I was thrown into menopause after the death of my son (15 years old). I was suppose to start with my period the week after the accident, but nothing. 3 months later the hot flushes, night sweat, racing heart and what else started. 9 months later I could not stand this anymore, I was really going crazy - not only did I have to cope with my emotions and getting up every day to struggle through another day missing my son - I now had all the weird and not so wonderful menopausal experiences. By the way, I was totally healthy before this, my period was regular, only lasted 3 to 4 days with no pain and no pms. I think I probably aged 15 years during that time. I am sure an old run down car after an accident felt better.

Eventually after all the necessary hormone test the doctor found that my hormones where totally off the chart. The one which was suppose to be between 600 and 900 was only 2 and the other one which was suppose to be between 3.5 and 6 where 197. Totally confused. I started with patches which made the systems go away after about 2 weeks - but oh dear, then I started bleeding (heavy) for a week, stop, started again and so on. Now, I had to stop using the patches and then after a week start with an oral HRT. What next?

I always wanted to be part of a chat or blog group, but I never dreamed of being part of such a group discussing menopause. What fun? Eish!

At least I do not feel alone anymore (sorry ladies, I am not glad that there are so many of you feeling like I do, but at least I'm not doing solo).

I hope this will not be posted twice, since it is my first time taking part on this forum. Oh yes, and good luck to all of you out there.

Your recent loss isn't just typical, it's a horrendous nightmare. I can keenly realize that this injury will never really heal, no matter what anyone's great words may intend.

Part of being a woman, a mother, sister, friend, is having a place to shed not only tears, but nightmares.........especially the ones that follow us when we're awake.

I don't know your age, but I am assuming you are still a bit on the younger side, perhaps premature to be entering menopause. I am reminded, as all of us here are, that traumatic life events affect female balance no matter what the age of that female may be. As time goes on and some of the injury at least begins to steady itself, you may well find yourself in better prime again, at least until you're time is actually here to enter this phase.

Our chemistry, and our spirits are very fragile universes and can be SO easily pierced.

I believe that one of the very best things you have done to aid yourself back onto some kind of solid ground again is entering groups like this one. I must hail you for taking this step. You will take another and another eventually, but let them be kind and little gentle ones.

I just wanted to send my condolences regarding the loss of your son....how tragic. I hope, by working with your doctor, that you can get relief from your horrible symptoms. It's been a nightmare for some of us and you are not alone.

Hugs,
Karen

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reply. I am not that young, 47 (the age that menopause might start), but 2 weeks prior to my son's accident I went for my yearly check up and all was well, no problems at all.

I am coping well enough, with the grace of God, some days are better than others. The biggest problem of all is, not only did I have to cope with the emotions I went through after the loss of my son, but then the mixed up, messy and sometimes totally unexplainable emotions as part of menopause were also there.

I am starting on an oral HRT from Sunday, Angeliq, and I will see how it goes from there.

Regards

40some

Hi ladies,

Thank you so much for all your replies. It is so great to know that there are so many people out there that care.

I want to say to all of you as well, hang in there, our mother's got through this (menopause I mean) - so will we.

Love
40some

40some: Geez, how did I miss yet another important thread? I'm so sorry you suffered the loss of your precious child; I cannot imagine the pain this has/is causing you. My heart goes out to you; if you ever need a friend to talk to, feel free to pm me anytime, day or night. This is a wondeful place; full of kind, supportive and generous people. I'm glad you're here!

Robin

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son. Tragic circumstances, such as the loss of a loved one, can throw your body for a complete loop physically. Hope the HRT brings you some relief!

40some,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son, my heart goes out to you. I have an only one child, a precious daughter (14 years old) and while we are going through a rough time in our relationship, I would just die if anything happened to her.

I do hope you will find some relief from your symptoms, either through HRT or/and some tender loving care for yourself.

Plumeria

40some,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son, my heart goes out to you. I have an only one child, a precious daughter (14 years old) and while we are going through a rough time in our relationship, I would just die if anything happened to her.

I do hope you will find some relief from your symptoms, either through HRT or/and some tender loving care for yourself.

Plumeria

Thank you for your kind words. Treasure your daughter (the teenage stage, escpecially girls in a terrible stage - because they are getting big now and do not want to be treated as children anymore) - good luck, things will work out. I am just so greatful that my son and myself had the most wonderful relationship, we were very close and because of that I have tender and wonderful memories and no regrets.

I am hanging in there with the HRT treatment and I am positive that it will all work out fine. Thanks again.

Love

40 some

Hi Robin,

Thank you so much for your reply. I am so glad I stumbled onto PS, although we do not know each other, it feels as if we are all part of one big family. It is amazing but the pain and longing gets worse as time goes by. My biggest problem now is when I see boys of his age I wonder whether he would have grown any taller during the past year (he was already 1,75m and as thin as a rake), whether he would have gained some weight, etc. etc. etc.

He had died on 26 November 2006 and this year on the 26th when I went to his grave I could not believe my eyes. His grave looked like the day of the funeral - heaps of flowers - all the kids from school went to his grave the morning before school and put flowers on his grave. It was such a wonderful sight. They still miss him very much and come round to visit us often.

Well, enough of that. Have a wonderful weekend and thanks again.

Love

40some

Dear 40Some,

I also missed this important post, and am so sorry I did.

Like you, I also know the pain of losing a child, and the totally heart breaking effects it has are so profound they are beyond words.

I am so sorry for your loss, from one Mom to another.

I lost my child when I was younger, and my periods did stop for 7 months after the shock, so I am under no illusions, despite your age, that the shock has thrown you into a hormonal crash, rather than a taper.

My thoughts are with you.

~Viktoria

Dear 40Some,

First, let me extend my sincere and heartfelt condolences at the loss of your son. I am brand new here; this is my very first post. I hope that the HRT treatments can help you get through these physical challenges.

I too have had a tough year. I'm soon to be (in two weeks) 45. I have 2 small children, conceived naturally when I was 40 (Mar-03) and 43 (Mar-06). I am very thankful for these precious gifts, and hope that you are healing emotionally; grief is a total immersion into a world that I wish could be left alone. My story is that I am in the very weird stage of grief, combined with being in my twelfth month of postpartum and 4 months post-weaning. I started with horrible menopausal symptoms after only having 1 normal cycle after weaning. I have a lot of the neurological ones, the fatigue, the aches & pains, but thankfully, no insomnia and not too bad on the emotional ones. They hit like a veritable ton of bricks in the past 60 days. I had a 10 day period in October, then nothing since then, and am on day 44 of my first amennorhea cycle. I was never irregular, and the only time I missed a 28 day cycle was during pregnancy. I truly feel shock, stress and grief put me into this phase of my life, and wish there were more studies on this. I'm so glad I found this board and look forward to getting to know other women here. I was, up until a few months ago, posting on conception boards! The reason for my grief/shock is that only 1 week after I found out I was pregnant last year my mother was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). I work full time at a stressful job and my husband is a stay at home dad, and between the 2 of us (well, mostly him), we cared for a 2-1/2 year old and a terminally ill mother who moved in with us in June-06. Then we added the newborn to the mix, and it was a triple whammy to my system. I had the baby in November last year, and at the same time my mom, who had been given 3-5 years to live, began declining very rapidly. I had to "ignore" myself and my life became nursing the baby and nursing my mother (who could not speak, eat or care for herself at all by the time the baby was a month old). We had a team of caregivers but there were times without them that were very stressful. The physical toll on my body was something that I literally commanded not to happen (but it was happening anyway). We moved to Florida for two months during my maternity leave so that mom could say goodbye to all of her friends and our family. My mom passed away in Mar-07, 4 months after the baby was born and while I was still nursing, and one month after returning to work full time. I'll tell you, the adrenaline and then grief hormones have done a number on me. I've aged 20 years in less than one. I've tried working out, did well for 6 weeks, and now cannot tolerate anything too strenuous. The anxiety is the worst, exercise does help, but it doesn't last. I constantly feel out of whack.

According to the grief counselors at Hospice the EAP counselor I saw for a few months after we lost mom, any loss of a loved one produces all kinds of chemical reactions, not all of them nice or benign. I can only imagine that anyone nearing the physical re-wiring that is menopause, and hormone driven, would succumb to these chemicals quite naturally and easily. All I wish is that I had a crystal ball and could tell how long it will be until I feel like the "old new me". I can't wait to cruise through all of the good info here; I'm into natural alternative integrative medicine and hope that I can find a lifestyle that will suit me; nutrition, exercise, stress relief, etc.

Again, my sympathies to you, and I hope that you are on the upswing. Anytime you feel like chatting, please send me an email. For all of you "Super Surgettes", I welcome your counseling and input! Here I go on that kooky wild ride of Menopause!


"Z"

Viktoria - My sympathies to you all well. "Hormonal crash".......well said.

Viktoria: I meant to type "My sympathies to you as well". Yet another symptom -- I am in permanent brain cloud lately.

Hi 40 some first of all i am so sorry for the loss of your son, I can;t imagine how you feeling. And yes a tragic event in your life can cause menopause to come on. Please talk to you doctor about your symtoms depression can be real bad if not treated. Hugs Terry