OK, I'll go first, please join in.
It's difficult to climax even using a vibrator. (As if I could without!)
The ability seemed to disappear over night, I guess when my ovaries decided to suddenly call it a day.
Or is there another organ that should be making my *testosterone*? And that's what shut down?
Full Version: Orgasm
QUOTE (Nevermore @ Dec 12 2006, 06:58 PM) 
OK, I'll go first, please join in.
It's difficult to climax even using a vibrator. (As if I could without!)
The ability seemed to disappear over night, I guess when my ovaries decided to suddenly call it a day.
Or is there another organ that should be making my *testosterone*? And that's what shut down?
It's difficult to climax even using a vibrator. (As if I could without!)
The ability seemed to disappear over night, I guess when my ovaries decided to suddenly call it a day.
Or is there another organ that should be making my *testosterone*? And that's what shut down?
Nevermore,
I'm in the same boat......and I'm sinking not swimming - lol What a change that has occurred. It was worse when I was on and
AD for a short time but it's soooo difficult for me too....you're not alone.
Hugs,
Karen
Ok, I'm in. I always keep thinking that if I just feel a little better I will feel little more like "doing it" with hubby but I am always tired and foggy headed....but I have to say that orgasm ...that is having one was going ok until I went on the BCP....then it was very hard to have one.....for the week I am off, it sort of returns....good grief....trying a new BCP but if this kills it too, the BCP goes out the window...I was hoping the BCP would smooth things out and I wouldn't feel so tired and foggy and then FEEL a bit more like I at least wanted it..........what's next!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just posted in the orgasmic dreams thread, but now I feel that I must let it all hang out and have a "true confession". I am 54 years old, and I don't think I've ever had an orgasm. The best I ever get is a feeling of pressure in my clitoris. There is nothing physically unusual about my anatomy, either. I mentioned it to my doctor during my first pregnancy 22 years ago. She asked me if I could reach orgasm through masturbation. I told her that I could masturbate with power tools and still feel nothing. I don't masturbate anyway, what's the use? It could also be the result of the medications that I'm on for bipolar disorder, I've been taking them since I was thirteen.
I guess I'm sacrificing my sexuality for my sanity. Oh well, one can't have everything!
I guess I'm sacrificing my sexuality for my sanity. Oh well, one can't have everything!
QUOTE (Molly1 @ Dec 13 2006, 01:40 PM)
I just posted in the orgasmic dreams thread, but now I feel that I must let it all hang out and have a "true confession". I am 54 years old, and I don't think I've ever had an orgasm. The best I ever get is a feeling of pressure in my clitoris. There is nothing physically unusual about my anatomy, either. I mentioned it to my doctor during my first pregnancy 22 years ago. She asked me if I could reach orgasm through masturbation. I told her that I could masturbate with power tools and still feel nothing. I don't masturbate anyway, what's the use? It could also be the result of the medications that I'm on for bipolar disorder, I've been taking them since I was thirteen.
I guess I'm sacrificing my sexuality for my sanity. Oh well, one can't have everything!
I guess I'm sacrificing my sexuality for my sanity. Oh well, one can't have everything!
Molly, it probably is your meds. They are nearly all notorious for ruining sex drive and response. I don't know much about bipolar and its meds, but I read (and I'm sure you know) that of all the meds out there Wellbutrin isn't supposed to ruin your sex life.
If your meds keep you from having seizures or spasms I think that's exactly what keeps an orgasm from happening.
You're very brave to come out. Brava! I wish you very well.
QUOTE (Nevermore @ Dec 13 2006, 02:02 PM)
If your meds keep you from having seizures or spasms I think that's exactly what keeps an orgasm from happening.
You're very brave to come out. Brava! I wish you very well.
You're very brave to come out. Brava! I wish you very well.
Yes, this would be the culprit! But I guess I shouldn't complain. If I never had an orgasm, then I don't know what I'm missing!
Oh, well. There are worse things in life.
I absolutely mourn this awful part of menopause. I have these little fizzly orgasms that last about 1 second . . . I used to have thunderous, long-lasting ones. All my tests show that testosterone and estrogen are O.K. (I'm in BHRT) but everything's changed.
I work up to that very brink, and then, PHFFT. I just can't tell my husband because he'd feel terrible.
It makes me feel so un-sexy, so unwomanly. I've adjusted to about everything else, but to know that part of my life is gone forever just makes me cry.
kimber
I work up to that very brink, and then, PHFFT. I just can't tell my husband because he'd feel terrible.
It makes me feel so un-sexy, so unwomanly. I've adjusted to about everything else, but to know that part of my life is gone forever just makes me cry.
kimber
QUOTE (kimberccc @ Dec 13 2006, 03:41 PM)
I absolutely mourn this awful part of menopause. I have these little fizzly orgasms that last about 1 second . . . I used to have thunderous, long-lasting ones. All my tests show that testosterone and estrogen are O.K. (I'm in BHRT) but everything's changed.
I work up to that very brink, and then, PHFFT. I just can't tell my husband because he'd feel terrible.
It makes me feel so un-sexy, so unwomanly. I've adjusted to about everything else, but to know that part of my life is gone forever just makes me cry.
kimber
I work up to that very brink, and then, PHFFT. I just can't tell my husband because he'd feel terrible.
It makes me feel so un-sexy, so unwomanly. I've adjusted to about everything else, but to know that part of my life is gone forever just makes me cry.
kimber
Hey, kimber,
There was a book from way back that said a woman is responsible for her own orgasm. So, if you can use a toy to help you might want to give it a try. Your husband will be pleased to see you having a good time. Guys like new stuff & visual stuff. And you deserve it!!
Oh, I'm a great fan of the vibrator. It started out really helping, but now that I'm almost 4 years post-meno even the vibrator isn't producing the effect it used to. That's just started in the last few months and I think that's what's depressing me. I thought I could reclaim a pretty good portion of my past experience with just a little help but now even that isn't enough.
It's very frustrating in many ways if you know what I mean.
kimber
It's very frustrating in many ways if you know what I mean.
kimber
Oh, Kimber, that's just awful. I'm sorry to have been insensitive while thinking i was helping.
This meno stuff is just so awful!
Best wishes to you. Hope IT returns!!
This meno stuff is just so awful!
Best wishes to you. Hope IT returns!!
Hee hee...Okay, I'll jump in too! I have never had one with my husband, and I think that's really sad. I have had them when sleeping and...well, you know.
My counselor is encouraging me to talk to hubby about it and to try to really work on this area of our marriage. If I think about it too much, I feel so hopeless and depressed. Or, I think that maybe my "second husband" down the road will be able to help me out, LOL! Why is it so hard for men to figure out how we work down there? I pray that we can figure things out.
My counselor is encouraging me to talk to hubby about it and to try to really work on this area of our marriage. If I think about it too much, I feel so hopeless and depressed. Or, I think that maybe my "second husband" down the road will be able to help me out, LOL! Why is it so hard for men to figure out how we work down there? I pray that we can figure things out.
QUOTE (rsgreen @ Dec 14 2006, 02:48 PM)
Why is it so hard for men to figure out how we work down there? .
Maybe because they don't care. As long as they are satisfied, that is all that matters. I was married for 20 years, and my husband never gave a damn about my pleasure. After I turned 50, he didn't want to have sex with me anymore, saying that my aging body disgusted him.
He filed for divorce two weeks ago because he wants to marry a 27 year old woman. I am 54 and he is 44. I guess once a woman is menopausal, she is sexually undesirable anyway, at least that what he says. He says that any man who says any different is either a loser or a liar. So much for us over 50 women! Why not just throw us in the trash heap!
Good grief, Molly....sorry to say this but is your soon to be X husband (and thank goodness for that) a shallow creep! You should be really GLAD to get rid of him....I am sure one of your only regrets is that you didn't say you wanted a divorce first...........you have done nothing to deserve this......what goes around comes around and eventually this jerk will get it but good....be patient......I guess he is REALLY intimidated by aging....boy is he going to be surprised in a few years when he can't do anything without viagra...poor 27 year old bride.......I said it before and I will say it again,.....just wait until that 27 starts going through meno and he tries to get rid of her....does he think a 64 year old man will be able to get another premeno woman again....HA.....I bet his body will get really disgusting and saggy....probably no amount of viagra will help him.....I am feeling really MEAN today!!!! Hang in there, this metamorphis will finish and BOY WHAT A BEAUTIFUL, CONFIDENT, and wonderful WOMAN will emerge!!!!!!!! He may come begging back and you will just laugh in his face.......HA< HA.....(I AM mean today!!!!) 
Molly--I posted to you in another forum before I read this. Soon and not soon enough ex-husband to be is nothing but a cull, a loser, a piece of S#@t, etc. etc. etc!!!!!! Getting rid of him is and will be the best thing that has ever happened to you!!! Count your blessings. An animal should not be treated the way he treated you. He beat you down with his own insecurities. You are a strong beautiful woman. You can make your own way in life Molly. ---Shelley
Thank you slowbear and sberz69 for your kind and funny (never mean!) words. Every day I waver between anger, sadness and counting my blessings about my soon to be ex. My children are torn between us and are confused, they are good people and refuse to take sides against us. I am thankful every day for them!
A few comments:
As I entered peri i lost most of my libido. I wanted sex, but felt... unplugged. I could, with patience, still have satisfactory sex w/clitoral stimulation but vaginal sex was tricky.
And it got worse
Welbutrin/zyban restored me to the first levels of diminished sexuality, which is certainly better than nothing. If you're on ADs for any reason and they're interfering with sexuality, I'd suggest talking to the doctor about a change.
kimberly:
Have you had your testosterone levels checked? Also, you might try suppliments that boost your testosterone levels. I think mine's completely packed it in (had one ovary surgically removed)
Anyway, zinc can help, taken at bedtime, and l-arginine. My husband was just fighting off a cold. I made him take zinc because I didn't want him to let it develop, and give it to me over the hols. He's been dead frisky for a week. I laughingly told him to quit taking the zinc, and explained why. He googled zinc and testosterone, then promptly went out and bought another bottle.
Molly
You and I are the same age. PLease read what I wrote for Kim. You can bet your Londondeirriere there is a man out there somewhere that will be warm for your form. I agree that you husband is a toxic waste of space. Time for real love. You owe it to yourself, and talk to your doctor about a change in meds. There's been a few advances in the last 20 years.
And for the record,
Anti-histamines inhibits sexual responses big time.
As I entered peri i lost most of my libido. I wanted sex, but felt... unplugged. I could, with patience, still have satisfactory sex w/clitoral stimulation but vaginal sex was tricky.
And it got worse
Welbutrin/zyban restored me to the first levels of diminished sexuality, which is certainly better than nothing. If you're on ADs for any reason and they're interfering with sexuality, I'd suggest talking to the doctor about a change.
kimberly:
Have you had your testosterone levels checked? Also, you might try suppliments that boost your testosterone levels. I think mine's completely packed it in (had one ovary surgically removed)
Anyway, zinc can help, taken at bedtime, and l-arginine. My husband was just fighting off a cold. I made him take zinc because I didn't want him to let it develop, and give it to me over the hols. He's been dead frisky for a week. I laughingly told him to quit taking the zinc, and explained why. He googled zinc and testosterone, then promptly went out and bought another bottle.
Molly
You and I are the same age. PLease read what I wrote for Kim. You can bet your Londondeirriere there is a man out there somewhere that will be warm for your form. I agree that you husband is a toxic waste of space. Time for real love. You owe it to yourself, and talk to your doctor about a change in meds. There's been a few advances in the last 20 years.
And for the record,
Anti-histamines inhibits sexual responses big time.
Just been reading this thread and thought I would add in a copy of a thread i started a couple of weeks ago. I dont think many ladies read it, so here it is again.
Hope it helps!
Ladies,I must tell you about my wondrous discovery!
I had a hysterectomy with removal of ovaries in March due to early stage endo cancer.
As I am not allowed HRT,I have had all sorts of problems associated with surgical menopause, one of the worst being an inability to orgasm.
As I have never had any problem in the past this has been most distressing, because I have not lost interest in sex, but just felt kind of numb in that area.
Apparently having the ovaries removed cuts the body's overall testosterone in half, although, I believe that in time the adrenal glands can take over and make up the difference.
Never one to just sit around and wait, I have been on a painstaking search to find some solution to my problem.
I have found a product which is available in UK and US called "Zestra". It is a natural oil that is applied to the appropriate area for a few minutes during sex and helps increase sensation to the degree that most women can have an orgasm.
Well ladies, I sent for one to try, and I can tell you it really works! I only used a little- not the full amount supplied, and it still worked fine!
There is loads of info about it on the net. Just type it in to google and you will find all you want about it, including the fact that it is totally safe.
I feel so happy to be able to share this information with you because I have been so very sad at the loss of my sexual feelings ,and know just how distressing it can be. I never thought I would ever feel anything again and I have
Please ladies give it a try!!!
janet c
Hope it helps!
Ladies,I must tell you about my wondrous discovery!
I had a hysterectomy with removal of ovaries in March due to early stage endo cancer.
As I am not allowed HRT,I have had all sorts of problems associated with surgical menopause, one of the worst being an inability to orgasm.
As I have never had any problem in the past this has been most distressing, because I have not lost interest in sex, but just felt kind of numb in that area.
Apparently having the ovaries removed cuts the body's overall testosterone in half, although, I believe that in time the adrenal glands can take over and make up the difference.
Never one to just sit around and wait, I have been on a painstaking search to find some solution to my problem.
I have found a product which is available in UK and US called "Zestra". It is a natural oil that is applied to the appropriate area for a few minutes during sex and helps increase sensation to the degree that most women can have an orgasm.
Well ladies, I sent for one to try, and I can tell you it really works! I only used a little- not the full amount supplied, and it still worked fine!
There is loads of info about it on the net. Just type it in to google and you will find all you want about it, including the fact that it is totally safe.
I feel so happy to be able to share this information with you because I have been so very sad at the loss of my sexual feelings ,and know just how distressing it can be. I never thought I would ever feel anything again and I have
Please ladies give it a try!!!
janet c
Well, just in case someone else is having this problem, here's another lovely facet of meno. As a little TMI, I don't have a problem with arousal, it's just like the muscles won't work when I reach that, you know, brink.
My testosterone and DHEA levels were very high naturally, and they're reducing because of meno but no one will prescribe any additional testosterone because my levels are in the normal range when they were in the 3x range before/at meno. (Don't ask me why, I have no idea.)
My doctor has just said, "Well, it's never going to be like it used to, so just get used to it." If you look at the different websites like NAMS and the Council on Aging, they say the same thing and just suggest you get counseling to adjust. The vaginal muscles weaken with age and just don't work. I'm 52 years old, and nothing about meno made me feel like an old lady until this!
I hate, hate, hate this. I've never faked orgasms in my life, but now sex is just something for my husband and I don't like to see him disappointed. And if I read one more time, that sex is more than orgasms, that just cuddling is great, I'll slug someone. Sure, cuddling is good, but puh-leeze!
My last possibility is to try Kegel exercises. I'll just have to see.
I feel like my personhood is being stolen one piece at a time.
kimber
My testosterone and DHEA levels were very high naturally, and they're reducing because of meno but no one will prescribe any additional testosterone because my levels are in the normal range when they were in the 3x range before/at meno. (Don't ask me why, I have no idea.)
My doctor has just said, "Well, it's never going to be like it used to, so just get used to it." If you look at the different websites like NAMS and the Council on Aging, they say the same thing and just suggest you get counseling to adjust. The vaginal muscles weaken with age and just don't work. I'm 52 years old, and nothing about meno made me feel like an old lady until this!
I hate, hate, hate this. I've never faked orgasms in my life, but now sex is just something for my husband and I don't like to see him disappointed. And if I read one more time, that sex is more than orgasms, that just cuddling is great, I'll slug someone. Sure, cuddling is good, but puh-leeze!
My last possibility is to try Kegel exercises. I'll just have to see.
I feel like my personhood is being stolen one piece at a time.
kimber
QUOTE (kimberccc @ Dec 27 2006, 11:04 AM)
Well, just in case someone else is having this problem, here's another lovely facet of meno. As a little TMI, I don't have a problem with arousal, it's just like the muscles won't work when I reach that, you know, brink.
My testosterone and DHEA levels were very high naturally, and they're reducing because of meno but no one will prescribe any additional testosterone because my levels are in the normal range when they were in the 3x range before/at meno. (Don't ask me why, I have no idea.)
My doctor has just said, "Well, it's never going to be like it used to, so just get used to it." If you look at the different websites like NAMS and the Council on Aging, they say the same thing and just suggest you get counseling to adjust. The vaginal muscles weaken with age and just don't work. I'm 52 years old, and nothing about meno made me feel like an old lady until this!
I hate, hate, hate this. I've never faked orgasms in my life, but now sex is just something for my husband and I don't like to see him disappointed. And if I read one more time, that sex is more than orgasms, that just cuddling is great, I'll slug someone. Sure, cuddling is good, but puh-leeze!
My last possibility is to try Kegel exercises. I'll just have to see.
I feel like my personhood is being stolen one piece at a time.
kimber
My testosterone and DHEA levels were very high naturally, and they're reducing because of meno but no one will prescribe any additional testosterone because my levels are in the normal range when they were in the 3x range before/at meno. (Don't ask me why, I have no idea.)
My doctor has just said, "Well, it's never going to be like it used to, so just get used to it." If you look at the different websites like NAMS and the Council on Aging, they say the same thing and just suggest you get counseling to adjust. The vaginal muscles weaken with age and just don't work. I'm 52 years old, and nothing about meno made me feel like an old lady until this!
I hate, hate, hate this. I've never faked orgasms in my life, but now sex is just something for my husband and I don't like to see him disappointed. And if I read one more time, that sex is more than orgasms, that just cuddling is great, I'll slug someone. Sure, cuddling is good, but puh-leeze!
My last possibility is to try Kegel exercises. I'll just have to see.
I feel like my personhood is being stolen one piece at a time.
kimber
Kimber,
That is terrible about your doctor! I think you should FIRE him and go to someone else. Call your local compounding pharmacies and talk to the pharmacists who do women’s hormones and ask for a referral to someone they think will give you testosterone. It would be great if testosterone was not a controlled substance, it would be easier for you to get. Don’t give up, this is your life and you know what you need. It will be worth it when you find a doctor that will help you.
I am 45 and use testosterone cream daily. I use a small amount in that area as well. It is soooo nice that I do not pee on myself anymore! I did tons of Kegel exercises and I still peed on myself until I started the cream. Dr. Vliet has a good book on testosterone. Have you read it yet? I have only skimmed it so far and I have found it helpful.
Kathy
Molly, I want to tell you that I think it's great that you stepped forward and wrote what you wrote. With the proliferation of porn and near-porn TV shows and films, it seems like every woman in the world except me is having the most fabulous wonderful multiple orgasms every second for hours, can climax just being looked, screan and toss head back, etc etc etc. >:-) (I think all of this fantasy is ruining the sex lives of everyone who sees it !)
I openly admit that I almost never have an orgasm unless I use a vibrator. I am always happy to find other women who are open about their sexual "flaws" (a.k.a. REALITY).
I agree with the others who say your meds are likely to blame. I took Paxil for 6 months and it killed my ability to orgasm, not just during those 6 months but for 18 months after I stopped taking the stuff ! Never again.
TO all, I started getting hot flashes jan 13 2007 and just as suddenly as they appeared, my ability to be aroused and have an orgasm disappeared. I know I'm stressing about the symptoms. I feel crappy all day long, sleep badly (being awakened by the flashes, chills, and palpitations), I'm worried about my relationship with my boyfriend who THANK GOD lives a few hours away so we are not together every day. I'm praying that my lack of desire is due to this new stress but I'm worried it's more permanent. I've already looked into the saliva tests and I'm going to go ahead and order one this evening. If my testosterone is low, I'm going to try to acquire the lowest dose cream and see what happens. I'm new to the board and very eager to read about others' experiences.
I openly admit that I almost never have an orgasm unless I use a vibrator. I am always happy to find other women who are open about their sexual "flaws" (a.k.a. REALITY).
I agree with the others who say your meds are likely to blame. I took Paxil for 6 months and it killed my ability to orgasm, not just during those 6 months but for 18 months after I stopped taking the stuff ! Never again.
TO all, I started getting hot flashes jan 13 2007 and just as suddenly as they appeared, my ability to be aroused and have an orgasm disappeared. I know I'm stressing about the symptoms. I feel crappy all day long, sleep badly (being awakened by the flashes, chills, and palpitations), I'm worried about my relationship with my boyfriend who THANK GOD lives a few hours away so we are not together every day. I'm praying that my lack of desire is due to this new stress but I'm worried it's more permanent. I've already looked into the saliva tests and I'm going to go ahead and order one this evening. If my testosterone is low, I'm going to try to acquire the lowest dose cream and see what happens. I'm new to the board and very eager to read about others' experiences.
QUOTE (Duch @ Dec 27 2006, 12:11 PM)
I agree that you husband is a toxic waste of space. Time for real love. You owe it to yourself, and talk to your doctor about a change in meds. There's been a few advances in the last 20 years.
And for the record,
Anti-histamines inhibits sexual responses big time.
And for the record,
Anti-histamines inhibits sexual responses big time.
It's been a while, but my divorce papers are all filed and it should be final by summer. But I do not want to ever be involved with a man again. In my whole life, I have had sex with only one man, my ex-husband. I guess I won't count the three years when I was a young girl that my father was raping me. After my father died in a car crash, it took me about fifteen years to even think about sex, marriage and a family. Then I met my husband. It turned out to be twenty more years of rape and lies and infidelity. Thank God I cannot have an orgasm or feel the need to have sex ever again. It has only been a source of tremendous suffering for me and probably led to my bipolar disorder being so bad. I told my psychiatrist that I never realised that the source of both my suicide attempts, when I cut my wrists, have been because of the men in my life sexually abusing me. She also said that there are studies on female bodybuilders who were sexually abused as girls, and took anabolic steroids to gain muscle mass was an indirect attempt to become more masculine and powerful. I thought this was a strange coincidence to my life, since I also abused steroids and have never felt so powerful as when I was on them.
Anyway, I got off-track. I guess that I really do not want to change my present medication, since it was recently changed to stabilize me back in December. And I don't want to have a relationship, even a friendly one with a man ever again. I do not and never will trust any of them. First my father damaged me, then my husband ruined me for good. Sexual life has been like a death for me. Best to avoid it at any and all costs!
Molly, I wonder if your meds are obliterating your ability to climax. When I took an AD (Paxil), it KILLED my ability to climax, and it took me about 18 months after stopping the AD to get it back.
You have a horrible life experience that certainly explains, even justifies, an aversion to sex with a man. I think you still deserve to have orgasms solo, but with the meds and now peri it's probably going to be difficult for you to start. And do you really need to do this ? I did a relative of ecstasy (I did MDA, ecstasy is MDMA) many times and I am not hesitant to say that the high is way better than sex, but I know a lot of people who've never taken the drug and they don't feel like they are missing anything. So how important are orgasms to someone whose never had one ? Probably not very.
I have been unmarried all of my life and had lots of relationships, and all but the last were fine, we just didn't stay together for one reason or another, no trauma though. But the last guy was a total assh*le, and after breaking up with him I swore off men. I was even thinking NO MORE. When it comes to sex in particular, I usually feel pressure. I have always had a lower drive than my boyfriends, I would be happy with 2-3 orgasms per week, the guys usually want at least one a day. :-) Fine, I don't have any problem doing things for them and not expecting it in return at those times when I'm not so interested, but I really have to love them and want to please them, and most importantly feel loved back, in order for that to work. And even when everything is great, sometimes sex is just, well, uncomfortable. I am delicate and I have been with guys who need a great deal of thrusting to get off. I've learned tricks to help minimize my discomfort, but still it kind of takes away from the pleasure, you know ? It's why I always want to have my orgasm first, so if they cause me discomfort it doesn't obliterate my arousal before I've come. But there is also the mess afterward, I'm sorry, no matter how much I clean up I am still dripping afterward. If we have been having more intercourse than usual I can also feel raw. More taking away from the pleasure.
So when I thought I didn't want to have a boyfriend any more I was alright with the idea. I have a great vibrator and it works very well for me.
And then, just 2 months after breaking up with the last boyfriend, I accidentally met a new guy and we are both having our best relationships ever, so I'm back into it again. Oh well ! I told him he's the last. If we break up that's it, no more. Just too much trouble. :-)
You have a horrible life experience that certainly explains, even justifies, an aversion to sex with a man. I think you still deserve to have orgasms solo, but with the meds and now peri it's probably going to be difficult for you to start. And do you really need to do this ? I did a relative of ecstasy (I did MDA, ecstasy is MDMA) many times and I am not hesitant to say that the high is way better than sex, but I know a lot of people who've never taken the drug and they don't feel like they are missing anything. So how important are orgasms to someone whose never had one ? Probably not very.
I have been unmarried all of my life and had lots of relationships, and all but the last were fine, we just didn't stay together for one reason or another, no trauma though. But the last guy was a total assh*le, and after breaking up with him I swore off men. I was even thinking NO MORE. When it comes to sex in particular, I usually feel pressure. I have always had a lower drive than my boyfriends, I would be happy with 2-3 orgasms per week, the guys usually want at least one a day. :-) Fine, I don't have any problem doing things for them and not expecting it in return at those times when I'm not so interested, but I really have to love them and want to please them, and most importantly feel loved back, in order for that to work. And even when everything is great, sometimes sex is just, well, uncomfortable. I am delicate and I have been with guys who need a great deal of thrusting to get off. I've learned tricks to help minimize my discomfort, but still it kind of takes away from the pleasure, you know ? It's why I always want to have my orgasm first, so if they cause me discomfort it doesn't obliterate my arousal before I've come. But there is also the mess afterward, I'm sorry, no matter how much I clean up I am still dripping afterward. If we have been having more intercourse than usual I can also feel raw. More taking away from the pleasure.
So when I thought I didn't want to have a boyfriend any more I was alright with the idea. I have a great vibrator and it works very well for me.
And then, just 2 months after breaking up with the last boyfriend, I accidentally met a new guy and we are both having our best relationships ever, so I'm back into it again. Oh well ! I told him he's the last. If we break up that's it, no more. Just too much trouble. :-)
Molly,
You know best. What a dreadful amount you've had to endure. I wish you peace and happiness going forward.
{{{Duch}}}
You know best. What a dreadful amount you've had to endure. I wish you peace and happiness going forward.
{{{Duch}}}
Sandra - we seem to be reading and responding to the same posts today! V Pleased to here you've a new fellah in your life, who's making you happy. All the best
This relationship is the biggest reason I'm pursuing BHRT. If I were single and decided that the last boyfriend was indeed the last one I would ever have, I'd probably just ride out the symptoms and do the best I can with improved eating and exercise and taking care of myself. Or hell, maybe I'd just sit around eating sweets all day long !! But this guy is so amazing and it all happened by accident, and let me tell you I fought getting involved with him because I knew the easy lazy man-less life I was actually looking forward to leading wouldn't happen, and I'd have to make an effort. >:-) So far it's been worth it, though I have to say the appearance of hot flashes and other peri symptoms have come at a really inconvenient time. I met the guy in April 2006 so we haven't been together long, and you know how it is at the beginning of a relationship, all lusty and lovey and everything. I do not want to be feeling sick or hot or asexual !
QUOTE (SandraSmith @ Jan 22 2007, 08:46 PM)
Molly, I want to tell you that I think it's great that you stepped forward and wrote what you wrote. With the proliferation of porn and near-porn TV shows and films, it seems like every woman in the world except me is having the most fabulous wonderful multiple orgasms every second for hours, can climax just being looked, screan and toss head back, etc etc etc. >:-) (I think all of this fantasy is ruining the sex lives of everyone who sees it !)
I openly admit that I almost never have an orgasm unless I use a vibrator. I am always happy to find other women who are open about their sexual "flaws" (a.k.a. REALITY).
I agree with the others who say your meds are likely to blame. I took Paxil for 6 months and it killed my ability to orgasm, not just during those 6 months but for 18 months after I stopped taking the stuff ! Never again.
TO all, I started getting hot flashes jan 13 2007 and just as suddenly as they appeared, my ability to be aroused and have an orgasm disappeared. I know I'm stressing about the symptoms. I feel crappy all day long, sleep badly (being awakened by the flashes, chills, and palpitations), I'm worried about my relationship with my boyfriend who THANK GOD lives a few hours away so we are not together every day. I'm praying that my lack of desire is due to this new stress but I'm worried it's more permanent. I've already looked into the saliva tests and I'm going to go ahead and order one this evening. If my testosterone is low, I'm going to try to acquire the lowest dose cream and see what happens. I'm new to the board and very eager to read about others' experiences.
I openly admit that I almost never have an orgasm unless I use a vibrator. I am always happy to find other women who are open about their sexual "flaws" (a.k.a. REALITY).
I agree with the others who say your meds are likely to blame. I took Paxil for 6 months and it killed my ability to orgasm, not just during those 6 months but for 18 months after I stopped taking the stuff ! Never again.
TO all, I started getting hot flashes jan 13 2007 and just as suddenly as they appeared, my ability to be aroused and have an orgasm disappeared. I know I'm stressing about the symptoms. I feel crappy all day long, sleep badly (being awakened by the flashes, chills, and palpitations), I'm worried about my relationship with my boyfriend who THANK GOD lives a few hours away so we are not together every day. I'm praying that my lack of desire is due to this new stress but I'm worried it's more permanent. I've already looked into the saliva tests and I'm going to go ahead and order one this evening. If my testosterone is low, I'm going to try to acquire the lowest dose cream and see what happens. I'm new to the board and very eager to read about others' experiences.
Hi all, I am new here. I am 52 and starting to come out the other side of menopause. I had flashes for a year but the worst was this summer when I had heart palps that went into atrial fib
during a hot flash. The sex gets better again- it really does come back- and without pills or creams.
QUOTE (kimberccc @ Dec 27 2006, 01:04 PM)
Well, just in case someone else is having this problem, here's another lovely facet of meno. As a little TMI, I don't have a problem with arousal, it's just like the muscles won't work when I reach that, you know, brink.
My testosterone and DHEA levels were very high naturally, and they're reducing because of meno but no one will prescribe any additional testosterone because my levels are in the normal range when they were in the 3x range before/at meno. (Don't ask me why, I have no idea.)
My doctor has just said, "Well, it's never going to be like it used to, so just get used to it." If you look at the different websites like NAMS and the Council on Aging, they say the same thing and just suggest you get counseling to adjust. The vaginal muscles weaken with age and just don't work. I'm 52 years old, and nothing about meno made me feel like an old lady until this!
I hate, hate, hate this. I've never faked orgasms in my life, but now sex is just something for my husband and I don't like to see him disappointed. And if I read one more time, that sex is more than orgasms, that just cuddling is great, I'll slug someone. Sure, cuddling is good, but puh-leeze!
My last possibility is to try Kegel exercises. I'll just have to see.
I feel like my personhood is being stolen one piece at a time.
kimber
My testosterone and DHEA levels were very high naturally, and they're reducing because of meno but no one will prescribe any additional testosterone because my levels are in the normal range when they were in the 3x range before/at meno. (Don't ask me why, I have no idea.)
My doctor has just said, "Well, it's never going to be like it used to, so just get used to it." If you look at the different websites like NAMS and the Council on Aging, they say the same thing and just suggest you get counseling to adjust. The vaginal muscles weaken with age and just don't work. I'm 52 years old, and nothing about meno made me feel like an old lady until this!
I hate, hate, hate this. I've never faked orgasms in my life, but now sex is just something for my husband and I don't like to see him disappointed. And if I read one more time, that sex is more than orgasms, that just cuddling is great, I'll slug someone. Sure, cuddling is good, but puh-leeze!
My last possibility is to try Kegel exercises. I'll just have to see.
I feel like my personhood is being stolen one piece at a time.
kimber
I was told that testosterone aids in the arousal stage, but its estrogen that actually helps the orgasm. You might want to have your estrogen levels checked. I know that when my levels are low the orgasm is next to nothing. Just a thought.
Ladies
Here I am again with first hand info which you can believe or not.
Last March I had a hysterectomy and ovaries removed to cure endo cancer.
By September my ability to have an orgasm went completely. I was completely physically numb in the obvious area and also my nipples- as all my hormones had gone.
I was absolutely devastated, and looking on the net didnt help. It just confirmed my worst fears that I would never feel anything ever again.
Fortunately for me, I was and still am having acupuncture for hot flushes from a wonderful lady who used to be a gynaecologist.When we discussed how I was feeling she was so reassurring.
She told me that although at present I could feel nothing, this was because of the abrupt removal of my ovaries, but that eventually my feelings should return.
She explained that the adrenal glands eventually take over in producing the hormones, such as testosterone and oestrogen but it takes time.
I dont know if I believed her at the time but I do now!
This is because in the last couple of months my sexual feelings returned and without any ovaries, HRT,or testosterone supplementation I am having great orgasms again.
To all you ladies who are having problems at present, I say-
If I can have great sex in the absence of any hormones then you certainly all can.
I am sure that a lot of sexual problems are caused through a hormone imbalance-usually too much oestrogen in relation to progesterone.
That is what I had in peri and I totally went off sex and could not have an orgasm at that time.
You are all in peri and therefore your hormones are all over the place. They wont always be, though, so please be reassurred by what I am saying.
One more thing I will say. Even when a woman is through meno, her ovaries will still continue producing a small amount of hormones and actually testosterone levels can be quite high. There is every chance that some ladies libidos increase because of this. Oestrogen is actually a libido suppressant!
So take heart!!!
janet c
Here I am again with first hand info which you can believe or not.
Last March I had a hysterectomy and ovaries removed to cure endo cancer.
By September my ability to have an orgasm went completely. I was completely physically numb in the obvious area and also my nipples- as all my hormones had gone.
I was absolutely devastated, and looking on the net didnt help. It just confirmed my worst fears that I would never feel anything ever again.
Fortunately for me, I was and still am having acupuncture for hot flushes from a wonderful lady who used to be a gynaecologist.When we discussed how I was feeling she was so reassurring.
She told me that although at present I could feel nothing, this was because of the abrupt removal of my ovaries, but that eventually my feelings should return.
She explained that the adrenal glands eventually take over in producing the hormones, such as testosterone and oestrogen but it takes time.
I dont know if I believed her at the time but I do now!
This is because in the last couple of months my sexual feelings returned and without any ovaries, HRT,or testosterone supplementation I am having great orgasms again.
To all you ladies who are having problems at present, I say-
If I can have great sex in the absence of any hormones then you certainly all can.
I am sure that a lot of sexual problems are caused through a hormone imbalance-usually too much oestrogen in relation to progesterone.
That is what I had in peri and I totally went off sex and could not have an orgasm at that time.
You are all in peri and therefore your hormones are all over the place. They wont always be, though, so please be reassurred by what I am saying.
One more thing I will say. Even when a woman is through meno, her ovaries will still continue producing a small amount of hormones and actually testosterone levels can be quite high. There is every chance that some ladies libidos increase because of this. Oestrogen is actually a libido suppressant!
So take heart!!!
janet c
Testosterone is the major driver for libido - the interest in having sex. But it is estrogen that is responsible for lubrication, clitoral sensation, and the ability to orgasm. If your estrogen is too low, your natural testosterone may become the dominant force causing an increase in interest but leaving you frustrated when you cannot achieve an orgasm. Estrogen can restore the ability to orgasm but too much in relation to the other hormones can cause you to lose your interest (libido) for sex. It is a balancing act but if you have lost your ability to orgasm you may want to supplement your estrogen hormones first, then add testosterone only if your interest in sex is too low.
NiteOwl-
that is very interesting, because I did go through a phase around Christmas time when I felt like having sex all the time but I just couldnt have an orgasm at all. I was very frustrated at that time!
I presume that my balancing act has sorted itself out, then.
janet c
that is very interesting, because I did go through a phase around Christmas time when I felt like having sex all the time but I just couldnt have an orgasm at all. I was very frustrated at that time!
I presume that my balancing act has sorted itself out, then.
janet c
Hey Janet! Glad to hear "things" are back in order on your own! You go, girl!!
Thanks for all your suggestions, ladies. You know, I was thinking, before meno I know I had ebbs and flows of sometimes great sex and sometimes average sex but I didn't freak out about it because when you're young you just assume all will be well in the end. I think now I expect the worst and try to fix everything because I just don't have the confidence anymore that I'll be all right. My body has been surprising me in too many distressing ways.
O.K., I'll get back on the hormone hamster wheel and try to up this and decrease that and wait for my miracle. Or at least wait for the earth to move, so to speak.
You're all the best! Thanks so much for listening.
kimber
O.K., I'll get back on the hormone hamster wheel and try to up this and decrease that and wait for my miracle. Or at least wait for the earth to move, so to speak.
You're all the best! Thanks so much for listening.
kimber
kimber
American Academy of Family Physicians - July, 2000
This article is long, and I won't reproduce it here in its entirety, but it does mention that most physicians recommend one stays in the normal range. I would argue with this guy that I wanted what was normal from me, not some statistical average with an arbitrary definition of normalcy. If he doesn't play ball, collect up the notes he's made on you, and trundle off to see another doctor.
QUOTE
My testosterone and DHEA levels were very high naturally, and they're reducing because of meno but no one will prescribe any additional testosterone because my levels are in the normal range when they were in the 3x range before/at meno. (Don't ask me why, I have no idea.)
My doctor has just said, "Well, it's never going to be like it used to, so just get used to it."
I'd show this following report to the doctor:My doctor has just said, "Well, it's never going to be like it used to, so just get used to it."
American Academy of Family Physicians - July, 2000
QUOTE
In peri- and postmenopausal women, the relationship between hormones and sexuality is unclear.18-21 Nonetheless, estrogen replacement therapy has been shown to correlate positively with sexual activity, enjoyment and fantasies--the latter thought to represent desire.23,24 The mechanism of estrogen's effect on desire is indirect and occurs through improvement in urogenital atrophy, vasomotor symptoms and menopausal mood disorders (i.e., depression). This relationship helps predict which patients are likely to respond to estrogen replacement therapy (i.e., those with symptoms of hypoestrogenism) and may explain why some studies do not show estrogen-mediated improvement in sexual functioning.25
The role of progesterone therapy, which is necessary in estrogen-treated patients with an intact uterus, has not been widely studied in terms of sexuality, but one study24 suggests that it exhibits a negative impact by dampening mood and decreasing available androgens. The addition of estrogen for several weeks before progesterone therapy is initiated, or taking into account monthly symptom calendars, will help determine each hormone's influence and guide dosage and schedule adjustments.
Testosterone appears to have a direct role in sexual desire.20 However, because studies evaluate mostly testosterone-deficient, oophorectomized women or women who develop supraphysiologic levels secondary to testosterone treatment, clinical applications are limited. No guidelines for testosterone replacement therapy for women with disorders of desire and no consensus of "normal" or "therapeutic" levels of testosterone therapy exist. Many physicians are concerned about the lack of safety data on the role of testosterone in breast cancer and on hepatic side effects; however, hepatocellular damage or carcinoma is rare at prescribed dosages,26 and the development of breast cancer has not been reported clinically.27
The side effects of testosterone, which occur in 5 to 35 percent of patients, include lower levels of high-density lipoprotein, acne, hirsutism, clitorimegaly and voice deepening.27 However, these side effects on lipoprotein levels are rarely significant if estrogen and testosterone are coadministered; moreover, most other side effects are reversible with discontinuation of testosterone or a dosage adjustment.26
A role for testosterone treatment exists in selected patients (Table 7). Coadministration with estrogen therapy should be provided to prevent deleterious effects on lipoprotein levels. Before initiating testosterone treatment, physicians should discuss the potential and theoretic risks, and individual risk and benefit assessments with the patient. In general, patients with current or previous breast cancer, uncontrolled hyperlipidemia, liver disease, acne or hirsutism should not receive testosterone therapy.
Arousal Disorders
Current treatment of patients with arousal disorders is limited to the use of commercial lubricants, although vitamin E and mineral oils are also options. Arousal disorders may be secondary to inadequate stimulation, especially in older women who require more stimulation to reach a level of arousal that was more easily attained at a younger age. Encouraging adequate foreplay or the use of vibrators to increase stimulation may be helpful. Taking a warm bath before intercourse may also increase arousal. Anxiety may inhibit arousal, and strategies to alleviate anxiety by employing distraction techniques are helpful.
The role of progesterone therapy, which is necessary in estrogen-treated patients with an intact uterus, has not been widely studied in terms of sexuality, but one study24 suggests that it exhibits a negative impact by dampening mood and decreasing available androgens. The addition of estrogen for several weeks before progesterone therapy is initiated, or taking into account monthly symptom calendars, will help determine each hormone's influence and guide dosage and schedule adjustments.
Testosterone appears to have a direct role in sexual desire.20 However, because studies evaluate mostly testosterone-deficient, oophorectomized women or women who develop supraphysiologic levels secondary to testosterone treatment, clinical applications are limited. No guidelines for testosterone replacement therapy for women with disorders of desire and no consensus of "normal" or "therapeutic" levels of testosterone therapy exist. Many physicians are concerned about the lack of safety data on the role of testosterone in breast cancer and on hepatic side effects; however, hepatocellular damage or carcinoma is rare at prescribed dosages,26 and the development of breast cancer has not been reported clinically.27
The side effects of testosterone, which occur in 5 to 35 percent of patients, include lower levels of high-density lipoprotein, acne, hirsutism, clitorimegaly and voice deepening.27 However, these side effects on lipoprotein levels are rarely significant if estrogen and testosterone are coadministered; moreover, most other side effects are reversible with discontinuation of testosterone or a dosage adjustment.26
A role for testosterone treatment exists in selected patients (Table 7). Coadministration with estrogen therapy should be provided to prevent deleterious effects on lipoprotein levels. Before initiating testosterone treatment, physicians should discuss the potential and theoretic risks, and individual risk and benefit assessments with the patient. In general, patients with current or previous breast cancer, uncontrolled hyperlipidemia, liver disease, acne or hirsutism should not receive testosterone therapy.
Arousal Disorders
Current treatment of patients with arousal disorders is limited to the use of commercial lubricants, although vitamin E and mineral oils are also options. Arousal disorders may be secondary to inadequate stimulation, especially in older women who require more stimulation to reach a level of arousal that was more easily attained at a younger age. Encouraging adequate foreplay or the use of vibrators to increase stimulation may be helpful. Taking a warm bath before intercourse may also increase arousal. Anxiety may inhibit arousal, and strategies to alleviate anxiety by employing distraction techniques are helpful.
This article is long, and I won't reproduce it here in its entirety, but it does mention that most physicians recommend one stays in the normal range. I would argue with this guy that I wanted what was normal from me, not some statistical average with an arbitrary definition of normalcy. If he doesn't play ball, collect up the notes he's made on you, and trundle off to see another doctor.
QUOTE (kimberccc @ Feb 21 2007, 06:08 PM)
You know, I was thinking, before meno I know I had ebbs and flows of sometimes great sex and sometimes average sex but I didn't freak out about it because when you're young you just assume all will be well in the end.
You must be quite in tune with your body! There is a complex interplay of hormones throughout the menstrual cycle and it does cause an ebb & flow to the sexual response. For normal cycle, normal hormone producing women at least... on Days 13 & 14 (during ovulation) estrogen & testosterone reaches its peak. During this time of the month it is easier to achieve orgasm, orgasms are more intense, and libido is at its highest. On Days 15 to 23 progesterone surges & testosterone decreases so libido dips & it is more difficult to climax - higher progesterone tends to block the effects of our estrogen. On Days 24 to 28 progesterone & estrogen start to plummet but this can allow testosterone to 'show through' and become dominant again even though it is still low and this can last right through to Day 5 when our estrogen rises again.
QUOTE (SandraSmith @ Jan 23 2007, 12:46 PM)
Molly, I want to tell you that I think it's great that you stepped forward and wrote what you wrote. With the proliferation of porn and near-porn TV shows and films, it seems like every woman in the world except me is having the most fabulous wonderful multiple orgasms every second for hours, can climax just being looked, screan and toss head back, etc etc etc. >:-) (I think all of this fantasy is ruining the sex lives of everyone who sees it !)
I openly admit that I almost never have an orgasm unless I use a vibrator. I am always happy to find other women who are open about their sexual "flaws" (a.k.a. REALITY).
I agree with the others who say your meds are likely to blame. I took Paxil for 6 months and it killed my ability to orgasm, not just during those 6 months but for 18 months after I stopped taking the stuff ! Never again.
TO all, I started getting hot flashes jan 13 2007 and just as suddenly as they appeared, my ability to be aroused and have an orgasm disappeared. I know I'm stressing about the symptoms. I feel crappy all day long, sleep badly (being awakened by the flashes, chills, and palpitations), I'm worried about my relationship with my boyfriend who THANK GOD lives a few hours away so we are not together every day. I'm praying that my lack of desire is due to this new stress but I'm worried it's more permanent. I've already looked into the saliva tests and I'm going to go ahead and order one this evening. If my testosterone is low, I'm going to try to acquire the lowest dose cream and see what happens. I'm new to the board and very eager to read about others' experiences.
I openly admit that I almost never have an orgasm unless I use a vibrator. I am always happy to find other women who are open about their sexual "flaws" (a.k.a. REALITY).
I agree with the others who say your meds are likely to blame. I took Paxil for 6 months and it killed my ability to orgasm, not just during those 6 months but for 18 months after I stopped taking the stuff ! Never again.
TO all, I started getting hot flashes jan 13 2007 and just as suddenly as they appeared, my ability to be aroused and have an orgasm disappeared. I know I'm stressing about the symptoms. I feel crappy all day long, sleep badly (being awakened by the flashes, chills, and palpitations), I'm worried about my relationship with my boyfriend who THANK GOD lives a few hours away so we are not together every day. I'm praying that my lack of desire is due to this new stress but I'm worried it's more permanent. I've already looked into the saliva tests and I'm going to go ahead and order one this evening. If my testosterone is low, I'm going to try to acquire the lowest dose cream and see what happens. I'm new to the board and very eager to read about others' experiences.
Sandra
I have just had exactly your experience where once i started the hot flushes (5 weeks ago) i found it difficult to orgasm and the ones i have are awful....Is there a link btwn hot flushes and lack of orgasm?? Anyone know?
I have been in peri about 18mths now. Have had anxiety, been very sick, had period all over the place (mostly 4-8 week cycles). But until recently libido fine. I am in shock! Also if my periods are far apart doesn't this mean i have high estrogen levels? Had my levels checked last Dec And testosterone fine, estrogen fine low progesterone. Does it all change one minute to the next? This is driving me MAD>>>>
QUOTE (SandraSmith @ Jan 23 2007, 12:46 PM)
Molly, I want to tell you that I think it's great that you stepped forward and wrote what you wrote. With the proliferation of porn and near-porn TV shows and films, it seems like every woman in the world except me is having the most fabulous wonderful multiple orgasms every second for hours, can climax just being looked, screan and toss head back, etc etc etc. >:-) (I think all of this fantasy is ruining the sex lives of everyone who sees it !)
I openly admit that I almost never have an orgasm unless I use a vibrator. I am always happy to find other women who are open about their sexual "flaws" (a.k.a. REALITY).
I agree with the others who say your meds are likely to blame. I took Paxil for 6 months and it killed my ability to orgasm, not just during those 6 months but for 18 months after I stopped taking the stuff ! Never again.
TO all, I started getting hot flashes jan 13 2007 and just as suddenly as they appeared, my ability to be aroused and have an orgasm disappeared. I know I'm stressing about the symptoms. I feel crappy all day long, sleep badly (being awakened by the flashes, chills, and palpitations), I'm worried about my relationship with my boyfriend who THANK GOD lives a few hours away so we are not together every day. I'm praying that my lack of desire is due to this new stress but I'm worried it's more permanent. I've already looked into the saliva tests and I'm going to go ahead and order one this evening. If my testosterone is low, I'm going to try to acquire the lowest dose cream and see what happens. I'm new to the board and very eager to read about others' experiences.
I openly admit that I almost never have an orgasm unless I use a vibrator. I am always happy to find other women who are open about their sexual "flaws" (a.k.a. REALITY).
I agree with the others who say your meds are likely to blame. I took Paxil for 6 months and it killed my ability to orgasm, not just during those 6 months but for 18 months after I stopped taking the stuff ! Never again.
TO all, I started getting hot flashes jan 13 2007 and just as suddenly as they appeared, my ability to be aroused and have an orgasm disappeared. I know I'm stressing about the symptoms. I feel crappy all day long, sleep badly (being awakened by the flashes, chills, and palpitations), I'm worried about my relationship with my boyfriend who THANK GOD lives a few hours away so we are not together every day. I'm praying that my lack of desire is due to this new stress but I'm worried it's more permanent. I've already looked into the saliva tests and I'm going to go ahead and order one this evening. If my testosterone is low, I'm going to try to acquire the lowest dose cream and see what happens. I'm new to the board and very eager to read about others' experiences.
Sandra
I have just had exactly your experience where once i started the hot flushes (5 weeks ago) i found it difficult to orgasm and the ones i have are awful....Is there a link btwn hot flushes and lack of orgasm?? Anyone know?
I have been in peri about 18mths now. Have had anxiety, been very sick, had period all over the place (mostly 4-8 week cycles). But until recently libido fine. I am in shock! Also if my periods are far apart doesn't this mean i have high estrogen levels? Had my levels checked last Dec And testosterone fine, estrogen fine low progesterone. Does it all change one minute to the next? This is driving me MAD>>>>
QUOTE (NiteOwl @ Feb 21 2007, 03:00 PM)
Testosterone is the major driver for libido - the interest in having sex. But it is estrogen that is responsible for lubrication, clitoral sensation, and the ability to orgasm. If your estrogen is too low, your natural testosterone may become the dominant force causing an increase in interest but leaving you frustrated when you cannot achieve an orgasm. Estrogen can restore the ability to orgasm but too much in relation to the other hormones can cause you to lose your interest (libido) for sex. It is a balancing act but if you have lost your ability to orgasm you may want to supplement your estrogen hormones first, then add testosterone only if your interest in sex is too low.
difficulty reaching orgasm is a very common issue of low estrogen, testosterone may have to do with your drive, but your actual ability to orgasm is affected by estrogen loss.
I went through a time where my orgasms turned to barely there gasms.
arginmax helped me tremendously but it took time.
I don't think it can help though if your orgasm is completely non existant I think you would need a bit of estrogen replacement.
QUOTE (Perimeno @ Apr 8 2008, 12:55 PM)
difficulty reaching orgasm is a very common issue of low estrogen, testosterone may have to do with your drive, but your actual ability to orgasm is affected by estrogen loss.
I went through a time where my orgasms turned to barely there gasms.
arginmax helped me tremendously but it took time.
I don't think it can help though if your orgasm is completely non existant I think you would need a bit of estrogen replacement.
I went through a time where my orgasms turned to barely there gasms.
arginmax helped me tremendously but it took time.
I don't think it can help though if your orgasm is completely non existant I think you would need a bit of estrogen replacement.
Yes, that was the point I was trying to make! Some of messages here sound like women do not understand that loss of libido and loss of ability to orgasm are two separate issues. You can have a problem with one or the other, or both. If you have a low libido you may have a low testosterone level. If you have lost the ability to orgasm your estrogen level may be too low.
Two different problems - two different causes - two different treatments.
QUOTE (Eriskay @ Mar 29 2008, 08:59 AM)
Is there a link btwn hot flushes and lack of orgasm?? Anyone know?
Yes, they are both symptoms that can occur with low estrogen levels.
QUOTE
Is there a link btwn hot flushes and lack of orgasm?? Anyone know?
Yes, both are symptoms or results of low levels of testosterone.
Low levels of testosterone are known to cause both flushing, both day and night, both in women and in some men
If your libido and your orgasms have tanked, and if your pubic hair has noticeably thinned, its probably low testosterone.
- If you're suffering dryness and tearing of the tissues, and if Premarin isn't working as well as you'd like, it's likely to be low testosterone.
Low levels of T can be responsible for loss of muscle to (those Keglar exercise help overcome this bit) and loss of bone density.Testosterone is created in the ovaries and in the adrenal glands. When your ovaries shut down, you loose that source. If you have adrenal fatigue...
Its widely known that testosterone is the 'hormone of desire'. Its also the hormone that packs the greater punch for sensitivity in the genital area - and in particular, clitoris.
Low levels of testosterone diminish or extinguish orgasms, raising the level of testosterone may increase the intensity of the orgasm.
I say may increase, because there are so many factors involed in the female orgasm. Nite Owl points out estrogen levels can affect the intensity of orgasm, but testosterone does too. And in addition to the sex steriods:
Another cause of weak orgasms is low levels of oxytocin. This is released at the point of orgasm. Oxytocin is produced not by hormones, but by the neurotransmitter, dopamine.
Lack of dopamine is the root problem of Parkinson's. Turns out, meds for parkinson's which are geared towards increasing the availability of dopamine in the brain causes hypersexuality.
Now we all know anti-depressants are notorious for squashing libido etc. SSRIs, for example raise levels of seratonin, but high levels of seratonin turns off the dopamine cells, which we need to orgasm aaaaand there's evidence that high levels of seratonin reduces the level of testoterone in your body.
- Nursing mothers frequently have troubles in bed, too. It's the prolactin. Once mom is through nursing, prolactin declines. Drugs used to reduce prolactin also cause hyper sexuality.
Just to add to the problem:
Antihistamines switch off the sexual side of us. Antihistamines prevent the histamine cells from working. Guess where some of the histamine cells are located... Yup, in the naughty bits, ie, the cervix and surrounding tissues that causes those contractions after orgasm.
Thanks Duch!
Thank you for such great information. I suspect that as we age we do lose our "dopamine" levels (along with everything else).
In my first two years of peri, nothing much changed in the area of "orgasms", all was well with me, then last year, suddenly the problems started. Yes it is very shocking how you are fine one minute and EVERYTHING changes the next.
The days of quick easy and powerful are gonzo!
I have been using replacement estrogen and also trying out Testosterone cream. I do think that the T cream is very helpful, using it on the C area before sex does help, but the "O's" still remain like a short fizzle. Has anyone had any huge success with it??? And how???
I think T cream gives me good energy, but have to be very careful, it can also produce acne on my face if I use to much, that is my first sign that I have over done it. I then back off and don't use it for a few days.
Is there anything that gives us more dopamine???
Juliann
Thank you for such great information. I suspect that as we age we do lose our "dopamine" levels (along with everything else).
In my first two years of peri, nothing much changed in the area of "orgasms", all was well with me, then last year, suddenly the problems started. Yes it is very shocking how you are fine one minute and EVERYTHING changes the next.
The days of quick easy and powerful are gonzo!
I have been using replacement estrogen and also trying out Testosterone cream. I do think that the T cream is very helpful, using it on the C area before sex does help, but the "O's" still remain like a short fizzle. Has anyone had any huge success with it??? And how???
I think T cream gives me good energy, but have to be very careful, it can also produce acne on my face if I use to much, that is my first sign that I have over done it. I then back off and don't use it for a few days.
Is there anything that gives us more dopamine???
Juliann
Juliann -
I'm sure there are a number of theories out there and like so many things, what works for one doesn't always work the same for another. All I can speak to is what I've read - that orgasm problems often develop when the estradiol level dips below the 60's - and to relate what I have experienced myself.
I started BHRT including testosterone cream of 3mg daily and had plenty of interest but continued to have little to no orgasms after 6 months. A check on serum levels showed my estradiol was still in the mid-30's...a normal menopausal reading for someone that is not using hormone therapy. I stopped the testosterone cream because it hadn't helped & was causing acne, and we changed the estradiol route & dose. Within a couple months my orgasms were back...we checked the estradiol level again and it was well over 100.
That was in December and I've added back a bit of the testosterone again to keep my interest up, but only a dab...maybe 1mg, and no more than 2-3 times a week. Sometimes I'll forget to use it for a week or two and it hasn't diminished the orgasms for me...just the libido.
Duch has given you quite a few leads and I hope you find what works for you. I know how distressing it was to lose this part of life and after 3 years I wasn't sure it was even possible to get back. But if nothing helps, and you haven't had your estradiol level checked lately, you might want to consider asking your dr. just to see where you are with it.
I'm sure there are a number of theories out there and like so many things, what works for one doesn't always work the same for another. All I can speak to is what I've read - that orgasm problems often develop when the estradiol level dips below the 60's - and to relate what I have experienced myself.
I started BHRT including testosterone cream of 3mg daily and had plenty of interest but continued to have little to no orgasms after 6 months. A check on serum levels showed my estradiol was still in the mid-30's...a normal menopausal reading for someone that is not using hormone therapy. I stopped the testosterone cream because it hadn't helped & was causing acne, and we changed the estradiol route & dose. Within a couple months my orgasms were back...we checked the estradiol level again and it was well over 100.
That was in December and I've added back a bit of the testosterone again to keep my interest up, but only a dab...maybe 1mg, and no more than 2-3 times a week. Sometimes I'll forget to use it for a week or two and it hasn't diminished the orgasms for me...just the libido.
Duch has given you quite a few leads and I hope you find what works for you. I know how distressing it was to lose this part of life and after 3 years I wasn't sure it was even possible to get back. But if nothing helps, and you haven't had your estradiol level checked lately, you might want to consider asking your dr. just to see where you are with it.
Hi Julian -
you're welcome. Those meds for parkinson's inhibit, that is slow down the process of dopamine reuptake which means the dopamine is more likely to re-attach to the next neuron. the other way is to introduce more dopamine into the brain.
Cheese contains tyrosine, and health store here sell l-tyrosine tablets. Thyrosine is metabolized into L-Dopa, which is a molecule small enough to cross what is called the blood-brain barrier. Once the brain has the l-dopa, it is synthesised into dopamine.
I read somewhere that a high protein diet is particularly good for meno, but I don't recall why.
Hi NightOwl
I hope I didn't give the impression that estrogen has no role in all this. It certainly does, and it s the first line of defence for us. I meant to say that testosterone is important when estrogen doesn't do the trick entirely, because the individual is missing both estrogen and testosterone, and both need to be replaced
I also wanted to point out that there are a myriad of factors involved in reaching nirvana. The more I read on the topic, the more p.o. I become as the medical community does vertually dick for women. I can't tell you how many studies I've read with the phrase "In a study with X number of men..." The truly nutty thing is, this is a situation that happens as we age, and as we age women outnumber men. So why are they ignoring us..
sorry. damn soap box just slid straight under my feet!
you're welcome. Those meds for parkinson's inhibit, that is slow down the process of dopamine reuptake which means the dopamine is more likely to re-attach to the next neuron. the other way is to introduce more dopamine into the brain.
Cheese contains tyrosine, and health store here sell l-tyrosine tablets. Thyrosine is metabolized into L-Dopa, which is a molecule small enough to cross what is called the blood-brain barrier. Once the brain has the l-dopa, it is synthesised into dopamine.
I read somewhere that a high protein diet is particularly good for meno, but I don't recall why.
Hi NightOwl
I hope I didn't give the impression that estrogen has no role in all this. It certainly does, and it s the first line of defence for us. I meant to say that testosterone is important when estrogen doesn't do the trick entirely, because the individual is missing both estrogen and testosterone, and both need to be replaced
I also wanted to point out that there are a myriad of factors involved in reaching nirvana. The more I read on the topic, the more p.o. I become as the medical community does vertually dick for women. I can't tell you how many studies I've read with the phrase "In a study with X number of men..." The truly nutty thing is, this is a situation that happens as we age, and as we age women outnumber men. So why are they ignoring us..
sorry. damn soap box just slid straight under my feet!
~ NightOwl~ When you said that you switched the estrogen route, what were you on and what did you switch over to??? I am currently using estrogel. I have no idea what my levels are, I should bug my lazy doctor and have her order me a test. Last time I asked her for a hormone panel, she ordered my FSH, that was it!!!! BTW the fsh was 39.1.
~Duch~ I agree that we need more information as women, and it slow going for us to get any answers, I am practically self treating my own symptoms because my doctor doesn't know what to offer me, I have had to educate her! Thanks again for all your insight!
Juliann
~Duch~ I agree that we need more information as women, and it slow going for us to get any answers, I am practically self treating my own symptoms because my doctor doesn't know what to offer me, I have had to educate her! Thanks again for all your insight!
Juliann
Juliann
I'm sort of in the same boat. My doc has been great over the years, but his philosophy on menopause is ADs over hormones. And they only work up to a point. And that point is far short of acceptable.
I'm sort of in the same boat. My doc has been great over the years, but his philosophy on menopause is ADs over hormones. And they only work up to a point. And that point is far short of acceptable.
Juliann -
I started on estradiol (generic Estrace) 2mg daily but either I didn't metabolize it well or I'm a fast metabolizer...I timed the blood draw for when the estradiol dose should be peaking and still came out at 37pg/ml. So I switched to Estrogel 3.0mg daily and had the level rechecked with much improvement...152pg/ml.
I'm guessing I'm a fast metabolizer because whether I used the full dose at once or split it into two doses every 12 hours I could feel it wear off completely after 9 hours or so...like suddenly hitting a brick wall. I'm pretty active & walk miles daily and that does make a difference in how fast you 'chew' through it. I've found one dose every 8 hours works best for me so I'm actually using a total of 2.25mg Estrogel daily now.
I started on estradiol (generic Estrace) 2mg daily but either I didn't metabolize it well or I'm a fast metabolizer...I timed the blood draw for when the estradiol dose should be peaking and still came out at 37pg/ml. So I switched to Estrogel 3.0mg daily and had the level rechecked with much improvement...152pg/ml.
I'm guessing I'm a fast metabolizer because whether I used the full dose at once or split it into two doses every 12 hours I could feel it wear off completely after 9 hours or so...like suddenly hitting a brick wall. I'm pretty active & walk miles daily and that does make a difference in how fast you 'chew' through it. I've found one dose every 8 hours works best for me so I'm actually using a total of 2.25mg Estrogel daily now.
~NightOwl~ Thanks for that info. I am taking my estrogel twice daily, I start with morning dosage of .75 ( 1 pump) and another pump at night. Total is 1.5mg daily. I sometimes add a bit more if I feel like I'm just not feeling well. The worst part for me is when I add the progesterone, then I tend to feel awful, so I don't use the P every month. Maybe I will start using it every 8 hours and see if that helps me sustain a better E level. My last period was in December, so I'm sure that I am hitting complete menopause, so I have been feeling very off lately.
~Duch~ My doc's tried pushing AD's for me a couple years ago and I said NO THANK YOU. For me personally, I don't want to take AD's at all. But for those that are truly in the grips of deep depression, I can understand the need. I find the T cream to be very helpful in many ways. When I first started to use the T cream it felt so awesome, then it kinda leveled off (darn). My libido is so gone right now, but I am having some really bad stress issues and that could be part of my numbness with life. Thanks for your input.
Juliann
~Duch~ My doc's tried pushing AD's for me a couple years ago and I said NO THANK YOU. For me personally, I don't want to take AD's at all. But for those that are truly in the grips of deep depression, I can understand the need. I find the T cream to be very helpful in many ways. When I first started to use the T cream it felt so awesome, then it kinda leveled off (darn). My libido is so gone right now, but I am having some really bad stress issues and that could be part of my numbness with life. Thanks for your input.
Juliann
For every doctor that says: live with it, it's a part of life. You have an old vagina, forget about sex or orgasm and all the other horrible and untrue things they say, I'd like to string them up by their balls or well, don't know what to hang a woman from and beat the you know what out of them.
We are NOT dead. We are in menopause. We DESERVE to feel good, have hot sex and orgasm frequently.
But I know what it's like having no sex drive, not caring if I had sex, or touching myself during sex, finding orgasms elusive, never wanting to masturbate . For 16 years I had no sex drive. Because not one doctor ever told me that I needed testosterone. 16 YEARS!
That's why I'm so passionate about the bioidentical hormone pellets. They literally gave me back a life full of hot sex, wonderful orgasms, the desire to be more creative and wild in bed, in the pool, in the spa, in the shower, in the living room...you name it! I love to masturbate frequently. I have a big box full of toys that we both play with. I hope I'm this way until I die.
They work so much better than the creams, gels, patches and pills. I get the implanted under the skin of my hip every 3-4 months by my gynecologist. I get estrogen and testosterone.
There are other options for a low or non-existant sex drive. I'm living proof!
I'm 54 years old and had a total hysterectomy 20 years ago. I've had the pellets for 4+ years.
Regards,
Nancy
We are NOT dead. We are in menopause. We DESERVE to feel good, have hot sex and orgasm frequently.
But I know what it's like having no sex drive, not caring if I had sex, or touching myself during sex, finding orgasms elusive, never wanting to masturbate . For 16 years I had no sex drive. Because not one doctor ever told me that I needed testosterone. 16 YEARS!
That's why I'm so passionate about the bioidentical hormone pellets. They literally gave me back a life full of hot sex, wonderful orgasms, the desire to be more creative and wild in bed, in the pool, in the spa, in the shower, in the living room...you name it! I love to masturbate frequently. I have a big box full of toys that we both play with. I hope I'm this way until I die.
They work so much better than the creams, gels, patches and pills. I get the implanted under the skin of my hip every 3-4 months by my gynecologist. I get estrogen and testosterone.
There are other options for a low or non-existant sex drive. I'm living proof!
I'm 54 years old and had a total hysterectomy 20 years ago. I've had the pellets for 4+ years.
Regards,
Nancy
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