OK y'all. This isn't funny anymore. I posted a few months ago about how I've turned into a hypochondriac since peri started. I was concerned but still a little jokey about it. But over the last three months, it's gotten truly frightening. Right around the time I presume I'd be ovulating, I'm having the most horrifying feeling that I'm dying of some horrible disease. I know I'm not, but why can't my logical brain get that point through to my emotional brain? Over the course of a week, from Friday 18th to Saturday 26th, I was having a half dozen panic attacks a day. And all over the stupidest stuff - a discoloration in my skin tone or a bug bite on my skin is cancer, a pain in my leg is a blood clot that going to cause a stroke, tingling in my foot is the beginning of numbess, the diagnosis being circulation problems for which I'll probably need amputation...either that or multiple sclerosis. It's sounds SO silly now, because I'm not in that phase at the moment, not to mention EXTREME. But during the time it's going on, it's completely real and logical. The only thing that keeping me sane is to keep re-reading the chapter in the book "The Everything Book of Menopause" that says anxiety is totally normal during this time (pretty good book btw), and Power Surge. My friends and family think I need to see a therapist, and/or get on some anxiety medication. But I hate to do that -- I don't want to take daily medication for something that happens only a few days a month. Can any of you relate? Not just to the anxiety and hypochondria, but it happening around ovulation? Do any of you have any insight into why it seems to happen only then? I'm sure it's some extreme hormone surge or dropoff, but what? Anything anybody can tell me that will help me make it through next month -- diet, exercise, meditation techniques -- will be humongously appreciated. Thanks.

Hi Webalina,

I don't know why it would happen just around ovulation - as you say, it's likely related to a hormonal surge. But so many of us have had this with peri! It's very upsetting, as we KNOW logically we are dealing with bug bites, but we are immediately going to thoughts of cancer!

Perhaps it's that becoming middle-aged, we're subconsciously becoming more aware of our own mortality? I can tell you that this has eased up for me.... well, until I get the next weird symptom that gets my head spinning.

You're not alone!

JJ

Oh boy! Forgive me for laughing...I'm not laughing at you but at MYSELF because that's EXACTLY how I feel! I am *normally* a VERY logical and highly functioning person! I too have turned into a complete hypochondriac. We have just moved across country and I am on an interim insurance policy so I can't even indulge in a Doctor visit. I don't know if that's a blessing or a curse. This place has saved me.

I find that my worst symptoms are not when I ov. but just before my period. Your list of fears and symptoms are almost identical to mine. The pain in my calf is a blood clot coming on, the muscle twitches and novacaine feeling is MS. I remember reading so much here about the heart attack feelings and thought. "OK...make mental note about heart attack feelings...I won't fall for that now!" Guess what...chest felt tight during panic and I was CERTAIN I was having a heart attack. My life has been upsdie down since we moved, anso I know there is a lot of anxiety involved, but between that and my hormones....

Here's what we do....Our routine is that my husband just keeps telling me over and over and over and over that it is "just your hormones". He is a very reassuring guy and says it with such "authority" that it usually calms me down. However, when I'm in the middle of it? Forget it. Nothing can convince me I don't have cancer or MS. It is a HORRIBLE feeling and makes me feel like I'm going crazy. I too am afraid of taking meds. Husband is terrified they will "damage" my body in some way (ie: unknown or un-disclosed side affects that come up at a later date). The mental gyrations are almost more exhausting than the physical sensations.

I also **write down** a few "catch phrases" that I have read here...like once, someone had written that (quote) "Our bodies were "bathed" in estrogen and now it is suddenly deprived of that"...when I am in the middle of an "attack" of fear over these things, I run these certain sentances through my mind.

Isn't this fun??? It's not like I don't have enough to do with two young children and a new house to move into...I have to make notes to myself to keep me from obsessing on completely unrealistic thoughts! Yipee!

My husband keeps telling me that I shouldn't feel "bad" about this though because the **feelings**, the actual sensations ARE happening and they ARE scary. All the more that we seem to be hit by A LOT of different feelings/sensations at once! My mantra is that the feelings I am having are NOT my imagination and who wouldn't be scared if their bodies were feeling like this? It's hard to *ignore* it when you have numbness or tingling or some other horrible symptom.

I also fight with the anger I feel...the feeling of being cheated out of my life. Now that I am not 20 anymore, I was just getting comfortable in my own skin and had a lot of important things I'd wanted to start **doing** with my life, and I've been reduced to just getting myself bathed and fed everyday without sitting in a corner all day wanting to cry or being afraid of going to out in public for fear of having this happen in front of other people. I also used to LOVE to drive...I used to drive into LA just for the fun of it. It was an escpae for me. Now I feel so trapped! My equilibrium feels "off" and it makes me afraid to drive! I am in a completely new city now and don't know where I am, but this is making me fear even going out to "explore". I was talking to my Mom about this last week (she is 64) and she said she too is now afraid to drive and often feels trapped. It is a horrible feeling of having your independence stripped from you. I'm only 40. I expected to have some hot flashes at 60, not this!

I hate this... I get the "I'm dying" feeling too. I think that is the worst because I have two very small children (4 & 7) and the thought of leaving them motherless scares me to death.

I did not get a great deal of relief out of the Claire Weeks book that helps so many people, but I did take away two thoughts....one was that she mentions that by having the constant panic, we are really "greasing" our adrenaline, which is then set off at the slightest thing. The more this happens, the easier it is for our bodies to go into this response. She calls it an "adrenaline attack" instead of a "panic attack" which helps me sometimes..."This is just my adrenaline, and it can only do so much". She also talks about how adrenaline can only **do** so much...it can only go so far and then it stops.

Also, she tells you to just stop and *accept* this feeling of panic as it washes over you, KNOWING it IS going to end shortly. This has worked for me (though I am still incredibly uncomfortable when it's happening) but it doesn't work when my body starts to visably and violently tremble. It does seem to be getting worse, and I think that's because it keeps happening over and over again. At this point, I don't know where the hormones and possible thyroid issues stop and the sheer anxiety attacks start. They seem so intertwined at this point.

I hope it at least helps to know you're not alone!
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RedHarmony -- Thanks for a great post! Something you said struck a chord that might actually help -- the idea that adrenaline can only do so much. I don't guess an adrenaline surge can kill you, but it sure feels like it can doesn't it?!?!!! If it helps I read something a while back about how it takes three minutes from the time your adrenals first kick in until you're in full panic mode, and then if it's nipped in the bud immediately another three minutes to drop back to normal. The trick supposedly is to do calming exercises, mantras or deep breathing or whatever -- for three minutes as soon as you feel the first sensations. Ideally, you won't be in panic mode for more than a couple of minutes. I think I like your idea better -- it's not going to kill you, so just wait it out.

I went through an overwhelming amount of stress in a four year stretch from 2001-2005 -- health problems (flu, broke my arm, injured my shoulder, boils (really!), all with no insurance; car problems (had to replace the engine while I was unemployed); man trouble (boyfriend of 15 years dumped me), financial worries (bought a new house 5 months before I lost my job in the Enron crash, out of work nearly a year, eventually filed bankruptcy, paid my house note 3 times on my credit card); family problems (stepfather died, sister-in-law diagnosed with cancer (better now), nephew arrested) -- you name it, it happened to me. I was wondering then if it was possible to blow out your adrenal glands from overload. I read about adrenal exhaustion, but I didn't have the crashing depression and fatigue that seemed to go with that. I think what happened with me -- and I don't know if medically this is even possible -- was that my adrenal glands were going off so often that they got confused and actually got used to all the stress, and now just go off whenever, anticipating the stress that they were so used to before. Things are MUCH better in my life now, but I don't think my adrenals quite believe it yet. And I sure the hormone swings aren't helping matters.

Hi Webalina,
hope you're feeling a little better after some of these great posts!
I have suffered from health anxiety for most of my life. I guess it was part inherited & part learned from my mum.
It really took off in my late 20's when I first experienced panic attacks etc but once I learned about panic & anxiety & what was going on I lost my fear of it & have since always been able to deal with it when it flared up again.
HOWEVER... when I hit peri 2 years ago, it completely overwhelmed me & since then I just have not been able to handle it like before.
I had been through a stressful period & when things settled down it hit me. The first sign I had was depersonalisation & derealisation which I'd never had before & I thought I was losing it! It quickly accelerated & it got to the point that I went to see my doctor because I felt like my body was on red alert the whole time-I would feel panicky driving, at work, when out with friends & of course, at the shops-the dreaded supermarket queue!! Anyway, all the doctor offered me was AD's but I didn't want to take these & he didn't want me to either really as he said to me 'you're not depressed just anxious'.

Eventually I found a Cognitive Behavioural therapist & I probably had about 14 sessions. Although I'm definitely not cured I am able to think more logically when I get a symptom & I have 'tools' to help me to cope. It's all about changing the way you think & react to things, in our case weird & scary symptoms. I'm better at coping with symptoms of things I've had before but if I get something new & I can't explain it away then it still sends me in to a panic, so I'm still working on this. To be honest peri is a complete nightmare for people who already have health anxiety (- & I know many women develop it at this time )-all the strange, weird sensations. If I hadn't found PS I just wouldn't have been able to cope at all.
There is an excellent UK website that deals with panic/anxiety etc & they have a very good info section which includes one on health anxiety. Hope I'm not going to be in trouble for this but if you google 'no more panic' you should find it-hope this helps.

I think SuzySmiff has written out all her stuff that she learned from CBT somewhere on PS. It's hard work but I think if your health anxiety is relatively new you may find it works for you quite quickly, as I said I've had my HA for years. As a child it triggered OCD for me as a way of trying to control things & keep everything 'safe'. I wish that I had been given help for it when I was a child suffering with all of this but that kind of help just wasn't available then.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that although I haven't noticed that it's worse around ovulation, it has been much worse since I started peri so I know hormones are involved.
Read SuzySmiff's stuff on CBT & if you think this might help you then look for a CBT therapist, your thoughts have become 'grooved' in to always thinking the worst when you get a symptom & that then leads to adrenaline release & panic.
You need help to change how you think / react.
Hope this helps some, sorry it's so long!
love Sarah xx

Thank you Sarah for the support and helpful info. I'll check on CBT info. And thanks to everybody else who comments too. That's what I love about PS -- no matter how crazy and out of it you're feeling, someone is always there to pick you up, because they've been there. If I've gotten nothing else from PS -- and I've gotten TONS! -- it's that I'm not alone. All this craziness and misery is being shared by thousands of other women, and that alone makes me feel better. I try to comment on any post where I feel like I've had experience because I know how much it helps me when others give me advice.

Thanks again!

You are not alone, my dear. I had virtually NO idea that panic attacks/anxiety were the norm for this wonderful period in our lives, but they are and they can be maddening. I started getting panic attacks about ten years ago, when I was 41. Mine came from out of the blue, and happened ONLY when I drove to and from work each day. I live near NYC so you can imagine just how fun that was! NOT. Seriously however, I truly thought I was insane and was beside myself with grief when this happened. I felt like I lost a strong sense of my self then, and didn't know how to put one foot in front of the other, which was strange. I am a very practical, centered and grounded sort, and this was so unlike me. I was so terrified of driving I stayed home for 2 weeks, with a medical excuse from my MD to allow me to adjust to the Paxil she prescribed, even though doing so almost made me agoraphobic. Note: BEWARE OF PAXIL: It is a terrible drug and didn't do much to help me in any way. In fact, I gained 50 lbs. on it and felt miserable and flat most of the time, as if I had no "affect" when I spoke. But, being stubborn as I am, I eventually was able to return to my driving with much practice and inner confidence boosting, and stopped taking the Paxil altogether. Unfortunately, I have to take medication to control it as it turns out that I am predisposed to the stuff genetically. I take the generic version of Serzone to keep me in check....I no longer fear driving as I used to, but I am easily triggered with the preliminary sensation of an attack right before my period or before I ovulate. I rarely have a full blown attack, but when I do - and still in the car - I pull over and chill for a few minutes before I start my journey again. The difference between then and now is that I am more finely tuned to what is going on with my body than I was years ago. In effect, I am the "keeper" of the proverbial key with this madness. I can always sense when stress has gotten the better of me, when my hormones are whacked out, etc. and this has helped me tremendously. I guess I now know how to control their occurrences more so than I knew how to do so when they first occurred years ago. As for the drug, I take it as a safety net more than anything else.

And the hypochondria? Again, you are not alone. I have a skin discoloration on my arm that worries me. Is it Melanoma, or an age spot (god forbid, for both). Have I made an appointment with my dermatologist? Of course not. But I will....soon. I have had female issues of late - periods occurring twice in one month, sharp pains and discomfort. I HAVE made an appointment to see my gyn next Friday because I do worry about ovarian cancer, as I took (unsuccessfully) fertility drugs years ago. Plus I wonder if my endometriosis has returned as I am starting to feel weird again. I read in another board here that one woman felt a resurgence in her hormones - akin to before peri - and I keep thinking I am experiencing the same thing, that is, until the next dry spell occurs. I get pain in my bladder, pain in my intestines, so I wonder, of course, if it's bladder or colon cancer, even though I get the latter checked regularly with colonoscopies.

Ahhh, it's a great time, my dears. But you do get through it. Even with all of this I manage to laugh at the insanity of it all. Why? Because if I don't laugh, I will go insane!

I know that I proably sound like a broken record, but, I suggest trying the Claire Weekes books and/or tapes. They may be helpful to you. I hope you get to feeling better. love, yogapause, peace out.

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I have had anxiety and panic attacks since kindergarten but never knew what they were until my 30's! Yep, I had a heart attack in middle school while taking an exam! LOL! Anyway, my panic attacks are at an all time high!! I have them at an average of 3 times a day and I am sure that I am dying. I have the tingling and numbness really bad this week and am convinced I have MS, my grandmother had MS. My head is clogged as well as my ears and I am exremely dizzy and am sure I have a brain tumor rather than a sinus problem or ear wax. It is just unbelievable. I was having the most horrible ovulation pain this week and am sure I have ovarian cancer. I can't live like this any longer. I was reading about labryntitus on the internet before and went into one of my "seizures" as I call them where my arms started spazzing out and the feeling that I was going to collapse. I couldn't get the xanax in my mouth fast enough. It really is the only thing that helps and I could't live without it at this point in my life. I just turned 44 and I cannot bleieve this is happening to me already. I am completely disgusted that this could and probably will go on for many many years to come. I need to take care of and raise a 6 year old little girl for a long time to come and honestly don't know how I will do it if this continues. I really feel like it is killing me, it is certainly sucking the life out of me. Why are we all being robbed of our lives???

nonamesleft, I certainly understand some of what you are feeling, as I am sure, most others do on this Board. It is so weird how quickly all this starts to happen and take over parts of our lives. I feel like I was a fit, fun-loving active 40 something one minute, and suddenly I feel old and tired. My husband is fabulous. I really don't know how he puts up with me sometimes. I cry at the drop of a hat and I too am constantly worrying about my health, convinced that something dreadful is happening. From reading these Boards, it seems to be very normal but some days are extremely difficult. I try to do one special thing for myself each day. Something small. And I have found that one of the best things is fresh air. Even thirty minutes outside doing anything - walking, reading, gardening or just sitting helps to refocus me a little. Be kind to yourself and know everyone is here to support you. *hugs*

Oh my god. I have all the same feeling only mine can happen anytime. When I'm sitting at the kitchen table, in the shower anywhere. I know what the anxiety is and like so many of you I can't seem to get my mind to stop racing with all these terrible thoughts. I have been really bad for the last couple of weeks. I think that I may be just stressed out a bit. My youngest son is giving me a really hard time he's only 11 and I hate to think what he will be like in a couple of years. My children lost their dad 21/2 years ago and I think that he is having a hard time dealing with it. He really loves my new husband but he is feeling guitly about that. Anyway, his behaviour is giving me more gray hair than I already had. I have been to the doctor about how I feel and she said that most of what I am feeling is hormmones, along with stress. I am on an antidepressant and hopw that I feel better soon. But my mind still races when I have an attack, I can't breathe, shake, sweat, cant sit still, can't sleep, feel like I am going to die and so very helpless. Then when it is over I am sooo tired that I can't seem to stay awake. You girls here at PS have been a lifesaver for me. Please keep up the great job.