My dear daughter was diagnosed with anxiety today - I noticed the last few months she has seemed tense and complains that she can't get a deep breath. She told me that her lungs and chest hurt because she cant get enough oxygen, so I decided to take her to our GP. She recvently started her periods and is a week late - Last night I spent an hour giving her massage and she eventually fell asleep - She sighs a lot too -

I am feeling guilty that she is suffering with anxiety because she's noticed I'm quite anxious a lot lately and keeps asking me if I'm okay. The doctor thinks the anxiety has stemmed from bullying at school and the recent mugging a few weeks ago - What surprised me the most is that he prescribed her valium and I do not want her taking them - We are going to send her to a psychologist when we've moved so she can talk about her problems - the doctor thinks its all sub-conscious - I always ask her if she's okay or if anything is bothering her - a lot of the time she says no but I've always had the feeling she holds back - What do you think I should do thats the best thing for her? And am I right by refusing a script for valium? It's to take when she absolutely needs it - I just want reassurance that I've done the right thing for her -

Thanks

Gez

Hi

I think sending your daughter to a professional sounds like a great idea. We dont get anxiety out of no where ,anxiety is almost always secondary to something else that is going on in our life or some traumatic event.

Its sounds to me like she could be suffering from PTSD.,post traumatic stress disorder. The sooner she gets to see a psychologist the better.

Hi Gez

I think that you're right about not giving her the valium. How old is she? Sometimes in young people those drugs don't seem to act as they should. When I was 16 the dr actually presribed me valium for a back injury to keep me tired for a weekend so I wouldn't move around. By the end of the weekend I was HORRIBLY depressed. I've never taken valium again. I've taken other stuff but only recently when I couldn't take the anxiety anymore. But valium was tough on a 16 year old and sometimes causes other symptoms I think. I would start with a psychologist (if she's an adolescent make sure that they specialize in adolescents though) and see if it can be nipped in the bud by therapy. If not then it might be chemical in nature and you can go from there.

Thanks Barkleysmom- I am going to get her some counselling as soon as we can - We actually got a letter from the police offering to counsil her and I asked Annabel if she wanted to go and she said she wass fine but obviously she's not - Thanks for your reply -

I agree. I think you are doing the right thing by having her meet with a psychologist. I do however have a comment about anxiety in general and about the use of tranquilizers. I have had anxiety most of my adult life as did my dad before me. Mine got so bad that I started avoiding doing things. It really affected my quality of life. For me I wish someone had suggested some kind of anti-anxiety drug well before I finally gave in and started taking one. Anxiety feeds on itself and can get worse and worse if not treated.

I think you are doing the right thing by holding off on the drugs until she meets with a psychologist. If she can talk through the issues and eventually move past them then that is great. Please don't let her get to the point where it affects her quality of life though. I am at times and have been in the past, anxious and could not begin to tell anyone why. There were just no reasons beyond some kind of hormone imbalance to explain it.

Big hugs to your daughter. It is tough being a teen today.

Shakin'

thanks horsein' -

I'm really sorry you went through that experience when you were 16 - its unprofessional in my opinion to dish out sedatives for minor problems, especially if they can be helped by other means -

I dont want to give my daughter valium! Thank you for validating my feelings on that! - why do doctors think its the cure all end all? .. She is only 13 years old - too young to be having anxious feelings - the doctor did say that young women just starting out on their periods and menopausal women do suffer with anxiety because the hormones are so irratic - he didn't say it was the cause but he did say it is aggravating it - I will also make sure the psychologist specializes in adolescent problems - thats a good point you brought up -


Gez~

Hello Shakin' -

I know how awful it is to feel anxious and to have panic attacks - I've experienced them myself and they are the most frightening thing- I remember my mum having anxiety attacks when I was young and I felt powerless to help her - I just didn't understand it at the time - I will explore every possible avenue to help her with this - luckily, she hasn't experienced any panic feelings so I think we can nip it in the bud early so it doesn't get any worse. I wont let her suffer, dont worry.


I will send her your hugs - She will love to read that!

(((Hugz)))

Gez~

dear gez:
iam 49 and my youngest daughter is 15 when i started meno a year ago she was the one who went thru my worst episodes with me . i mean going 2 thr er by ambulance 4 30 days straight , she was a rock knew exactly what 2 tell the drs about all my allergies she was incredible ,prayed over me , never once crying . then about 6 months ago she started with anxiety just like u discribe however i sat her down and told her she was not me that all was okay with her nothing was going 2 happen 2 her or me that all i had went thru was because of meno . i continued 2 incourage her and not feed into the anxiety and in 2 weeks she was back 2 herself . it is hard 4 our daughters see us go thru meno because we feel crazy . they love us and want 2 help . but do not know how . if at all possible please do not give this child ad's , pray 4 her 2 not b effected by yr meno . now when i have bad days i try 2 avoid my daughter seeing me . children mimic what they r exposed 2 . b her rock she has 30 yrs b 4 she has 2 deal with meno . drs r 2 quick 2 offer meds 2 anyone at any age . do not send her the wrong message that when we get a ittle stressed we need 2 reach 4 drugs . u did the right thing 2 say no . i will pray 4 u .

mookiehantamom ( roxanne)

that was a very sweet post Roxanne, thank you. I try hard not to let her see me on my off days but when she knows that I'm not feeling well I do try to tell her its just hormones and that I'll be okay -


Hope youre doing okay today -


(((hugz))

Gez~

Anxiety also runs in my family. My daughter had it most of her life; she is 40. My mother, the same way and now me. My daughter told me about the amino acid, L-Theanine - taken first thing in the morning and should work in 30 minutes. Kind of takes the "edge" off life. I was happy with that, taking 100mg and one could take up to 1,000mg a day. Supposed to work up to four hours.

The trouble with breathing has also been felt by me. Start of the morning, okay - feel that feeling as the day progresses but when I do something physical, that feeling goes away. Can't help but think a by product of anxiety felt by me. Issues? yes...I have them -repressed and desperately wanting to surface. I squish them. Don't want to deal with them - all water under the bridge.

Gez Hi

Just wanted to send my thoughts to you and your daughter. I must have missed your posts about the mugging. Perhaps when I was away for my holiday. I think you are right to err on the side of caution with the Valium at the moment.

Are you and the school able to deal with the bullying problem. Getting to the root of that problem is key. A good counsellor would help. Having two daughters myself I have heard from them the kind of things that are done and said in school. Youngest was always teased for her weight and eldest for the colour of her hair. Both of my daughters have different personalities and so dealt with these comments and others in different ways. Eldest was quicker to say something than my youngest, but when my youngest did eventually speak up for herself, the bullies got the message. Eldest was dealing with bullying and silly comments from age 9 or 10 and youngest had problems from around the same age too. I think the worst was when one girl recently assisted in letting my daughters tyre down and then spat on her car. I brought the police in on that one. If your daughter is having to face these people some kind of coping strategy is needed for her to get her confidence back. Don't miss an opportunity to praise her, compliment her and to thank her if she helps with things.

As far as her worrying if you are okay. Perhaps you could occassionally do something together. Watch a funny film together. As long as she sees that despite your problems you can still laugh and have fun together it may help ease her worries. Some children are naturally sensitive to people and their surroundings and pick up on the general feeling in the house.

I hope your move goes/went well. Sending hugs to you and your daughter.

robin

Hi Gez,
sorry to hear about your daughter.
I think you're doing the right thing by getting her to see a psychologist / counsellor first. As you said it really does need to be nipped in the bud & dealt with asap so that she understands what's happening when she feels anxious etc & so hopefully loses her fear of it which then should break the fear / adrenaline / fear cycle.
I'm not going to comment on the drugs as obviously that's between you, your daughter & her doctor-& being pill phobic myself I couldn't possibly give you objective advice!!!!

When I was young I suffered bady from OCD & I was always an anxious child although I think I hid it well from most people. It was never treated but I'm sure even if my mum had taken me to the doctor there wouldn't have been much on offer in the way of counselling or psychological support anyway. But now, as an adult, how I wish there had been some help back then!! I'm sure it would have made such a big difference to me if I'd been treated as a child.

My niece, who's now 20, started having anxiety & depression issues when she was around 14. They put her on medication but she really didn't get on well with the drugs. She has had quite a lot of counselling though & this seems to have helped the most.
She is now so much better & I think some of that is due to her just maturing & being better able to cope with stuff but also I guess her hormones have settled down too.

Sounds like you're doing the right thing for her & please don't worry about feeling guilty because of what she's seen you go through. I think that the way we are is part nurture & part nature. I believe that I learnt & inherited my anxious tendencies from my mum as she was also a worrier but neither my brother nor sister suffer from anxiety etc & they've had the same upbringing as me so some of it has to be genetic.
At least you understand what she's going through which will be a huge help to her.
Hope you're both feeling better today.
Take care & good luck with the move!
love Sarah xx

Hello Robin - nice to hear from you -

When she first started secondary school she was fine and her grades were very good. Infact she came top of her class in her maths examinations .. However, the school was at that time under achieving and the OFTED report was very poor. There was a quick staff change over and the school was in the process of changing head teachers. I tried very hard to solve the bullying problem but the school kept saying that Annabel should empower herself to overcome it - then there were reports of children bringing alcohol mixed with fruit juice in fruit juice bottles - the school became totally disorganised and it was very rare that anyone got back to me in writing... anything that was discussed was my word against theirs -- The crunch came when a teacher told my daughter that her skirt was too short and made some unsavoury remarks about her auditioning for a playboy cat walk job. I was fuming about that and I believe it was the last thing to undermine her confidence - To cut a long story short, he got fired. I believe a couple of teachers were fired for being familiar with the students at the school. I took her out of the school and started teaching her myself but its very hard to enforce teaching times when at home, however well meant. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago she got mugged and her mobile phone was taken from her -- so I think she's just had a rough couple of years, that coupled with starting her periods and all the hormone changes that take place. Plus moving house can't be easy for her although she's told me she's looking forward to starting a new school there.

I never miss an opportunity to praise her - I tell her how beautiful she is - both inside and out and I remind her every day how much she is loved. I give her lots of cuddles throughout the day - we're both very affectionate people -- We do watch movies together and have fun ... but I must admit, lately, I havent been able to do the things with her that I'd like to do - like take her out shopping - I've just become so anxious myself lately - I think once we've moved everything will settle down again. If she asks me if I'm okay I just say yes, I'm fine -

I'm so sorry you've had problems with your daughters being bullied- it's really awful - Children can be cruel sometimes, especially girls .. I can't understand why some of them can be so bitchy - And for teachers to make rude and negative comments is inexcusable -

Thanks for caring Robin - I'll keep you updated -

Aww Sarah, thanks for caring - I just saw your post after replying to Robins! Unfortunately I cant write very much becasue I have to get back to packing - hubby is tapping his foot and giving me that quizical look! lol ... I'll write you a PM later.


I hope you're okay and doing better after stoping the beta blockers ... talk to you later.


Love
Gez~

Gez your daughter is lucky to have such a great Mum. Good luck with the move

robin

There are better meds than Valium, especially for a young person. Ask for a referral to a psychiatrist just for the medication management. In the meantime, she might try Niacinamide (a B vitamin derivative). It really calms me down.

Gez,
I just read your post about your 13 yr old daughter and the "diagnoses" of anxiety made by the GP. First, in my opinoin he's not qualified to make this diagnoses. And lets look at the whole picture...she just started menstruating, right? You say she was a week past the time her period was due...if this happened to my daughter i would look more at something like extreme PMS, there's a name for this , but i can't recall it atm. Or, even mild asthma. Does she have any allergies? I'm not suggesting that it's impossible for her to get anxiety...but a diagnoses like the one you got for her seems unlikely, she may be having anxiety at times due to the bouncing hormones....and i agree with most other posters here that giving a 13 yr old Valium is not a good idea. The breathing difficullty is something that should be investigated more.and maybe talk to a gyno...even your own gyno if you feel she is too young for an appnt. ..and i think she is.but the gyno may have some better insight about what her body is doing hormonally at this age. So..a mild asthma, which can be aggravated by hormones..or the PMS issue is one i would consider. If she does have true anxiety disorder, only a pschyciatrist can give you a diagnoses. AND there are other less addicting meds that can be given. I don't mean to sound like a knowitall.. but i have 2 grown children, and my daughter has asthma. I have had anxiety most of my adult life. Seems to me this GP kinda jumped a little too much on this one...hope this helps some, and i'm not coming off as too pushy! Ruth

Dear ((((Gez))))
I just found this post or I would have sent you {{{{Hugs}}}} Sooner

When my daughter was in grade 5 she would throw up every morning before going to school. After MUCH discussion......Dr's appt and checking to see what the heck was going on at school......she was diagnosed with 'Perfectionism" In a nutshell.....she wanted to be 'perfect' for everyone around....could not say 'no' to friends for fear of hurting their feelings. Always wanted to be 'perfect' -"perfect' got anxious if her grades slipped below an B+ and was ...in short a wreck.
We sent her to a psychologist and through 'talk therapy' she improved rather quckly.

Lets not lose sight that your daughter has been through a lot lately....moving is a very anxious time for a young girl. Heck it is an anxious time for anybody. Not to mention the bullying and the muggings...just getting her first period...hormones running amok.... It has got to have touched her in ways that even she can not properly express.

I think sending her to a psychologist is an excellent idea. If it were my daughter I probably would not put her on valium...at least that is my knee jerk reaction. But given that you are so intune with her...and you are....I know whatever you decide for YOUR daughter you will have her best interests at hand.
For what it is worth...in the times that you and I have chatted....I think and I believe that you are a wonderful and caring mother.

Insofar as the guilt that you are feeling....as parents we are always feeling some sort of guilt for ....shoulda/woulda/coulda......but we are only human and we do the very best that we can.....despite what MY kids tell you
{{{{{Mucho Big Hugs to you and your darling daughter}}}}}
Keep us posted
Dottie

Robin,

Thanks, I try to do the best that I can... We are going to register with a new doctor tomorrow but in the meantime, she seems a bit more relaxed - she hasn't seen another period since the last one, plus she is starting to talk more openly about the mugging. I've encouraged her to talk about it with family and friends until she gets some counseling which shouldn't be long now.


Gracie,

Thanks so much for your post- I think we prefer that she sees a psychologist first to unravel her feelings about the mugging incident - I love your idea about the vitamin B derivative! - I can look into that so thank you ...

Ruth,

You make some good points - I was thinking yesterday that she could have asthma because I've noticed that shes been wheezing, I can hear it on her chest when she's inhaling - About 5 weeks ago, I took her to our GP because she was coughing up some clear mucous, it wasn't often, about once every 3 days - he said she has bronchitis and told me that I should give her steam therapy ... I went away a bit surprised since none of us smoke and I've never allowed anyone to smoke near her. She is also very late with her period, but, I've heard that this is quite normal for a girl of her age. I do feel her hormones are messing her up and triggering other medical problems - I will definitely be pushing the doctor towards this perspective to see what he thinks. I just dont trust any doctor these days... they can never seem to get it right..

Dont worry about being a know-it-all --- I'd rather a know-it-all than a know-nothing-at-all -- your post really helps Ruth, it confirms my thoughts exactly - Thank you!

Cyberladye -

Allergies are the very next thing to explore - never thought of that actually, its worth mentioning to the doctor if he finds she isn't asthmatic - I think she is showing all the signs though and her hormones and moving have probably exacerbated everything -

Dottie ..

Yes, my little Annie has been through a lot lately - starting her periods, moving house, bullying, and then the mugging - 'sigh' .. I feel quite helpless sometimes but I try to be there for her when she needs me - The good news - she loves our new house! Shes made lots of friends already and she's looking forward to starting her new school! All the children in the villiage go to the same school - the bus comes to pick them up and off they go on their merry lil' way ... She is also going to dance school at the villiage hall, just around the corner and she's also made friends with the girls at the stables so she'll be riding again soon no doubt - I just want to keep her happy and busy ... I thought she would have a problem settling in but it's ME that's finding it hard...but, that's another story .. Thanks for a sweet post, Dottie.


Love to all,

Gez~

Gez hi glad you are moved and glad to hear that your daughter is feeling a bit more relaxed. I think that you are absolutely right to make quite sure that your daughter has nothing physically holding her back.

I bumped into someone I hadn't seen in a while last Xmas (I know it's too early to mention Xmas ) She was telling me about her daughter who had started college and was doing well. Unfortunately because she was doing well other girls bullied her and it rocked her confidence. So much so that her daughter gave up the course.

That's rgeat news that your daughter is happy with her new friends, dance school and riding. The best way to move forward is to do the things we love.

Hugs
robin