Sex life? what sex life? Options

[diluvlabs]

Try L-Arginine, Di. It is topical and it packs a punch!!! Can't hurt to try.

Where do you buy this, Bev?

[diluvlabs]

I saw the pictures. They were not pornographic imo and I understood the elder's intent.

Oh well, can't please everyone all the time!

I agree. Now let's get back on topic of helping one another!

[davinci817]

I know I am younger, and I am still in the early peri stages but I have noticed the diminish in sex drive. Maybe it isn't that I don't want it but more I don't feel good health wise to have it.

Anyway on the 23rd of December I had some last minute shopping, wrapping and baking to do. We have one vehicle so when the DH got home I set off to finish my shopping. When I got home I could smell cologne and soap and I came to the back of the house to find candles lit, music going and my husband sitting in bed smiling at me. I know he was trying his best at romance but in all honesty it really ticked me off. I had groceries to get out of the car and the gifts to finish wrapping. I tried my best to be polite and stated something along the lines of, this is very nice of you but I have so much to do at the moment and hope we can wait until later. Maybe I was wrong, but I just couldn't get my brain or body around intimacy at the moment.

He did come to help with the groceries and he finished some gift wrapping/cards himself. Then he left me to my own in the other room and he got on his laptop to play a game. By the time I got finished and came to the bedroom, he seemed to have lost his romantic state and he ignored me. That night he got up and down out of bed stomped about the house and the next morning slammed doors and spun tires as he left the house without so much as a love you or a kiss. This truly aggravated me to the point I couldn't see straight. He was mad imo because we didn't get intimate!

So two days of not speaking, I finally broke down and wrote him an email at work. I came to the conclusion it was a constant lack of romance in the little sense, all the time every day and not just in one fleeting moment that bothered me. I had stopped getting the "I love you" calls and emails, I wasn't getting the hugs with the pat on the bum everyday, I wasn't getting a token of affection, flowers, gifts, cards ya know the little things us girls like. It was like I was to climb in bed and he could rub on my back for a few minutes and I should be in pure bliss or something. In my email I noted that I don't always feel like it, but there is no harm in still showing me affection that I do appreciate it but that what I don't appreciate is this expectancy of being intimate when I feel so darn bad sometimes. Intimacy is more than a sexual act. Sometimes a cuddle is all I want, that might not satisfy his desires but it does mine and I wanted him to understand that. Basically I told him if you give me what I want you will probably get what you want. I also told him to read my words and that I DID NOT want to discuss it further, he just needed to do what I ask and not question or blame me for anything!

Sure enough for the last week and a half, he has done everything just right. This morning I had a love note waiting for me on my keyboard, it simply states "good morning to my beautiful princess, I love you, have a good day, see you later ...your hubby xoxoxox". Just this very moment while I was writing he called to ask how I felt and how my day was going and to encourage me to journal so he too can keep up with what is going on with my body and that WE will work through these problems. I don't feel like knocking out some hot loving in the bedroom but I do feel loved and I do feel romanced and maybe that is enough for now while I go through this hormonal hell.

Don't get me wrong we still have intimate moments and when we do they are great. It isn't however what it was five years ago when we met, but that is life and he as well as I have to accept that. The more he has done this week the more I have actually desired some form of intimacy. So maybe we aren't all having sex, but are we all trying our best to help our husbands understand what we feel and are going through? Are we telling them what we need? Are we still trying to be romantic even if we don't feel intimate? They are our husbands and they need to be shown love and romance just as much as we do, but we have to help them understand. Seriously by him trying a bit more, to just love me has improved what I feel over all even when I am having heart palpitations or that nervous anxiety...I can go for a hug and cuddle and get a giggle out of him groping my butt in the middle of the hug or whatever it might be. I get comfort he gets a bit of a feel up and it works for both our needs. I have also been making sure that my hair is done, that I put on a bit of makeup, that I try to greet him with a hug and smile when he comes in the door all the while relaying that I will try my best but that doesn't mean I want to jump in the sack!

Also have given in to watching a bit of softer porn together, really I can watch it and not feel the slightest bit of anything but it gives him the visual that he needs as a man. I am trying to find new ways of being intimate together. We have never been afraid of sexual aids in our marriage, and have gone into that a bit more. I have even suggested a visit this weekend to a local shop that is done very well so that a woman can go in and not feel embarrassed about being there. The front portion of the store has beautiful lingerie, not any different from going into victorias secret really. As you move to the back of the store you find creams, massage lotions etc, then the back end is curtained off and of course you find the toy section and further on a curtained movie section. Only women work in here and they are pleasant and very helpful (it is weird in a lot of ways) if you get in the right mind set it isn't any different than asking a doctor for help about embarrassing things. My suggestion is to try the suburbs for an adult store and not hit one that is in the middle of downtown or next to a bar of some sort. Of course there is always online resources and home parties too. If anyone wants to chat or ask questions about new things that might help, I would be glad to help without making you feel uncomfortable. For myself having the gals in the shop explain things or recommend things makes me feel more comfortable in choosing new stuff. I know this isn't for some women and against others beliefs and I am not trying to offend anyone or be perverted. For those that feel that way, try romantic movies, or read a romantic book, buy some new sexy lingerie, or dress up just to feel sexier.

Whatever it takes to make you feel more beautiful, more sexy, more romantic, more intimate. I know personally my husband could stand stark naked in front of me and it would not turn me on the slightest. On the other hand I can put on some stockings, heals and a hot little dress and that can make me more in the mood than he could ever do even if he had rippling muscles and looked like he stepped off a romance novel cover lol.

I am fortunate that even when my husband has a dumb man moment and forgets romance he has always been one in the bedroom to be patient and he doesn't get his big finally until I have mine. I will say there are plenty of times when he never has a big finally because I get to the point of .....well I'm done, this is all that is going to happen and the mood just isn't there. I know this bothers him, but he isn't persistent at those times and I am grateful for that.

I dunno I guess I needed to share my experience through peri. Also felt the need to share with other women that even if you don't want to be intimate, do try to keep the romance alive in some way and to converse with your spouse to help him understand that you still love and want him! Try new things even if they seem way out there for your character, nobody has to know but you and your husband! This really really is hard for them to understand just as it is for us. I don't think any of you can say you don't want the romance and love even when you don't want the intimacy. Spice it up ladies and at least put forth the effort for other means of love besides sex. You might find you feel better all over because you get comfort in these crappy times of our life.

Bethanie

[EveningPrimrose]

Janet left a comment on The elders profile page to explain that she was offended by the images she'd posted on this thread. She then proceeded to share this information in the public domain. The elder tried to resolve the issue privately by sending Janet a private message but couldn't do so because janet had blocked incoming private messages from her. This is my understanding -- There was no need for this to become a public issue --

[davinci817]

Janet left a comment on The elders profile page to explain that she was offended by the images she'd posted on this thread. She then proceeded to share this information in the public domain. The elder tried to resolve the issue privately by sending Janet a private message but couldn't do so because janet had blocked incoming private messages from her. This is my understanding -- There was no need for this to become a public issue --

It's a public forum and with the masses and different personalities someone will always offend someone else. I do agree it should not have been brought into the public forums but by not having messages open that is what it came to. I think the mods should remove all posts pertaining to the situation and everyone move on from it. I am sure that elders post would not have offended me personally, but can understand Janet's feelings over seeing something she would not normally go looking for. They both made a small mistake and I hope they can move on from it and continue to help one another as well as others.

[janet c]

Janet left a comment on The elders profile page to explain that she was offended by the images she'd posted on this thread. She then proceeded to share this information in the public domain. The elder tried to resolve the issue privately by sending Janet a private message but couldn't do so because janet had blocked incoming private messages from her. This is my understanding -- There was no need for this to become a public issue --

Cant this be dropped now?
I said what I said in the public domain because I felt there may have been others who were also offended. Indeed I know there were at least couple of others who thought the images went too far. This site is for everyone and sometimes someone just has to speak out! I have been posting on this site for 3 years and it has a certain standard. I cant think that Dearest would want it to degenerate into a free for all where anything goes!

The images were removed by the moderators-not by myself. I have a right to voice my opinion publicly.I don't want to visit this site to see explicit sexual pictures. There are lots of women from all over the world who belong to Powersurge with different religions and codes and we should all be mindful of that.

As has been seen in the previous posts there are different points of view on the subject.

The pictures and post about licking chocolate from private parts has gone so can this please now end?
A happy New Year to all

janet c

[EveningPrimrose]

They both made a mistake. However, one tried to resolve the issue privately and the other one did not. There was really no need for it to get this far. There are many of us that dont feel well and that includes me - I dont want to see it -- keep it private.

[janet c]

They both made a mistake. However, one tried to resolve the issue privately and the other one did not. There was really no need for it to get this far. There are many of us that dont feel well and that includes me - I dont want to see it -- keep it private.

If you would just drop it then it would fade away! The posts had already moved on until you started the subject up again
I myself am more interested in davinci817's long and interesting post which is detailed without being crude
janet c

[davinci817]

If you would just drop it then it would fade away! The posts had already moved on until you started the subject up again
I myself am more interested in davinci817's long and interesting post which is detailed without being crude
janet c

Lol Janet, I know it is winded but there is just so much to all of this, part of it would not have relayed what I go through and what I do try in order to want more intimacy. It's tough. One side we don't feel like we want intimacy yet we are in love and still want to be loved. We hurt our husbands/lovers when we don't feel up to being intimate, yet we don't do it on purpose. There just has to be a happy medium in all of this that will keep our romance alive for the day we do finally feel better!

[Bigheart]

I know I am younger, and I am still in the early peri stages but I have noticed the diminish in sex drive. Maybe it isn't that I don't want it but more I don't feel good health wise to have it.

Anyway on the 23rd of December I had some last minute shopping, wrapping and baking to do. We have one vehicle so when the DH got home I set off to finish my shopping. When I got home I could smell cologne and soap and I came to the back of the house to find candles lit, music going and my husband sitting in bed smiling at me. I know he was trying his best at romance but in all honesty it really ticked me off. I had groceries to get out of the car and the gifts to finish wrapping. I tried my best to be polite and stated something along the lines of, this is very nice of you but I have so much to do at the moment and hope we can wait until later. Maybe I was wrong, but I just couldn't get my brain or body around intimacy at the moment.

He did come to help with the groceries and he finished some gift wrapping/cards himself. Then he left me to my own in the other room and he got on his laptop to play a game. By the time I got finished and came to the bedroom, he seemed to have lost his romantic state and he ignored me. That night he got up and down out of bed stomped about the house and the next morning slammed doors and spun tires as he left the house without so much as a love you or a kiss. This truly aggravated me to the point I couldn't see straight. He was mad imo because we didn't get intimate!

So two days of not speaking, I finally broke down and wrote him an email at work. I came to the conclusion it was a constant lack of romance in the little sense, all the time every day and not just in one fleeting moment that bothered me. I had stopped getting the "I love you" calls and emails, I wasn't getting the hugs with the pat on the bum everyday, I wasn't getting a token of affection, flowers, gifts, cards ya know the little things us girls like. It was like I was to climb in bed and he could rub on my back for a few minutes and I should be in pure bliss or something. In my email I noted that I don't always feel like it, but there is no harm in still showing me affection that I do appreciate it but that what I don't appreciate is this expectancy of being intimate when I feel so darn bad sometimes. Intimacy is more than a sexual act. Sometimes a cuddle is all I want, that might not satisfy his desires but it does mine and I wanted him to understand that. Basically I told him if you give me what I want you will probably get what you want. I also told him to read my words and that I DID NOT want to discuss it further, he just needed to do what I ask and not question or blame me for anything!

Sure enough for the last week and a half, he has done everything just right. This morning I had a love note waiting for me on my keyboard, it simply states "good morning to my beautiful princess, I love you, have a good day, see you later ...your hubby xoxoxox". Just this very moment while I was writing he called to ask how I felt and how my day was going and to encourage me to journal so he too can keep up with what is going on with my body and that WE will work through these problems. I don't feel like knocking out some hot loving in the bedroom but I do feel loved and I do feel romanced and maybe that is enough for now while I go through this hormonal hell.

Don't get me wrong we still have intimate moments and when we do they are great. It isn't however what it was five years ago when we met, but that is life and he as well as I have to accept that. The more he has done this week the more I have actually desired some form of intimacy. So maybe we aren't all having sex, but are we all trying our best to help our husbands understand what we feel and are going through? Are we telling them what we need? Are we still trying to be romantic even if we don't feel intimate? They are our husbands and they need to be shown love and romance just as much as we do, but we have to help them understand. Seriously by him trying a bit more, to just love me has improved what I feel over all even when I am having heart palpitations or that nervous anxiety...I can go for a hug and cuddle and get a giggle out of him groping my butt in the middle of the hug or whatever it might be. I get comfort he gets a bit of a feel up and it works for both our needs. I have also been making sure that my hair is done, that I put on a bit of makeup, that I try to greet him with a hug and smile when he comes in the door all the while relaying that I will try my best but that doesn't mean I want to jump in the sack!

Also have given in to watching a bit of softer porn together, really I can watch it and not feel the slightest bit of anything but it gives him the visual that he needs as a man. I am trying to find new ways of being intimate together. We have never been afraid of sexual aids in our marriage, and have gone into that a bit more. I have even suggested a visit this weekend to a local shop that is done very well so that a woman can go in and not feel embarrassed about being there. The front portion of the store has beautiful lingerie, not any different from going into victorias secret really. As you move to the back of the store you find creams, massage lotions etc, then the back end is curtained off and of course you find the toy section and further on a curtained movie section. Only women work in here and they are pleasant and very helpful (it is weird in a lot of ways) if you get in the right mind set it isn't any different than asking a doctor for help about embarrassing things. My suggestion is to try the suburbs for an adult store and not hit one that is in the middle of downtown or next to a bar of some sort. Of course there is always online resources and home parties too. If anyone wants to chat or ask questions about new things that might help, I would be glad to help without making you feel uncomfortable. For myself having the gals in the shop explain things or recommend things makes me feel more comfortable in choosing new stuff. I know this isn't for some women and against others beliefs and I am not trying to offend anyone or be perverted. For those that feel that way, try romantic movies, or read a romantic book, buy some new sexy lingerie, or dress up just to feel sexier.

Whatever it takes to make you feel more beautiful, more sexy, more romantic, more intimate. I know personally my husband could stand stark naked in front of me and it would not turn me on the slightest. On the other hand I can put on some stockings, heals and a hot little dress and that can make me more in the mood than he could ever do even if he had rippling muscles and looked like he stepped off a romance novel cover lol.

I am fortunate that even when my husband has a dumb man moment and forgets romance he has always been one in the bedroom to be patient and he doesn't get his big finally until I have mine. I will say there are plenty of times when he never has a big finally because I get to the point of .....well I'm done, this is all that is going to happen and the mood just isn't there. I know this bothers him, but he isn't persistent at those times and I am grateful for that.

I dunno I guess I needed to share my experience through peri. Also felt the need to share with other women that even if you don't want to be intimate, do try to keep the romance alive in some way and to converse with your spouse to help him understand that you still love and want him! Try new things even if they seem way out there for your character, nobody has to know but you and your husband! This really really is hard for them to understand just as it is for us. I don't think any of you can say you don't want the romance and love even when you don't want the intimacy. Spice it up ladies and at least put forth the effort for other means of love besides sex. You might find you feel better all over because you get comfort in these crappy times of our life.

Bethanie

Davinci, in my opinion your post can help to save alot of marriages. I know there are exceptions to every rule, but I feel that if 2 people still love each other, then this is a perfect solution. Also, I am practicing this with my husband so I know firsthand that it works. Thanks for a great post!

Patrice

[janet c]

Lol Janet, I know it is winded but there is just so much to all of this, part of it would not have relayed what I go through and what I do try in order to want more intimacy. It's tough. One side we don't feel like we want intimacy yet we are in love and still want to be loved. We hurt our husbands/lovers when we don't feel up to being intimate, yet we don't do it on purpose. There just has to be a happy medium in all of this that will keep our romance alive for the day we do finally feel better!

I know just how you feel! After my surgical menopause I lost all sexual feelings completely. I have been with my husband since 1971 and it has been a very passionate relationship always. My heart was broken when, despite wanting intimacy and feeling very loving I was physically unable to feel anything.
This is why this site has been so helpful and with the advice of Pete from the Bellevue pharmacy I have been able to recover my libido. It has been so difficult because I was not allowed HRT until recently but now I do use a little. I can't remember- but have you had your ovaries removed? If so then you would be in the same boat as myself. I would recommend you try a little testosterone for your libido.
If you still have your ovaries then I would think that in time your libido will return once your body settles down.
janet c

[davinci817]

Davinci, in my opinion your post can help to save alot of marriages. I know there are exceptions to every rule, but I feel that if 2 people still love each other, then this is a perfect solution. Also, I am practicing this with my husband so I know firsthand that it works. Thanks for a great post!

Patrice

Well as you know Patrice it isn't always kicks and giggles it takes work every day from both of you. Communication is the key, the rest can just be fun ! In my opinion there is no such thing as perversion between two loving partners who are patient and kind to one another. This attitude can open up many other means to enjoying your partner.

He laughed at me the other night as he was sitting at my pc and searching for something in our history files. He says, "have you been looking at naughty stuff"? I told him sure, I didn't find anything of interest (very matter of factly as if we were discussing the grocery list). I did sit and look through some videos trying to find something that would interest him. I know him well and know what he needs visually. Obviously there is no story line in any type of pornography be it soft or not so soft so it is just finding the right thing that would interest my husband. He is a visual man and if I can't or don't feel like putting in a huge effort to be intimate as far as foreplay goes, then some of these things can do that for me. As a woman I can sort through these things without feeling any sort of guilt or finding anything overly thrilling in them, if I left him up to finding something he would want nookie non stop. I do the leg work so to speak lol.

I want to clarify that my husband does not sit around looking at or buying porno on his own, and he knows when I do it is for his benefit as well as mine. The few times we use something of this nature, it is playing on the computer screen with no sound and we have romantic music and candlelight going. We don't sit and stare at and obviously we can't hear a single thing these people are saying or doing and neither of us care about that anyways! Just turning on a five minute video is all it typically takes and I have never ever ever seen him do anything but glance at the computer from the get go and then it could probably be turned off and long forgotten. It is just the idea that I tried that helps him but also helps me from being drug through a long intimate session that I quickly can lose interest in. If he had it his way we would go for hours on end, I am just not capable of that at this time in my life (all part of my hormonal ups and downs). So yah I can't give him all he wants but I can give him a moment of what he NEEDS. In return I just want the romance and caring to function through many a crappy day.

[davinci817]

I know just how you feel! After my surgical menopause I lost all sexual feelings completely. I have been with my husband since 1971 and it has been a very passionate relationship always. My heart was broken when, despite wanting intimacy and feeling very loving I was physically unable to feel anything.
This is why this site has been so helpful and with the advice of Pete from the Bellevue pharmacy I have been able to recover my libido. It has been so difficult because I was not allowed HRT until recently but now I do use a little. I can't remember- but have you had your ovaries removed? If so then you would be in the same boat as myself. I would recommend you try a little testosterone for your libido.
If you still have your ovaries then I would think that in time your libido will return once your body settles down.
janet c

I was lucky enough to keep my ovaries, not sure how lucky considering I still get to suffer through peri. So the moisture is still there thank goodness, but it can be short lived. Intimacy has become more of a quick lets get it done while I have that brief moment of wanting it. I just started on P cream and hopefully that will give me back a little more desire, more often.

[the elder]

I am so please you are laughing! I must have made your day

You obviously think me a real prude and you are so, so wrong.

Pornography itself does not offend me. I know what you posted was not pornography in the true sense of the word- I was using it in a lighter sense-but honestly there is a time and place for those type of pictures and I don't want to see them here.
I have looked at some of your other pictures though and they are great.

Obviously the mod team didn't think they were suitable either as they have removed them. Imagine if we all started posting those kind of pics here! There is a gorgeous one of David Beckham in a particular state of excitement that I adore but I am not about to put it on this board-do you get my drift?

Can we please now drop it?

I hope you have a happy New Year and I look forward to seeing some of your other wonderfully funny pics!

janet c

Life is too short to harp on about things, thanks to all the ladies who thought those pics funny and I apologise to others who thought they were inappropriate.

Janet i wish you and all the others here a wonderful New Year also, from one pom to another!

.....Deb

[janet c]

Life is too short to harp on about things, thanks to all the ladies who thought those pics funny and I apologise to others who thought they were inappropriate.

Janet i wish you and all the others here a wonderful New Year also, from one pom to another!

.....Deb

Thanks Deb

Great picture

janet c

[davinci817]

I wanna be an honorary pom dag blammit! I am married to an Englishman after all!

[janet c]

I wanna be an honorary pom dag blammit! I am married to an Englishman after all!

Don't be too quick to want that-the weather stinks here most of the time!

[davinci817]

Don't be too quick to want that-the weather stinks here most of the time!

...and this my dear is why we chose the states for our home amongst other things lol! We are planning our trip over in a couple of months. I found a gorgeous little cottage near Flatford Mill http://www.grove-cottages.co.uk/suffolk-ho...Caddy%20Cottage. This little cottage is now my screen saver with promises from the hubby we will think about building one similar here in the states. I'm in love with it but not nearly as much as I am in love with him ha ha! Of course we will have to supersize it a bit to fit our American lifestyles!

[EveningPrimrose]

The cottage looks very nice davinci. Have you ever visited the Cotswolds? Hubby and I plan to move there eventually -- You can't beat England for it's quaint little villages, country pubs and country winding roads. I recently visited the US - Georgia and Alabama -- stayed in a beautiful victorian house in Alabama -- an experience I will never forget -- here's a pic ---

Enjoy your stay here in England



http://www.smithbyrdhouse.com/cms/componen.../?g2_itemId=160

[davinci817]

The cottage looks very nice davinci. Have you ever visited the Cotswolds? Hubby and I plan to move there eventually -- You can't beat England for it's quaint little villages, country pubs and country winding roads. I recently visited the US - Georgia and Alabama -- stayed in a beautiful victorian house in Alabama -- an experience I will never forget -- here's a pic ---

Enjoy your stay here in England



http://www.smithbyrdhouse.com/cms/componen.../?g2_itemId=160

No this man of mine wouldn't take me anywhere good lol. I mainly spent my time in Suffolk and southern Norfolk since I was living there temporarily and not actually on holiday. I have spent Seven months in total across the pond and never ever seen London, people here think that is crazy but again I wasn't on vacation. England is beautiful and I think every American should go for the history and beauty alone.

That is a classic southern home if I ever saw one EP.

We are off in February to stay in a Mennonite community in a cabin in the middle of nowhere land. We just need some us time without kids and other disturbances. There is a small British settlement just down the road that is up and running for tours as well as some British Isles cuisine. So we will be doing that for a bit of yank/brit history together. Thinking of finding a photographer in the area to come do our piccies and also maybe surprising him with a cooking class or horseback riding with a picnic (something romantic, together time). http://www.vrbo.com/88621#photos--cabin and here is the village I mentioned http://www.historicrugby.org/.

[EveningPrimrose]

It all sounds wonderfully romantic, davinci You have a lot to look forward to ...

I hope you can find a good photographer to capture all those beautiful moments you will share with hubby. Dont forget to post them up here

[janet c]

...and this my dear is why we chose the states for our home amongst other things lol! We are planning our trip over in a couple of months. I found a gorgeous little cottage near Flatford Mill http://www.grove-cottages.co.uk/suffolk-ho...Caddy%20Cottage. This little cottage is now my screen saver with promises from the hubby we will think about building one similar here in the states. I'm in love with it but not nearly as much as I am in love with him ha ha! Of course we will have to supersize it a bit to fit our American lifestyles!

That looks absolutely gorgeous!
The area looks lovely too.
I must confess we have never been to Norfolk because it is in East Anglia which can be very flat and we love hills and mountains.
I may give it a try after seeing your link though!

janet c

[janet c]

Sorry-I meant Suffolk- which is obviously south East Anglia as opposed to Norfolk which is north East Anglia-well you know what i mean!

[davinci817]

Sorry-I meant Suffolk- which is obviously south East Anglia as opposed to Norfolk which is north East Anglia-well you know what i mean!

Kind of sort of but not really lol I am still a Yank! Suffolk is actually very pretty, with rolling hills. I don't even know how far you and EP are from Suffolk, we can attempt a get together when I am over perhaps. Hubby will be carting and catering his kiddos around so we could have a girly day somewhere. I am up to travel by train if I have to (you don't want me driving trust me). Maybe you two could actually show me some good stuff better than the hubby has ever done. I haven't been over in nearly four years and ready to visit. I want proper cream, fish and chips, sausage rolls, bacon, anything from the dairy section is good, I want a cornish pasty, some decent Chinese, lots and lots of choccies, some good darn bread and wine gums coming out my nose....really I don't want much lol. I am bringing the largest suitcase I own just to cart back goodies, who needs clothes anyways!


I guess we are still on topic here, it is romantic after all lol!

[the elder]

I know I am younger, and I am still in the early peri stages but I have noticed the diminish in sex drive. Maybe it isn't that I don't want it but more I don't feel good health wise to have it.

Anyway on the 23rd of December I had some last minute shopping, wrapping and baking to do. We have one vehicle so when the DH got home I set off to finish my shopping. When I got home I could smell cologne and soap and I came to the back of the house to find candles lit, music going and my husband sitting in bed smiling at me. I know he was trying his best at romance but in all honesty it really ticked me off. I had groceries to get out of the car and the gifts to finish wrapping. I tried my best to be polite and stated something along the lines of, this is very nice of you but I have so much to do at the moment and hope we can wait until later. Maybe I was wrong, but I just couldn't get my brain or body around intimacy at the moment.

He did come to help with the groceries and he finished some gift wrapping/cards himself. Then he left me to my own in the other room and he got on his laptop to play a game. By the time I got finished and came to the bedroom, he seemed to have lost his romantic state and he ignored me. That night he got up and down out of bed stomped about the house and the next morning slammed doors and spun tires as he left the house without so much as a love you or a kiss. This truly aggravated me to the point I couldn't see straight. He was mad imo because we didn't get intimate!

So two days of not speaking, I finally broke down and wrote him an email at work. I came to the conclusion it was a constant lack of romance in the little sense, all the time every day and not just in one fleeting moment that bothered me. I had stopped getting the "I love you" calls and emails, I wasn't getting the hugs with the pat on the bum everyday, I wasn't getting a token of affection, flowers, gifts, cards ya know the little things us girls like. It was like I was to climb in bed and he could rub on my back for a few minutes and I should be in pure bliss or something. In my email I noted that I don't always feel like it, but there is no harm in still showing me affection that I do appreciate it but that what I don't appreciate is this expectancy of being intimate when I feel so darn bad sometimes. Intimacy is more than a sexual act. Sometimes a cuddle is all I want, that might not satisfy his desires but it does mine and I wanted him to understand that. Basically I told him if you give me what I want you will probably get what you want. I also told him to read my words and that I DID NOT want to discuss it further, he just needed to do what I ask and not question or blame me for anything!

Sure enough for the last week and a half, he has done everything just right. This morning I had a love note waiting for me on my keyboard, it simply states "good morning to my beautiful princess, I love you, have a good day, see you later ...your hubby xoxoxox". Just this very moment while I was writing he called to ask how I felt and how my day was going and to encourage me to journal so he too can keep up with what is going on with my body and that WE will work through these problems. I don't feel like knocking out some hot loving in the bedroom but I do feel loved and I do feel romanced and maybe that is enough for now while I go through this hormonal hell.

Don't get me wrong we still have intimate moments and when we do they are great. It isn't however what it was five years ago when we met, but that is life and he as well as I have to accept that. The more he has done this week the more I have actually desired some form of intimacy. So maybe we aren't all having sex, but are we all trying our best to help our husbands understand what we feel and are going through? Are we telling them what we need? Are we still trying to be romantic even if we don't feel intimate? They are our husbands and they need to be shown love and romance just as much as we do, but we have to help them understand. Seriously by him trying a bit more, to just love me has improved what I feel over all even when I am having heart palpitations or that nervous anxiety...I can go for a hug and cuddle and get a giggle out of him groping my butt in the middle of the hug or whatever it might be. I get comfort he gets a bit of a feel up and it works for both our needs. I have also been making sure that my hair is done, that I put on a bit of makeup, that I try to greet him with a hug and smile when he comes in the door all the while relaying that I will try my best but that doesn't mean I want to jump in the sack!

Also have given in to watching a bit of softer porn together, really I can watch it and not feel the slightest bit of anything but it gives him the visual that he needs as a man. I am trying to find new ways of being intimate together. We have never been afraid of sexual aids in our marriage, and have gone into that a bit more. I have even suggested a visit this weekend to a local shop that is done very well so that a woman can go in and not feel embarrassed about being there. The front portion of the store has beautiful lingerie, not any different from going into victorias secret really. As you move to the back of the store you find creams, massage lotions etc, then the back end is curtained off and of course you find the toy section and further on a curtained movie section. Only women work in here and they are pleasant and very helpful (it is weird in a lot of ways) if you get in the right mind set it isn't any different than asking a doctor for help about embarrassing things. My suggestion is to try the suburbs for an adult store and not hit one that is in the middle of downtown or next to a bar of some sort. Of course there is always online resources and home parties too. If anyone wants to chat or ask questions about new things that might help, I would be glad to help without making you feel uncomfortable. For myself having the gals in the shop explain things or recommend things makes me feel more comfortable in choosing new stuff. I know this isn't for some women and against others beliefs and I am not trying to offend anyone or be perverted. For those that feel that way, try romantic movies, or read a romantic book, buy some new sexy lingerie, or dress up just to feel sexier.

Whatever it takes to make you feel more beautiful, more sexy, more romantic, more intimate. I know personally my husband could stand stark naked in front of me and it would not turn me on the slightest. On the other hand I can put on some stockings, heals and a hot little dress and that can make me more in the mood than he could ever do even if he had rippling muscles and looked like he stepped off a romance novel cover lol.

I am fortunate that even when my husband has a dumb man moment and forgets romance he has always been one in the bedroom to be patient and he doesn't get his big finally until I have mine. I will say there are plenty of times when he never has a big finally because I get to the point of .....well I'm done, this is all that is going to happen and the mood just isn't there. I know this bothers him, but he isn't persistent at those times and I am grateful for that.

I dunno I guess I needed to share my experience through peri. Also felt the need to share with other women that even if you don't want to be intimate, do try to keep the romance alive in some way and to converse with your spouse to help him understand that you still love and want him! Try new things even if they seem way out there for your character, nobody has to know but you and your husband! This really really is hard for them to understand just as it is for us. I don't think any of you can say you don't want the romance and love even when you don't want the intimacy. Spice it up ladies and at least put forth the effort for other means of love besides sex. You might find you feel better all over because you get comfort in these crappy times of our life.

Bethanie

That was a great post and thanks for sharing it with us.

I have noticed it is visual for a man, they want to see flesh and all i want to do is make love in the dark! I'm a large lady and still feel self conscious when naked in front of him, he assures me he loves every curve but can't understand why i prefer "lights out" LOL.

[davinci817]

I would prefer lights dim or out myself. He kisses my fat tummy so I guess he loves me no matter what I look like lol so lights on typically.

[the elder]

I would prefer lights dim or out myself. He kisses my fat tummy so I guess he loves me no matter what I look like lol so lights on typically.

I had a look at your profile pic and find it hard to believe you would have FAT anywhere my dear!! your face is lovely....and NO i don't swing that way LMAO!

[EveningPrimrose]

[quote name='davinci817' date='Jan 3 2009, 01:17 AM' post='258121']
I want a cornish pasty, some decent Chinese, lots and lots of choccies, some good darn bread and wine gums coming out my nose....really I don't want much lol. I am bringing the largest suitcase I own just to cart back goodies, who needs clothes anyways!
/quote]

Have you actually booked to rent the cottage, and when will you be coming?

[davinci817]

Have you actually booked to rent the cottage, and when will you be coming?

We will be booking in the next few weeks, first trying to talk my mother in to coming. Likely we will be there in March or April. Hubby was not happy with the weather when he came over last year in late February, funny it didn't used to bother him for 36 years!