i dont know what is wrong with me or what to do to fix it. ive been crying so much in the past week and a half. it all started with a stomach pain that i was obssessing about so i went to the ER. they did a catscan with contrast and i did fine, everything looked good. but about 10 minutes after that i hyperventilated and they had to give me a double shot of ativan to calm my muscles down because they contracted so severely. well i went to bed when i got home at 9pm and the next day i was fine except i felt groggy all day. then the next day i started hyperventilating again and i took an ativan and went to the ER again where the doc said maybe i might need to go on an AD. ive always been terrified of AD's but since i found i can take ativan to calm down, i decided i would get brave and try it. i took zoloft, 25mg, and after my 2nd day i woke up in the morning and thought i was going crazy and i thought ny 6 year old son might be dead in his bed and that maybe i killed him. i freaked out and was so scared to go check on him. i finally did and he was fine but i havent been the same since. i ve been waking up every morning since thursday feeling the same way and im terrified there is something really wrong with me. i went to my doc that morning and ashed her if she would give me some estogen to see if maybe that was my problem and she did. ive been using it for 3 days now and today i woke up without feeling crazy but i still dont feel right in my head. im dizzy and not able to think normally or something, i cant explain it. but im panicky and scared and im afraid im going to lose my mind and die or something. i dont want to have to be locked up and force fed drugs to save my life! im so scared i wont get thru this.i dont know if im depressed or not. im so confused. im terrified to believe im depressed cus that seems to only mean one thing- AD's and i cant go thru that again! when i try to figure out why im ctying so much, its always because of FEAR. if im depressed then im probably going to die because i wont ever be able to get better since i cant take the drugs i need to make me better.im hoping and praying that the estrogen will "cure" me but what if it doesnt ? what if if makes me worse? my blood-tests always say my estrogen is normal but how can that be? im a mess! i find that when i cry it releases some of my anxiety and if i dont cry ill lose it. im using tri-est, 2.5mg. can anyone out there help me? i feel like i have nowhere to turn since the docs will just tell me i need AD's. my kids need me and i dont want to fie and leave them, i love them so much. im trying so hard to feel better. im trying to eat but ive lost over 10 lbs and im worried about that.i just feel like im trapped and have no control over what is happening to me. please can someone calm me down and help me to see what is going on?

Hi Sudio,

My heart aches for you sweetie, I just want to encourage you,, if you are depressed it is going to take a little time for the Ads to work..When my husband committed sucide I was a basket case and fear ruled my life at that time.I too was afraid to take Ads but I did,paxil, prozac, lexapro all were not the right one for me.Then I was perscibed effexor and that was the one that worked for me.

This time in your life you may need the Ad to get threw this tough time..I stayed in the Ads for a year till I felt I was strong enough to come off..I felt like I was dying too at times and afraid for my children, but it will pass, keep talking about your feelings even if it is only at this thread..Dont allow your emotions to bottle up..This is gonna pass and your gonna be alright.

I wish I could give you a hug, I know how isolated I felt even when others were there, but it will pass as the Ads start to work.Crying is as a way of release and yes ,your hormones could be out of wack too, just hold on and see if the estrogen helps with the depression too..

It is gonna be OK.

Big Hugs,
Pamela

Just got done reading your post.....I can only imagine what you are feeling right now. Fear is so powerful....what do they say...False Evidence Appearing Real but when your in the midst of what you are going through it DOES seem real! I started my journey with peri about 5 years ago when I was having panic attacks and thought I was dying not just because of the symptoms (which WERE real by the way even though the docs said nothing was wrong with me) but I had this fear of dying. I have felt very alone at times through all of this but my faith and a good friend helped me to stay grounded. I know what you mean about feeling crazy....I would get weird thoughts and my brain would be thinking so fast and I couldn't stop it. Just know this takes time......I didn't take any meds (but I would get them just in case) Diet is real important....I found a great compounding pharmacy in my area and someone who is really knowledgable and willing to work with me personally. I'm taking progestorne and testostone. I took the progestone for years and it wasn't until I started the testostone that I noticed a difference. I did have a saliva test done to see what I was low in. My adrenals were wiped out so I've been doing things to build them up and it has taken TIME. St. Johns Wort and 5THP has helped too. All this to say there is hope...you are not going crazy. It's a time for getting quiet and healing. Try to omit as much stress as you can (which is hard I know with life) I home schooled for 10 years and had to stop because I knew I needed time to heal. Having four teenagers is enough stress in itself.

I'm new to this forum but it seems like you will get alot of encouragement and its good to know you are not alone. Feel free to e-mail me!

Hi Sudio,

Do you have a window you can look out of, right now? A comfort food? Prayer? A favorite memory or a favorite fantasy? Make sure your son will be fine for 15 minutes, and GO THERE. "Bathe" yourself in whatever will soothe you for awhile. Let that dilute your worries so you can think for a bit.

Now. Let's make a short checklist. Some questions about your most immediate concerns. By going thru the list at regular intervals --NOT CONSTANTLY!-- and answering the questions or doing something (whichever applies), you have the power already to forestall this horror I know you're feeling.

1. Is your son doing alright at the moment? Does he need anything, a meal, a story, someone to play legos with, or to run around outside? If HE would benefit from any of this, pick something and do it with him! This can be healing in sooooo many ways. Just interacting with him will be beneficial to you. He's too young to have had the problems you are having. His purity will refresh you. And you, as a mother, will be calmed greatly, knowing, as a mother, you are doing a good job. The very best you can.

2. Are your medical providers giving you the best care for YOU? If not then pro-actively do something about it. Nothing is more upsetting than feeling helpless! Even tho' you may feel it, you're not. Get on the internet, pick up the phone, ask friends. There are many other professionals out there. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right "match." And have you considered Naturopathy? Accupucture? Bio-Feedback? Try to have an open mind, and go looking, if you haven't yet. Even just taking the time and trouble to search will remind you that though you may be very unwell indeed, you aren't without any power over your life.

3. Do you have a spiritual center or "touch stone" of some sort? Any beliefs about life's purpose--and suffering's purpose--that have ever given you comfort? If so, then feed yourself, spiritually, each and every day. Pray and read scriptures, for example.

If not, in the fleeting moments of quiet you may have, then reach out with your feelings. Try to listen to yourself and trust your instincts about where you might find spiritual beliefs that resonate with you and supply you with hope.

So here are the questions by themselves:

1. "Is my son doing alright at the moment?"
2. "Are my medical providers really giving me the best care for ME?
3. "Do I need some more spiritual nourishment?"

And one final word. Once you have found doctors and other professionals that you can trust better, please don't be afraid to try what they prescribe. I myself have been to "medication hell" and back in our (my doctor's and mine) search for what I needed. Not only did I survive and become well again, I'm better for the experiences. I could not say these things when I was in such pain. But I can now. And so will you!

Take Care of yourself please.

Lavender

Sudio1,

Did you call your doctor today to get the Estragel RX? Or a plain estradiol RX?

Signs of estrogen excess are breast tenderness and maybe some bloating and irritability but not crying for hours. Crying is a sign of estrogen deficiency. I have been there and I know that it is hard to think that you are ever going to get out of that hole. The correct dose of estradiol gets me over the crying.

You said that your level was “normal” but what were the numbers? Did you have your blood tested when you were having symptoms? In peri our estrogen levels can jump around quite a bit. It is possible that for part of the month your level is “normal” and then the other part of the month it is very low.

Think of it this way. A dose of the Estrogel will give you 40 points of estrogen. When we were young our estrogen would spike up to 500-600. If you estrogen is low and you take a low dose of Estragel maybe you will get your level to around 100 (or less). Even if your estrogen is “normal” a dose of Estrogel is not going to take you to 500-600 where you probably have been in the past.

Remember my other post? Your Triest dose probably has very little estradiol in it so it is not going to help you much. Did you call the pharmacy today to find out exactly how much estradiol is in your dose? Have you tried using and second dose during the day?

I hope you feel better soon.

Kathy

Kathy, i am waiting to hear back from my dr. about changing it. and the dose is only 10% estrodiol 80% estriol 10% estrone. if i get the bi-est it will be 20% estradiol 80% estriol. if i get just the estradiol it will be 100%. im confused about all this estrogen. do i need all of them or just 2 or just the estradiol?
is it more dangerous to have 100% of just that one? do i need the others to balance each other out? and does my risk for cancer and stroke go up with just using the estradiol? can i get estagel thru a compounding pharmacy?
is it natural/bioidentical?
i dont remember what the exact #"s were for my levels but they were all within range and no i didnt get them checked while feeling this way. i wish i would have. maybe ill see if i can go in and do it.

Hi, Sudio,

I started with bi-est 50/50 (estriol & estradiol) cream...hated it...went to 100% estradiol patch (Vivelle)...love it...estriol is weakest estrogen...estradiol strongest

Are you still taking the Zoloft?

Colleen

oarsinsailsup- i started 5 years ago too and with the same panic and constant anxiety and thought i was dying. i have been using compounded progesteronr cream for 5 years and it has helped alot. i was taking 5-htp before i started the zoloft and i plan on starting it again any day now. do you take st.johns wort together with the 5-htp? ive read that that is ok and itworks really well together but ive always been afraid it might be too much for me and ill have a bad reaction instead of a good one.i havent tried testosterone but my naturalpath is going to try helping me with my adrenals tomorrow. thank you for your post.
Lavendar-i think my docs are pretty good, they seem very caring and willing to work with me with what i want to do. i also have a naturalpath that i see and she is great. i actually have thought about acupuncture and ive heard about the biofeedback, but i dont know what that is. im really into going as natural as possible because of the safety factor. i dont think i'll ever be brave enough to try AD's again. i know they work well for some people but i just cant handle it. i have a depression book and it says that if a person feels so srongly about not using drugs, then they wont do well with them. that they will do much better without them. thank you for your post and all the things youve said.i am so drained right now, i wish i could express more about my appreciation to to you all but my mind is tired. thank you for your support. sue

colleen- is vivelle natural? it sounds like 100% estradiol is the best way to get relief? thanks for your reply, and no im not taking any more zoloft. ever.

Hi Sue
Yes, I do use both 5THP together with the St.JohnsWort 300mg twice in the morning and one in the afternoon to equal a total of 900mg daily and it works really well. I use supplements from James L Wilson who wrote the book "Adrenal Fatigue" and in his Adrenal Rebuilder which is like a multi vitamin he includes 50 mg of 5HTP. I also use his glandulars. My compound pharmacy recommends his stuff and it has worked well for me. I will be praying for you....
Robbi

Hi Sudio - You sound more depleted and exhausted than depressed. I have been there, and it is difficult to tell the difference, but as you say yourself - you have a lot of fear going on. You are doing plenty of fighting rather than floating (as the books say) I haid of both death and have been through a few of these phases of felling like I will die. I am sure you will get through this, but it is truly awful, and I feel for you. We are afraid of both death AND life when like this.
Kim

Here is my take on the three different human estrogens.

Estriol is the pregnancy estrogen. It gets high during pregnancy. I felt horrible during pregnancy. Estriol is weak and does not do much unless you take a larger dose. When I took estriol I had breast pain and could not sleep—just like when I was pregnant. No thanks to Estriol for me.

Estrone is the fat estrogen. Peri and meno women who do not have enough estrogen tend to gain weight so that their fat can make estrone. Estrone is highest in meno women who tend to have more health problems. Estrone is also the other estrogen in Premarin (along with horse estrogen). I have more fat than I used to have so I think that I do not want more estrone since it may be linked to issues that older women have like breast cancer. No thanks to estrone for me.

The final estrogen is estradiol. Estradiol is the estrogen young women make. Estradiol is the estrogen that causes all of the positive effects (bone health, memory, skin, mood……). Our bodies can make estrone and estriol from estradiol if we need the other estrogens. Estradiol is the estrogen that I want and take and works the best for me.

Vliet and Gillespie both agree that we only need estradiol (not triest or biest). Reiss is one of the doctors who believes in triest and he wants “balance”—by the way he is the doctor who thinks we should be pregnant all the time as well—some of his idea just do not work for people like me. I have tried triest, biest, and plain estradiol. I am sticking with the estradiol because it helps me more than the other estrogens. I am defiantly not interested in any more fat estrogen or pregnancy estrogen!

This is just my opinion—Go with the 100% estradiol. The biest you described will be too weak also and you will waist your money (IMHO). You need something that is going to actually give you a good dose of estradiol not just a tiny little drop that will not make a difference.

Kathy

Hi Sudio

Me again...biofeedback is an alternative medicine where your body functions/reactions are monitored, while you can see the results. Blood pressure, heart rate, muscle tension, skin temp, and sweating are all things that can react and flare without our desire for them to do so! In biofeedback, it is believed that letting people actually see these things being monitored, as they are happening, that we can learn to be more aware of small changes that we don't always notice (unlike racing heart or hot flashes, for example), and learn to consciously control these body processes. Both noticeable and less noticeable things, I mean.

So glad to hear you are happy with your healthcare givers! And also that you have given thought to your choices about having a naturopath, and wanting to keep your treatments as natural as possible. Good for you.

I'm also glad there are others out there that know all about the estrogens--I've learned from reading the other posts.

I really, really hope you get to feeling better ASAP. We're all here for you.

Lav

Sudio,

First - you will be fine, we all promise.

I went through exactly what you are - I went through it for 6 months every day. I tried ADs and also freaked out - too scared to try that again. I lost 20lbs through all this - throwing up almost daily for 3 months.

I did a "peri panel" - 5 hormone tests throughout the month and discovered that my estrogen spikes were making me crazier than the drops. The drops made me shakey and nervous. The spikes made me CRAZY - racing and irrational thoughts, crying and up all night. It helped to see the report which I compared to my symptom diary for that month. It also taught me that estrogen would help some of the month, but not all. I take progesterone starting on Day 5 or so to help counteract the estrogen spikes.

I take a research grade St Johns Wort (Google HBC). I was scared to because of my AD experience but this St Johns Wort brought back much of my sanity with no side effects. I added Evening Primrose Oil. The 2 together are excellent and help 85 - 90% of the time.

Once I started to feel better I began to realize how we are controled by the chemicals in our bodies. Many of these chemicals are created (or not) by our hormones. The ups and downs remove all chemical stability. It takes a lot of trial and error to find what brings it back.

You'll get it back too but it takes time. Be gentle to yourself until that point. The other suggestions on this thread are great too.

We're here to listen.

Hi, Sudio,

Yes, Vivelle dot estradio is bioidentical. I really like it. See Kathy's post. She has some great info!

Colleen

When I first started getting peri symptoms I wound up in an emergency room due to an all night panic attack.I didn't know what was wrong,had never had apanic attack.Well the er doc put me on an A.D,Paxil.It made me so sick,I had even more panic,bloody nightmares,ground my teeth,could not eat,would just shake and cry.I have three kids.I quit the pills after 4 days of horror.It took a week to start feeling better.It sounds like what happened to you.I hate A.Ds,if you are clinically depressed fine,take them,if they help-wonderful,but perimenopause is not clinical depression,it is chemical inbalances,hormone problems.Try to remember that you are not dying,pray,walk(that helps me)Talk about things and just cry.I have cried a lot these past months.I am just 31,I get scared a lot,but I am still here.Love and GODbless.

Hi everyone- just an update, yesterday morning i woke up and like a miracle i felt so much better! i couldnt believe it. i woke up and didnt have the panic/anxiety and i just felt "better". i got up and cleaned some and then decided to go grocery shopping. lol. the whole day i was thinking i had to hurry and get things done before the big bad "monster" attacked me again, so i kind of wore myself out real fast. by 1:30 in the afternoon i was exausted and dizzy so i went to bed and took it easy for the rest of the day. today i woke up feeling even better and had a pretty good day too. i was on the go all day,still worrying about having a setback again, but so far so good. im still dealing with the bad fatigue and dizziness on and off but its nothing compared to what i was feeling like before yesterday! i dont know what to think. im just so grateful for these past 2 days and i hope and pray it continues to get better. thank you all for being here and encouraging me! i am getting a hormone panel (saliva) done next week and also a cortisol (also saliva) test for my adrenals. i will keep you posted. thanks again ladies, i appreciate you all so much.

Lady E- where in Tennessee are you? I lived in Savannah last year for about 6 months and i missed my home so much ( Washington state) we moved back. i have 2 brothers that live there.

Hi Sue,
Yes you will be fine. Last year, and earlier this year, I went through the exact same thing. But what really helped me was prayer
and knowing that THIS TO SHALL PASS! I also started taking Black Cohosh,it has done wonders. Just try and remember when you start to feel bad that it's just ole peri and peri does'nt last always!!!!!!!

Rhonda

I live in Knoxville.Home of the sunsphere and the rare orange traffic cone(our roads are awful)I actually live in the county,so its not too bad.I would love to live somewhere less crowded,it is starting to fill up at an alarming rate.

Dear Sudio~

Those tears that you're shedding, I have shed so many of those as well. My heart is aching for you because I can relate so well to what you're feeling and what you're going through. So many of us have been there or will be there at some point in their lives.

The only thing that got me through that time was Effexor. Yes, it took several weeks to get over the side effects, however; they did pass. My extreme anxiety that caused so many panic attacks, insomnia, palps, etc. had disappeared. I still get anxious at times and I'm still dealing with other type of issues, though the severe anxiety and panic is gone and has not come back.

Please me (us) when I (we) say, you will get through this. You might need some help to do so, but it will pass.

Hang-in-there, and remember, this is just another phase of our lives......

(((HUGS)))
Karen

Su if this helps, right before and during period i get these same crazy thoughts and feeling its your hormones dipping down i guess, I hate it so much i get depressed too. I take xanax when i feel depressed iknow it isn;t a AD but it helps short term. bu ti am also on hrt which helps alot except for when period hits. And for losing weight i lost like 25 in three months and staying the same now. I get congestion so thick going down my throat it affects my ear and balance sometimes feel like i can't breathe.I try to exercise frequently that helps alot, sunshine get plenty of it. If you need to talk just yahoo me. Hugs Lizardlover

Hi Sudio,
I just saw your post referring to Washington State-- what part are you in? My husband was born and raised in Sedro Woolley and still misses it terribly. I live in western North Carolina, just over the line from TN, and we are being deluged by people moving in-- it's no wonder because it is beautiful here, but it is getting crowded, like Lady E said about Knoxville. We hope to visit Washington State next summer-- I've never been and it will be a dream-come-true to see it with my husband.

Also, I wanted to let you know that I know exactly what you are going through right now. Last fall I started having the heart palps and had myself convinced I was going to have a heart attack, even after a complete cardio work-up and total assurance that my heart is fine. I was totally obsessed with it and ended up losing about 40 pounds (the only benefit from it all!) It took several months of agony to get myself straightened out, initially with Xanax, Premarin oral estrogen, Ativan, then finally what helped me the most was the Vivelle Dot patch. I too tried the Zoloft and it did not work at all for me either! I couldn't stay with it long enough to get through the bad side effects-- just wasn't worth it. But please do hang in there-- things will get better, I promise. Last fall, I wouldn't have believed that statement but today I feel totally different, although I do still have some health anxiety but not near as bad, even after a recent diagnosis of early breast cancer. Because of the bc, I have had to stop taking the Vivelle Dot until we see what effect ERT is having on it, just as a precaution. But it worked wonders for the anxiety, palps, and just seemed to straighten out my whole system and I never had any side effects at all. I sincerely wish you good luck at getting through this rough time and just remember, you have your PS sisters to lean on!

Mary Jo

Hi Lady E,
I'm in Canton, NC, east of you right through the I-40 gorge (home of daily 18-wheeler wrecks!), and I know what you mean about the area filling up-- I live out in the country too and the country here is slowly disappearing, along with our mountaintops. Don't know about you, but all of it just adds to my meno stress!

Mary Jo

MaryJo- wow, sedro wooley is just north of me! i live in Arlington. im sure your husband knows exactly where that is. i think its only a few miles. how long has it been since he's been home? this place is growing so fast too. washington is really beautiful and i'll never move from here again! i miss the mountains and the water too much.

Hi! I have heard my husband mention Arlington many times. It's been about 15 years since he's been back, and I fear that he will be disappointed at how it has grown, just like everywhere else. I would love to see WA. My husband talks about how beautiful and huge the mountains are there compared to here. I love the water too, which we don't have here except creek and streams and some man-made lakes. When we visit, we may not want to come back here! Especially if the fishing is good!

MJ