Hi All

How do your husbands cope with all your ups and downs, and how did you make them understand what you are going through, my husband is on his own mission and just does not understand, i find i need his comfort more now than ever going through this transition, it has come to a piont that i am dealing with it on my own and i have even given him materials to read on this PERIMENOPAUSE topic, maybe he is also premenstual.

Monica

*EEEEK! This is a little long, but I got carried away.*

Monica, what a good question! Menopause is not about your husband and whether he understands what you're going through or not. It's about you. Possibly for the first time in your life...something is totally unequivocably about YOU. I've read the passionate posts by the men here and they seem so sincere, so...distraught... they really do, but I just can't help but wonder...can they ever really understand?

I think men, and maybe more generally some people, only like a challenge when they know they can win and when the winning is about them. i.e. first place, somebody "of-the-year", more sex, more salary, better, better, better whatever... It's hard for men to truly champion someone else with nothing to gain for themselves. It's not wrong, only foreign to us, but they are in "WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME" mode all the time. They just don't seem to care until they are directly, undeniably affected. They can't rally around the underdog and help him/her pull through when they have nothing to gain the way women can. We can help each other with not a thing to gain from it but that good feeling at the end of the day.

Monica, take a step back, take two breaths, slow down and decide what you can handle on your own and what you REALLY need help with and take it from there. You'll know what to do when the time comes.

As footnote, I don't plan on telling my husband until it's absolutely necessary. I don't think anyone has ever DIED from menopause, so I think I'm good to go.

I just thank God that my husband is still with me after what I've (we've) gone through these last 5 years. Although he may not fully understand, he has stuck with me through the depression, panic attacks, insomia, and anxiety. He now at least tries to make accommodations to help me with some of these symptoms. Just last Sunday at church he saw me looking around for something and he quickly gave me his program so that I could fan myself. I did not have to say a word to him...do you think the sweat pouring down my forehead like a waterfall gave him a clue !?

In the beginning he was as clueless as I was about what was going on. After going to more doctors than I can remember, not getting better after taking various medications, having all type of tests done yet not receiving a definitive diagnosis...it's quite understandable why he was just as confused as myself. Thank God for the wonderful, compassionate, knowledgeable ladies at PS who saw me through those years .

I think after 5 years of my ups and downs he's finally at the stage where he does understand. I'm thankful that he also has sisters, and a SIL who is going through the same thing (there truly is more strength in numbers ).

My husband was the one who suggested I was starting peri,since I am 31 I did not think it was that.He reminds me that my body is changing,supports me and holds me when I cry.All people are different.Some men will understand,some won't--but you have to be honest and let them know how you feel.GOD bless.