strange libido issue, want sex but cant feel very much Options

[janet c]

I have this very strange thing I am going through-wonder if anyone else can identify? I have a very strong sensation "down there" all the time-like a needy ache. I cant stop thinking about sex, so you would think there should be no problem. However as soon as I am touched in that area the feeling just disappears. We spend ages trying and in the end always have to give up. I have always been able to have an orgasm when I want one and this is awful. I am not disliking the feelings but they just dont build any more.
As soon as we stop, the sensation returns. I end up feeling so frustrated. This has been going on for a little while. I wouldnt mind if I had no interest,which has happened in the past, but I do at present.
Ihavent had a period for 3 months by the way, until recently, which I think was brought on by vagifem vaginal tablets.
Help !!!

[jadie]

Hi hon,

You taking antidepressants? If not then I think its simply a case of mind over matter.....you know how men tend to get performance anxiety and it affects the erection? Even when you think you are NOT thinking about the eventual outcome....orgasm.....you are thinking about it.........in the back of your mind there it sits. Try a couple of glasses of wine or h*ll just go get blind drunk one nite (if you drink that is).....lol. You need to relax my dear. I have been where you are right now. Practice on your own helps also.........I dont want to get too graphic....you know where I am going with this right?

Jadie

[janet c]

thanks Jadie
I know what you mean-I have tried that but it is just tooo difficult. In the past that would work but I spent an hour on my own if you follow and absolutely nothing! I am not on anti depressants. I just have this feeling that its all over for me. I dont know if there is a physical reason -it seems as if all the nerves don't connect up any more. The real tragedy is that I have a wonderful husband and I love him more than ever. We still make love but I cant feel much. I am so sad. Its 2.40 am and I should be sleeping. I am just so upset

[chefmarr]

I've found that I'm incredibly ready, and he is giving the same sensations, but I jus can't "get there". And, like you, afterwards, I'm right up there again.
I retire to the bathroom for a bubbly soak, and sudsing up I'm incredably sensitive. Honey has come in for a pee, and ended up in the tub with me!
Apparently we may not be on the same schedule, and we find that fingers can make up the time until he is ready again.
He wants to make me happy, but has found he can't always wait for me. But he tries. I'm not getting the "fireworks" lately either, but I'm still getting the hugs and loving, so I guess that will have to do for now.
FYI: my BOB (battery operated Bob) has not been doing his job either!
Just thought you'd like to know you are not alone.

[chefmarr]

sorry...that was Battery Operated Boyfriend!!

[janet c]

thanks for that-I have had one of those things for a little while-its always done the trick until recently. That's whats worrying-always thought i would be ok with one of those. There is no hope if that doesnt work.
Hope its just a phase. Its this feeling of being turned on all the time and then it just goes away as soon as Im touched that I cant stand. Id rather just stop feeling anything at all!
Glad to know that Im not alone!

[jadie]

Janet......I have just had a thought. Have you or are you currently experiencing any lower lumbar pain? I am a dolt somedays.....it just hit me while I was sitting here reading the posts. I am a chiropractic assistant and it took me til now to figure this out. Do you see a chiropractor or would you consider it? Not for the neck region for the lower back........I have a problem with neck adjustments....lol. The nerves that make up the vulval area are directly connected to the bundle of nerves at the base of the spine...otherwise known as the sciatica. If there is a misfire in that bundle somewhere it can cause the pressure you are experiencing coupled with a numbess. That pressure could actually be the numbess that you are feeling....sounds odd I know. But numb = heavy sensation. If you have ever had your hand fall asleep you get a similar feeling. I am sitting here scratching my head because I hadnt even thought of this with you until now. I sufferred for 18 months with sciatica that caused my right leg from the knee down to lose nerve stimulation .......I could feel my foot but it wouldnt respond to what I wanted it to do.........same rule applies in your situation. Think about this.........and make an appt......my bets are you have a vertabrae slipped out in your lower back honey.

Jadie

[janet c]

hi Jadie-you may have hit on something! I have had on-going back trouble for many years. I have terrible problems with the base of my spine-sometimes it hurts to sit down. I cant sleep on my sides because it is so bad. I have been to chiropractors in the past and had physio-been given all the correct exercises to do. No one has ever actually diagnosed what is wrong.
Although it sounds like I am a physical wreck actually I am very fit. I cycle, walk(although I get bad low back pain afterwards) and swim 3 times a week. Its been going on for so many years that I just live with it, and it has never affected me sexually before. I wouldn't say I am numb when touched-just that the feelings dont register in the way they used to, so that they can build up.
Over Christmas with all the sitting around my low back has been agony. My husband keeps suggesting I see a chiropractor. I will give it thought because I am in pain all the time. There is no way I could discuss my sexual thing with him though.
Its a great theory, though and thank you very much for your suggestion

[jadie]

Okay Janet.........you dont have to neccesarily tell your chiro about your sexual issues BUT...to give him some idea of what the problem is just simply tell him you are feeling a pressure in the groins..........thats all you have to say okay. Just to make him aware of what he is looking for.

Jadie

[jadie]

In fact........you should discuss with him the option of a tail bone adjustment. It is done in a bit of a different fashion than normal adjustments.........lol.

Jadie

[Kayo]

Wow, I am glad to find others with like issues. I also have enjoyed a wonderful sex life, till now. Altho I want sex, I simply don't respond like I used to. My breasts give no pleasure, and it actually takes alot of stimulation on my clitoris to have an Orgasm. It used to be so easy. Fortunately my hubby and I have found a vibrator combined with intercourse does the trick. I am hoping my sensation improves after menopause.

[NiteOwl]

Add me to the list! I've been married 31 years and always had multiple orgasms with sex. This past year I think I have had a total of 4...for the whole year! I wear out every body part of hubby's trying to get there and it just takes so long that we usually have to give up out of exhaustion. It still feels very nice while trying but I just can't get to the "top of the mountain" so to speak.
I've mainly had a lot of insomnia issues with peri. I can deal with the rare nightsweats, the occasional anxiety attacks, the internal shakes, the inablility to lose weight, the screwed up period cycles, the itchy skin episodes, the forgetfulness and brain fog....but for gawd's sake, does this take away my last pleasure in life too??

[Juliann]

OMG, I guess EVERYTHING truly is going down the tubes!!!!!!

I asked my doctor last week, why my libido is MIA, she said, she hears this ALL DAY LONG. I guess it's the peri/meno curse. Lack of desire, lack of sensation, NOT what it used to be.

Plus she said that STRESS, causes even YOUNG couples to complain about lack of desire.

It's awful to be here isn't it ladies??? I feel like grieving the loss of what once was and now is only getting worse. SCARY!!!!

Count me in on this one!!!!

Jules

[joliejacq]

Count me in, too!

Thank God I still have my appetite for food - if I lose that one, I'm throwing in the towel!

JJ

[NiteOwl]

Well, I seriously need to get that missing "sensation" back soon. It is frustrating since it used to be virtually guaranteed for decades. Now I'm regretting all those times I chose sleep instead....hey, how was I to know there would be an expiration date?!?
It is bothering hubby too, I think he feels he is failing me. Manly egos are soooo fragile when it comes to this stuff! I am going to give the Viacreme a try, if that does not work then I will try the testosterone cream, and if that doesn't work I may have to get up the nerve to invite BOB over - in a plain brown wrapped bag, of course. I will just have to hope the kids never have any reason to go through my drawers....

[sophie15]

You can count me in also, I had my uterus and ovaries removed, and I have not been able to get to the top of the mountain in over a year. My dr did not put me on any hrt's but I think I am fixing to get him to I will go to another dr. I am so frustrated, that I get to where I just want to avoid sex, knowing the out come is not going to be all that great. My dh also thinks it is him, I try to reassure him but I dont think I have been convincing enough. Sophie

[NiteOwl]

Well, I seriously need to get that missing "sensation" back soon. It is frustrating since it used to be virtually guaranteed for decades. Now I'm regretting all those times I chose sleep instead....hey, how was I to know there would be an expiration date?!?
It is bothering hubby too, I think he feels he is failing me. Manly egos are soooo fragile when it comes to this stuff! I am going to give the Viacreme a try, if that does not work then I will try the testosterone cream, and if that doesn't work I may have to get up the nerve to invite BOB over - in a plain brown wrapped bag, of course. I will just have to hope the kids never have any reason to go through my drawers....

Okay, I promised myself after I tried various methods I would come back and update to possibly benefit someone else having the same problem. The Viacreme created an interesting sensation but it would wear off very quickly....10 minutes tops. Although not unpleasant, it did not lead me where I wanted to go. I tried the testosterone, just a tiny little dab and in 4 days grew light peach fuzz over my entire face. I stopped it immediately and it took over a month for the fuzz to disappear so that was a "no go" for me. It made no difference in the 4 days I used it either. I also tried a bioidentical progesterone cream for a few months with no difference. I finally relented and invited BOB over, a top of the line popular model with all the bells and whistles. Although it did work the first time after practically using up the entire batteries in one session, it was not successful in a repeat performance. Hubby could not understand how it could not be wildly thrilling....I said "it is not 'you' "..maybe I am too old-fashioned to use something like that but I want things back the way they were and not by mechanical tools if at all possible.
I remembered reading you can have enough testosterone but your body can be using it to convert to estrogen so I decided to give a small dose of estradiol a try...on the 2nd day I not only made it up to the "top of the mountain" I got there so rip-roaring fast it shocked both of us! I am going to keep using it for the month and see if it continues to make a difference...perhaps it was just luck or coincidence...time will tell. If it does seem to be the missing factor then I will see if a local estrogen cream is as effective as a systemic pill. I am not having hot flashes so I hate to take any hormones if I don't absolutely have to for now. Regardless, I am happy to know "it" is still there, just have to figure out to keep it from going into hiding again!

[janet c]

I see I started this discussion way back in January. Boy- a lot has happened since then!
I was diagnosed with endo cancer in February. It was caused by too much oestrogen in relation to progesterone over a long period of time.
Fortunately I got it early. I had total hysterectomy including ovaries on 7thMarch. I do not require any further treatment, but I am not allowed HRT or plant oestrogens.
The reason I am telling you this is because I was terrified that my sex life would be over.
I am here to tell you ladies it most definitely is not!
The excess oestrogen was ruining my libido-had done for years. Only ever felt like it about once a month.
I am not sure if everyone realises that too much oestrogen actually dampens down sex drive. I didnt know for a long time.
I have no ovaries, no uterus, no hormones, but actually getting to the "top of thr mountain" has never been easier. I dont understand it but I hope it gives hope to to you all!
By the way-the best thing for vaginal dryness and shrinking is vitamin E capsules inserted every day and vit E oil around the outside. It works better than Replens in my opinion.
Janet c

[NiteOwl]

Oh, it is all so confusing, isn't it?!? I spent most of my life with a dampened interest but it sprung to life this past winter which just led to frustration with the other issue involved. I assumed I was estrogen dominant/lacked progesterone because I had very heavy crampy periods and often didn't ovulate but using progesterone really didn't change anything for me. Guess we just have to plug along and see what works.
My sister had estrogen-fueled breast cancer in her 30's. Between the chemo/radiation/tamoxifen she was thrown into menopause but sailed right through without any symptoms. My older sister had a couple hot flashes, stopped her periods and then was done with it all. I imagine by the time we each get things figured out for ourselves we will be done with it...it's a nice thought anyhow!

[Winks]

Hi Ladies.

I'm in the same boat. I want sex, but having sex is sadly deminished from the days of my youth, and I don't like it one little bit.

I started perimenopause big time about new years. First, there was vaginal dryness that was agonizing. My doctor put me on premarin creme, which alleviated it until the tube was gone. I'm now on it 2 grams every day. Thank God for Canadian drug reimbursements, and mares.

The premarin helped with the dryness, but not enough, and sex was like something just out of my grasp.

I added progesterone creme, 1 gram a day. It helped with the flashes, but not the sex response.

Now I've added DHEA, 50 grams a day. Clitoral stimulation works like a hot damn, but vaginal sex - still lacking. Not impossible, just not those deep, soul bending, "shudder deep inside" orgasms and I want them back

My doctor's had me on every suppliment the health food stores offer: black current, evening primrose oil etc for flashes (which, in my case last 3 days over my period and three more during ovulation. It is unrelenting, severe and miserable) and maca, gingo balboa etc for sex issues. Didn't make a blind bit of difference.

I want HRT, and will see him soon for it. I've had 6 miserable months of arsing about with suppliments and anti-depressants (Effexor. Don't take it - its bloody awful). Either he prescribes it, or I find a new doctor. Will let you know if HRT improves my sex life. Sniff. I miss it.

[zjsurfer]

Hi Ladies.

I'm in the same boat. I want sex, but having sex is sadly deminished from the days of my youth, and I don't like it one little bit.

I started perimenopause big time about new years. First, there was vaginal dryness that was agonizing. My doctor put me on premarin creme, which alleviated it until the tube was gone. I'm now on it 2 grams every day. Thank God for Canadian drug reimbursements, and mares.

The premarin helped with the dryness, but not enough, and sex was like something just out of my grasp.

I added progesterone creme, 1 gram a day. It helped with the flashes, but not the sex response.

Now I've added DHEA, 50 grams a day. Clitoral stimulation works like a hot damn, but vaginal sex - still lacking. Not impossible, just not those deep, soul bending, "shudder deep inside" orgasms and I want them back

My doctor's had me on every suppliment the health food stores offer: black current, evening primrose oil etc for flashes (which, in my case last 3 days over my period and three more during ovulation. It is unrelenting, severe and miserable) and maca, gingo balboa etc for sex issues. Didn't make a blind bit of difference.

I want HRT, and will see him soon for it. I've had 6 miserable months of arsing about with suppliments and anti-depressants (Effexor. Don't take it - its bloody awful). Either he prescribes it, or I find a new doctor. Will let you know if HRT improves my sex life. Sniff. I miss it.

You might consider Estrace this time instead of Premarin - more "human style" estrogens in it instead of mostly horse estrogen!

Zelma

[Winks]

Thanks for your reply, Zelma.

Have you tried both products? What sort of impact did Estrace have on your general symptoms, and what impact did it have on your libido issues?

--------------

All:

The Mayo Clinic offers some online info we all might find useful, if and only if to find the language and the source information to present to our doctors.

The Mayo defines sexual dysfunctions in women, peri and menopausal as:

* Your desire to have sex is low or absent.
* You can't maintain arousal during sexual activity or you don't become aroused despite a desire to have sex.
* You cannot achieve an orgasm.
* You have pain during sexual contact.

(from: mayo clinic, menopause and libido

Also, there is a suggestion on testosterone. Read the article at Mayo Clinic, Jacksonville

[zjsurfer]

Thanks for your reply, Zelma.

Have you tried both products? What sort of impact did Estrace have on your general symptoms, and what impact did it have on your libido issues?

Yes, Premarin made me sick - would only work for a couple of hrs and then made me feel sick. Estrace has helped tremendously. Eliminated the worse of the hot flashes and made me feel more human. Estrace plus testosterone helped the libido area too!

Zelma

[La*la]

count me in too....

Some days my sexual frustration is over the top. Insistant,aching and dare I say bothersome. I wonder, if this is how men feel most of the time.

I, too have a BOB, but he's pooped and I really need a new but I'm too tired to go looking for another one.. Nice thought tho.. My Big O feels muted, a faint whisper of my former sensations. I'm hoping it will pass, like the other meno crazies..

Someone posted concerning back pain being somehow related to sexual arousal ? I do experience lower back pain quite frequently.. I may check out that link.. Uusally a massage fixes things.. for awhile..


* Great Post * and Ideas Ladies.... I'm sure I'll be back...SOON!!

[Winks]

So - where are women getting testosterone creeme? My doctor doesn't even want to discuss it, and I'm getting v frustrated.

[NiteOwl]

So - where are women getting testosterone creeme? My doctor doesn't even want to discuss it, and I'm getting v frustrated.

I work in a hospital surrounded by docs all day long. After 25 years I am good friends with quite a few of them and I have one especially that I talk with about hormone issues - he gave me a sample of Testim 1% and said to only use a tiny dab at the back of the knee. As I said it only took 4 days of use to grow peach fuzz and a hundred little whitehead-like papules on my face... and a month for it all to go away. I'm not touching that stuff again! He agree that I probably have plenty of testosterone but may be using it to convert to needed estrogen so I am now using Estrace (a bioidentical estradiol) to see if that solves the issues. I have plenty of interest, more than I have ever had in the past....just can't get things to operate on the level they used to on a consistent basis.

count me in too....
I, too have a BOB, but he's pooped and I really need a new but I'm too tired to go looking for another one..

Oh Lord, if I had had to actually go shopping at a store for one I would have never been able to do it, I would have been waaaaay too embarassed! Order one online!

[zjsurfer]

I work in a hospital surrounded by docs all day long. After 25 years I am good friends with quite a few of them and I have one especially that I talk with about hormone issues - he gave me a sample of Testim 1% and said to only use a tiny dab at the back of the knee. As I said it only took 4 days of use to grow peach fuzz and a hundred little whitehead-like papules on my face... and a month for it all to go away. I'm not touching that stuff again! He agree that I probably have plenty of testosterone but may be using it to convert to needed estrogen so I am now using Estrace (a bioidentical estradiol) to see if that solves the issues. I have plenty of interest, more than I have ever had in the past....just can't get things to operate on the level they used to on a consistent basis.

The testosterone he gave you is too strong for women - you need a much milder version - Pete, the Power Surge Pharmacist, can help with that!

Zelma

[La*la]

Oh Lord, if I had had to actually go shopping at a store for one I would have never been able to do it, I would have been waaaaay too embarassed! Order one online!

I ordered BOB online...it was quite a task, selecting, emailing customer service because I was concerned about privacy...

I am a bit more savvy now, but rarely in the mood browse sites in search of a new one.

[pattycake]

Okay, I hope I am doing this right... I am a newbee and this is my first post other than the introduction board. I have been having libido problems for several years now. I am 52 and am in peri-menopause. I am also having bad bleeding problems. I was bleeding very heavily for 6 weeks, to the point that I was being told I looked pale and often had to sit down before I fell down. So the dr. put me on a double dose of birth control pills until the bleeding stopped and then down to 1 pill a day. I am to go back to see him in about 3 weeks now. So how does this relate to the topic here? About 4 or 5 days after starting the pill I had a return of libido! It was the strongest I have ever had. All I would do is think about hubby and OMG!
My husband was trying to satisfy me every day, often twice a day and it still wasn't enough. It was wonderful!!!!!! It was truly stronger than when I was a young woman and was in "in love" love. If my husband dared to kiss me, I had what my husband calls a "pantie splash". Is that okay to say????? So after going down to 1 pill a day, I am returning to the desert. I don't know what all exactly is in the pills, progesterone, estrogen, testerone??? but hope that this gives the doctor some insight as to what might fix me. I am wondering if any of you have had similar reactions and if you were able to sustain these feelings. I hope I have not given you too much info!

[zjsurfer]

Okay, I hope I am doing this right... I am a newbee and this is my first post other than the introduction board. I have been having libido problems for several years now. I am 52 and am in peri-menopause. I am also having bad bleeding problems. I was bleeding very heavily for 6 weeks, to the point that I was being told I looked pale and often had to sit down before I fell down. So the dr. put me on a double dose of birth control pills until the bleeding stopped and then down to 1 pill a day. I am to go back to see him in about 3 weeks now. So how does this relate to the topic here? About 4 or 5 days after starting the pill I had a return of libido! It was the strongest I have ever had. All I would do is think about hubby and OMG!
My husband was trying to satisfy me every day, often twice a day and it still wasn't enough. It was wonderful!!!!!! It was truly stronger than when I was a young woman and was in "in love" love. If my husband dared to kiss me, I had what my husband calls a "pantie splash". Is that okay to say????? So after going down to 1 pill a day, I am returning to the desert. I don't know what all exactly is in the pills, progesterone, estrogen, testerone??? but hope that this gives the doctor some insight as to what might fix me. I am wondering if any of you have had similar reactions and if you were able to sustain these feelings. I hope I have not given you too much info!

I had a very strong reation to going on testosterone! It did calm down to more "normal" after awhile; but so much better than before!!! More like before menopause.

Zelma