Welcome to The 40's Up & Down (And Sometimes Upside Down) Forum

Every age has it's own changes; however, in my experience my 40's had the most changes. Personally, it started out as wonderful - being 40, feeling I knew where I was going with my life. Feeling like a woman!

How did you feel turning 40?

It would seem once you've reached your early to mid 40's, your life is likely to be going through some serious hormonal changes. For some, it may start around 43. For others, 47 seems to be the "magic" number (that's when all hell broke loose for me). You've probably begun perimenopause - maybe just some subtle symptoms, maybe some more moderate symptoms. I would assume if you're on Power Surge, you're experiencing perimenopause. What's it like for you?

Have there been changes in your relationships (husbands, boyfriends, partners, children, parents, friends) since becoming 40 something?

Can you talk to your friends openly about what you're experiencing? Are they supportive? Are they going through the same things, or do they look at you like you're from another planet?

This forum is exclusively for those in their 40's. Go for it and share with us whatever you'd like in YOUR forum!

(Anyone, from any age group, can post in this forum and reply with their own experiences as long as it's applicable to the questions and comments posted about being 40 something)

Dearest

I'm just still in the 40's turning 49 this year. Where did my 40's go?? I was a bit scared about turning 40 seemed REALLY old......not anymore now I'm knocking on 50!! I have lost most of this decade due to peri and all it's glory!! Now I'm this age I am finally coming out of the "fog" of peri, can think straight most of the time, have anxiety less, tremors are less, sleep is more (yippee) still have the occasion of wakefulness, hot flushes are less frequent.......and so on. But I do wish I had a bit more time to enjoy my 40's oh well have to make the most of my 50's!!

choco

I'm with choco on this one...we're even the same age, I turn 49 this year too! I find most of my symptoms are gone as well but for me it's because I am on bios. I just couldn't live with the anxiety and some of the other symptoms anymore. I have been on them for a little over a year and things in my life are in such a turmoil right now, I can't imagine stopping them at this point in time. Maybe some time in the future when things calm down! (Do they ever?)

My husband has been my rock through all of this. He doesn't always fully understand but he is always there to listen and lend his support. I don't know what I would do without him.

Even my kids lend their support. My dd is 26 and although I get little comments here and there, like telling me I'm too hormonal to be driving she is a big help. My ds is 21 and I think he has pretty much just learned that sometimes mom just feels like crying and there isn't much to be done but stay out of my way! lol

Thanks for this forum,Dearest! I think it will be interesting to hear what other women my own age are going through.

Someone said it here..I don't remember who..but at 44 (almost 45), I suddenly felt like I had hit a brick wall at 200 miles an hour. I looked and felt around 28, but with the fall of ovarian hormones and a thyroid condition, I suddenly felt 50. Neither my family nor my husband have been consistently supportive, BUT I feel very lucky to have this board and the women on it. I've met some good friends (one who lives very close to me) and I've made some important discoveries about myself.
The hardest symptoms to take were the debilitating depression and anxiety..it's been baaaaaad at times and I'm still wrestling with it.
I feel like I also have "lost" the last 3+ years and am looking forward to working with a doc (Dr. Vliet) that can help me put a BHRT action plan together that will actually work. Change and loss seem to be the defining descriptions for this decade and so much of it has happened to me at one time that I feel like I'm spinning, falling, into a vortex with nothing to hold onto. I even get upset that all my favorite TV shows are going off the air..they feel like deaths or markers of the end of my youth or time here on earth.
Some days are better than others and therapy has helped some...however the more I read and understand, and the more I talk to my mother, aunts, cousins, etc...the more I realize that hormones are a key component to how I'm feeling.
I know that I'm not the first or only one to say this, but I am so, so, so grateful for Power-Surge. Without it, I would have felt like an oddity, a freak of nature, the ONLY woman that this happened to. Thank you Dearest for taking the time and effort.

How fun to have age-specific forums! Thanks, Dearest!

I am 41. I think perimenopause started in my late 30s. So turning 40 wasn't such a huge deal, because the hormones were already causing havoc, and I felt like I was 80. I guess I do see myself a bit differently in my 40s, like I am now "middle-aged" and a mature adult! Instead of thinking of the past, like college friends and things I used to enjoy in my 20s, I am now thinking ahead to what I want to do and who I want to be in the next decade or two. I am even daydreaming about retirement. Up til now, I have done pretty much everything on my "dream" list from my early 20s. Now I have to come up with some new dreams!

No, I can't talk to friends about perimenopause, because most of them are a year or two younger than me and they are too busy having babies, LOL! Menopause is a million miles away in their minds. Little do they know that peri could hit them anytime now! It would be nice to be able to talk to some of them about it. Maybe in a few years. It would be nice for my hubby to have some men to talk to who understand, too.

I can't wait for this whole peri thing to be over, so I can get on with my life--start working again, spend time with friends again, go to the store again, have more energy again, etc etc etc!

Hi everyone!
I am 44 & started with peri symptoms 2 years ago. I found PS after googling some weird symptom & haven't looked back since although it took me about a year to pluck up the courage to post here!
I remember being OK about turning 40 but also a little apprehensive about the end of my 'youth' as I saw it. Up until then, even in my late 30's I felt that I was still relatively 'young' but felt that 40 was like the start of middle age, I know it's only a number etc, etc but I was nervous about it. Also, I had my only child at 38 & would have loved another but knew that this probably wouldn't happen & I have now come to terms with that & realise how lucky I am to have my lovely little boy. Being a parent to a young child while at the same time coping with peri hasn't been easy but when he snuggles up to me & tells me how much he loves me I am so grateful for this unconditional love.

So far my 40's have been pretty tough-the return of overwhelming anxiety after years of being able to manage it, so many weird & not-so-wonderful symptoms, going through a very rough time in my marriage after years of being very happy-we're coming out the other side now but it has been a long hard struggle for both of us, seeing those 2 vertical lines between my eyebrows becoming deeper & deeper.... but worst of all the death of my lovely mum last July-definitely the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my whole life, in some ways I feel like a fully grown woman but losing her has made me feel like a lost little girl crying for her mum.
My heart goes out to all of you who have also lost someone you love so much.

However, there have been some pretty wonderful things too!
Feeling that at last I understand what's really important in life-for me that's family & solid friendships & good health,
enjoying being a mum at last-my 30's seem to have been mostly about trying to get pregnant ( not all bad!!!!), disappointment etc,
knowing what suits me & how to look the best I can, caring less about what others think of me etc, making friends & enjoying the most incredible support & warmth from the girls here on PS & although it's really hard at times, I feel I am learning so much about myself & what I need-emotionally & spiritually & I hope I will come through the other side of this stage of my life healthier, wiser & happier than ever before! Well, that's the plan anyway!!

I'm happy about being in my 40's, sometimes I long for the more carefree days of my youth but I know that there are good & not so good things about every stage of your life & I guess the secret is to be always looking for the good stuff & trying to focus on that!
I think that so far my 40's have taught me that I still have so much to learn & this learning goes on forever if you are open to it.
When I look back to my 20's I knew nothing!!
Anyway, great thread Dearest! And of course 40 is the new 30!!!!
love Sarah xx

Hi Dearest and Meno. Sisters,
What a great idea this is

My peri. started when I was about 35 - then it revved up in my early 40's - I'm now 47. Anxiety/Panic was terrible, raging anger, mood swings, depression - I'm happy to say that has calmed down. Now I have some insomniac, vag. dryness, thyroid (hypo). and every so often have one of the above - not like it was 2 or 3 years ago...thank goodness.

Hmm, talking to others about peri. - I have a few friends and family members that I can talk about peri., so thankful for that. Husband is very supportive and attempts to understand. The majority of the ones I can talk to is Power Surge - I've learned the most thru PS and my meno sisters... Thank you Alice, and all those that work with you - you have assisted me to understand menopausal - the before, during and after menopausal and it has made my life easier. Education is Powerful, Understanding is Powerful, Accepting is Powerful...Knowing that the majority of the peri. symptoms are temporary - I am a woman - Hear me Roar

Thru PS - I've developed friendships that I never would have chatted with, sent e-mails to and they are fabulous, wonderful, kind woman (and you know whom I'm talking to - in Maine and Hawaii)...

I must say that during this time period - I know who I am now. Faults and all . I laugh more now. Wow - I could go on an on... Thanks again for this thread.

Many blessings to all my meno. sisters,
Stacy

Thanks Dearest, this thread is a great idea.

Let's see, where to begin. I can be counted in the group here that turns 49 this year. Am glad to see there are quite a few of us. Truthfully, I don't feel my age eventhough my joints do ache and I had a second spine surgery last year. I try very hard to keep active which I believe is the key. My Mom used to be a nurse and she told me, "keep moving, Tina." and she's right. My activities include ballet, yoga, and tap dancing, walking, and bike riding.

My peri symptoms began after my 2nd child when I was 29 - but they were not bad. I began to have irregular, gushing periods where they began to test me for endometrosis over and over again. Still, I was very productive and happy during those years until 2001 when peri hit me out of no where. Literally, it threw me for a loop with numerous symptoms such as horrible anxiety, fatigue, palpatations, agrophobia, and others.

For the last 3 years, I've had one period per year. The last one was last August. I am praying that I get past August without a period this time. I guess it's close to 2 years since my OBGYN told me that I was in menopause where my ovaries have shrunk and that the lining of my uterus was very thin.

I also cannot talk to any of my friends or family about my journey through this. They just don't understand and it makes me sometimes feel like I'm a weirdo. Hope that makes sense.

I learned quickly that it isn't a topic for women who haven't experienced it yet. My Mom tells me she can't remember when her period ended. I really wanted to know since I feel I'm a little young for menopause.

This last year has been the worst for me. Three deaths in 3 months, two of whom I grew up with. A spine surgery, and my husband divorcing me. Lucikly for me, I have a friend who allows me to stay at his house back in Florida and I'm doing well.

I'm happy, saving money, and am going for a career as an International Flight Attendant. I love to make big u-turns in my career.

It's really lightning here and I must turn off the computer. Severe thunderstorm warning in the area.

XOXO,
-Tina

I'm almost 47. My symptoms mostly came with the return of my cycle a year and a half ago after the birth of my surprise late-in-life baby (she's now 3 1/2). After she was born, I had two years without a cycle - I thought maybe I'd just breeze effortlessly from breastfeeding right into monopause with no symptoms. But it was not to be. My worst symptoms are tiredness, low blood pressure, and fluky circulation with leg cramps. I'm trying tons of herbs, hormonal support, minerals and vitamins. My counter looks like a drug store.

My husband is very supportive, although he's not happy about the amount of money that's being spent for supplements. But it's cheaper than trying different alternative health care practitioners.

RS - you wrote my story! My initials are even RS! I will be 41 in 3 months. I too believe I started peri in my late 30's. Most of my friends are younger and having babies too. I think one of my girlfriends is starting to go through peri but I haven't approached her about it because she's very touchy lately!

I am 49, will be 50 in November, I know I am having peri meno.....if not, I need to be put in a padded cell. Turning 30 made me cry all day, when I turned 40 I thought it was awesome and that my life would now be full of knowledge, respect, etc. Ha ha, was that a joke. Mine started actually about 4 or so months ago. This month my period lasted 3 days and was barely nothing at all, and usually I have very heavy periods every month. I am mad all the time, I find myself not wanting to be around some people, I am more critical, and thats just the good stuff, the anxiety, and heart racing when I least expect it and taking my breath away and sweating like I am running in an 100 mile marathon within 4 minutes of doing something is driving me crazy. On top of that I have a new grandbaby, my first one, and my grandbaby's other grandparents are wanting to have legal guardianship of her using the excuse that my son doesn't have what he needs for his apt yet. (Grandbaby was born 2 months earlier than Dr. told her) so know one was prepared. Now the mother and my grandchild are living with her parents, and I have to make an appointment to go see her, I haven't even held her yet, the kids won't come by the house with her because her parents won't let her take the car they gave her. I put my son on Wal Mart Registry to get his apt ready, and his girlfriend called me and ripped me a new one, she is 21, and basically told me I did not get her permission, that I was immature, and other harsh and hateful things to me. She has never tried to be a part of my sons family and treats me like dirt, and is very disrespectful and rude to me. I have done nothing. I knew she was pregnant the whole time, and she didn't even tell her mom until a week before the baby was actually born. It has been horrible. Now her parents want to meet with me and my husband to go over options for them, they are wanting legal guardianship in order to get her on their insurance plan. Which I think is retarded. If these kids need help, there is alot of help available for a few months if they need it. My son was at work and his name never got on the birth certificate. So know he has no say until he goes to the General Attorneys office and has it ammended. I think her parents wanted it like that so he would legally have no say so right now on their decisions. I am just sick, between peri, this , and trying to finish my internship......I feel like I am going to loose it. Is it wrong that I dont' want to meet with them? They are not my family, the kids aren't married and I really don't feel like meeting with a couple (the other grandparents) and discussing the options the kids have, they just want to talk me into letting them have guardianship. If they really wanted to help the kids why don't the get all the things they have accumulated from the store and let the kids have it for the apt and the baby????? But...oh....no....So I don't seem to be in my right mind right now. I never thought at this age I would have so much stuff going on with my body and life. Did I ramble too much????? Sorry, once I started typing, I just cried and couldn't stop writing. I am going to have to go talk to someone......I don't know what else to do, and my husband doesn't understand this peri stuff at all, so there is no comfort there, I know he wants to, but he just isn't that type of person who is nuturing at all. Parents are gone, siblings live far away, so I feel stuck in a strange life.....and I never felt this way before. Every day I don't know whether I am going to get up and do what I am supposed to do, or pack up and go hide 100's of miles away in a secluded cave.

What a great forum---thanks, Dearest, for giving us 40-somethings the opportunity to talk about this time of our lives.

It's a little coincidental because I told my husband today that I will look back on my forties as the worst decade of my life. I remember being proud to turn 40. I felt grown up...credible, legitmate. It was like my self esteem went up a notch.--I couldn't and wouldn't allow anyone (especially men) to treat me like a silly little girl--I was FORTY.

I'm now 45 and have been in peri for two years, although my periods starting getting weird and funky in my late thirties.

I cannot talk to any of my friends or family about peri-menopause. My mother and I aren't close and she just doesn't seem interested in any of my symptoms or challenges. My best friend is my cousin..she is 41 and freaks out if I mention menopause in any way, shape or form. I see her as being in denial, but she's only 41, just lost a tremendous amount of weight, and got divorced. I can kind of understand her not wanting to talk about the negatives of getting older, but it does sadden me that she has no interest in my life issues.

I honestly don't have any friends in the 3D world who are going through what I'm experiencing. If I didn't have power-surge, I'd probably be in a mental hospital right now. Sometimes I want to scream to the whole world: It's more than just hot flashes!!!!! The weight gain has been awful. I put on 20 pounds that just won't come off. I exercise, eat right, count calories, but the weight just stays. Right now I'm just focusing on being healthy and not gaining any more. I pray that when the hormone wars are over, I'll be able to lose weight the way I could in my 20's and 30's.

I have to say I'm not enjoying my age at all. I'm 45 and I feel like I"m aging too quickly. My husband, who is 52, just subscribed to a magazine called Retirement, and I got very upset about it. I'm not ready to go live in Florida and wear orthopedic shoes---I've got 20 more years, for goodness sakes! I don't feel sexy at all and my sex drive is practically non-existent. I never in a million years thought I'd be someone who didn't care about sex, but that's the way it is right now.

I have to say this: if I could send a message to anyone in their 20's or 30's right now, it would be this: take care of your health! I wish so much that I had paid attention to what I ate, and how much I exercised when I was younger. But I didn't....like so many people I thought I would be young forever, and so I pretty much ignored my body. I was naturally slender and felt good about my shape, so I just ate whatever I wanted to and didn't think about exercise. (Back in the 70's and 80's there wasn't as much of a focus on daily exercise as there is now...but maybe I'm just making excuses for myself). When I was in my mid-thirties I developed major panic disorder, and started running to cope with the stress. I can't run anymore; it's just too much wear and tear on my joints, but I wish I had incorporated exercise my life when I was young--maybe it wouldn't be such a chore now.

My parents didn't instill good eating habits in our family...like any typical kid raised in the '60's we were raised on fast food, twinkies, Tang, white bread...all the bad stuff. My daughter is 18 and she has such a different attitude about food. She is thin and does eat fast food but she's also conscious of getting enough fruits and vegetables.

So...yes, I don't enjoy my age, or I should say I'm not enjoying my age. I don't really know how much is hormonal and how much is just my baseline neuroses rearing its ugly head. I feel like my forties is a turning point for me. It's where I decide what the rest of my life is going to be like. In your 20's and 30's, you've got youth on your side, so you can pretty much trash your body and still feel and look half-way decent. In your forties, you can't get away with that. If I drink too much wine, I'm sick for 3 days, not 3 hours. One night of stuffing myself with more food than I should have eaten will literally make me so sick I risk losing a day of work. Everything is more exaggerated...including my emotions.

And yet...I guess there are some positives. My child is grown and she turned out great, so the anxiety of raising children is gone. And I'm established in my career...no more wondering what I want to be when I grow up (I spent a long time in that state.) I have a house, and a little money in the bank. Also, I'm glad I'm not one of those women that refuses to accept the aging process. My daughter's roommate at college has a mom like that. She's my age, but dresses like a teenager. She has tatoos and piercings and tries desparately to look and act like a teenager. It's really sad because the very thing she's avoiding is blaringly obvious to the rest of the world. She's literally wearing her insecurities and fears on the outside. I'm grateful that I'm not as affected as her.

I look forward to reading the positives of being in my forties...I'm sure you ladies will have some interesting things to say...

Thank you Dearest!!!! What a wonderful why to express the forties!

I feel so at home here, all of you ladies speak for me as well. I could see myself in all that you write about.

I just turned 49, so I'm with the 49er's group, the tail end of the forties. This for me, was the worst decade of my life so far. At 44yrs old, I had to have my right ovary removed due to a tumor (non-cancer). Within a year of that surgery, by the age of 45 I was hit with severe peri. It just started happening slowly. I was soooo tired all the time, and all of a sudden I could not sleep at night. Then the night sweats started, then hot flashes, by 46 I was a total mess. Nothing prepared me for this.

I run my own business and have a very busy schedule, soon I could barely keep up with things. I ran to the doc's often, complaining about how bad I was feeling. Luckly, I was able to start BHRT, which has somewhat restored my sanity and energy to a better level. Getting older is hard for me, I don't like the changes that keep coming my way. I was always very healthy and never had back problems or joint aches, now it's starting to happen more often.

I have many friends, but very few that I can talk with regarding meno issues, younger women don't want to EVEN think about that happening, and I don't blame them. I never would have believed how cruel it could be. Therefore power-surge has been a wonderful place, filled with special friends whom I love and can share so much with, a life saver!!!!

The good part of turning this age, for me, it's been to see my children grow up and both are married (no grandkids yet). My marrige, which has been a constant challenge, is teaching me to take care of myself better and better, and stop being a caretaker of everyone. Wisdom is part of growing older, that part I do like.

Thanks everyone for sharing this is a great topic.

Juliann

I turned 42 on June 10 and my peri started in my late 30's but really hit me the last year. The overwhelming anxiety, fatigue, internal shakes, palps, diziness you name it!!! I hated turning 40 and feel worse every year! I feel the 40's are the most confusing times of our lives. It's like what I used to enjoy, I don't anymore, what I wanted to do with my life, I don't want to do anymore. It is like we are trying to find ourselves again. I have 6 children ranging in age from 18 to 4 and it is tougher when you are going through this to take care of them. Especially when you just want to sleep!!!! My husband is very understanding, he always warns me when I'm getting out of hand wth my moods, he'll say "your 25 heads are popping out" LOL I just feel I don't know who I am anymore. My husband re-enlisted back into the service and we will be movng at the end of the month and then he is getting deployed in a couple of months so it seems I'm having more stress later in life than enjoyng it!

I too have no one to talk to about it. My friends arent there yet or they are but dont know it...lol I come from a very strict Italian family so these things are a no no on the list of discussions. I do remember my mom going through it, she had her last period at 45 but she didnt seem as bad as me or maybe I didnt even notice then. I have to say the one thing I am proud of is my health and the shape I am in. After having 6 kids I am still wearing a size 6 like in high school and have actually lost weight due to exercise. I'm a young 42 as my oldest says...lol we listen to the same music and I keep up with my hair and clothes so he isn't embarrassed to have me as a mom!! His friends are like, that's your mom!!!!.....lol so I guess I should feel good about that! If they only knew the battle inside. I mean I remember being that age and thinking my parents were so old!!! No the older people seem younger to me. LOL

momof6: Take a bow---6 kids, and your hubby is being deployed? You are AMAZING. Please, please, pat yourself on the back...if I were you, I'd be walking in circles and talking to myself! You are SOOOOO lucky to have so many kids; I have one child (lost 2 after her, and then got divorced). I always wanted a big family, but it wasn't in God's plan for me. Still, I envy and admire women who have big families. I am also Italian and understand the taboo thing...not talking about certain subjects. My grandmother, who was born in Italy, never learned to drive and never wore a pair of sneakers in her life, but she was the toughest lady I knew. I don't know how she coped with menopause. She talked about 'the change', but never complained. I have an old Italian aunt who once told me "Don't worry, this bad time will pass. And be replaced by something new, and bad." LOL!

We'll get through this decade...one day at a time---thanks for posting..I really enjoyed reading yours....let us know how you are getting along!!!

Your 40-something meno bud,
Robin

Hi ladies,

I don't remember turning forty

Really truly, I was still mourning my husband who died three years before I turned forty of cancer. We had been married only 4 months so my perspective on time is a little different from most people's. Worrying about turning forty seemed petty--I was raising a teen daughter on my own (my ex moved to California when he didn't win the custody battle, leaving me without child support and leaving me the job of being a single mother). trying to make ends meet, and missing my husband so badly I almost couldn't function.

I feel sort of disloyal posting because everyone that has posted seems to hate their forties, but age just seems like an arbitrary number so I try not to focus on it. In my forties, besides experiencing the first stirrings of peri (pounding heart and huge headache that woke me up about 5 times were my first symptoms, followed by morning hot flashes, anxiety, and disturbed sleep) I went back to school and finished my undergrad degree, then went on to grad school and completed my master's degree.

In my early forties I remarried. My husband and I have a commuter marriage--he's on the east coast and I'm in the southwest--we see each other 2x a month which lately has been fine, since I've learned to like my time alone. In my forties I travelled to Scotland, England, Wales and Ireland, moved twice, taught university courses when before I had simply been an admin assistant, and got a wonderful job working in my field of study, which is amazing considering it's English.

I have about seven friends--my age or older--who are either menopausal or are going through menopause and I talk to all of them. I ask a lot of questions. They understand and it's great having that support.

I still have regular periods but they are shorter, and are coming a bit earlier than they had been. Taking half a .25 xanax helps with the morning anxiety that comes with hot flashes or maybe it's the other way around, but I try not to use it unless I really have to. I have recently had a few night sweats, but knowing they are normal helps me not to get angry about having them--and keeps me calmer so they don't spike so badly. I had two t-shirts made that say "NO, I'M NOT COLD" and it's amazing how many women get it. I've outed myself to perfect strangers about hot flashes which strangely seems to relieve my flashes a bit. I'm careful what I wear (colors) which I hate, and can't wear sweaters any more, which I hate too, but I figure it's only clothes so why worry--it will pass eventually. I don't want to take hormones or bioi.d.s so I'm taking soy, black cohosh, red clover etc. Does it help? Maybe. I don't dwell on it. My ac in my car is on whether it's 40 degrees or 80 degrees out.

I still haven't found a gynocologist that I like--my long time gyno recently passed away from cancer--, but I'm looking--tomorrow I'll interview another one, because after all, we are paying them, right? Not the other way around.

My forties haven't been so bad, so far. I'll be 49 next year. It helps not to believe that age brings certain symptoms no matter what.

Sorry all--I'm okay with my forties. My daughter is healthy, we have a close relationship, and she's living independently and making a success of it. My husband loves me. I have friends. I don't live with the threat of being bombed daily in a war zone. I'm alive and not dying of cancer.

I hope I don't get a lot of flak for this post, but I had to throw in a little different perspective.

Riv

Hi Dearest,

This is me!

I just turned 49 and for me also hell broke loose at 47.
Looking back now it must all have started in my mid forties with light symptoms.
I have nobody to talk openly about what I am going through. Not only my friends look at me as if I were from another planet. Most of the time I feel as if an alien overtook the control of my central nervous system and my total body and health.
My worst symptom now is severe insomnia and this makes it very difficult for me to put things into perspective.
I am not afraid of aging and turning 40 at the time was just great. I always have been a very healthy person and used to look younger than my age. (Now I look like Al Pacino in "Insomnia").
The biggest change in my relationship to others, husband, child, family, is that I became more "selfish". I always used to be very concerned about others' wellbeing and now I just do not have the energy anymore.
I had to give up my Italian classes. I am an art student and didn't manage to get my work done for the end of the year exposition. I have practically no social life anymore because out of the 5 appointments that I make I have to cancel 4 of them.
What I find the most regrettable of this time of my life is the loss of all this precious time. These years will never come back again!
Anyway I am so happy that I found this unique forum, it helps me enormously. Thank you so much for this.
I have enough knowledge of several languages to assure you that there is no other website with so much information, support and such nice, intelligent and caring women!

Thank you all for sharing!

Nic

Hi everyone

I'm now 46. When I reached 40 I felt okay. For me the first sign that something was changing was my periods. I have PCOS and so all my life (apart from the years on the pill) my periods had been irregular, 3 or 4 a year, never knew when the next one would be. For me my forties have brought regular periods. I now understand that this can and does happen to women with PCOS as they move towards menopause but at the time I didn't have a clue what was happening.

Unfortunately with this change came others heavier periods, insomnia, occassional night sweats.

When I told an old friend about my period changes she said 'welcome to the real world' so after that kind of response it was wonderful to find Power Surge and the comfort and support here. I may not have had regular periods and all that goes with that but PCOS caused infertility and wondering if I could conceive.

In late 2004, I was 44, I was suffering with anxiety which I did not recognise as anxiety because I had never ever had problems before. At a New Years Eve party 2004 I now realise I had a bad hot flush, the room was incredibly hot and I felt terrible. It was the hostess, a woman who I hardly knew, who asked if it could be menopause. I had mentioned this to my doctor but got the 'you're too young' response. Suddenly everything started to fit in to place.

The best thing is that I now make time for me, something which I rarely did with work and a young family. My mid forties have made me start to put me and my feelings at the top of the list. I feel more relaxed.

My marriage of nearly 20 years, having gone through a bad patch, is now really good. I ended a long friendship that for many years I had been really unhappy with. I now question what doctors tell me. I have a good relationship with my daughters who are now 17 and 18. I take better care of my health now than at any other time in my life.

If someone says something that annoys or upsets me I used to always just let it go, now I try to make a decision to either let it go or say something at the time rather than wish I had said something when I look back on it.

I am begining to come to terms with my body and the aging process. One day I will go grey naturally but I don't feel ready to do that now. Those frown lines on my forehead!! A little thicker around the waist.

Well, my thanks to Dearest for this new forum and my gratitude for all the wonderful women on it.
hugs
robin

Peri hit me right after i turned 40. Im right up there with momof6,as i have 7 kids ranging from 29 to 7. Im 45 now and i have no idea where im at as far as menopause goes. my periods have been coming closer together but so far no missed ones. I wonder if we start peri at 40, does that mean we might get to post meno earlier too? I hate the thought that i might be going thru this till im 52. I am feeling like this is going to be the worst decade of my life too. my worst symptoms have been from the very start panic and anxiety and insomnia. i have only had maybey 2 hot flashes and i dont really suffer with night sweats because i sleep with my bedroom door open (to a patio) and a fan that sits in front of it blowing on me all night.sometimes i worry that im not going thru peri at all and ive just blown this all out of proportion when i had my first panic attack 5 years ago. and i found out i was hypothyroid. that scares me to think that. but not everyone has hot flashes do they? anyway, i feel bad that my younger kids are getting ripped off cuz im not the energetic mom i used to be with my older kids. and i have 5 grandkids that i cant really enjoy because i feel like crap most of the time and dont want to play with them or even be around them much.I have also learned to say no and to put myself first if i need to. that was very hard to do, but im getting better at it and my kids are learning to accept it. so far i have to say i hate my fourties and am looking forward to being however old im going to be when i feel better and am past this nightmare so i can wake up with a smile on my face every day, instead of a headache and a knot in my stomach.

I am 42 years old...soon to be 43....been having peri symptoms since i was 29.....but the worst ones started when i was 39...panic attacks,major hot flashes,etc....
This past year actually hasn't been too bad....i still have the symptoms but i have learned to accept them and go with the flow.I have learned to live my life despite my symptoms instead of allowing my symptoms to control my life.Both my sister and my mom were post menopausal by the age of 45...i am hoping i will follow in their foot steps....i am eagerly awaiting no more periods!!
I didn't mind turning 40....i actually felt like i earned it like it was a badge of courage or something....i do wish i had more people i could talk to in person here where i live about all this stuff.....the subject is still a bit taboo even though it's the year 2007.But i am thankful for this site and the way you ladies are able to openly discuss your most personal problems and symptoms.
I found out last week i am going to be a grandma for the first time....after i found out,everytime i even thought about the word "grandma" i would get an adreneline rush for the first few days...but now i am excited and even went looking at baby clothes in the stores....just when i thought my life was settling down a bit and i was learning to manage these peri symptoms and accepting this phase in my life i will be entering a whole new,unknown phase.......

Hi, I'm 43 now, Peri started about 39 but I did not realise it. In fact it was only after finding this site that I did and Power Surge is a godsend! Thank you all for sharing your stuff with us and helping one another out.

The anxiety has been the most diabling of things, but I have had a myriad of other troubles too as my posts will tell.

The last 6 months though have been some what better and I think an understanding of what is going on, taking vitamins as per the PS Vit list and Hrt have all helped me. I have even lost weight again and started playing Netball and have just come back from the Glastonbury Festival, something I would not have thought I would have been able to do again tis time last year.

Depending on you perspective I am luckily single so have not been a burden to anyone, although had I not been I may have gotten some comfort out of the support of another half.

My friends have been a great help though and I can talk this all through with them, those of a similar age have odd symptons now too and started more iregular cycles and I have pointed them in the direction of PS too so there may be a few more UK ladies on this forum!

Amanda

"Every age has it's own changes; however, in my experience my 40's had the most changes. Personally, it started out as wonderful - being 40, feeling I knew where I was going with my life. Feeling like a woman!

-->For me, changes started at age 38, built up through my 40's, peaked and now they are rolling downhill and calming down.

How did you feel turning 40?

-->I felt really good about turning 40 and actually looked forward to leaving the 30's behind. Life was hectic and when I hit 40, I began to feel like it was time to explore myself as a person and confirm the direction I was heading in was right. I'm a work in progress, but I'm a lot happier than I have ever been.

It would seem once you've reached your early to mid 40's, your life is likely to be going through some serious hormonal changes. For some, it may start around 43. For others, 47 seems to be the "magic" number (that's when all hell broke loose for me). You've probably begun perimenopause - maybe just some subtle symptoms, maybe some more moderate symptoms. I would assume if you're on Power Surge, you're experiencing perimenopause. What's it like for you?

--> It's better now that what it was the past 5 years. Symptoms have slowed down, time between periods has lengthen, I'm a lot calmer than I was. I suppose you could say that I'm much nicer to be around now than I was a few years ago.


Have there been changes in your relationships (husbands, boyfriends, partners, children, parents, friends) since becoming 40 something?

--> I dumped a lot of toxic relationships out of my life, hence why I am probably much happier. Parents have ceased talking to me. Their choice, not mine . Their negativity was really dragging me down. My kids are in college and call nearly every day to talk to good ol' mom. I love having their company. Hubby is fine, just going through his personal changes (physical and emotional due to age), but he's a good guy. . .couldn't ask for better. I've grown closer to a friend of many years and have added more friends to my social circle.

Can you talk to your friends openly about what you're experiencing? Are they supportive? Are they going through the same things, or do they look at you like you're from another planet?

--> Oh definitely! All of my friends are supportive as they are experiencing the same and if they aren't, they are curious and ask questions. It works out great for everybody.

Well, this is a nice section to the board. I'm 40 turned 40 in April, my perip. came on 2 months before I turned 39 so that kind of put a damper on even thinking about turning 40.
Well, I would like to say its been great, but its been a struggle with all the premenapause stuff. I had to be put on birth control pills at 39, to stop a 19 day bleed, now I'm using a natural progestrone cream and weaning off the b.c. pills so far so good, next month I will only be taking a half a b.c. pill every other day, this month I'm taking a 1/2 b.c. ever day along with using the creme.
I had to be put on clonipan I proably spelled that wrong, because of the extreme panic and anxiety attacks, I cry very easily anymore.
But on the bright side of things, I'm thankful to be 40, many people never get to see this age, I have two healthy children 10 and a 16 year old, I have a roof over my head, a husband who tries to be understanding, but has two diseases himself and there is no cure for them. I'm thankful for the food and clothes on my back, I'm thankful that I can get up out of the bed every day and face another day. I have a wonderful father and mother.
This is how I try to look at things, when I feel really down and bad. The lord has blessed me, and so when I feel scared I pray and I come on this board, and I'm very thankful for this board too.
I feel that I'm much wiser now than I was a few years ago, at least I hope so.

This is my story about turning the ripe age of 40

I will be 49 in September and this is so crazy, but I'm really just now understanding what's been happening to me. Only after finding this board, do I understand the hell I've been through. Must live my life with my head in the sand. I think I'm past the excruciating depression and despair. My head is still in a fog, but I don't feel like I NEED to kill anyone at this moment. My cycle has given me NO indication that I'm menopausal until 3 months ago when I dropped some gigantic blood clots for 5 solid days and then past 2 months, very very light spotting and that was it. My dr. told me that i'm not menopausal until my periods are irregular-- not for me. I'm anxious to see what happens next. I would really like to have my zest for life back. Right now I'm still in the dulldrums,, or depression, if that's how you say it. No joy in life. It's a little better, but I want excitement back. The fatigue is excruciating. I have a very hard time getting out of the house. I want to be alone most of the time. I've gained a ton of weight, probably has something to do with it. Well, anyway--the joys of life. bev

Hi everyone,

It's been interesting reading everyone's responses. I find myself nodding my head in agreement with so many of you!

I was looking forward to turning 40. You know that "magical" time when you get that self confidence, wisdom and all that good stuff.

40 came in with a bang.

Migraines. A new experience for me. I was convinced I was dying a some kind of brain tumor. Spent $$ on neurologists, CT scans, you all know the story. Finally got that one under control.

41 brought another issue. GERD, and a whole host of digestive disorders that still plague me to this day.

42 rolled around and it was depression and high blood pressure.

43 found me at the hospital with a lump in the breast. Turned out to be fibro cystic breast disease. Along with multiple bladder infections, crazy periods, dizziness, insomnia and the lovely hot flashes.

Now I'm about to turn 44......I'm praying for an "uneventful" year!

Hi Dearest and everyone else,I'm 49 and I've only joined this site a minutes ago, and I feel like I'm reborn. Every single situation mentioned I am going through. My friends are like " what's menopause?????" Doh, they think they're still twenty, in the interim I thought I was going insane, joint aches, major hair loss, 24/7 flushes, rage, insecurity major depression, floppy belly and saggy arms syndrome;and finally thoughts of how pathetic I am. I am Australian it's so cool to read that others half way across the world have exactly the same symptoms and problems. Dearest and members I think you are life savers, it's such a fantastic relief to know you are not the only one,I empathise with each and every one of you. It's a major relief to be able to express how one is feeling, and know other people are actually interested. Thank-you.

Hi bobikiss,
I discovered this site two weeks ago and for me it is a life saver. I have many friends, but they are too young to know, what the menopause is. I didn't know it either, in fact. When it came to me in smmer, I thought that I was seriously ill. Matala

Wow~ I can't believe there is a forum for those of us in our 40's. I amost cried as I read everyones response...it was like....I AM NOT ALONE!

I'm almost 44 and so far the 40's have s*cked for me. Anxiety has been the biggest pain in the butt. Before I was 40, I didn't worry about health stuff. Now I think about it everyday. When I was 42 they found a fibroad in my breast and removed it. From that point on I deal with fears of getting cancer or some dreaded disease all the time. I'm learning how to manage it, but I HATE IT.

I know I'm just getting into peri....right now I have very sore breasts, stomach issues, anxiety, joint pain, insomia, and scratchy skin.....LOL....now that I read this, maybe I'm more into peri then I think I am.

I'm hoping to read some of the thoughts from the 50's forum. I'm hoping they will say...50 is awesome!

Hi and welcome! Funny how we feel all alone while going through this and yet we really aren't.

Been mulling over this question of how did you feel when you turned forty? Sometimes I think we tend to react as we saw our parents react. I had just moved, one of perhaps 12 moves made between youth and forty as hubby and I had a sporadically mobile life. We spent eight years in one place and eight years another while the kids finished growing up. I was determined NOT to move again until they graduated but somewhere in my late thirties, having tackled yet another episode of whatever it was...something hormonal related to celiac/thyroid/whatever I HAD to get OUT of my house. It was like, I had gone through two of these major episodes in that house in which I would invariably leave or get toted up to my parents and spend a week or two, a month or two or a summer. There is no way to properly explain what happened to me but after having my second child my hormone situation spiraled downward rapidly. I had a severe bout of insomnia in my late twenties which placed me on xanax. I was off it in six weeks with determined self weaning. Then during the course of our mutliple moves, I ended up with another bout of whatever this is. This time it began with a series of heavy pred, as I had gotten poison ivy internally, thanks to careless hubby BURNING IT on our property. Yes, he knew I was allergic. One cannot explain these things. Men are beyond STUPID especially when young and if ill tempered, as mine was. After the courses of pred I had a hemorrhage and things slid downward again...rapidly. This time into Graves disease and that into a thyroid storm which very nearly killed me. Actually, I think it did and I was sent back. Leave that alone.

During all of those years I endured a very bad tempered husband who was verbally and at times, physically abusive. Yes, I wanted to leave him but I had two small children, no income, no higher education and was ILL ALL THE TIME. Its hard to make sense of your life when you are on a roller coaster of ill health and trying to raise children, be a model wife and mother and all of that. In my late thirties I began to realize, after much MUCH much self study and prayer that my condition was not mental. I had been told I was a mental health case since my twenties when those conditions and the health roller coaster ride began. Anytime doctors cannot put together your multitude of symptoms and high anxiety is among those symptoms, they write you off as a basket case and insist upon therapy. I feel I was spiritually led by God to discover that I had celiac disease and on my own, went off wheat for ONE YEAR. That was late thirties and my periods had already become gushers by then. Simultaneously and parallel to my illnesses, my sisters both went through serious illness. One of them was finally diagnosed with IBS and the other with Hashimotos disease (thyroid) and was treated for goiter. The latter sister lost so much weight she suffered bone loss that caused severe pain and she had to be treated in the emergency with morphine. Her anxiety level went off the roof. Now this from a girl so calm you couldn't move her with a sledge hammer. During her health roller coaster which hit her in her mid to late thirties her husband began telling everyone in their small town life she had gone off her rocker and convinced his sons she was a mental case. Not hard to believe considering her older sister was evidently the same way. He planned to divorce her then and told her so in the midst of her severe illness. She begged him to reconsider and not to speak of it until she was more able. She had begun a nursing program and had to quit in order to survive her illness.

Now the medical community refused to test her for celiac disease, which is what I insisted upon. They would not listen and finally planned exploratory surgery. In desperation she checked herself into the Mayo and after about 100 different blood tests was finally diagnosed with - you guessed it, CELIAC DISEASE. A SEVERE CASE. At this time Dr Murray of the Mayo, a famous Celiac expert was conducting a study to examine familial celiac. We qualified for the study and the entire family was tested. Three underwent biopsies, both my sisters and one niece, ALL CONFIRMED CELIAC. I could not undergo a biopsy as I had been off wheat for A YEAR. Three of my remaining immediate family tested in the carrier range. My mother was later cleared of it and was my father and youngest sister. I was listed as a carrier, tissue typing positive as was my brother. The link here? Both my parents had to be carriers and NONE OF US was breastfed. Those are the links. When carrier mothers don't breastfeed their children those kids stand a major chance of developing active celiac disease in adulthood. It takes stress generally to bring it on. In our many conversations with Dr Murray we discovered that most celiacs are NOT diagnosed until mid or later life and usually have developed life threatening illnesses at that point. The symptoms are SO COMPLEX regular physicans cannot put them together and thus, the average celiac patient is first diagnosed as A MENTAL HEALTH CASE.

All those decades of being labeled a MENTAL HEALTH case when you had a REAL diagnosable ILLNESS. A LIFE THREATENING ILLNESS with REAL physical symptoms the primary of which is ANXIETY. Why don't I believe in doctors? Because they DID NOT believe in ME. Simple answer to a profound question. I had to self diagnose to survive. The only help I got was from GOD who steered me all through that awful mess. He gave me dreams and led me in directions that kept me ALIVE. So you ask, why didn't He just cure you or heal you? Really, what good does it do to heal someone of something they ARE NOT AWARE OF and may go right on living the wrong lifestyle? Why heal them only to let them kill themselves with the same brand of ignorance? So, this brings me to forty. At the age of forty or nearly so, I was finally diagnosed. For the first time in my life I was not sick all the time. I did not get everything that went around. I have had eight years of very good health. But the bad periods kept on coming and because celiac damage to the intestinal tract is permanent, the absorption of nutrients becomes affected. Heavy periods combined with a low absorption of iron and B vitamins has left me anemic. Yes, perhaps hysterectomy would have been better. Both my sisters have had it and they seem better off for it in all ways but this - the sex life is affected and the ability to produce hormones even with remaining ovaries is limited. My one sister had immediate ovarian failure post her hysterectomy and is now on premarin. She tried Estroven, soy, all the naturals, estrace...no use. Her anxiety and insecurity were off the charts. She said she crawls the walls without it. She hates it, she has had skin cancer but her quality of life is so much better without the horrid pausal symptoms she is willing to take that risk.

What was it like to turn forty for me? Like the first time I ever had a hope, a clear picture of what life might have, should have been like for other people. Yes, I have gone through and still go through periods of grieving over what I consider a lost youth. Grieving over lost health, lost opportunities to feel so much better and enjoy life. But then again, during all of that awful suffering I had something most people have never experienced...this remarkable flying faith. God gave me some uniquely incredibly special faith that enabled me to survive but more than that, to thrive spiritually. I never doubted Him, never doubted His Word, never felt that struggle everyone else feels with their faith, their spiritual life...mine was rock solid, GOLD. Did the awful suffering make that faith possible or vice versa? I don't know. I simply know that when my health became solid my faith began to be challenged in ways I never dreamt possible. I still don't doubt God or His reality or the reality of the spirit realm. My doubts now seem to be mostly about ME, my perception of God and His Word. Wow. When I look back on it, all that I lost I could almost count as gain just as Paul said. Now what I have I count loss because of the loss of what I had felt and experienced and known in my flying faith then.

I will turn 48 in a few months. My forties have been a mixed bag. An emotional roller coaster in the sense of the oncoming onslaught of the pause. I began experiencing the awful anxiety I knew during the periods of ill health again. Not the panic, I just don't go there anymore. The closest I get is days of knotted gut leading to possible ulcerations and bouts of IBS. Thats bad anxiety. I have anxiety medication which my doctor fights me every step of the way to prescribe...because after all, we should be able to handle it all with the latest designer antidepressants or SSRIS or anything except the only thing that really helps... Because the pharmaceuticals have brainwashed and control the medical field. Thats the way it is. Whatever they say, no matter how many studies it takes to sell their latest drug, that goes. Rare is the doctor who is willing to research and find out the facts for himself. Private studies not funded by pharmaceuticals are easily dismissed. Well, my soap box is clear on this issue. I just wanted to tell you what I thought about turning forty and you got the whole nine yards thrown in!