BUT, my husband is on testosterone replacement and he started researching about menopause and the lack of testosterone in women. We did a little experiment and put a drop of his gel on my wrists once a day for 3 days and that night we tried sex again to see what would happen. I wasn't expecting any change, but it was like it used to be before menopause. I have an appointment with my physician next week to discuss this matter. Any thoughts anyone?

I have no interest in sex at all.
Louisa

I'm ALMOST glad to know someone else feels the same! Reading these posts was making me think I'm the only one not having sex. I'd sure like to change that, but on the other hand, with the pathetic little orgasms I have I sort of feel it's not worth it. So little bang for my buck. Oh yeah, my poor husband would like to change it, too, but since I'm not taking the lead when it comes to sex (as usual) nothing changes. I guess he's pretty frustrated since I used to be the one jumping him all the time. Now that I could use some help in this department...nothing. Yeah, I'm ranting here.

Me too. I'm in the boat with ya. The experts say it is not just hormones. It's life issues, stresses, making the time, relationship , etc. and also the hormones. Well, once my ovary went bye bye, I noticed that sensations were fading, also I had pain, and I just didn't feel like it after that. Then the relationship went sour. I never thought to look for anything to help then. But now 3 years later I'm trying to heal our relationship and so far I'm behaving better b/c I've stabilized my moods, but b/c its been so long, and b/c it still doesn't feel like it used to, I just can't get the ummph to start anything. And, I was the wild one the the relationship for like 15 years. We had a long, long run. But I know he's angry with me b/c we have no sex life but it' so hard. I read the other day on here about Damiana and Arginmax. I may try that b/f trying testosterone. I have to do something soon.

You mean one drop of the gel works? What's the name of the gel and can it be obtained from pharmacy? Do you know of any aids in liquid form that can boost libido?
Dorothy

speaking of sex, or lack thereof, I am just too exhausted 24/7 to even think about it joan

Since it sounds like you're getting there, but not much is going on...have you tried a vibrator? Maybe you just need a little more stimulation until the hormone situation gets into balance. My ex-guy and I used to play around with one, and while I prefer man over machine, it made a difference when I was having problems with stress or whatever. Plus it added a little spice because my guy actually got a kick out of using it on me, instead of being offended that I would want anything else.

I have this problem alos and its relatively recent. Its frustrating because I used to have such powerful orgasms and now its difficult to obtain one and as another poster said its ho-hum when I finally get there. I am willing to wait it out if I know its going to come back eventually but if I can get some testosterone creme in the U.S I would try it. If anyone knows how/where to get some to try please let me know.

Wow, what an interesting thead..

I've experienced bouts of many of the things listed. Yup. And it was indeed scary to think that I was losing my desire, capacity to orgasm..

Presently, I am feeling more engaged, I supposed...

I find myself interested at the oddest times, to the oddest situations and people..

Yet, its all good I'm ever so pleased to be back with the living, feeling something...

There is another orgasm thread on here and there are some women who have posted who say the ability does come back after your body regulates its hormones. The jury seems to be out on whether its lack of testosterone or lack of estrogen, however. I don't see a doc because I don't trust them and I am hoping my body knows what it is doing. I don't mind hot flashes or night sweats, both of which are mild for me, and I am not irritable anymore, that seems to have passed, but losing orgasm is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!!! I am also, at the age of 48, realizing I am interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with a woman, so this is a big downer for me.

"The jury seems to be out on whether its lack of testosterone or lack of estrogen"

Canda
IT IS LACK OF TESTOSTERONE-DEFINITELY !
Please take my word for it. I have absolutely no estrogen in my system at all now. I had endo cancer two and a half years ago- full hyst- ovaries out and all HRT forbidden. I completely lost all sexual feelings after a year but had a course of low dose testosterone only and all my sexual feelings returned almost immediately. I now have fantastic orgasms and I still don't have any estrogen replacement. I think many women believe that estrogen is what gives the sex drive but actually it is the opposite. Estrogen especially in too high a dose binds up free testosterone and reduces libido.All estrogen is good for is plumping up the vagina and keeping it moist so that sex is comfortable. Any lady who wants to get her sex drive back-trust me-you need a tiny amount of testosterone. Estrogen is not required!
janet c

If there is problem in relationship due to some sexual problem, then it can be solved. Lack of erection, loss of sex drive etc these are some sexual dysfunction. There can be causes like stress , anxiety hormones imbalance etc. Pills are helpful for sexual improvement. Many people have used them.

I read this and it seems so similar to my situation. I am a survivor of Cervical Cancer and had Rad Hysterectomy when I was 29, I am now 37 and DR says NO HRT, deal with it, how cruel can they be. I get stimulated when talking about sex and even during sex, but the last few times i have had a hard time reaching the big "O". I never had a problem with Hubbie with this only unless I was tired or had a drink too many LOL!!! Im going to a DR that is a GYN and an expert on Bioidenticals tommorrow morning, WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!

bfly36

It is awful for you to be in this situation at such a young age!
If it is any consolation to you I had endometrial cancer over three years ago and was not allowed estrogen replacement but I was allowed testosterone a year after my surgery so I can't see why the doctors would forbid it to you now as your cancer is long in the past.
Since my all clear in March I am now also allowed estrogen but I actually don't like the way it makes me feel so I just use a tiny bit vaginally sometimes along with the testosterone and my libido is great!

I DO wish you good luck and I advise you not to give up!

Best wishes
janet c

We are all very different. My docs and I both agree that, for many, it is the Ratio between the hormones that is responsible for many things. I am still in peri (have periods), and supplement with bio (fda) oral and vag estradiol and testosterone.

For me, it was the E that increased lubrication, O's, and sensitivity. E also helped me with sleep and moods. The testosterone slightly (but I'd never really lost it totally) the sex drive AND gives me overall motivation to do otherthings in life. (Have lost that "blah" apathetic mood towards accomplishing goals.) Best wishes to you, JZZ

I think you are right there about the ratio of hormones as too much estrogen in relation to testosterone is a passion killer! However I do agree that estrogen increases lubrication and skin sensitivity in the correct amount.
In my case, as I lost my ovaries, my testosterone levels were on the floor and without it, no amount of estrogen would have made any difference to my libido.
The very fact that I am not using any systemic estrogen with my testosterone, and yet I now have a great libido kind of points to the fact that testosterone has a large part to play. I do find when I use a little vaginal estrogen it definitely can enhance things but if I overdo it then it completely switches me off!

As you say we are all different-but as you are still having periods you are not anywhere near in the same place as either a post menopausal woman or one-like myself and ((( bfly36))) who has had radical surgery. That I am afraid is another country

janet c

Sorry, but I did not say "too much estrogen in relation to T is a passion killer". Please reread my post. But the correct ratios of hormones (whether or not) supplementing (whether in Peri or fully Post) are what is critical for each woman to feel well, (have sex, the "o", etc.) Hope I've clarified what I was trying to say earlier. Regards, JZZ

Another problem that docs never address is that no base line of hormones (or ratios thereof) were taken when we felt good (or before hyster, peri, meno). So when all the hormonal muck hits us it then becomes very difficult to determine what each woman needs to feel well.

And, Janet I really feel for you being thru radical hyster. It's tough, I experienced a smiliar rapid abrupt total "shut down" of my ovaries when I was given the wrong medication while in the hospital. (went from very high hormones levels to nothing very rapidly. Eight months later the ovaries "restarted" but I have been fast forwarded on the peri/meno ride . So some of us have been in "another country" albeit a chemically induced one. NOT fun.)

I was just agreeing with you in principal that hormones have to be balanced.No you did not say "too much estrogen in relation to T is a passion killer".-I did -because it is a fact. You can look it up. Estrogen binds up testosterone and can reduce libido.

You will know what it is like when the ovaries are not producing hormones then -albeit in your case temporarily. It is horrid-isn't it?
I am glad you still have yours and that they are working again to some degree!
janet c

Just an update, I have been going through the same issue that this member is going through. I went yesterday to a GYN that is an expert on BioIdentical. WHEN HE HEARD what the other GYN told me (NO HORMONES NO NOTHING)!!!!! He flipped. He said the cancer I had was not due to hormones but to the HPV Virus, he spent time informing me how peri was affecting my body and libido and guess what i have in my hands......... drum roll...... Estraidol and Testosterone CREAM YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will start tonight because I had to collect urine this morning to send out for a full HORMONAL Test, THANK GOD my insurance just changed and they will cover all these tests.

For the first time in years, my hope is back and just knowing I was going to get better, I actually felt alot better, he said I was too young to be going thru all of this and that all the Biopsy and Poking my other doctor was doing was all unneccessary. Ladies, WE CANNOT LOSE HOPE, that is what we live off every day, If something is not marching correct, let's first start by being easy on ourselves and praying. Then let's read and find out what the main stream doctors dont tell us.

NEXT, Im tired of thinking that I have to be a SEX Maniac all the time and that to be normal I have to have sex almost everyday, PLEASE, I am always comparing myself to other women. Let's accept our own sexuality and be happy that even through ALL these changes we are going through we still have the ability (even if we need a little help here and there of a finger, vibrator or whatever) to still enjoy one of God's most precious gift.

THANX all for sharing your experiences and for letting me know I'm not the only one going through this.

Janet, Thanks for your clarification on how you view things. And, yes Estogen does bind with testosterone. But, again the individual's particular ratio needs to be factored into the equation. E binding up some of the T does Not always kill libido/passion. For example... While some women lose libido/passion/sex drive on a particular bcp many others do not. Same thing can be said for b/hrt. Some will need more E while others less. Same with P or T or anything else. Also, many women lose libido/passion in peri and or meno and it does not always return. But sometimes it does. It's just an endless variation that modern medicine still needs to unravel. No one has all the answers and I don't think in absolute terms in regard to any of this. Basically we don't know what works for our own body until we try something. Let's just hope the next generation has an easier time of this peri/meno ride....

Bfly36, I'm so happy for you and that you have a doctor that understands. Please search some of my responses regarding b/hrt and cancer. (ie - my breast surgeon's response to b/hrt usage in post mastectomy patients. He does NOT refuse hormonal supplementation. etc.) I'm doing much better since on b/hrt and wish you the best. It is indeed a difficult and complicated journed in life.

Sorry that anyone has made you think its the norm to be a sex maniac. And, please don't ever beat yourself up doing comparisons to others! And, you are absolutely correct that we should still have the ability to enjoy one of God's most precious gift. (And, that is yet another reason I supplement with b/hrt. Without it things get dry and can atrophy in the "girly parts.") And I wholeheartedly agree, Hope is a most wonderful thing.... Kind regards, JZZ

I just had to comment, because I have a really lowered sex drive, since my accident May/08, but also since my last period in late Jan./09....BUT, I am having erotic dreams ... like ones I wake up feeling so embarassed about - and have O's in my sleep, what gives with that?? I mean I have all my equipment, no surgery, but why no sex drive through the day, but in my sleep ... it is such an odd thing, and the dreams are bizarre, needless to say. I never even think of sex anymore, and get really anxious when every sitcom or movie or show has to talk about SEX SEX SEX and her not liking it and him not doing it enough - it is like the BIG ELEPHANT in my life. I feel like I am letting my husband down so much and every day vow to get interested again ... but I don't. It has been quite awhile ...

Oh Susy I think that means there is a great deal of hope for you! If you are having erotic dreams and actually having Os-well all is working isn't it?
It seems as though you have put a barrier up so that you no longer have any interest whilst awake. Maybe it happened during peri when quite often we do not feel in the mood due to hormone fluctuations. It can become a habit to think you aren't interested any more. That can't really be true for you because the subconscious is a very powerful thing and it is telling you that you most definitely are!
There is a very old but true saying-If you don't use it you lose it". I think it applies more in menopause than at any other time of our lives.
I would suggest you could take some time on your own-maybe in the bath and try getting yourself interested if you understand me
I certainly would not give up hope in your shoes.
Good luck

janet c

I too have been finding it harder to reach orgasm and have much libido at all - kind of scary (and annoying to see a Viagra ad every two minutes, with docs saying to us "just get used to it!") and this feeling also seems to be accompanied by very sore breasts - how they used to feel just before a period but I haven't had one in a year and a half. Has anyone experienced this? Does it seem related? Thanks!

My libido and ability to orgasm disappeared around 40 or 41 years old. Progesterone cream made my sex drive and ability to come come back. Had a boyfriend for awhile and it was nice to know everything was working properly again. I don't have a boyfriend anymore. Sometimes the thought of sex repulses me, but I've still got a drive/libido thanks to progesterone.

completely lost my drive about 6-7yrs ago....when i was about 48. Left my boyfriend of 5yrs as well mainly because I could
not stand the sex part anymore. It felt like that was all he talked about and it was turning me off big time.I am still not able
to relate to men on any level. They could all be removed from the face of the earth for all I care. I feel no attraction to them mentally of physically...I lead a pretty lonely life...but I just can't help it...I was not like this before in fact I was
always pretty "boy crazy"....I can't believe we have to go through all this crap...what is the point? the botton line to all of this?
Who can feel sexy with all these symptoms plaguing you 24hrs a day? I do hold on to the hope that someday I will feel different
as all things come to pass and nothing remains static forever....

be well

Oh, how well I know that statement of if you don't use it you lose it, as that is always my advice!! To me sex is/was fun, like a free ride at the fair - just enjoy!! So my latest attempt with my husband, ended up with us both in laughter, as we are both still in so much pain from the car accident .... but hugged and know we are still in love, and aren't worried about it - the elephant in the room was discussed and dismissed and every day I try to feel better physically. My one neck disc is now repaired from physio, and that is a big relief, my spine is in trouble but we will keep on with that and life is good. The Canadian Autumn weather takes ones breath away ... tonight I have ordered blender drinks with fresh strawberries and cream and vodka, and have a gorgeous new dressing gown - along with a vintage gorgeous nightgown I am wearing after a hot bubble bath - and am looking forward to a great weekend .... Thank you for caring Janet! My dreams make me crazy, whether they are about sex or not, I wake up exhausted most mornings - the hot flashes are decreasing, and the sadness isn't constant.
xo