********************IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED PLEASE DO NOT READ**************
I seriously hope I am not saying to much here, but I have a serious problem and I just do not know how to discuss it with my husband. He is impotent and has been for most of our marriage. The new drugs for this problem worked for awhile but now no longer work. His doctor has told him of alternatives but he has yet to look into any of them. I love my husband very much so I really do not care one way or another if we ever have sex again, but he is horny as hell. So, basically what this means is he wants to use toys or do oral sex and this is all well and good, but EVERYONE needs some variety for goodness sake. I on the other hand am VERY tired of the toys and such and really want him to get some help. For the life of me though, I do not know how to broach the subject without hurting his feelings and bruising is already bruised manhood. What ends up happening is when he makes a move I just blow him off thinking it will finally click in his brain what the problem is. Okay, obviously it has not clicked yet.

Have any of you had this problem and how did you talk to your husband about it without hurting him? I for one think a really intimate relationship involves intercourse and it has been several years since we have had that.

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shakin,

I would share how much you miss the actual intercourse with him.I have learned that men really need direct communication they just cant read between the lines like a woman...I would say how connected you feel to him when you have intercourse and that you miss him in that way so much..That the closeness is your desire..I would say to encourage him that he does meet your needs in other ways but you would like to work together in finding the right meds or therapy to bring that fulfillment into your marraige so you can feel even closer to him and share a deeper intimacy with each other..

As you said you dont want to hurt his ego, but encourage him not to give up on finding a solution for the ED..There are alot of treatments out there for this problem as it is pretty common.

I wish you the best.

I just thought too ..Maybe you can ask Dr Sandy on the intimacy expert part of Power Surge if she has a suggestion.

Pamela

Just curious, when you say he wants to do oral sex or use toys, can he perform in that way? Has he ever been medically checked out to see if his problem is physiological? I know from past experience men are very peculiar when it comes to their performance, but I was wondering if you had more definitive information as to how/why his 'performance' is as it is. There are a lot of different avenues to take, but you need to know the reason for his problem before travelling down the wrong one, so to speak.

Oops, sorry. I'm new here and didn't see that this post was from months ago!!