Im feeling scared and i dont know how to handle all that is going on in my life. My mom lives in Iowa and im in Washington state , she is in a hospital there with about 6 months left to live and i was supposed to fly out there yesterday to see her , probably for the last time, and my husband had a major heart attack saturday. So needless to say , i had to cancel my flight to stay home and take care of him. He is back home now and is doing good , but im a mess. Ive been feeling so good for the past 2-3 weeks and i was actually beginning to believe i was over "the hump" maybe after 4 years of this, but now im having second thoughts. it seems like its all catching up to me now, the heart attack. i was holding it together the past couple of days, but now that we're home its hitting me. im scared for his health and now my own heart health.
Heres a list of my current stressors:
my mom has leukemia, copd, asthma, emphasyma(sp?)6 months left approx.
husbands heart attack
27 yr old son is a meth addict , back home trying to quit
25 yr old daughter is an alcoholic , 2 kids ages 7 and 5, going to drinking classes but still drinking
18 yr old daughter has an abusive boyfriend who has choked and strangled her more than once, cant convince her to get rid of him.
behind on bills and now husband cant wotk for who knows how long, and i cant get out there and hold a job because of peri and not able to be reliable , even tho i want to now more than ever since my last of 7 kids is finally in school full time and i dont have to worry about childcare.
I guess it helps to tell myself that this is all part of life, losing our parents , getting older ourselves and the health issues we face with that, and boyfriends/girlfriends from hell. but it is hard to know how to vent and not let it all build up.
Any advice?

Darling woman...my GOSH!! Never mind even being in Peri....what you are, and have been going through is so difficult. I really admire you for handling yourself so well, with ALL this stress in your life. You are MUCH, MUCH stronger than you are giving yourself credit for being. Just one of the life situations that you are currently finding yourself in, would be traumatic.....and here you are faced with .....6-7 VERY stressful situations.

Take some time to ....breath in, and then breath out....the first order of business, is taking care of 'sudio'. You have so many things going on in your life right now, that it is no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed. Try, if possible....to tackle one situation at a time. Don't think about your husband not working....think about him getting better. Call your dear mother, have a nice long talk with her....and figure out when you can go and see her next. I don't know what to offer you in the way of advise for your struggling children. You are the mom, and in your heart of heart, you know what is best for them

But really...sudio...please take care of you...even if it means getting away from ALL your responsibilies...for just one day. Then take it one day at a time. My dear, dear woman....you are in my thoughts....I hope that you will keep us posted.(venting is ALWAYS a good thing)..and please know....for what it is worth...we...and I...am here for you.
HUGS!!
Dottie

WOW-I'm so sorry-life can be so hard-I don't have anything like this but when stuff gangs up on me I try to just keep one foot in front of the other and get through the day-take care of myself at least as well as I do everyone else-you are one person-you can't be responsible for everyone else and you are not responsible for your grown childrens decisions and the fall out of those decisions-If your husband is stable maybe it would be good for you to get away to Iowa and spend precious time with your mom-do you have a good relationship with her? I lost my dad suddenly almost twenty years ago and I would have done anything to have spent a few hours with him to tell him things I never said-I have no advice for you but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers-hang in there and TAKE CARE OF YOU

Hi, first of all let me say you are not alone -- I can totally relate on some of your stresses and want to share my story. My husband had a heart attack at 35 years old, then he got a pacemaker, then at 40 years old he went into heart failure, was in the hospital for a year and had a heart transplant. That was 6 years ago and he is still with us. At that time, I did not know how I would take care of my 2 boys, but I had faith and I had hope and I had friends and family. At the lowest points of your life, we become strong out of nowhere and somehow find a way to cope. My husband hasn't worked for over 6 years now, he is on social security, and while it isn't easy being the only breadwinner, he is here on this earth. I hope your husband recovers from his heart attack and has good health and happiness in the future to come. I also wondered about my own heart health and had an echocardiogram to find out that my heart is in great shape, so that is one less worry I have. Maybe you could get one and that would be one less worry for you too. I also talked with a therapist which helped me tremendously although I could not keep it up due to limited funds. Just know you are not alone and always have this wonderful website to share your thoughts and feelings and to know we are all here for you! God bless you and your family.

Sudio,

You have every right to be scared.....what a plate load. Life is tough right now for you for sure. You must take a deep breath and try and do something relaxing for yourself - REGULARLYYour husband seems to be stable at the moment and that would be my main focus for awhile. Then please make a plan to fly and see your mom....that would be my 2nd

Sudio,

You have every right to be scared.....what a plate load. Life is tough right now for you for sure. You must take a deep breath and try and do something relaxing for yourself - REGULARLYYour husband seems to be stable at the moment and that would be my main focus for awhile. Then please make a plan to fly and see your mom....that would be my 2nd

I just got booted...so sorry about that....anyway, seeing mom would be my second priority and keep in touch by phone. As for the children, perhaps some tough love is in order, I really wish I had an answer for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers...please keep us updated on how things are going.

BIG HUGS,
Karen

((((SUDIO!!!))))

Heavens, you are dealing with so very much, and now your husband having a heart attack!

Please know we care about you, and will be thinking of you and sending prayers.

Let us know how you are, okay?

Hugs,

Jacquie

Dearest Sudio.....I'm certain you are not believing at this point that "God never gives you more than you can bear", because your life sounds so very unbearable right now. Add any one of those stressors to the debilitating symptoms of peri, and your life can become a total nightmare, but you are having to cope with so much more. Heart attacks are so frightening and make you feel so vulnerable---I know, as I had one myself three years ago, and to this day, I worry constantly about having another one. I think 2sonsmom offered you some good advice to go in and have your own heart checked to ease the worry about having heart trouble yourself, because we know how the worries can become obsessive during peri.

If your hubby seems to be doing well, maybe you could just arrange for a short trip to visit your mom, as it sounds like you may not have the chance to see her again if you wait too long. I am so sorry. Is there anyone who could stay with your hub while you make the trip to see your mom?

It is so sad to hear that three of your children have made such self-destructive choices in their lives. Our children can bring us the greatest joy we have ever known, but they can also fill us with the most grief and pain. My heart goes out to you right now, and I hope that your children will find their roads to recovery. I know when my youngest son was 17 and began smoking dope on a regular basis, I was devastated and so angry at him. I can only imagine how you must be feeling trying to deal with the serious problems your kids are facing...

Try not to think about everything at once. Do what you are able each day, and pick one goal on which to focus.

I too, send my thoughts and prayers.

Darlene

Holy Smokes!

My dear, dear, woman. That is a shocking list of problems, and none of them could be easy to bear. You must however, put your own health at the top of the list, because if you allow yourself to become run-down, how can you help those who need you? What a dreadful choice, to have to choose between your husband suffering a heart attack and your mum.


Is your husband's condition stable now? What is his prognosis?

As for your children, can you let them be for the moment? They're adults, and should be able to muddle through for a bit.

But I'm worried for your health. Every time my life throws wobblers at me, my peri blows up and I stop sleeping. I hope you're doctor will be willing to hold your hand through this - I presume s/he's your husband's doctor too?

Oh, I do feel badly for you. Monster hugs. Just wish I could swing in and offer to help a little.

Thank you all for your words . I am doing ok at the moment, husband is doing ok too , altho he seems to be short-tempered since this all happened. im wondering if it could be his new meds or maybe just having trouble dealing with his own thoughts and fears. I am going to wait for about a week or so and see how he's doing and then maybe make my plans for my trip. I know my kids are adults and i cant do anything for them,but its frustrating. I hate not having control over them anymore. I asked my husband how i should deal with these things and he told me i have to just let go of it, i cant control any of it so i just have to accept that and not stress about it. I guess i dont know how to do that since ive been a mother since i was 15 and had to be in control of so much for the past 29 years. 7 kids and three marriages later... i dont seem to have control over much anymore, especially my own body and mind! did i mention my husband is only 47? im 45. But i think that i have strength in my genes cuz ive lived thru alot of ups and downs in my life and nothing has ever gotten me down yet, until peri hit. In the beginning it really knocked me off my feet and almost got the better of me, but i came thru that too eventually.
Do any of you find yourself being suspicious about feeling good? I seem to always find myself " waiting " for the bomb to drop when im feeling good and not trusting it, and doubting my own body and mind. Like now, with everything thats happening in my life i " think " i should be falling apart and relying on drugs to calm me down and get me thru, but im suprisingly pretty calm and i dont trust it. weird. but then again as ive said ive been thru alot in my life and have always been a pretty calm person.
T
hank you all again for rallying around me and making me feel so cared about. I really appreciate it.
And thanks for all the big hugs!!!!! I wish i could get them all in person!!!!!

Dear ((((Sudio))))
The reason for your 'calmness', is because you are strong in the face of adversity. When things get really, really bad.....when everything around you seems to be caving in....that is when your inner strength takes over.

In answer to your question about being suspiscious about....'why am I handling this so well?"....'why am I not breaking down?'.....I find that when a life situation that is really serious hits me......I am my 'calmness'. When my husband almost died...twice....I was SO strong...I didn't think I had it in me....but I was the one that held it together. When I found my grandmother in the middle of having a heart attack.....I did not panic. I immediately called 911, loosened her clothing, stayed with her...'calmly', until the paramedics arrived. When they were with her, I 'calmly' gathered up all her medication so that the hospital would know exactly what medicine she was taking. When my son was covered with blood...after falling off his bike...I was 'calm'

I am a great person to have around in an emergency....but show me a mouse, or a 'bug'...and I am the one hysterically screaming ....go figure

As a mother of a 27 year old and an 18 year old.....I can safely say that I can not, not be a part of thier lives. I am 52 and my own mother drove me 'crazy' today....as she nagged me about renewing my drivers license....arggghhhhh!!! I don't think we ever stop....worrying or wanting for the best for our children...no matter what thier ages.

For what it worth, sudio....I think you are amazing for holding everything together as well as you have. You are young, as is your husband....and I see a wonderful future for the both of you

Isn't it bizzare, that we can hold ourselves together for those that we love....but when it comes to 'us'....we fall apart I blame Peri...nasty thing

Cheers and BIG hugs to you ((((SUDIO))))

Dottie

In some circumstances, I equate that calmness with grace.

PS, Sudio, my 81 year old mum, better known as the west coast distributor for Guilt, often says (when discussing my brother and me) "I'm too old to worry about it. You cannot live other people's lives for them, no matter how much you need me to"

One of her better lines.

Studio-Duchs' mom is right-you can't live other peoples lives for them-I have older 'kids' too and the role has changed-I can't tell them what to do even if I see a train wreck coming-I think sometimes if they understand that we aren't going to try to tell them what to do they step up on their own-It's so darn hard because we love them so much-I read a book recently and a line jumped right off the page at me "I am one person and other people are themselves-not who I've decided they are" I don't know you but I'd bet money that the best thing you can do for your kids is what you are doing right now-being an example of stength and dignity under the extremes of life- Doing the right thing to the best of your ability at the time -I'm thinking about you girl! Hang in there-you're an inspiration.

I'm so sorry that you are experiencing such traumatic events in your life. It sounds like your husband is doing better. Just don't forget to take time for yourself even if its fifteen minutes at a time to meditate, listen to soothing music or take a walk--and promise yourself that during these times you will NOT think about all these problems. As hard as it is especially for us women to do--we cant fix everything and everyone. I know it is hard with your children because you care about them so much. We can only guide them, help them when we can but we cant change them or their situations--they need to make that decision. You are dealing with so much now so please be good to yourself. I hope you can see your mom soon.

I am praying for you and your family. Please take care.