Hi everyone:

I just need to vent a little here. My husband is really depressed about his job. I keep telling him that he should go out and look for something more rewarding but he won't do anything. He just chooses to rant and rave about how miserable he is. I understand he is probably worried about leaving his job since he does have security, benefits and he is worried about me and our son (financially) but I have told him, our son and I are totally behind any decision he makes as we both want him happy.

I can tell he is slipping into a depression but he won't listen to me and it has been really hard living with him.

He also wants to move far away like that will take away all the pain and misery. Since he isn't taking looking for a new job seriously and really finding something that in the end would be worth moving, it makes me upset and upsets our son since he is a junior in High school and wants to finish up his time at this high school. Plus, moving would be a big decision since I am really close to my family and we have friends in this area.

I am unsure what to do as in the end he doesn't really want to listen to my opinions anymore. We have been married 25 years and have always had a fun/loving relationship so this has been really hard.

Anyway, I just needed to talk to someone and I know I can count on my meno sisters to listen. Thanks for listening.
Hugs,
Mopsy

Hey Mopsy!

So sorry to hear about Hubby. Ya know, sometimes I think about my Hubby and how hard it must be going off day after day to the same job. When he vents about his work I listen but can't help but think sometimes myself if a change is not in order. But, he is in a comfort zone with this job so I don't push the issue.

In wondering how repetitive their life can become could it be not so much the job and changing it or where you live as the issue but maybe they just need something "new" to be excited about.

Does your Hubby have some interests that have been put aside that you could get him excited about?

I am rambling, but this is a concern of mine also. It is hard to know what to do. I do know that communication is the key and from the sounds of it you and hubby have a good relationship and should be able to love your way right through this.

Hugs and Blessings,

Ksheets (Kathy)

Does your Hubby have some interests that have been put aside that you could get him excited about?



Hi:

Yes, he does have his own business, on the side, but wants to give it up and not do it anymore. He is doing really well in that business too and I keep telling him that we should go to shows again (like we used to) so we have something to do and look forward to.

Mopsy

Mopsy: I am having the same issue. My husband hates his job...wants to quit. He is so close to being vested for retirement (another 3 years) but he's in a union, and I have to admit, the way management treats them is bearly tolerable. His boss is a horrid person...literally, I think this man is just evil. It's a daily battle to get him through the day. We've started talking about other things he could do, but I really need him to stay at this job until for another 3 years. On the other hand, I am watching him get more and more depressed...he has a physical next week and maybe the doctor will put him on AD's..

I think a lot of men go through this type of thing...they think "is this all there is???"...I wish I had better advice for you. I try and be as welcoming as I can when he comes home...and I send him little email cards at work that say "I love you", etc...this seems to help somewhat.

If I come up with anything, I'll let you know...good luck!

mopsy-I think round robin is right that a lot of people,men in particular come to a place where they realize that their days are limited and "is this all there is?"my husband from time to time is also frustrated at work and after venting and looking at the options decides to stay the course-maybe he just needs you to know what he's thinking or maybe a new job would be a good thing-mine is actually seriously thinking of starting his own business again after 25 years-it's scary but what the heck-life is short and you spend so much of it at work-I think he needs to ask himself if it's really the job or just the realization -there is a man in our family who thought if he could just change jobs he'd be happy but after several changes he's still not happy -so there you go-life is not easy -good luck to you both!

Hi Mopsy, Boy! I totally relate to what you are going through with your husband. My H and I have been through a lot of stuff in the last four years regarding his work. He hated his corporate job in TX but hung in until there was a huge layoff which he was part of. We sold our house and moved to AZ to start a business with friends of ours. That was like a detour for two years. It didn't work out. My H was put on AD's for severe clinical depression when we were in AZ. We ran through all of our house proceeds. The AD did help to pull him out and he was able to connect with someone from his former industry and landed a job in CA. We moved again. It's a great job though and if it hadn't been for him getting layed off he would most likely be hanging on still because of his pension. The ppl at the top of the corporation in TX were making all the middle management miserable but it was like my H was caught in a catch22. He wanted what he had worked for but he was one miserable camper!!!

Our children are grown and gone so we didn't have the worry of them having to switch schools. It's a real tough situation to be in. Several of my friends are going through the same thing with their husbands right now and two of my friends had their children late so they are going through meno with relatively young children still at home. Also,the work force has changed dramatically in the last ten years.

I would suggest that your H get help from his EAP if he has one. That's what my H started off with in TX. I am a retired career counselor and have done a lot of volunteer work a long the way with all the moves we have made. I have heard the same story time and again from men and women who are middle aged and going through the same thing. It may help your H to prioritize his goals by sitting down with a professional. It's very hard day after day to listen and be sympathetic with a man who is venting about work. I finally had to tell my H to seek help elsewhere...it was just too close to home for me to be objective.

PM me if you want to.

Hugs,
SusanC

Mopsy: One more thing...I just wanted to give you a friendly warning...don't let your hubby fall for any of those get rich quick schemes that run on infomericals late at night...there's a ton of them that focus on real estate ("no money down" or "buying notes")...Carlton Sheets in particular looks very impressive, but in my opinion it's one big scam. Very few people make any money doing this, and getting a refund is nearly impossible (even though they guarantee it's 'risk-free!!'). You might wonder if I'm speaking from experience....I am.

One night my job-weary hubby couldn't sleep and ended up surfing the t.v. channels into the wee hours. Well my poor little man, not used to the trash that come on after midnight, fell prey to one commercial that promised him he would make from $5-$10K a month, with no experience required, working from home. It promised all kinds of help and support, CD's, work books, his own personal 'coach', a 24 hour help line, everything necessary to help him be self employed. The commerical showed dozens of couples with real names who claimed they had given up their hum-drum dead end jobs for this wonderful opportunity and now they were living the good life, working only 3 hours a week. I know it sounds cheesy, and most of us out there think "I would never fall for that crap" but when you're desperate, hate your job, and are sleep deprived, it's amazing what you'll fall for.

Long story short: My smart and practical husband charged $90 to our credit card and we got this nifty little package in the mail which was going to be the ticket to all his dreams. I only wish it had been real estate...it was actually much worse..I won't say the name here, but suffice it to say it was an herbal supplement that promises to do everything from cure cancer to grow hair. The market is so flooded with ads for this product that no one really makes any money, and when we tried to exercise our 30-day money back guarantee, we were given the royal run-around.

My DH was terribly embarassed that he had succumbed to this scam, and we did lose the ninety bucks, but I can't help but wonder how many other well meaning people fall for this. The commercials seems to target middle aged people who are caught in jobs they hate.

In truth, being in business for yourself is really hard work. My husband has been an investigator for a division of our state government for over ten years....he's very good at it, and would like to start a business as a private investigator when he retires. I think it is a good idea; he has a lot of experience at surveillance and research, has worked hand-in-hand with law enforcement for years, and he loves to drive. My point is, I think if someone is going to venture into business ownership, it's smart to do something you have some sort of experience with.

Anways. This is a longer post than I intended. I think we're all going through dissatisfaction with our jobs at this point in our lives...we spent our youth thinking anything was possible, and now we're staring down the barrel of our golden years and saying "yikes!...how did I get here??" When I was a little girl, I wanted to either own a candy store or be a lawyer.

I sell insurance. Go figure...

I won't bore you with the details, but for a year, my husband's work place was toxic waste. He has a history of ulcers, and 30 years ago, panic attacks. I was concerned.

Sometimes he'd talk about it, sometimes he wouldn't say a word.

We had adopted a pair of dogs, puppies really, who were going to be put down. It was September of that year when the bad stuff began. I 'met' him at the gate one night when he was arriving home, and there was still a hour or two of daylight. I said I was running behind schedule, and was just talking the dogs out for a run. "I've made a flask of tea, come with us". I had to badger him a little but he came. We walked about a mile, sat and had tea and watched the puppies play, then headed home, I calculated the timing to miss the evening news. His workplace was a nightly feature on the news.

I repeated this a couple more nights, and he said to me, "Ok, ok, I get it. You're doing this to calm me down". I asked if it was working, and he told me I could be annoyingly right.

Kathy said "In wondering how repetitive their life can become could it be not so much the job and changing it or where you live as the issue but maybe they just need something "new" to be excited about."

Hubs has subsequently taken up a couple of hobbies: rebuilding antique motor cycles and guitar. I believe the plan is for him to become a metal god. He's feeling better about himself, most of the time. Now if I could just figure out how to move my ACDC wannabe and his gear out of my kitchen, my stress level would be reduced.

You ladies are so great! The wit and wisdom is always uplifting-Duch-you sound like an awesome wife and mom-I hear you with the ACDC wanna be-mine are out and on their own but I remember the noise and chaos and wondering if it would ever be quiet again-now it's a little too quiet-I think we all have wisdom in us-We just need to get quiet enough to tap in to it-I must recall every single day, grandmas' "This too shall pass"

Hi Mopsy,

My H went through this as well. He has a very good job but hated his boss (for good reason). We live in California and he wanted to move away. We went to Colorado and had a good look around and he got a nice job offer. Thankfully he declined the offer and went back to work with a new attitude and his boss quit soon after. I believe that just knowing that there is a way out and that he had a choice made him feel better. Best of luck to you and your Hubby.

Thanks everyone for their kind remarks and comments. I had no idea that this was so common.

My husband and I have been talking and we are going to invest more in his business. We are going to start traveling to shows etc. (He deals in coins) We will start slow as my son is still in High school so we have to work around that but I told him it would be fun to travel around in a few years to all the shows. I love to travel and help him. I think it has helped put more of a spark in his eyes.

Anyway, I knew coming on here and talking would help as I know all you wonderful women have so much knowledge. Thanks again.

Hugs to all,
Mopsy

Hi Mopsy! That is very cool that you and your H had a dialogue about expanding his side business. Coin dealing and collecting is a moving thing right now. My H started collecting or rather expanding on his coin collection about four months ago.

Good luck Mopsy! Keep us posted.

SusanC