The gyno told me essentially use it or lose it -- that's what truly happens. Intercourse, manual dilation or a sex toy all work to the same end to keep the vagina in good working condition.

Simply, which do you prefer for a work-out (answer may not be the most obvious, of course!), or is there another method -- such as ben wah balls or doing pelvic squeeze exercises? (I don't think the latter is enough for dilation, though; but I don't know since it stimulates the muscles).

I don't think I've figured out how to do the "squeeze" exercises properly (Kegel?)

I'm interested in something else, but don't know where to begin. I've checked out a few things on the Internet that looked interesting. It's hard to visit those sites without suddenly getting a bunch
of porno pop ups. Have to be careful at work

I'd like to hear what works for others.

bumfuzzled

Toys in Babeland have some rock-hard dildos that are listed as being good for exercise. I can't find instructions at the site, though! I'm sure there's something out there. Maybe will try to google vaginal exercise or vaginal health -- things along those lines. There's also a place called Eve's Garden that might be on line (there's a brick-and-mortar shop). Definitely have to get something. I wish there was an actual kit with everything you need and oodles of information.

Let's keep this topic going -- it's so very important!

I bet there is. We can't possibly be the first women to need and want this help. It's so typical that anything for men, such as Viagra, etc. is openly and seriuosly discussed, but when it comes to women it's all hush,hush.

Hopefully some others will chime in on this topic.

I agree. It really is important.

bumfuzzled

Hi bumfuzzled,

No, we're the first to need and want this help -- but we may be the first to be vocal about it and the first to have internet help in maybe finding it.

Unfortunately, there isn't something as simple as viagra for us -- then again, that stuff sounds awful with the side effects: the erection that might not quit, the blue halo around things, headaches.

Woman's sexuality is so much more complicated than a man's -- Among problems there's the general dryness, the atrophy, the lack of natural lubrication, the disappearance of desire, the diminishment of orgasm, the pain from trying (!); the abrasions that can happen and the infections (bacterial and yeast to name two common ones that will make you have to put sex on the back burner (ouch).

Seems prior to all this, if you remember prior to this, it was hard to have sex because there was no time, we were always tired from work, we needed to get one more thing done, the phone would ring just as things were starting to happen.

Now it's all those things AND the others.

The one bit of advice that will make me scream if I ever see it again is that a woman needs more foreplay (hate that word!!!) and things will start to work. Sorry, but if that spark just won't happen with the first naughty thought further effort isn't going to do it. I think it's because when having to work for sexual response we're no longer relaxing and letting it happen. There's this elusive goal (being able to actually HAVE SEX) that we're striving for. The pressure's on -- and I don't mean from your partner, but from your very self.

Anyway, Toys, toys, toys, exercises, lubes, advice!!! I am all ears!!

SORRY, I made a Mess! I left out "Not" from my first phrase up above in my original reply. I thought I could correct it and ended up just recopying the thing (with the correction, but who's going to see that?

I meant to say -- that **no we're Not the first to need this kind of help.**

Instead i ended up saying quite the opposite. How embarrassing. A thousand apologies.

I do believe Kegel exercises are very beneficial, but when it comes to sexual pleasure with the goal of keeping the parts working well, I'm not convinced that penetration is necessary. In fact, to be honest, I've always wondered if intercouse is damaging ! Ever been with a, uh, vigorous lover ? Doesn't that do some harm ?

I think arousal is the key, getting the blood and lubrication flowing.

Hi everyone

You can buy an effective Kegel Exerciser online - the most well known brand is called KegelMaster. It is ensures you do the exercises correctly and helps with everything from stress incontinence to prolapse to enhanced orgasms and sexual desire. It is certainly worth trying.

I don't think penetration is damaging - it is all down to arousal before penetration. If you are not aroused, the muscles don't relax enough for penetration to feel comfortable let alone enjoyable. If you are sufficiently aroused the muscles soften and vaginal tissue swells, becoming all cushiony so it shouldn't hurt or be uncomfortable however vigorous or well endowed your man is. If you avoid penetration I think the vagina may well shrink over time as the years go by past the menopause - its easier to keep it toned and healthy if you do have regular intercourse as well as other forms of lovemaking.

I think at this time in our lives we need all the help we can get, so erotic literature, images and fantasising are all good. Try reading Nancy Friday's My Secret Garden for starters. Let your imagination run wild and give yourself permission to be erotic and sensual in your thoughts and desires to encourage your normal secretions to keep being manufactured by your body. Also, the more sex you have, the more you feel like having - it keeps the 'sexual switch' turned on. It's also down to our partners to seduce us and make us feel desired and sexy, so weekends away from everyday distractions and quality time together encourage the closeness we need to feel sexual. Time to daydream is often the key as lubricants have their place but there's nothing like your own juices.

Hope this helps and wasn't too detailed to be acceptable to people. It was well meant, anyway!

Huh? Penetration harmful?!?!? I don't mean to be sarcastic but that's kinda part of what the vagina is for, isn't it? If it can handle a 7 lb. baby, it can handle a penis or a dildo, and some serious thrusting as well. The problem isn't the thrusting -- unless you're using a golf club or something equally outrageous. It's making sure you're lubricated enough. And there are some wonderful products out there for that very thing. And you don't have to go to some sleazy sex shop to buy it. KY has come out with a wonderful effective product called Silk E. I bought it as the corner drugstore -- CVS I believe. It truly feels like the real natural lubricant and lasts a really long time. Some of that stuff starts out good, but dries up too fast.

As far as Kegels go, the easiest way to know if you're doing them properly -- or even to learn to begin with -- is to start and stop your urine. If you can do that, you're doing Kegels. Just remember what that feels like, and do it without the urine. I do them sitting in traffic, sitting at my desk at work. I'm improving my sexual health and no one is the wiser. It keeps you feeling sexier too.

I have a question here: I've been doing Kegels for years; I am the 'Kegel-Queen' .....when I'm urinating I can stop my urine flow on a dime (and start again, and stop, and....well, you get the idea...). And I think I've maintained some vaginal health in doing these exercises (I won't go into detail, but hubby is happy.)...here is my question: Why, if my vaginal muscles are so darned strong, is my bladder so darned weak? I accidentally pee all the time...when laughing, when coughing, if I'm surprised by something (and then I'm even more surprised, if you know what I mean....) It's awful....are there any exercises a woman can do to stop her urine from leaking out at the worst moments?

I hope someone can help me with this topic. I have also done Kegels for years, and now that I am getting older I find that I am too tight. I am sure that vaginal atrophy is beginning. I only have sex about once a week. I am now wondering if I should get a vaginal dilator to ease penetration a little. I have found different lubricants that work, but it is the tightness that bothers me the most. (I have two children, but both C-sections, so I never pushed one out). I try to keep naturally lubricated by having an orgasm through masturbation at least once a week. I have found a couple of items that help with circulation to area (the dollar store pore cleaners are great!), but again my main concern is the tightness. Has anyone tried a dilator? do they work? how long do you wear them for? All day?
Any help will be appreciated (I am new to the board - just joined today).
Thanks.

I've had good success with Zestra - not only as a lubricant, but it seems to help "turn me on". And when I have had orgasms (5 out of the 9 times I've used it), they have been far more intense.

I have been looking at the Kegelmaster for a few days now. I am reading The Wisdom of Menopause and the book recommends doing kegels and getting weights & such. I have never been able to stop the flow of urine and the kegelmaster seems to be able to let you know if you are doing them right. Has anyone used one?

well I prefer intercourse over anything else, and intercourse is also a great time to do your kegels because men love it.
I have heard a lot of women say they think the best tool for keeping the vaginal muscles toned is the gynoflex. I have never tried it.

I mentioned the whole kegel thing to my gyne and she sent me to a uro-gyne who prescribed physical therapy for me. The physical therapist said that on a scale of 0-5, I'm somewhere around a 1. She is getting me a bio-feedback machine so that I know when I am actually doing them. We are hoping to have me 3 or better in 6-8 weeks of 3x a day exercising. I'll keep you posted and let you know how it goes.

So glad to be reading about stuff that I'm going through! The wonderful world of vaginal atrophy...First, regarding the 'use it or lose it' thing. I have been trying to keep myself from losing it over the past 10 years, since my partner died. However, I've learned from really harsh experience (now that I'm sexually active again) that things like ben-wa balls, bullet vibrators, etc., while fun, are not going to keep the vagina stretched. They are nowhere near the size of an actual man. This is exceptionally important for women (such as myself) who have never given birth vaginally. To make matters worse for me, I actually found (through my gyno) that my hymen was still intact! Anyway, the point being, that in order to keep your vagina wide enough for actual intercourse, your toy must be the size of an actual man. At this point, I can no longer accommodate, and regrettably, am beginning down the road of dilators, in order to stretch myself once again. And all because my little bullet vibrator was just that...a little bullet.

Well I'm 4 weeks into my physical therapy. The feedback machine is really helpful. I have increased the strength and do not need to use as many auxiliary muscles as when I started. I also have noticed that the dryness seems to be less. I haven't needed to lubricate the sensor for about a week. I also can now sneeze and walk at the same time, instead of stopping and bracing before sneezing.

This seems to be an easy way to help several issues. The other option was a sling, but my Dr. let me know that it would be at least 8 weeks with lifting no more than 10 lbs. during the healing process. Besides I'm too young for that. Maybe in 20 years.

Hello Ladies I'm back foraging in the message boards for my latest symptom but paused here. I thought I would share my own "vaginal makeover" while hubby is away for several months on business. I am past my 1 year anniversary for menopause and before that had been in a car accident which unfortunately damaged my pelvic floor and ability to have sex ( pain oh the pain). I got that fixed and then BAMMMMMMM vaginal atrophy and burning upon penetration, did the saliva terst blah blah blah. Stopped the progesterone (natural) was makg hot flashes, and am now waiting for my natural estriol and testosterone. I use a product called bio-clin by multigyn for internal/external soothing. Helps but the penetration is a bitch. I am masturbatuing morning (sometimes noon!) and night. I don't care if it's just a quick pee stop, I rub a little. I am waking that sucker up. I use my finger, I use toys, I use whatever I think is going to get me there, then I ADDED the missing element...uhhhhh, never thought I would have to do this but, zuchinni does come in various sizes, and is a hell of a lot cheaper then getting that Johhny Holmes or whatever dildo model for $80, and then finding out Johnny is just a tad too big. I got in this mess because I could not have sex, now I can and it hurts, so I am putting a condom on the zuchinni, safe sex! Know your partner! masturbating, and lubricating the bejeesus out of it, and slowly slowly working on stretching and entering. I know this sounds a bit personal but hey, I am determined to get back my sex life. If I take the slow route, well, I'll be finished. I am remembering and rediscovering how a healthy vagina reacts again. You can forget! I do not have the pressure of my husband and his immediate needs, think about this! You go at your own pace, pleasure yourself and take your time. Yeah, that first insertion hurt but I have since worked up to a larger zuchinni! I've had a chance to try out all kinds of lubricants to see which ones work, before trying them with my hubby and getting all frustrated and anxious about it. I am also going through a whole series of emotional releases by using EFT, it is on a website, and I am cycling through all the pain and trauma of the car accident, physical therapy frustrations and how the people could not help me here in the U.S ( had to travel overseas for therapy and cure). I am exploring the "even though I had many years of pain in my vaginal and pelvic floor , I completely love and accept myself ( and my vagina!) etc., working along those lines. I tell myself to open up, and also work with that zuchinni by checking my natural vaginal responses. The hardness of the zuke helps me read the contractions of my vagina during masturbation, when I am tensed too much and don't need to be. Anyway, this might not be what you'd tell your mother you're doing over lunch but I'm fighting this thing head-on (no pun intended hahaha) and watch out when I get that estriol oil!!!!!! Oh and by the way. you do NOT need a prescription to buy naturally occuring estriol or progesterone, no matter what anyone says. Anyway, I'd try the zuke route if you are thinking of a dilator. I tried a dilator and it was hard and plastic and hurt. Yuk. Hope this helps someone!

I've also found that doing a reverse Kegel, just at penetration, seems to help the pain - meaning instead of squeezing in, you push your muscles out while your inserting whatever you're inserting. Seems to help. Ah, if I only appreciated all of this more in my 20's and 30's. And if only a lot of this stuff was common knowledge for women to know. I didn't know much about menopause until the damage (atrophy) was done.

I accidentally pee all the time...when laughing, when coughing, if I'm surprised by something (and then I'm even more surprised, if you know what I mean....) It's awful....are there any exercises a woman can do to stop her urine from leaking out at the worst moments?

I also was (and am) great with my Kegel exercises, having done them for about 20 or more years. However, I find I still leak, no matter how hard I try not to! My gyno told me that this is actually brought on by lack of estrogen in the bladder. Since I started the Vagifem, I don't have this incontinence anymore.

How, pray tell, do you get estriol oil without a prescription?

So I too, am looking for a vibrator to help stretch out and re-invigorate my vagina so that I can have sex again. I am more than a year past my last period and I haven't had successful sex in at least six months or more.

Here's my question: WHERE online can we buy something and not get stuck on some porn list? WHERE is it safe to go?

The other night I found that *** has some nice toys (and vibrators come made from soft silicone, too, ladies, not all hard plastic) and when I tried to buy something they wouldn't sell it to me unless I had it sent to my house. I live rural and I get ALL my mail at my PO Box. People steal out of rural mailboxes and besides that, it's still below freezing here...

Anyway, I was so frustrated because I found something that looked great but I couldn't buy it! Arrrgghhh!

I don't want to lose my ability to have sex, but I sure do need some help here! Anyone?



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I'm certainly no expert, but I think a vaginal dilator would perhaps be better than just a regular vibrator. If you do a search for vaginal dilator who should find some useful information and some good places to purchase them. Some come in kits, I believe, that increase in size as your comfort level increases. I think they are recommended by some doctors and used for women who have had painful intercourse in the past to gently stretch the vagina.

Anyway, might be worth looking into.

Sorry, I didn't mean to break the rules by putting up a website. I'm just trying to solve a problem and didn't realize we couldn't do that.

Can someone PM me some safe websites do go to? I hope that would be allowed.

I did do an internet search on dilators and yes, I suppose I should look into one of those sets to solve my vaginismus problem. But I am still wanting sex to become enjoyable again, and I've never felt the need for sex toys, but with this whole meno thing, I think it's time to look into that.

I'm single, I have had the same boyfriend for four years, we are never moving in together and we are never getting married...I have to solve this problem on my own.

I bought a set of dilators in three sizes. I have worked up to the largest one and that is now not as painful as it was at first. I had not had intercourse for some years due to the pain, but now it's not such a problem. The main issue now is reaching orgasm. Sometimes it's OK, but at other times (probably when I'm a bit tired) it's a struggle. For that we do have a small vibrating stimulator that fits on the finger tip (mine or hubby's). This is not a vibrator that goes inside - it's for external stimulation. These are both from UK suppliers but I suppose similar items should be available elsewhere.

Here is a safe website and a legitimate one. bettersex.com. The site is owned by Sinclair Institute of Intimacy. They produce great sex education videos albiet graphic using real couples. My husband and I have enjoyed the videos called Better Sex for a Lifetime. This is geared to couples over 50 and how to continue to have great sex. There is also one called: The Joy of Erotic Massge. I've even seen their videos advertised in womens clothing catalogs like ABLambdin.

Anyway, they have a huge selection of rabbits, vibrators, dildos and sex toys. My credit card has certainly seen activity there!!!!

Regards,
Nancy

Thanks for sharing the web site Nancy,,I added it to my favorites!!