Hi.
I am 33 year old and had a TAH/BSO about 3 months ago. The surgical menopause is kicking my butt. I was just curious as to what others have experienced after surgical menopause.

This is my experience and I don't want to imply,in any way, that yours will be the same. I just wish someone would have told me what was going to happen before it did. In all honesty,I would have NEVER had a hysterectomy if I had known then what I know now. I would have continued to endure the pain and problems from severe fibroids and endometriosis until natural menopause did it's own thing.At least that would have given me many more happy years.
I had a total hysterectomy at 44. After years of "female" problems and a 6 year struggle with infertility (which never resolved-- we never had a child of our own), I finally decided enough was enough. I envisioned no more periods and no more pain. I am a nurse and it was becoming increasingly difficult to do my job because of the back pain from the fibroids. All I could think of was being pain free and getting on with my life.
The physical pain did, indeed, stop. But nothing else was as I had imagined. Before I even left the hospital, I started feeling the effects of the lack of hormones in my system. I had surgery on Thursday and on Sunday I suddenly forgot something as simple as how to eat a sandwich.I was in the room having a conversation with my husband and a friend and suddenly felt like I was watching it from somewhere else.I felt disconnected and foggy-headed.I told my husband something was wrong and to get the nurse.She told me it was "probably my hormones" and she would call the doctor. Long story short, I left the hospital that day with a Climera patch and felt better within a few days. I had planned on using bioidentical hormones since my mother had breast cancer and I didn't want to increase that risk.But the patch helped until I could see the nurse practitioner to start them.
Moving ahead a year or so, after being told repeatedly by my doctor and the NP that it would take a good 18 months to get my body "straightened out", I was still feeling like I was losing my mind on a daily basis.I was forgetful and muddle-headed every single day. I cried every single day until I just couldn't cry anymore.I felt like once I really started I would never stop. I hold a gun permit, but put my gun and bullets away because I had no idea what I might do. I was so depressed and distraught over feeling so out of control.I was convinced I was going to end up in an institution. On top of that ,I had to truly come to grips with the fact that I would never have a child of my own.EVER. I knew , for the most part, that it wasn't going to happen,but once your uterus is gone, it wipes out even that extremely dim hope you hold in the very back of your mind for some sort of miracle.It made me feel like a failure when I had always succeeded at whatever I put my mind to.And made me feel like I had let me husband down.
Speaking of my husband,that has probably been the worst part of this whole thing. Three years after the fact,our marriage is most likely irretrievably broken.And seemingly because of me. At least that is what he tells me.He tells me that I was so mean and nasty to him for two years after the surgery ,never wanted to have sex(this was true) and was hateful and awful to him.He says he put up with it because the doctor and NP kept saying to give it 18 months and things would level off.When, after 2 years , it didn't happen,he took the opportunity to take up with a woman 5 years younger that I am,with whom he has been friends for 25 years, because she listened to him and because she didn't treat him the way I did.It wasn't a sexual affair (at least I don't think so).They just spent time together amd talked and gave him a chance to vent and let out his frustrations. Who really knows what really happened--- After countless fights and tears, he told me that he wasn't sure he wanted to be married to me anymore and that he didn't love me like he used to. I told him that I didn't remember being the way he accused me of being. I didn't recall a lot of what happened those first two years. My memory still isn't very clear about a lot of things.He tells me that excuse is getting a little old. When I found this website yesterday, I read all night about women who felt exactly like I did for so long.I want to print off all of their posts and show him that I am NOT crazy and I am NOT making excuses,but it wouldn't matter now. Thigs are probably beyond repair. I have started taking synthetic hormones that I didn't want to take because the bioidentical hormones did not work for me.I took an antidepressant for 4 months until I finished counselling. I have to say I am now very emotionally stable , although my libido is still not what it used to be.I am trying to make my marriage like it was, but I am also getting very tired of trying to be the woman I was 3 years ago. She is gone. I just want a better one in her place. I know it can be done,but I feel very resentful for having to struggle so hard to make it happen.Because of something that isn't my fault. I am regretful for having had the surgery in the first place. I just wish SOMEONE would have told me what was going to happen to me. I never anticipated this. I felt like I was losing my mind,and in the process,have lost my marriage. I still spend every day wondering what happened and how to make my life better.I am trying to take better care of myself and find other things that make me happy.I am trying to be more affectionate to my husband and be more understanding to what he needs.Even if I don't feel like it at the time.I try to think before I speak and treat him the way I want to be treated. Life goes on and I'm trying very hard to make it a happy one.
I know this is not every woman's experience,but it was mine.God bless you and good luck.

Dear Regretful,
I am so sorry for everything you went through.
I agree, that all women should be made aware of what is going to happen to them, not only physically, but pyschologically with a surgical menopause.
It's unfair to be deceived but I do believe that is the norm with hysterectomies.

I would say to you, don't give up with your husband.
You have not made excuses but have given REASONS as to your behavior, which was beyond your control.
Do a massive search on this site for the posts that will pack as much punch to your "case" as possible, print them out and read them over with your husband.
And then, ask him how he might act and feel if he was suddenly CASTRATED!
He might start to understand what it feels like to be in every woman's shoes, including the woman he has become emotional friends with.
It's going to happen to her too. Maybe you can remind him of that..

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I can't believe it took me so long to find this site and all of the others who are going through the exact same things I am,(or was). I have been all over the internet and I think this will be a lifesaver.
I go back and forth every single day with my husband.One day I can't stand the idea of being alone, or at least without HIM. The next I am ready to pack it in and go on my way by myself. I sometimes wonder how my emotional health would be if I didn't have the weight hanging over my head every day to try to be "better" and be who he wants me to be.Knowing full well I will never be that person. As I said, I just want to be a better version of the ME that I am now.
I have reminded him that his "friend" will go through the same things I have and told him that I hope he can be more understanding when she does than he was with me. But,it is just as it was with me.Until it actually happens, it doesn't have to be addressed.I know he never went in to our marriage 18 years ago thinking I would ever be anything but the tall, thin,happy blonde I was at 25. I guess maybe I didn't either.SURPRISE!!! Anyway, I haven't given up. Or I would have been gone when he told me that what she gave him was "the family that I couldn't".She has two children from two marriages and he, at one time, took over a bit of a "dad" role with the oldest.Helping her learn to drive, talking about current events for school..etc... THAT went straight to my heart and broke it into pieces. He knows how I feel about not having children. It is my biggest dissappointment in life.And my biggest heartache.
Thank you again. I continue to push on and make my life all it can be. I am going to search and read tonight to find the best posts to show him,then find just the right time to bring it all up again. Some days are good and some are hell. I just never know which one it will be when I get out of bed. I try to make them all the first type.
Blessings

Hi, I am a 42 year old women who went through a total hystorectomy last year after a cancer scare and went straight into menopause. I was put on HRT almost straight away, so i only experienced a week of menopausel symptoms, such as hot flashes etc. I have managed really well on the HRT and would recommend them to others because i feel really well on them. I hope you will be feeling better soon. x

Hi Toppen,

I had a total hysterectomy just over three years ago at age 35. It wasn't easy, but for me, thank goodness, it got better. It took about a year and a half of crazy (seriously crazy) emotions, hot flashes, night sweats (still have those) and major mental fogginess but it finally started easing up, after that. In fact, this is the first time I've logged into Power Surge in a long time...when I looked at my previous posts, it was like reading writings from a completely different woman. I wasn't sure that I would make it, at times, but I did.

This is a great place for support...I wouldn't have made it through those first hard months without the women I met on this website. As far as dealing with the symptoms, I tried a hormone patch at first, but decided to go without after having problems with the patch. I've tried a lot of different brands of soy products without much luck, so I've just learned to deal with the symptoms and hope they will go away soon. The emotional symptoms are gone...that's the most important thing, to me. I'm still trying different ways to get good soy intake -- six years of non-stop night sweats (they started before the hysterectomy) make me want to cry sometimes, but now that the other symptoms have subsided, I feel better than I did before the surgery. I take vitamins and exercise and try to not get stressed...so far, it's working.

One thing I've learned for sure, though, is that every woman has to find what works best for her, and it's different for all of us. Hang in there and if whatever you're trying for symptom relief now doesn't work, try something else. Don't lose hope though, because it will get better.


Regretful...your post is so sad, and I'm sorry that you've gone through and are going through so much. I hope that your husband will see the truth in what's happened to you.

Hi Toppen
I hope that the distressing stuff that followed your original post has not upset you too much!
I know you would want to be reassurred rather than freaked out!
My story is that I had A TAH/BSO almost 2 years ago because I had endometrial cancer. It was lowest stage and grade and the op was considered as a probable cure. I did not have a choice as to whether I had the op.
I wonder why you had to have one at such a young age and if you had a choice?
Anyway I cant deny that the aftermath was initially difficult because I was not allowed HRT. If I had been then the most distressing thing-the hot flushes and anxiety- would have stopped straight away. Things like memory loss were also upsetting but getting over the abrupt removal of your hormones takes time and I knew I just had to be patient.
By the time I was allowed to have HRT I didn't need it because I was virtually over all the problems. I admit my memory is not what it was but I am almost 56 so whose to say its not just an age related thing?
Anxiety is very closely related to hot flushes, and so, as they fade away, so does the anxiety.
I suffered so dreadfully from hormone problems before my op and now I am over the worst I feel so much better!
I dont have horrid mood swings or depressions any more!
The one thing that time did not fix, for me, was complete loss of libido which was ok just after the op, but then gradually faded away so that I was completely sexually numb. That for me was the most distressing thing of all.
I started using a tiny bit of testosterone which gave me back a great sex drive in a very short space of time and I am now also using a tiny amount of estriol cream for vaginal atrophy which works very well and complements the testosterone.
So you see its not all doom and gloom and whatever problems you might have in the short term can be overcome with time and patience.
Hope you feel better soon!
janet c