i am 44 years old i am in menapause.i am taking a hormone shot.i started menapuse three months ago.i am on wellbutrin also.i am driving my husband crazy over me being so jealous of other women,accusing him of running around.i am very insecure.i cry all the time help.......
Full Version: Jealousy insecurity
i am 44 years old i am in menapause.i am taking a hormone shot.i started menapuse three months ago.i am on wellbutrin also.i am driving my husband crazy over me being so jealous of other women,accusing him of running around.i am very insecure.i cry all the time help.......
QUOTE (roxy2005 @ Nov 15 2006, 08:18 AM) 
i am 44 years old i am in menapause.i am taking a hormone shot.i started menapuse three months ago.i am on wellbutrin also.i am driving my husband crazy over me being so jealous of other women,accusing him of running around.i am very insecure.i cry all the time help.......I had paranoia/insecurity, too. But in my case it wasn't over my beloved husband, but over myself & work. I lost all confidence in me.
It appears that you have lost confidence in yourself, too, which is why you're thinking your husband is running around.
He's not. It's the hormones. Strange moods are a symptom of meno.
Nev
Roxy: I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. How long have you been married? Has you husband ever given you a reason to be jealous? Now more than ever, we need lots of love and support from our spouses.
At menopause, my girlfriend became extremely paranoid that her husband was having an affair (he wasn't--plus, he is very overweight, short and not attractive--not that he could not get a woman, but probably not the woman my girlfriend decided he was having an affair with). She followed him around during his lunch hour and put a tape recorder in his car.
I have no idea why she began thinking these things (she never did before menopause), but I am beginning to think that peri and menopause can cause some strange personality changes, like this type of insecurity. It is like almost anything can happen to us!
I have no idea why she began thinking these things (she never did before menopause), but I am beginning to think that peri and menopause can cause some strange personality changes, like this type of insecurity. It is like almost anything can happen to us!
QUOTE (DesRothchild @ Nov 17 2006, 08:37 PM)
At menopause, my girlfriend became extremely paranoid that her husband was having an affair (he wasn't--plus, he is very overweight, short and not attractive--not that he could not get a woman, but probably not the woman my girlfriend decided he was having an affair with). She followed him around during his lunch hour and put a tape recorder in his car.
I have no idea why she began thinking these things (she never did before menopause), but I am beginning to think that peri and menopause can cause some strange personality changes, like this type of insecurity. It is like almost anything can happen to us!
I have no idea why she began thinking these things (she never did before menopause), but I am beginning to think that peri and menopause can cause some strange personality changes, like this type of insecurity. It is like almost anything can happen to us!
This is scary. I agree, it can happen to any of us.
I remember I woke up one morning completely changed.
Hi
I have never been a jealous woman, but, through peri/meno I did in a big way. I hated what I was doing to myself and my partner.
I have decided to forget all that and just try to be more loving myself. It's crazy what all this can do to you.
I think it is that because we can see our bodies changing and aging we get insecure, I think it is easy to withdraw into yourself and then start looking at every little thing and then making a big thing out of it. paranoia is also involved I think. Maybe we are focusing on ourselves too much although when going through this and not getting the right emotional help it is so easy to fall into. Let's hope we can just get through this in one piece. I know just what you are going through and empathise totally.
I have never been a jealous woman, but, through peri/meno I did in a big way. I hated what I was doing to myself and my partner.
I have decided to forget all that and just try to be more loving myself. It's crazy what all this can do to you.
I think it is that because we can see our bodies changing and aging we get insecure, I think it is easy to withdraw into yourself and then start looking at every little thing and then making a big thing out of it. paranoia is also involved I think. Maybe we are focusing on ourselves too much although when going through this and not getting the right emotional help it is so easy to fall into. Let's hope we can just get through this in one piece. I know just what you are going through and empathise totally.
[quote name='Nevermore' date='Nov 15 2006, 10:54 AM' post='145706']
I had paranoia/insecurity, too. But in my case it wasn't over my beloved husband, but over myself & work. I lost all confidence in me.
It appears that you have lost confidence in yourself, too, which is why you're thinking your husband is running around.
He's not. It's the hormones. Strange moods are a symptom of meno.
[quote name='roeben' post='146150' date='Nov 18 2006, 08:20 AM']
Hi
I have never been a jealous woman, but, through peri/meno I did in a big way. I hated what I was doing to myself and my partner.
I have decided to forget all that and just try to be more loving myself. It's crazy what all this can do to you.
I think it is that because we can see our bodies changing and aging we get insecure, I think it is easy to withdraw into yourself and then start looking at every little thing and then making a big thing out of it. paranoia is also involved I think. Maybe we are focusing on ourselves too much although when going through this and not getting the right emotional help it is so easy to fall into. Let's hope we can just get through this in one piece. I know just what you are going through and empathise totally.
[/quote]
yes sometime i feel i am not in control of myself i have been married for 25 years. i have never been through nothing like this menopause.......thank you so much for the support....
[quote name='Nevermore' post='145706' date='Nov 15 2006, 10:54 AM']
I had paranoia/insecurity, too. But in my case it wasn't over my beloved husband, but over myself & work. I lost all confidence in me.
It appears that you have lost confidence in yourself, too, which is why you're thinking your husband is running around.
He's not. It's the hormones. Strange moods are a symptom of meno.
Nev
[/quote] we have been married for 25 years.we ahve three daughters 21,16,24 years old.we love one another so much.he knows what ia m going through and he always says i know what all this is is not you it is the menopause amking you be so jealous....
[quote name='RoundRobin' post='145751' date='Nov 15 2006, 05:11 PM']
Roxy: I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. How long have you been married? Has you husband ever given you a reason to be jealous? Now more than ever, we need lots of love and support from our spouses.
[/quote]
WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 25 YEARS.WE HAVE 3 DAUGHTERS 16,21,24.WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER.I HAVE NO REASON TO BE SO JEALOUS, BUT SINCE MENOPAUSE.I HAVE BEEN CRAZY..HE TOLD ME HE NEW IT WAS THE MENOPAUSE AND IT WAS NOT ME ACTING LIKE THIS.I LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES ME. AND I KNOW THIS
I had paranoia/insecurity, too. But in my case it wasn't over my beloved husband, but over myself & work. I lost all confidence in me.
It appears that you have lost confidence in yourself, too, which is why you're thinking your husband is running around.
He's not. It's the hormones. Strange moods are a symptom of meno.
[quote name='roeben' post='146150' date='Nov 18 2006, 08:20 AM']
Hi
I have never been a jealous woman, but, through peri/meno I did in a big way. I hated what I was doing to myself and my partner.
I have decided to forget all that and just try to be more loving myself. It's crazy what all this can do to you.
I think it is that because we can see our bodies changing and aging we get insecure, I think it is easy to withdraw into yourself and then start looking at every little thing and then making a big thing out of it. paranoia is also involved I think. Maybe we are focusing on ourselves too much although when going through this and not getting the right emotional help it is so easy to fall into. Let's hope we can just get through this in one piece. I know just what you are going through and empathise totally.
[/quote]
yes sometime i feel i am not in control of myself i have been married for 25 years. i have never been through nothing like this menopause.......thank you so much for the support....
[quote name='Nevermore' post='145706' date='Nov 15 2006, 10:54 AM']
I had paranoia/insecurity, too. But in my case it wasn't over my beloved husband, but over myself & work. I lost all confidence in me.
It appears that you have lost confidence in yourself, too, which is why you're thinking your husband is running around.
He's not. It's the hormones. Strange moods are a symptom of meno.
Nev
[/quote] we have been married for 25 years.we ahve three daughters 21,16,24 years old.we love one another so much.he knows what ia m going through and he always says i know what all this is is not you it is the menopause amking you be so jealous....
[quote name='RoundRobin' post='145751' date='Nov 15 2006, 05:11 PM']
Roxy: I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. How long have you been married? Has you husband ever given you a reason to be jealous? Now more than ever, we need lots of love and support from our spouses.
[/quote]
WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 25 YEARS.WE HAVE 3 DAUGHTERS 16,21,24.WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER.I HAVE NO REASON TO BE SO JEALOUS, BUT SINCE MENOPAUSE.I HAVE BEEN CRAZY..HE TOLD ME HE NEW IT WAS THE MENOPAUSE AND IT WAS NOT ME ACTING LIKE THIS.I LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES ME. AND I KNOW THIS
First off, let me say "Welcome Roxy"... I'm glad you found your way here because we really do know what you're going through....
Roxy, you aren't 'odd' in the way you're feeling - in fact, when you're comfortable here and have done a bit of exploring, you'll probably see a lot of yourself expressed in a variety of ways. Rox, each of us has felt - or feel many of the things you're feeling right now. The loss of self esteem or self confidence. Believe me, none of us expected to feel that way, and like you, were totally unprepared when it happened. The fact that your jealous about your husband is not surprising...after all - you feel less attractive, your emotions are a jumble of fears and saddness. Part of you is probably jealous because he is remaining 'normal'. He doesn't wake up in the middle of the night with heart pounding...feel the sweat that seems to engulf. He doesn't watch as his hands tremble or feel as if he's lost himself. We, on the other hand, aren't given that luxury...we fight each day to overcome 'demons' that seem to arise from nowhere.
Rox, menopause has a way of robbing us of everything we used to be, so your response is to feel distrustful of your husband. You feel you have nothing left to give, your on an emotional roll-a-coaster where nothing makes sense. I'm betting part of the time you're probably fearful he will leave you, and part of the time you're convinced he's looking at someone else.
Rox, of course that's what you'd believe because...well why not? We've always relied on our common sense, so if that's what it's telling us, then it must be true...right? Unfortunately, our common sense gets distorted as well...we think we're seeing clearly, but we aren't. Rox, after all those years of marriage, do you honestly doubt his love for you? It's there Rox...he just doesn't know how to show it.
I mean let's face it girls...most men aren't romantic or chatty. Yeah, they love us, but gushy? HA! Now, imagine for just one minute, a marriage where knowing you love each other is a fact...no need to say out loud. And then menopause comes along...and BAM! Suddenly we're feeling as unloved and as unlovable as any person can feel. We want attention...we want to be assured we're still wanted. When we don't get that assurance it makes it even worse...
Rox, you've never been through menopause, and neither has your husband so it's new to both of you. But girlfriend...it will be 'ok'. Eventually the hormones will settle down and the suspiciousness you feel will ease. For right now...how about you talk to him. Confide your fears...let him help. What say you propose a date night...a movie together, a quiet dinner for 2...a walk...something that's just for you and he...
Roxy, you aren't 'odd' in the way you're feeling - in fact, when you're comfortable here and have done a bit of exploring, you'll probably see a lot of yourself expressed in a variety of ways. Rox, each of us has felt - or feel many of the things you're feeling right now. The loss of self esteem or self confidence. Believe me, none of us expected to feel that way, and like you, were totally unprepared when it happened. The fact that your jealous about your husband is not surprising...after all - you feel less attractive, your emotions are a jumble of fears and saddness. Part of you is probably jealous because he is remaining 'normal'. He doesn't wake up in the middle of the night with heart pounding...feel the sweat that seems to engulf. He doesn't watch as his hands tremble or feel as if he's lost himself. We, on the other hand, aren't given that luxury...we fight each day to overcome 'demons' that seem to arise from nowhere.
Rox, menopause has a way of robbing us of everything we used to be, so your response is to feel distrustful of your husband. You feel you have nothing left to give, your on an emotional roll-a-coaster where nothing makes sense. I'm betting part of the time you're probably fearful he will leave you, and part of the time you're convinced he's looking at someone else.
Rox, of course that's what you'd believe because...well why not? We've always relied on our common sense, so if that's what it's telling us, then it must be true...right? Unfortunately, our common sense gets distorted as well...we think we're seeing clearly, but we aren't. Rox, after all those years of marriage, do you honestly doubt his love for you? It's there Rox...he just doesn't know how to show it.
I mean let's face it girls...most men aren't romantic or chatty. Yeah, they love us, but gushy? HA! Now, imagine for just one minute, a marriage where knowing you love each other is a fact...no need to say out loud. And then menopause comes along...and BAM! Suddenly we're feeling as unloved and as unlovable as any person can feel. We want attention...we want to be assured we're still wanted. When we don't get that assurance it makes it even worse...
Rox, you've never been through menopause, and neither has your husband so it's new to both of you. But girlfriend...it will be 'ok'. Eventually the hormones will settle down and the suspiciousness you feel will ease. For right now...how about you talk to him. Confide your fears...let him help. What say you propose a date night...a movie together, a quiet dinner for 2...a walk...something that's just for you and he...
QUOTE (Tay @ Jan 18 2007, 11:09 AM)
First off, let me say "Welcome Roxy"... I'm glad you found your way here because we really do know what you're going through....
Roxy, you aren't 'odd' in the way you're feeling - in fact, when you're comfortable here and have done a bit of exploring, you'll probably see a lot of yourself expressed in a variety of ways. Rox, each of us has felt - or feel many of the things you're feeling right now. The loss of self esteem or self confidence. Believe me, none of us expected to feel that way, and like you, were totally unprepared when it happened. The fact that your jealous about your husband is not surprising...after all - you feel less attractive, your emotions are a jumble of fears and saddness. Part of you is probably jealous because he is remaining 'normal'. He doesn't wake up in the middle of the night with heart pounding...feel the sweat that seems to engulf. He doesn't watch as his hands tremble or feel as if he's lost himself. We, on the other hand, aren't given that luxury...we fight each day to overcome 'demons' that seem to arise from nowhere.
Rox, menopause has a way of robbing us of everything we used to be, so your response is to feel distrustful of your husband. You feel you have nothing left to give, your on an emotional roll-a-coaster where nothing makes sense. I'm betting part of the time you're probably fearful he will leave you, and part of the time you're convinced he's looking at someone else.
Rox, of course that's what you'd believe because...well why not? We've always relied on our common sense, so if that's what it's telling us, then it must be true...right? Unfortunately, our common sense gets distorted as well...we think we're seeing clearly, but we aren't. Rox, after all those years of marriage, do you honestly doubt his love for you? It's there Rox...he just doesn't know how to show it.
I mean let's face it girls...most men aren't romantic or chatty. Yeah, they love us, but gushy? HA! Now, imagine for just one minute, a marriage where knowing you love each other is a fact...no need to say out loud. And then menopause comes along...and BAM! Suddenly we're feeling as unloved and as unlovable as any person can feel. We want attention...we want to be assured we're still wanted. When we don't get that assurance it makes it even worse...
Rox, you've never been through menopause, and neither has your husband so it's new to both of you. But girlfriend...it will be 'ok'. Eventually the hormones will settle down and the suspiciousness you feel will ease. For right now...how about you talk to him. Confide your fears...let him help. What say you propose a date night...a movie together, a quiet dinner for 2...a walk...something that's just for you and he...
Roxy, you aren't 'odd' in the way you're feeling - in fact, when you're comfortable here and have done a bit of exploring, you'll probably see a lot of yourself expressed in a variety of ways. Rox, each of us has felt - or feel many of the things you're feeling right now. The loss of self esteem or self confidence. Believe me, none of us expected to feel that way, and like you, were totally unprepared when it happened. The fact that your jealous about your husband is not surprising...after all - you feel less attractive, your emotions are a jumble of fears and saddness. Part of you is probably jealous because he is remaining 'normal'. He doesn't wake up in the middle of the night with heart pounding...feel the sweat that seems to engulf. He doesn't watch as his hands tremble or feel as if he's lost himself. We, on the other hand, aren't given that luxury...we fight each day to overcome 'demons' that seem to arise from nowhere.
Rox, menopause has a way of robbing us of everything we used to be, so your response is to feel distrustful of your husband. You feel you have nothing left to give, your on an emotional roll-a-coaster where nothing makes sense. I'm betting part of the time you're probably fearful he will leave you, and part of the time you're convinced he's looking at someone else.
Rox, of course that's what you'd believe because...well why not? We've always relied on our common sense, so if that's what it's telling us, then it must be true...right? Unfortunately, our common sense gets distorted as well...we think we're seeing clearly, but we aren't. Rox, after all those years of marriage, do you honestly doubt his love for you? It's there Rox...he just doesn't know how to show it.
I mean let's face it girls...most men aren't romantic or chatty. Yeah, they love us, but gushy? HA! Now, imagine for just one minute, a marriage where knowing you love each other is a fact...no need to say out loud. And then menopause comes along...and BAM! Suddenly we're feeling as unloved and as unlovable as any person can feel. We want attention...we want to be assured we're still wanted. When we don't get that assurance it makes it even worse...
Rox, you've never been through menopause, and neither has your husband so it's new to both of you. But girlfriend...it will be 'ok'. Eventually the hormones will settle down and the suspiciousness you feel will ease. For right now...how about you talk to him. Confide your fears...let him help. What say you propose a date night...a movie together, a quiet dinner for 2...a walk...something that's just for you and he...
THANK YOU SO MUCH.THIS IS A GREAT WEB SITE.I NEEDED TO HAVE FOUND THIS FOUR MONTHS AGO......YOU IT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD.I HAVE HAD ALL OF THE ABOVE.I FEEL AS IF I CAN NOT GIVE HIM THE ME I USED TO BE.I AM ON WELLBUTRIN,CELEXA,.HE ALWAYS SAYS TO ME WHEN I ACCUSE HIM OF OTHER WOMEN.YOU NEED TO GET CONTROL I KNOW YOU ARE GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE BUT I LOVE YOU AND DO NOT WANT ANOTHER WOMEN.NO HE IS NOT ROMANTIC.BUT I TOLD HIM HUG ME ONCE IN AWHILE WHAT WILL IT HURT...
{{{HUGS}}} See Rox, we really do understand what you're going through and like I said, we're here to help any way we can. A while back I put on a post how I felt abandoned by the one person I always counted on...myself. I felt, when I needed her most she had left me. I now see Rox, that she has left...but that's ok.
Rox, it's taken me a long time to get through peri. It's been an uphill battle and most days I wake up feeling like I've been in all out war-fare with my hormones. Thankfully, I think this year will be 'my year'...(I hope so anyway, I'm almost 52). But with 'age (grin), there does come a certain insight...and I'm going to share it with you cuz maybe it will help.
A couple of days ago I was feeling anxious, sad...almost defeated. I'd taken a hot bath, had a cup of calming tea, and because there was nothing on TV, I began to let my mind wander. I found myself wondering why we all had to endure this...was menopause really meant to be this way? Then I got to thinking about older women... Rox, have you ever stopped and looked into an older womans eyes? There's something there Rox...a certain look they possess - it's not something I can put my finger on, but I do know, that look is missing in me.
From that thought, came an insight - I suddenly realized, we have somehow always remained 'girls'. Yes, we've married, some have had kids, some even grandkids. But girls are innocent and ill prepared, and although we may THINK we're women...I don't think we are. And THAT'S what the look is all about...a confident woman who has faced the fire and been re-born.
Yes Rox, I do believe we are being re-born. And like most births, they are never easy. But then again...perfection takes time *grin*, and we can't rush a 'masterpiece'...right? (I'd say right now we're about 'half-baked'...won't you??) See...I knew I'd make you laugh....
Oh...one more thing Roxy... With Valentines Day approaching fast, what say you suggest to your hubby he buy you a sweatshirt...one that reads..."Caution, I'm Hormonally Impaired" - then on the bad days he'll know to tread carefully.... (chuckle)
Rox, it's taken me a long time to get through peri. It's been an uphill battle and most days I wake up feeling like I've been in all out war-fare with my hormones. Thankfully, I think this year will be 'my year'...(I hope so anyway, I'm almost 52). But with 'age (grin), there does come a certain insight...and I'm going to share it with you cuz maybe it will help.
A couple of days ago I was feeling anxious, sad...almost defeated. I'd taken a hot bath, had a cup of calming tea, and because there was nothing on TV, I began to let my mind wander. I found myself wondering why we all had to endure this...was menopause really meant to be this way? Then I got to thinking about older women... Rox, have you ever stopped and looked into an older womans eyes? There's something there Rox...a certain look they possess - it's not something I can put my finger on, but I do know, that look is missing in me.
From that thought, came an insight - I suddenly realized, we have somehow always remained 'girls'. Yes, we've married, some have had kids, some even grandkids. But girls are innocent and ill prepared, and although we may THINK we're women...I don't think we are. And THAT'S what the look is all about...a confident woman who has faced the fire and been re-born.
Yes Rox, I do believe we are being re-born. And like most births, they are never easy. But then again...perfection takes time *grin*, and we can't rush a 'masterpiece'...right? (I'd say right now we're about 'half-baked'...won't you??) See...I knew I'd make you laugh....
Oh...one more thing Roxy... With Valentines Day approaching fast, what say you suggest to your hubby he buy you a sweatshirt...one that reads..."Caution, I'm Hormonally Impaired" - then on the bad days he'll know to tread carefully.... (chuckle)
QUOTE (Tay @ Jan 18 2007, 12:13 PM)
{{{HUGS}}} See Rox, we really do understand what you're going through and like I said, we're here to help any way we can. A while back I put on a post how I felt abandoned by the one person I always counted on...myself. I felt, when I needed her most she had left me. I now see Rox, that she has left...but that's ok.
Rox, it's taken me a long time to get through peri. It's been an uphill battle and most days I wake up feeling like I've been in all out war-fare with my hormones. Thankfully, I think this year will be 'my year'...(I hope so anyway, I'm almost 52). But with 'age (grin), there does come a certain insight...and I'm going to share it with you cuz maybe it will help.
A couple of days ago I was feeling anxious, sad...almost defeated. I'd taken a hot bath, had a cup of calming tea, and because there was nothing on TV, I began to let my mind wander. I found myself wondering why we all had to endure this...was menopause really meant to be this way? Then I got to thinking about older women... Rox, have you ever stopped and looked into an older womans eyes? There's something there Rox...a certain look they possess - it's not something I can put my finger on, but I do know, that look is missing in me.
From that thought, came an insight - I suddenly realized, we have somehow always remained 'girls'. Yes, we've married, some have had kids, some even grandkids. But girls are innocent and ill prepared, and although we may THINK we're women...I don't think we are. And THAT'S what the look is all about...a confident woman who has faced the fire and been re-born.
Yes Rox, I do believe we are being re-born. And like most births, they are never easy. But then again...perfection takes time *grin*, and we can't rush a 'masterpiece'...right? (I'd say right now we're about 'half-baked'...won't you??) See...I knew I'd make you laugh....
Oh...one more thing Roxy... With Valentines Day approaching fast, what say you suggest to your hubby he buy you a sweatshirt...one that reads..."Caution, I'm Hormonally Impaired" - then on the bad days he'll know to tread carefully.... (chuckle)
Rox, it's taken me a long time to get through peri. It's been an uphill battle and most days I wake up feeling like I've been in all out war-fare with my hormones. Thankfully, I think this year will be 'my year'...(I hope so anyway, I'm almost 52). But with 'age (grin), there does come a certain insight...and I'm going to share it with you cuz maybe it will help.
A couple of days ago I was feeling anxious, sad...almost defeated. I'd taken a hot bath, had a cup of calming tea, and because there was nothing on TV, I began to let my mind wander. I found myself wondering why we all had to endure this...was menopause really meant to be this way? Then I got to thinking about older women... Rox, have you ever stopped and looked into an older womans eyes? There's something there Rox...a certain look they possess - it's not something I can put my finger on, but I do know, that look is missing in me.
From that thought, came an insight - I suddenly realized, we have somehow always remained 'girls'. Yes, we've married, some have had kids, some even grandkids. But girls are innocent and ill prepared, and although we may THINK we're women...I don't think we are. And THAT'S what the look is all about...a confident woman who has faced the fire and been re-born.
Yes Rox, I do believe we are being re-born. And like most births, they are never easy. But then again...perfection takes time *grin*, and we can't rush a 'masterpiece'...right? (I'd say right now we're about 'half-baked'...won't you??) See...I knew I'd make you laugh....
Oh...one more thing Roxy... With Valentines Day approaching fast, what say you suggest to your hubby he buy you a sweatshirt...one that reads..."Caution, I'm Hormonally Impaired" - then on the bad days he'll know to tread carefully.... (chuckle)
you are such a blessing.do you of any books are other websites to look at or read? i appreciate all the help and advice you all give me .i have been going through this for about 4 months.i had no idea what all this menopause was.i have had a partcial hysterectomy in 1999.then last year i had to have my ovaries removed because they were not working my hormones had bottomed out.thats when the doctor put me on the shot.thats when all my depression,jealousy,rage,mood changes etc....... started
Hi Roxy I can understand fully what you are saying because I myself, although I am only 37 am going through menopause, and many times I find myself getting jealous of other women! As you say even I accuse him of running around and i am driving him mad. I have no reason to do so as my husband is always at home with the family and has never done anything to make me suspect such things! He is a very loving and caring person and we love each other very much. Some times I cant believe how I get such things into my mind without having any reason! I hate what I am doing to our relationship but many times I cant control it! I have never been jealous before and sometimes I think I am going crazy.Many times I am very insecure,have a low self esteem,and feel very depressed so I cry easily! Sometimes I cant even understand what is happening to me.
I know I can be obsessed with that sometimes, too. One night he was watching something on TV where there were young girls talking about something. I got ticked off and went to bed telling him he has "his girls" to keep him company. so he didn't need me to sit there with him.
He is very supportive of me, and assures me I am the only one for him. Thank goodness he takes the time to tell me that, because I really need to hear that a lot lately.
Imagine being jealous of women ON TV!! LOL. Not like he could reach into the screen and grab a handful.
He is very supportive of me, and assures me I am the only one for him. Thank goodness he takes the time to tell me that, because I really need to hear that a lot lately.
Imagine being jealous of women ON TV!! LOL. Not like he could reach into the screen and grab a handful.
thank you alll for the support.i am now on lexapro.i still have the jealous side.i am so jealous of other women.also t.v.when he sees another women that is beautiful with those big breast.my husband is 58 years old and over weight.we have been married for 26 years.i know it is menapause.
QUOTE (Xayuk @ Jan 18 2007, 01:21 PM)
Hi Roxy I can understand fully what you are saying because I myself, although I am only 37 am going through menopause, and many times I find myself getting jealous of other women! As you say even I accuse him of running around and i am driving him mad. I have no reason to do so as my husband is always at home with the family and has never done anything to make me suspect such things! He is a very loving and caring person and we love each other very much. Some times I cant believe how I get such things into my mind without having any reason! I hate what I am doing to our relationship but many times I cant control it! I have never been jealous before and sometimes I think I am going crazy.Many times I am very insecure,have a low self esteem,and feel very depressed so I cry easily! Sometimes I cant even understand what is happening to me.
i am doing the same thing to my husband every time there is a beautiful women on t.v. with big breast i tell him there s one you can get.we have been married for 26 years.i am now taking lexapro.
QUOTE (roxy2005 @ Jan 18 2007, 01:58 PM)
you are such a blessing.do you of any books are other websites to look at or read? i appreciate all the help and advice you all give me .i have been going through this for about 4 months.i had no idea what all this menopause was.i have had a partcial hysterectomy in 1999.then last year i had to have my ovaries removed because they were not working my hormones had bottomed out.thats when the doctor put me on the shot.thats when all my depression,jealousy,rage,mood changes etc....... started
HOW ARE YOU DOING ????? I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM YOU LATELY.I AM O.K. STILL JEALOUS OF OTHER WOMEN AND WOMEN ON T.V. I AM TRYING TO GET BETTER.YESTERDAY WAS GOOD TODAY I DO NOT KNOW. KIM VEAL
QUOTE (roxy2005 @ Sep 18 2007, 07:00 AM)
HOW ARE YOU DOING ????? I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM YOU LATELY.I AM O.K. STILL JEALOUS OF OTHER WOMEN AND WOMEN ON T.V. I AM TRYING TO GET BETTER.YESTERDAY WAS GOOD TODAY I DO NOT KNOW. KIM VEALI couldn't get that post from January to copy but I to am suffering really low self esteem which makes me jealous and possessive. Now there's a LOT that has happened in my marriage to contribute to this but it's gotten out of control at this point. I'm thankful that the low self-esteem thing is only in my personal life. I seem to be holding my own professionally. But the crying easily, etc - that's me! That part I'm hoping will ease up. I'm just trying to keep myself out of situations where this could be an issue but it rears it's head at the strangest times.
QUOTE (roxy2005 @ Sep 18 2007, 07:00 AM)
HOW ARE YOU DOING ????? I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM YOU LATELY.I AM O.K. STILL JEALOUS OF OTHER WOMEN AND WOMEN ON T.V. I AM TRYING TO GET BETTER.YESTERDAY WAS GOOD TODAY I DO NOT KNOW. KIM VEALHi Roxy, first of all thank you for your comment. It is great to hear that you are doing ok. Unfortunately I cannot say that for myself, as lately this jealousy thing is getting worse and many times I cannot control it. As some said I am jealous of those women on tv or those women that in my mind my husband is looking at! I know this sounds crazy but my husband is ateacher who teaches sixteen year old girls and when some of them call him out in the street I get very jealous! I cant control this thing and I do not know what is happening to me because i have no reason to be jealous. We have been married for sixteen years and I know that he loves me dearly, he also always says that i am the only one for him and that he does not need any other woman. I have never been jealous before. lately I am driving my husband so crazy that he is loosing his temper very very badly to the point of hitting me and he has never done this before! I feel that because of my craziness my marriage is falling to pieces and I cant be able to do anything. i know this is bad but i know that this is all my fault as I am accusing him of something he isn't doing! all this is making my husband furious as he says that he doesn't know anymore how to convince me that he loves me and that he doesn't need any one else.
QUOTE (Xayuk @ Sep 18 2007, 11:11 AM)
Hi Roxy, first of all thank you for your comment. It is great to hear that you are doing ok. Unfortunately I cannot say that for myself, as lately this jealousy thing is getting worse and many times I cannot control it. As some said I am jealous of those women on tv or those women that in my mind my husband is looking at! I know this sounds crazy but my husband is ateacher who teaches sixteen year old girls and when some of them call him out in the street I get very jealous! I cant control this thing and I do not know what is happening to me because i have no reason to be jealous. We have been married for sixteen years and I know that he loves me dearly, he also always says that i am the only one for him and that he does not need any other woman. I have never been jealous before. lately I am driving my husband so crazy that he is loosing his temper very very badly to the point of hitting me and he has never done this before! I feel that because of my craziness my marriage is falling to pieces and I cant be able to do anything. i know this is bad but i know that this is all my fault as I am accusing him of something he isn't doing! all this is making my husband furious as he says that he doesn't know anymore how to convince me that he loves me and that he doesn't need any one else.
Hi Xayuk
Your post was the post I was trying to reply too. I feel for you with the jealousy. I don't have it in the same way that you do but when it rears it's ugly head it's horrible!! And I'm a pretty all encompassing passionate sort but not usually jealous unless it's warranted. I'm sorry but I don't remember reading this but have you had an infidelity issues with this man before at all in your marriage? Just wondering if anything in the past might be causing you to have very low self esteem with respect to him and therefore making you act out more? If you've already answered this before sorry- I just came back on the boards. It's been awhile! BTW, has he actually hit you?
QUOTE (horsinaround @ Sep 18 2007, 01:32 PM)
Hi Xayuk
Your post was the post I was trying to reply too. I feel for you with the jealousy. I don't have it in the same way that you do but when it rears it's ugly head it's horrible!! And I'm a pretty all encompassing passionate sort but not usually jealous unless it's warranted. I'm sorry but I don't remember reading this but have you had an infidelity issues with this man before at all in your marriage? Just wondering if anything in the past might be causing you to have very low self esteem with respect to him and therefore making you act out more? If you've already answered this before sorry- I just came back on the boards. It's been awhile! BTW, has he actually hit you?
Your post was the post I was trying to reply too. I feel for you with the jealousy. I don't have it in the same way that you do but when it rears it's ugly head it's horrible!! And I'm a pretty all encompassing passionate sort but not usually jealous unless it's warranted. I'm sorry but I don't remember reading this but have you had an infidelity issues with this man before at all in your marriage? Just wondering if anything in the past might be causing you to have very low self esteem with respect to him and therefore making you act out more? If you've already answered this before sorry- I just came back on the boards. It's been awhile! BTW, has he actually hit you?
no we have never had infedility issues on the contrary he is a family man who is always at home! yes there is something though in my past that maade me have low self esteem and so act more,but you cannot call it infedility. this jealousy is also making my husband insecure as he says that I accuse him of things which he did not do, and that is true. I do not know what is happening to me all I know is I wish that I would stop this jealousy thing, as I have no reason to be jealous. My husband is also a great introvert and doesn't talk much, sometimes i think that it is also the lack of communication that is driving me to this. But I am sure that i have no reason to be jealous as after all he always repeats the same thing, that he loves me dearly and that he does not need anyone else and I know that I must beleive him because ther is no reason not to beleive him as he has never done anything that made me beleive the opposite!
QUOTE (Xayuk @ Sep 18 2007, 02:05 PM)
no we have never had infedility issues on the contrary he is a family man who is always at home! yes there is something though in my past that maade me have low self esteem and so act more,but you cannot call it infedility. this jealousy is also making my husband insecure as he says that I accuse him of things which he did not do, and that is true. I do not know what is happening to me all I know is I wish that I would stop this jealousy thing, as I have no reason to be jealous. My husband is also a great introvert and doesn't talk much, sometimes i think that it is also the lack of communication that is driving me to this. But I am sure that i have no reason to be jealous as after all he always repeats the same thing, that he loves me dearly and that he does not need anyone else and I know that I must beleive him because ther is no reason not to beleive him as he has never done anything that made me beleive the opposite!
Have you tried any meds at all? Anxiety meds? I was never a proponent of that until this perimen stuff started. Now I'm pretty sure I couldn't survive without them. At least right now. However, that helps me a bit. But when it's bad there seems to be nothing that can stop it! It's some deep seated insecurity and self-loathing or something like that. It's just all coming to the surface now.
QUOTE (horsinaround @ Sep 18 2007, 02:33 PM)
Have you tried any meds at all? Anxiety meds? I was never a proponent of that until this perimen stuff started. Now I'm pretty sure I couldn't survive without them. At least right now. However, that helps me a bit. But when it's bad there seems to be nothing that can stop it! It's some deep seated insecurity and self-loathing or something like that. It's just all coming to the surface now.
yes i have tried some antidipressants and I felt better but right now i am on a medical treatment for a hormone imbalance and thyroid problems and I do not want to take any more meds. yes i think this is all insecurity!
QUOTE (horsinaround @ Sep 18 2007, 02:32 PM)
Hi Xayuk
Your post was the post I was trying to reply too. I feel for you with the jealousy. I don't have it in the same way that you do but when it rears it's ugly head it's horrible!! And I'm a pretty all encompassing passionate sort but not usually jealous unless it's warranted. I'm sorry but I don't remember reading this but have you had an infidelity issues with this man before at all in your marriage? Just wondering if anything in the past might be causing you to have very low self esteem with respect to him and therefore making you act out more? If you've already answered this before sorry- I just came back on the boards. It's been awhile! BTW, has he actually hit you?
Your post was the post I was trying to reply too. I feel for you with the jealousy. I don't have it in the same way that you do but when it rears it's ugly head it's horrible!! And I'm a pretty all encompassing passionate sort but not usually jealous unless it's warranted. I'm sorry but I don't remember reading this but have you had an infidelity issues with this man before at all in your marriage? Just wondering if anything in the past might be causing you to have very low self esteem with respect to him and therefore making you act out more? If you've already answered this before sorry- I just came back on the boards. It's been awhile! BTW, has he actually hit you?
i have been having the same hubby jealousy thing.i can not stand for him to look at any women i feel for you. it makes me crazy at times like he does not love me anymore.i am so insecure.i have very low self esteem .we have been married 26 yeas he has never run around on me either.he tells me all the time how much he loves me even though i am in menopause. kim
QUOTE (roxy2005 @ Sep 18 2007, 04:23 PM)
i have been having the same hubby jealousy thing.i can not stand for him to look at any women i feel for you. it makes me crazy at times like he does not love me anymore.i am so insecure.i have very low self esteem .we have been married 26 yeas he has never run around on me either.he tells me all the time how much he loves me even though i am in menopause. kim
Unfortunately mine did run around on me (it was years ago at this point) and that has colored everything I feel about him and myself - especially during perimenopause. The worst thing is definitely that my self esteem took so horrible of a hit when he did it then but now - OMG- I have NO personal self esteem at all! People can tell me all day long how pretty I am or whatever but when I look in that mirror I see nothing like that and I can't imagine ever keeping any man's attention. I seem to truly feel that I'm just not good enough. Hence, the jealously and possessiveness I guess. Weirdly though I still realize that my attractiveness helps my professional life and know the value of presenting a good looking package. But that's so impersonal really - just an image. Smoke and mirrors. But I'm still ok at that and do know that I'm attractive in that aspect. But dig deeper and it's a whole different ballgame. It's strange.
QUOTE (roxy2005 @ Sep 18 2007, 04:23 PM)
i have been having the same hubby jealousy thing.i can not stand for him to look at any women i feel for you. it makes me crazy at times like he does not love me anymore.i am so insecure.i have very low self esteem .we have been married 26 yeas he has never run around on me either.he tells me all the time how much he loves me even though i am in menopause. kim
With all the seperations and divorces nowadays the fear of losing him is immense, but after all ,all this in my case it is a low self esteem as you say and a great lot of insecurity !!!! the worst thing is that I know that it is wrong but I cannot seem to stop it .
QUOTE (Xayuk @ Sep 19 2007, 01:39 AM)
With all the seperations and divorces nowadays the fear of losing him is immense, but after all ,all this in my case it is a low self esteem as you say and a great lot of insecurity !!!! the worst thing is that I know that it is wrong but I cannot seem to stop it .
You're so right about this, no matter what the root "cause" it's still really low self esteem and insecurity-or maybe it should all just be called an inferiority complex huh?- that causes that jealously. I know it too but when it happens I'm powerless against it.
QUOTE (horsinaround @ Sep 19 2007, 06:02 AM)
You're so right about this, no matter what the root "cause" it's still really low self esteem and insecurity-or maybe it should all just be called an inferiority complex huh?- that causes that jealously. I know it too but when it happens I'm powerless against it.
yes that is just the right word inferiority complex and the fact that you fee lyou are no good at all. The only thing to do is to pray to God to help all of us in this situation to get over it
QUOTE (Xayuk @ Sep 19 2007, 10:58 AM)
yes that is just the right word inferiority complex and the fact that you fee lyou are no good at all. The only thing to do is to pray to God to help all of us in this situation to get over it
Hello Roxy and everyone else who responded.
I can relate so much to all of you. I to am jealous and insecure and cry all the time. What makes it worst for me is that my husband doesn't take my condition serious. He acts like it's more of a burden to him and our marriage. I have no close family or friends. I'm very isolated. I don't have a life. I can't seem to work because I'm usually sick from crying and not eating consistantly for days at a time. I barely sleep. Sometimes I self medicate just to get a break but I do want to keep doing this. I take Wellbutrin and Lexapro and have Ativan if I need it. I hate taking these medications just to survive. I haven't had a period in 5 years, maybe longer. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel alone and abandoned. I pray alot for God to help me but sometimes I wonder if he hears me and is he really real. Sometimes I doubt so much. I must believe in him because I continue to talk to him. I don't know if the medications work or not. When I feel a twinge of normalcy I feel some hope that everything will be alright but then I end up back here, crying and feeling so anxious. All I feel is fear. I so exhausted from all of this. I'm afraid to take HRT. It makes my blood pressure rise. I am trying to hang oon but it is so hard. I'm feeling so much pain because of all my issues. My marriage is not good, I haven't seen my daughter since she was four, she is now seventeen, I'm estranged from my family because of the religion they practice. I have no close friends because I'm afraid for anyone to always see me suffering. I have no job, no car, no savings, bad credit, etc. I feel as though I can't take care of myself any longer. It's like I forgot how. I'm so scared of what's going to happen to me. I don't talk to alot of people anymore because everyone has an opinion. It just adds confusion to my already confused mind. I can't concentrate on anything for very long. I feel like such a bad person with all these issues I continue to grieve. I don't know how to stop myself. I'm sick of focusing on me but when I try to turn my focus on something else it never lasts for long. I really need help so badly but I just don't know where to turn anymore. No one wants to be around someone like me going thru what I'm going thru. I long to have a family and friends, someone who loves me and that I can love. Somehow I half to heal from all this mess that I've made of my life.
QUOTE (KGF @ Sep 19 2007, 03:39 PM)
Hello Roxy and everyone else who responded.
I can relate so much to all of you. I to am jealous and insecure and cry all the time. What makes it worst for me is that my husband doesn't take my condition serious. He acts like it's more of a burden to him and our marriage. I have no close family or friends. I'm very isolated. I don't have a life. I can't seem to work because I'm usually sick from crying and not eating consistantly for days at a time. I barely sleep. Sometimes I self medicate just to get a break but I do want to keep doing this. I take Wellbutrin and Lexapro and have Ativan if I need it. I hate taking these medications just to survive. I haven't had a period in 5 years, maybe longer. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel alone and abandoned. I pray alot for God to help me but sometimes I wonder if he hears me and is he really real. Sometimes I doubt so much. I must believe in him because I continue to talk to him. I don't know if the medications work or not. When I feel a twinge of normalcy I feel some hope that everything will be alright but then I end up back here, crying and feeling so anxious. All I feel is fear. I so exhausted from all of this. I'm afraid to take HRT. It makes my blood pressure rise. I am trying to hang oon but it is so hard. I'm feeling so much pain because of all my issues. My marriage is not good, I haven't seen my daughter since she was four, she is now seventeen, I'm estranged from my family because of the religion they practice. I have no close friends because I'm afraid for anyone to always see me suffering. I have no job, no car, no savings, bad credit, etc. I feel as though I can't take care of myself any longer. It's like I forgot how. I'm so scared of what's going to happen to me. I don't talk to alot of people anymore because everyone has an opinion. It just adds confusion to my already confused mind. I can't concentrate on anything for very long. I feel like such a bad person with all these issues I continue to grieve. I don't know how to stop myself. I'm sick of focusing on me but when I try to turn my focus on something else it never lasts for long. I really need help so badly but I just don't know where to turn anymore. No one wants to be around someone like me going thru what I'm going thru. I long to have a family and friends, someone who loves me and that I can love. Somehow I half to heal from all this mess that I've made of my life.
I can relate so much to all of you. I to am jealous and insecure and cry all the time. What makes it worst for me is that my husband doesn't take my condition serious. He acts like it's more of a burden to him and our marriage. I have no close family or friends. I'm very isolated. I don't have a life. I can't seem to work because I'm usually sick from crying and not eating consistantly for days at a time. I barely sleep. Sometimes I self medicate just to get a break but I do want to keep doing this. I take Wellbutrin and Lexapro and have Ativan if I need it. I hate taking these medications just to survive. I haven't had a period in 5 years, maybe longer. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel alone and abandoned. I pray alot for God to help me but sometimes I wonder if he hears me and is he really real. Sometimes I doubt so much. I must believe in him because I continue to talk to him. I don't know if the medications work or not. When I feel a twinge of normalcy I feel some hope that everything will be alright but then I end up back here, crying and feeling so anxious. All I feel is fear. I so exhausted from all of this. I'm afraid to take HRT. It makes my blood pressure rise. I am trying to hang oon but it is so hard. I'm feeling so much pain because of all my issues. My marriage is not good, I haven't seen my daughter since she was four, she is now seventeen, I'm estranged from my family because of the religion they practice. I have no close friends because I'm afraid for anyone to always see me suffering. I have no job, no car, no savings, bad credit, etc. I feel as though I can't take care of myself any longer. It's like I forgot how. I'm so scared of what's going to happen to me. I don't talk to alot of people anymore because everyone has an opinion. It just adds confusion to my already confused mind. I can't concentrate on anything for very long. I feel like such a bad person with all these issues I continue to grieve. I don't know how to stop myself. I'm sick of focusing on me but when I try to turn my focus on something else it never lasts for long. I really need help so badly but I just don't know where to turn anymore. No one wants to be around someone like me going thru what I'm going thru. I long to have a family and friends, someone who loves me and that I can love. Somehow I half to heal from all this mess that I've made of my life.
Hi KGF
It sounds like you're having a really hard time. I'm not alone but I feel as though I am most of the time. Who the heck can really understand what this feels like anyway unless they're actually in it? And who would want to? It's hard to be going through all of this and have anything left over for anyone else to be honest. And the worst people of all are other women who don't have any of the problems. Are they for real?? I hope that you can find a way to heal. Have you tried any other medication cocktail at all?
QUOTE (Xayuk @ Sep 19 2007, 02:39 AM)
With all the seperations and divorces nowadays the fear of losing him is immense, but after all ,all this in my case it is a low self esteem as you say and a great lot of insecurity !!!! the worst thing is that I know that it is wrong but I cannot seem to stop it .
I KNOW WHAT DO WE DO.? ME AND MY HUSBAND HAD A BAD DAY YESTRDAY.ALL I DID WAS ACCUSE HIM OF WOMEN AND FUSS.SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO LEAVE HIM AND START OVER WHICH I KNOW IS WRONG HE LOVES ME.HE SAID YESTERDAY IF I DID NOT GET CONTROL HE WAS GOING TO MOVE OUT IN OUR CAMPER UNTIL I GOT MY SELF TOGETHER.I TOLD HIM IF HE DID I WOULD GO GET A DIVORCE.....
QUOTE (Tay @ Jan 18 2007, 12:09 PM)
First off, let me say "Welcome Roxy"... I'm glad you found your way here because we really do know what you're going through....
Roxy, you aren't 'odd' in the way you're feeling - in fact, when you're comfortable here and have done a bit of exploring, you'll probably see a lot of yourself expressed in a variety of ways. Rox, each of us has felt - or feel many of the things you're feeling right now. The loss of self esteem or self confidence. Believe me, none of us expected to feel that way, and like you, were totally unprepared when it happened. The fact that your jealous about your husband is not surprising...after all - you feel less attractive, your emotions are a jumble of fears and saddness. Part of you is probably jealous because he is remaining 'normal'. He doesn't wake up in the middle of the night with heart pounding...feel the sweat that seems to engulf. He doesn't watch as his hands tremble or feel as if he's lost himself. We, on the other hand, aren't given that luxury...we fight each day to overcome 'demons' that seem to arise from nowhere.
Rox, menopause has a way of robbing us of everything we used to be, so your response is to feel distrustful of your husband. You feel you have nothing left to give, your on an emotional roll-a-coaster where nothing makes sense. I'm betting part of the time you're probably fearful he will leave you, and part of the time you're convinced he's looking at someone else.
Rox, of course that's what you'd believe because...well why not? We've always relied on our common sense, so if that's what it's telling us, then it must be true...right? Unfortunately, our common sense gets distorted as well...we think we're seeing clearly, but we aren't. Rox, after all those years of marriage, do you honestly doubt his love for you? It's there Rox...he just doesn't know how to show it.
I mean let's face it girls...most men aren't romantic or chatty. Yeah, they love us, but gushy? HA! Now, imagine for just one minute, a marriage where knowing you love each other is a fact...no need to say out loud. And then menopause comes along...and BAM! Suddenly we're feeling as unloved and as unlovable as any person can feel. We want attention...we want to be assured we're still wanted. When we don't get that assurance it makes it even worse...
Rox, you've never been through menopause, and neither has your husband so it's new to both of you. But girlfriend...it will be 'ok'. Eventually the hormones will settle down and the suspiciousness you feel will ease. For right now...how about you talk to him. Confide your fears...let him help. What say you propose a date night...a movie together, a quiet dinner for 2...a walk...something that's just for you and he...
Roxy, you aren't 'odd' in the way you're feeling - in fact, when you're comfortable here and have done a bit of exploring, you'll probably see a lot of yourself expressed in a variety of ways. Rox, each of us has felt - or feel many of the things you're feeling right now. The loss of self esteem or self confidence. Believe me, none of us expected to feel that way, and like you, were totally unprepared when it happened. The fact that your jealous about your husband is not surprising...after all - you feel less attractive, your emotions are a jumble of fears and saddness. Part of you is probably jealous because he is remaining 'normal'. He doesn't wake up in the middle of the night with heart pounding...feel the sweat that seems to engulf. He doesn't watch as his hands tremble or feel as if he's lost himself. We, on the other hand, aren't given that luxury...we fight each day to overcome 'demons' that seem to arise from nowhere.
Rox, menopause has a way of robbing us of everything we used to be, so your response is to feel distrustful of your husband. You feel you have nothing left to give, your on an emotional roll-a-coaster where nothing makes sense. I'm betting part of the time you're probably fearful he will leave you, and part of the time you're convinced he's looking at someone else.
Rox, of course that's what you'd believe because...well why not? We've always relied on our common sense, so if that's what it's telling us, then it must be true...right? Unfortunately, our common sense gets distorted as well...we think we're seeing clearly, but we aren't. Rox, after all those years of marriage, do you honestly doubt his love for you? It's there Rox...he just doesn't know how to show it.
I mean let's face it girls...most men aren't romantic or chatty. Yeah, they love us, but gushy? HA! Now, imagine for just one minute, a marriage where knowing you love each other is a fact...no need to say out loud. And then menopause comes along...and BAM! Suddenly we're feeling as unloved and as unlovable as any person can feel. We want attention...we want to be assured we're still wanted. When we don't get that assurance it makes it even worse...
Rox, you've never been through menopause, and neither has your husband so it's new to both of you. But girlfriend...it will be 'ok'. Eventually the hormones will settle down and the suspiciousness you feel will ease. For right now...how about you talk to him. Confide your fears...let him help. What say you propose a date night...a movie together, a quiet dinner for 2...a walk...something that's just for you and he...
thanks.i hahve been trying to be that loving person.it is hard....we are still having a ruff time.meno is so crazy how it takes you and runs with your mind and body.....kim
QUOTE (roxy2005 @ Sep 20 2007, 06:59 AM)
I KNOW WHAT DO WE DO.? ME AND MY HUSBAND HAD A BAD DAY YESTRDAY.ALL I DID WAS ACCUSE HIM OF WOMEN AND FUSS.SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO LEAVE HIM AND START OVER WHICH I KNOW IS WRONG HE LOVES ME.HE SAID YESTERDAY IF I DID NOT GET CONTROL HE WAS GOING TO MOVE OUT IN OUR CAMPER UNTIL I GOT MY SELF TOGETHER.I TOLD HIM IF HE DID I WOULD GO GET A DIVORCE.....
Yes I know how you are feeling because that is also how I think sometimes, but I know that leaving him is not the solution because just like you my husband loves me and beleive it or not I can't imagine my life without him! unfortunately when we have an argument both of us say that the only solution is seperation and beleive it or not these last few months we seem to have a lot of arguments over the same thing! many times i say that i do not know what is happening to our marriage because if we love each other we are not supposed to argue.
QUOTE (KGF @ Sep 19 2007, 03:39 PM)
Hello Roxy and everyone else who responded.
I can relate so much to all of you. I to am jealous and insecure and cry all the time. What makes it worst for me is that my husband doesn't take my condition serious. He acts like it's more of a burden to him and our marriage. I have no close family or friends. I'm very isolated. I don't have a life. I can't seem to work because I'm usually sick from crying and not eating consistantly for days at a time. I barely sleep. Sometimes I self medicate just to get a break but I do want to keep doing this. I take Wellbutrin and Lexapro and have Ativan if I need it. I hate taking these medications just to survive. I haven't had a period in 5 years, maybe longer. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel alone and abandoned. I pray alot for God to help me but sometimes I wonder if he hears me and is he really real. Sometimes I doubt so much. I must believe in him because I continue to talk to him. I don't know if the medications work or not. When I feel a twinge of normalcy I feel some hope that everything will be alright but then I end up back here, crying and feeling so anxious. All I feel is fear. I so exhausted from all of this. I'm afraid to take HRT. It makes my blood pressure rise. I am trying to hang oon but it is so hard. I'm feeling so much pain because of all my issues. My marriage is not good, I haven't seen my daughter since she was four, she is now seventeen, I'm estranged from my family because of the religion they practice. I have no close friends because I'm afraid for anyone to always see me suffering. I have no job, no car, no savings, bad credit, etc. I feel as though I can't take care of myself any longer. It's like I forgot how. I'm so scared of what's going to happen to me. I don't talk to alot of people anymore because everyone has an opinion. It just adds confusion to my already confused mind. I can't concentrate on anything for very long. I feel like such a bad person with all these issues I continue to grieve. I don't know how to stop myself. I'm sick of focusing on me but when I try to turn my focus on something else it never lasts for long. I really need help so badly but I just don't know where to turn anymore. No one wants to be around someone like me going thru what I'm going thru. I long to have a family and friends, someone who loves me and that I can love. Somehow I half to heal from all this mess that I've made of my life.
I can relate so much to all of you. I to am jealous and insecure and cry all the time. What makes it worst for me is that my husband doesn't take my condition serious. He acts like it's more of a burden to him and our marriage. I have no close family or friends. I'm very isolated. I don't have a life. I can't seem to work because I'm usually sick from crying and not eating consistantly for days at a time. I barely sleep. Sometimes I self medicate just to get a break but I do want to keep doing this. I take Wellbutrin and Lexapro and have Ativan if I need it. I hate taking these medications just to survive. I haven't had a period in 5 years, maybe longer. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel alone and abandoned. I pray alot for God to help me but sometimes I wonder if he hears me and is he really real. Sometimes I doubt so much. I must believe in him because I continue to talk to him. I don't know if the medications work or not. When I feel a twinge of normalcy I feel some hope that everything will be alright but then I end up back here, crying and feeling so anxious. All I feel is fear. I so exhausted from all of this. I'm afraid to take HRT. It makes my blood pressure rise. I am trying to hang oon but it is so hard. I'm feeling so much pain because of all my issues. My marriage is not good, I haven't seen my daughter since she was four, she is now seventeen, I'm estranged from my family because of the religion they practice. I have no close friends because I'm afraid for anyone to always see me suffering. I have no job, no car, no savings, bad credit, etc. I feel as though I can't take care of myself any longer. It's like I forgot how. I'm so scared of what's going to happen to me. I don't talk to alot of people anymore because everyone has an opinion. It just adds confusion to my already confused mind. I can't concentrate on anything for very long. I feel like such a bad person with all these issues I continue to grieve. I don't know how to stop myself. I'm sick of focusing on me but when I try to turn my focus on something else it never lasts for long. I really need help so badly but I just don't know where to turn anymore. No one wants to be around someone like me going thru what I'm going thru. I long to have a family and friends, someone who loves me and that I can love. Somehow I half to heal from all this mess that I've made of my life.
DearKGF, I fully understand how you must be feeling because as you said even my husband does not take my condition seriously and as you say he just acts like your husband and he makes me feel that I am a burden to him and that with this problem i am the one who is ruining our marriage. As you say i just like you i cry for no reason at all and I cannot remember when was the last time i slept for a whole night! I am on the pill to correct a severe hormone imbalance. I just like you have no friends and my family doesn't help me much. I rarely go out and many times as you said i feel so lonely that i end up crying and end up feeling miserable. Most of the time I never have nothing nice to look forward to! Just like you many times i wish to have an understanding family and maybe some friends that you can talk to. I fully understand your suffering and your misery because i am inthe same both as you. Many times all i think about to help myself in this situation is to pray to God to help me through this difficult time because many times there is nothing else to do! I shall also pray for you and for others who are lonely just like us because i think he is the only one that can help us. get through this situation
((Hugs))
Judiexxx
QUOTE (roxy2005 @ Sep 20 2007, 07:59 AM)
I KNOW WHAT DO WE DO.? ME AND MY HUSBAND HAD A BAD DAY YESTRDAY.ALL I DID WAS ACCUSE HIM OF WOMEN AND FUSS.SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO LEAVE HIM AND START OVER WHICH I KNOW IS WRONG HE LOVES ME.HE SAID YESTERDAY IF I DID NOT GET CONTROL HE WAS GOING TO MOVE OUT IN OUR CAMPER UNTIL I GOT MY SELF TOGETHER.I TOLD HIM IF HE DID I WOULD GO GET A DIVORCE.....
I understand exactly what you are going through with the jealousy, even though you know its irrational it still hurts and these emotions are hard to ignore. I try and give myself some space away from everyone else by going for a walk and go through in my mind why I am feeling this way ie hormones, menopause etc. I also try and not accuse my husband but tell him that I know he is not cheating but that I just feel so insecure and am afraid of losing him. I sometimes get so angry with him over nothing but cannot stop - then I feel I have pushed him too far and he loses his patience with me.
To tell you how bad I have become - I went shopping with my mum the other day and saw a headless manniquin that was dressed beautifully and was convinced that if my husband saw someone wearing these clothes he would fancy them!!!!! I cannot believe I have just admitted to that.
Take care
QUOTE (April24 @ Feb 8 2007, 01:17 AM)
I know I can be obsessed with that sometimes, too. One night he was watching something on TV where there were young girls talking about something. I got ticked off and went to bed telling him he has "his girls" to keep him company. so he didn't need me to sit there with him.
He is very supportive of me, and assures me I am the only one for him. Thank goodness he takes the time to tell me that, because I really need to hear that a lot lately.
Imagine being jealous of women ON TV!! LOL. Not like he could reach into the screen and grab a handful.
He is very supportive of me, and assures me I am the only one for him. Thank goodness he takes the time to tell me that, because I really need to hear that a lot lately.
Imagine being jealous of women ON TV!! LOL. Not like he could reach into the screen and grab a handful.
OMG!!!! This is me what I am goinng thru right now, never in our 30 years have I ever felt like this until recently I get all mad if he is watching tv and there are girls and most of the time you know how they portray women on tv with it all hanging out all the time. It is driving me crazy I then hate myself after I say something he is scared to watch tv when Im around anymore is this crazy or what I feel like Im going nuts. He will change the channel and or get up and go to the garage to smoke a cigar. I am pushing him away I know it but cant control it Im so drained from it all.
QUOTE (roxy2005 @ Nov 15 2006, 06:18 PM)
i am 44 years old i am in menapause.i am taking a hormone shot.i started menapuse three months ago.i am on wellbutrin also.i am driving my husband crazy over me being so jealous of other women,accusing him of running around.i am very insecure.i cry all the time help.......Dear'roxy2005'
Totally get where you are coming from.We feel vulnerable at this stage in life,not sure of our attractiveness as we become more aware of some body changes that we are not really happy with.Hopefully,the hormone shots will help
Have you ever tried just sitting down,swallow a Xanax first if needed and telling him exactly how you feel.then am sure he will be more supportive.
Stay Strong
God Bless
Elizabeth
QUOTE (Xayuk @ Sep 24 2007, 03:32 PM)
DearKGF, I fully understand how you must be feeling because as you said even my husband does not take my condition seriously and as you say he just acts like your husband and he makes me feel that I am a burden to him and that with this problem i am the one who is ruining our marriage. As you say i just like you i cry for no reason at all and I cannot remember when was the last time i slept for a whole night! I am on the pill to correct a severe hormone imbalance. I just like you have no friends and my family doesn't help me much. I rarely go out and many times as you said i feel so lonely that i end up crying and end up feeling miserable. Most of the time I never have nothing nice to look forward to! Just like you many times i wish to have an understanding family and maybe some friends that you can talk to. I fully understand your suffering and your misery because i am inthe same both as you. Many times all i think about to help myself in this situation is to pray to God to help me through this difficult time because many times there is nothing else to do! I shall also pray for you and for others who are lonely just like us because i think he is the only one that can help us. get through this situation
((Hugs))
Judiexxx
((Hugs))
Judiexxx
Dear Judie
It must be very hurtful to feel that you are not taken seriously by your husband.But you do have friends and they are all here on this Forum to listen and empathise.
I too pray a lot and it helps.Am much more of a loner than I used to be but have always pushed myself to Yoga Classes twice a week.Have also joined a Book Club.We meet monthly to discuss the books we have chosen to read .It is fun.
My husband owns a Night Club and quite frankly have given up on even discussing my feelings over this.He has often stayed out till the early hours of the morning.Now I am just numb.the upside is my three children and three cute grandchildren
You are in my Prayers
God Bless
Elizabeth
QUOTE (lann @ Jan 23 2009, 02:56 PM)
OMG!!!! This is me what I am goinng thru right now, never in our 30 years have I ever felt like this until recently I get all mad if he is watching tv and there are girls and most of the time you know how they portray women on tv with it all hanging out all the time. It is driving me crazy I then hate myself after I say something he is scared to watch tv when Im around anymore is this crazy or what I feel like Im going nuts. He will change the channel and or get up and go to the garage to smoke a cigar. I am pushing him away I know it but cant control it Im so drained from it all.
I've only read this today - I am sorry for missing it. How is your husband to talk to you? That really is the only way you can get through it. If you are making him feel like he cannot do things around you, and you are noticing this daily, then the next time you notice the awkwardness, just tell him something like, "I've been noticing you cannot fully enjoy doing things in my presence. I'm afraid we're drifting apart because of it, and that's the last thing I would ever want to have happen to us...can we talk?"
Then just talk to him. He may have been reading up on it. Mine just came out and said to me one day, "Is it true that women start thinking they are not attractive anymore when they are going through menopause? Because I still think you are very sexy and beautiful" Something to that degree. I didn't know what to say - I just cried, and told him that things are just so not the same anymore that I have a hard time believing he could possibly feel the same about me as he did from the start. Talking is your best tool. Give it a try - be honest about your feelings no matter how stupid you might think they sound - even say something like, "I know this sounds stupid but..." He will appreciate your honesty, and you may find out he is having his own mid life situation going on, and he may be able to relate.
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