Actually at my request, my husband bought me a box of sex toys for Christmas.

I keep reading about them all the time and about the mainstreaming of the sex toy/porn industry, and how every woman seems to have them nowadays, and as I'm not getting any younger it seemed like it might be fun, I thought I wanted one.

Well, I got it. But when he showed it all to me and we were looking at it--I suddenly felt very shy and timid about it all. I've been having sex the old fashioned way for decades and I've really never done anything like this before.

So I guess I'm wondering if (as my grandmother used to say when she cooked for me) if my eyes are bigger than my stomach. Sure maybe all those gadgets will be great, but I've never had sex with gadget and battery powered gizmos before. Right now looking at that box of stuff I'm feeling kind of cowardly.

Umm, do you all have these things and use them? I know it's ok and all, but all those dodads and whirlygigs.....I'm kind of apprehensive.

Ms Mom-

I too am still somewhat shy after all these years of marriage but.... my husband is the one for adventure in the bedroom. He is always introducing something new to our great sex life. I will say it was awkward for me in the beginning but the rewards definitely outweigh the awkwardness/shyness or whatever else you want to call it. Over the years our sex life has improved greatly, communication is wonderful (and not just in the bedroom) and the intimacy is something undescribable. Everything I want in a relationship and then some. He knows I like romance, I get that plus the naughty stuff!!

I think it's all because of our sex life. He loves it, wants it to continue and I love it. I'm 51 and still feel like I'm dating my boyfriend. I think it's because we have this great relationship in the bedroom that flows into our daily life.

If your man is wanting it, you're obviously curious why not give it a try? It can't hurt... well sometimes it does!! Then you know thats just not the toy for you!! Good luck!

Ms Mom I know how you feel. It is quite normal to be scared of anything new (like toys), in the beginning. I know that I was. I felt embarrassed and a little ashamed. Having siad that, if you can get over the initial awkwardness, it is definately a good way to improve intimate relations with you husband.
It's good for both of you, for you, because you achieve sexual satisfaction (in a much easer and faster way, I might add), and for him, because it makes him feel GOOD that you are satisfied!!!
Rita

Thanks ya'll. But won't my husband feel somehow inadequate that I want toys because he doesn't make the grade? Toys, I never needed them before. I shirk to think when he'll pull them out of the closet and I have some kind of machine to do what he cannot. I dunno if I can deal with it.

Maybe I should throw them away? I don't know if I am comfortable with this at all. Be careful of what you wish for.

Gosh no... most men love any addition to their sex life. It's not emphasizing his inadequacy. It's adding fun to the bedroom!

I think men get MORE excited when either the woman uses these toys on themselves or when the hubby uses it on their woman. I have a whole boxful of goodies, use to enjoy them a LOT, but now they don't even help. Somewhere on the boards some of the ladies refer to BOB(their battery operated boyfriend). They say toys helped them a lot. Only one way to find out!!!LOL-------Shelley

Hey, Ms Moms, if DH bought you (and himself, in that case) a box of toys for Christmas at your request, I bet he'd been *waiting* for you to make that request! Go for it. It's gonna be great.

My physical therapist recommended a "lipstick vibrator," for my pelvic-floor problems, so I asked my husband to put one in my Christmas stocking (to avoid having to buy it myself - I'm shy and slightly prudish, I guess!).

Hub told me afterward that he had to walk past the "toy shop" about 12 times before getting the nerve to go in!

Would you believe the thing, as little as it is, just results in PAIN!? Sooo disappointing!

I think men feel jealous like we do when they look at porn. I don't mean just "LOOK AT". I had a bf once who was obsessed with porn. He destroyed me with his obsession. I am so glad that's overwith. I have heard men complaining about their gfs getting toys and not needing them anymore.

I think if a woman gets toys and the man ends up thinking she doesn't need him anymore it's not a sexual problem it's a whole relationship problem. Sometimes, though, the problem does first come to light in the bedroom, which is why it can be seen as only sexual. A heart-to-heart is very needed. Unfortunately, the people in this kind of situation are the ones who are not able to have this kind of talk for one reason or another.

Hi Ladies,

I've been reading your comments about sex toys and have to admit, I'm feeling maybe we're missing out on something ......is anyone willing to elaborate on what they use? My husband and I have a pretty nice thing going now and the only thing we have done is what I guess would be called fantasies acted out....

Just curious..always looking for ways to keep things interesting!

Momz

Ms Mom: I wondered how my husband would feel when my OB/GYN recommended a vibrator because I wondered if he would feel I was "replacing" him. I was wrong -- he was thrilled. He said it adds to his excitement to see me get excited.

I'm with the others . . . go for it.

kimber

Update:

So we tried out the new box of Christmas toys yesterday......


Ohmygod, why didn't we get this stuff years ago?! It was great! Not only did I not feel shy nor my husband diminished, it was just an absolutely rocking time. Wish I had discovered this a long long time ago. What I've been missing.....ooh la la. Mmmmmmmm

So here is my conclusion: Ya'll get some of these, pronto. You'll love it. I'm sure!

LOL, Ms Mom, good for you! This message deserves to be viewed more often, so here it goes to the number one spot!

If we don't hear a lot from you, we know why

Nev.

Hey, JJ, have you tried it with LOTS of lubrication, and a very slow speed? I sometimes find the higher speeds are too much...much nicer with the gentle "buzz"




CONGRATULATIONS!!
And you go girl!!
Good for you!

I am soooooooooooo jealous. I am taking medication for bipolar disorder, and it prevents me from having orgasms!!! Even if I use heavy machinery, I feel nothing. I have been medicated since I was fifteen, and have never had an orgasm in my life.

I feel so cheated and deprived!!!

Oh, Molly, that's so sad! My libido has gone kaput in the past few years, but at least I have fond memories....

Char, I will try the slower speed and lots of lube - thanks for the suggestion. I'm using it for pelvic-floor dysfunction, and what I DON'T want is to be increasing the pain!

Thanks,
JJ

Would that be the plastic type or the sponge rubber? I find that the sex toys hurt me(like phallus) I have vaginitis and take replens for moisture replacement. I tried HRT vaginally but this caused spotting and had to go through endometrial biopsy which was a very cruel test.
I am still taking relpens but I find it still hurts to have intercourse. My husband likes to use toys and I think they will hurt me as well. Can you recommend something to help both problems.
Thanks......

I really use to get a lot of use out my "toys", hubby really liked when I used them. Now zilch, nada. Hubby asked me if maybe he hooked them up to a 12 volt battery if that would help!!!!!!---Shelley

MsFlash,

This is a "lipstick vibrator," called that because it is the size of a lipstick. It's made of hard plastic, and for some reason I can't figure out, is bright purple.

If it were a penis, it would be a very sad little thing!

JJ

I know I am adding this a bit late but it was too strong for you, I was watching "Talk Sex with Sue Johanson" and she said that you should try any vibrating toy on your face right under your nose, if it hurts there it will hurt in the nether regions too, sound weird but she swears it's true! Also there are a ton of websites that are really good and don't have that sleazy feel. Some of them are geared directly to women and offer reviews on their toys! You just have to do bit of searching.

We have a whole duffel bag full of various toys (that way we can lock my son out of them with a luggage lock) I love them, my husband loves them, and as long as we don't use them every time we get amorous, they are a fun addition.

We've just obtained a BOB, as my orgasms are not what they used to be since peri started. Intercourse was also rather painful till we discovered lubricant. Why I didn't think of this years ago, I'll never know. Anyway, the BOB we got is an Isis Fingertip Vibrator, with different sized finger attachments that slot into a hole on the vibrator. It doesn't do much for hubby when used on him, but he does rather like it round his neck and shoulders and down his back. I like it in a different place! It's rechargable, so there's no batteries to replace or cords to get in the way. Here in the UK it's from a company called Passion8 but they do ship to the USA too.

okay, this may sound like a more personal question, but if you bought a larger one than your husband is endowed with, does it stretch you out? the reason i ask is my fiance is kind of small. he can surprisingly satisfy me with is little thingy but i am used to a much larger thingy. so i bought a "bob" and i would like to use it. i don't want him to feel bad about the size of it, so i haven't told him about it. would he be able to tell that i used it?

I don't think he would be able to tell. The vagina stretches to accommodate whatever size of penis is inserted into it, and then relaxes back again. I didn't want one of those 'BOBs' as I always had trouble with vaginal orgasms anyway. Mine is a little finger-tip device for clitoral stimulation, not intended to be inserted into the vagina. Like a very large finger tip, is the way to describe it, with nobbles, and vibration. It's a great little device. Hubby has no problem with me needing something like this during our love-making sessions.

Note: Previous post has been hidden. The poster has apologized for the inappropriate comments.

However, I will leave my reply without quoting the previous post in order to clarify Power Surge's position regarding males posting on this message board.



With all due respect, ---- (you do seem like an intelligent and nice guy), but this is a women's board where women enjoy communicating in their own fashion, oftentimes "without" the male perspective. In fact, contrary to what you and other men may think, in most cases, I believe women already know the male perspective.

I do want men to feel they have a place to discuss their wives / girlfriends issues as well as their own, which is why I created the Men, This One's For You! forum. Women manage to find their way to the men's forum and have contributed to all our male members questions and concerns about menopause and related issues.

I've been somewhat out of the fray for about a year due to health issues. However, while going through various topics this morning, I've found many of your posts all over the board in the middle of women's conversations. I wouldn't presume to speak for every woman on this board, but I can speak as the person who created and runs this site and knows what my intentions were in creating the board. I don't think I have to do a poll to know that most women really want to chat amongst themselves, whether it be about their menstrual cycles, hormone therapy, their husbands and, yes, sex toys -- without having men in on their conversations.

I'm doing my best to be diplomatic so as to NOT make you feel unwelcome on the board. However, as a woman, I really believe that when women get together to chat (which is basically what messaging is), it's similar to a group of women getting together for lunch, or a coffee klatch, or a weekend get away "just for gals."

This may sound archaic, but I don't think we've really come that far from the 1800's when after dinner, the men would retire to the smoking room to engage in "men talk," while the women gathered together in another room to engage in "women talk." Power Surge is predominantly for "women talk."

Heaven knows, I certainly don't want men to feel "imprisoned" in the Men, This One's For You! forum. However, you might want to take some of your interesting suggestions and create topics in that forum. Women who are interested will find you and those who wish to reply will do so.

My number one priority on Power Surge (especially this board) has always been to provide a safe, supportive and comfortable haven for women -- the operative word being "comfortable."

I hope you take this in the spirit in which it's intended. You definitely are welcome here -- in Men, This One's For You!

Thank you so much for your understanding.

Dearest

Once again thank you Dearest. Some of us on PS have had this very concern. We wanted to post about this but were reluctant to because we did not know if we would be overstepping our boundaries with you. RegGuy SEEMS like an ok fellow, but like you stated ,we talk about some VERY personal things here. I know you can't block men from reading all the forums, but at least we don't have to read a mans perspective on how to us our sex toys!!! I am NOT A PRUDE and I have my fair share of "toys", but just like you said Dearest this is a womens forum and I think there are enough of us here to be able to answer any questions asked on any of our forums. Sorry but thats how I feel. ----Shelley

I disagree with the idea that you ought to include your man in on the sex toy thing. It's YOUR body and since sex can be enjoyed many ways and some women are shy about toys, I say do them alone. And if you feel like sharing later, great. But you don't have to and alone can be very gratifying.

I've met men that feel threatened by toys. Yet they do their thing alone with their interest in porn and that does not include the woman they're with, if they have one. I would steer clear of those and any man jealous and controlling of my sex life, thoughts and fantasies, naturally.

And as for fingers, mygawd, most of us know about those and whether we like it or not. Pretty basic tools for foreplay and a fantastic orgasm, if the man is gentle and knows what he's doing.