Increased Libido in Perimeno? Options

[knitmama2002]

I keep reading about decreased libido as a symptom of perimenopause.  I have the opposite situation and wonder if their are others like me.  I am in my late 40's and have been experiencing an increased libido in the past year or two.  It seems I am much more interested in sex now than I was when I was younger.  Anyone else experiencing an increased libido and what do you do about it with an older husband?

[Suzie]

Knitmama,That happened to me at first too. My late 40's were the best I've had in my life so far! I just turned 50 and I feel like those days are mostly over..... except when I get dressed up and go out I get a little extra spark of interest for that time only....... Hmmmm, maybe I need to go out more!

Enjoy!!!!!!!

Hugs,Suzie

[tenny]

WOW...i thought i was the only one who had increased libido.  it's good to know that there are others.  my man (in a recently new relationship), doesnt quite keep up...lol...i have all the normal nasty symtoms, which he cant keep up with either...any advice???

[contraryjo]

Hi,

I'm 56 and haven't had a peroid in over a year.  For the past 6 months, I have felt like a cat in heat.  I have never had a sex drive like this in my life.  It's driving me nuts.  I saw a GYN today.  HE said that although my ovaries are no longer producing estrogen and progesterone, they continue to produce testosterone.  There's nothing he can do about it.Does anyone know anything about this post menopausal "testosterone dominance"??

[mojhomes]

I''m 49, and have also had increased libido for almost 2 years.  That's mostly why I've stayed away from any medications yet.  Why mess with something like that? ;-)   My GYN said it is increased testosterone also, and won't last forever.  (Then he retired, the audacity afer so many years! )  I find it pleasureable,  and it hasn't interefered with work or anything, other than the obvious distraction mentioned by others. I'm also glad to hear that it's fairly common.

[Suzie]

You mean there's hope after all this perimenepause is over Contraryjo? Yey!!!!! Since my early peri years my libido has been slowly fading..... I'm sure hubby will be happy when it returns!

Hugs,Suzie

[debrikkia]

All I can say to you ladies is COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!!  If it ain't broke--don't fix it!  If it's running too fast--don't worry, it will eventually slow down by itself!  But by all means--enjoy it while it's there!  I'm envious.  :confused:

Debbi

[SylvryMoon]

I agree with Debbi - "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!!"Wow, I envy you women!  

I, too, have had increased libido since peri-menopause started.  But, sadly, I'm single with no man in my life.  :sad:  So all my extra sexual energy has been coming out in dreams -- and believe me, I have some doozies!  :shocked:

I guess I just want to say -- be grateful for the extra testosterone, and be good to your husbands/lovers!  They are very lucky, and so are you!!

[contraryjo]

Sylvrymoon,

I have your same problem.  Increased libido, but no man.  Its tough to concentrate on anything, when you feel like you're undressing every man you see.  What's a girl to do?I have some very interesting dreams, too.I agree, that those with husbands/lovers should enjoy this time.  I, myself, can't wait 'till it's over.However, it has been extremmely nice to hear from every one in this post and to find out that I am not alone.Suzie - from the age of about 45 to 55, I thought I would never want sex again.  Oh yeah, there's hope.  Maybe we should both go out more!

Thanks to you all

[Blueschick]

Lucky ladies -- take while you can get it! I did have increased libido last year for several months, then this year it crashed. I must have gone over 6 months with no libido whatsoever before it occurred to me that I had no response at all to anything sexual, including good-looking men. I added testosterone to my compounded prescription a couple of months ago, and I'm slowly getting my groove back! :cool: I think there must be a window of increased sex drive before menopause hits for real. But thanks to the miracle of naturally compounded hormones, my formerly lost libido is found again! :biggrin:

[debrikkia]

Blueschick,

Same here--had a couple years with somewhat increased libido, then about two years ago-CRASH!!!!!  (Unfortuantely, I've just been married a year now--thank goodness he understands)  I recently had my testosterone increased in my natually compounded hormones, and am anxiously waiting to see if it helps!

Debbi

[Blueschick]

Debbie --I think this whole libido issue is a menopausal issue that gets very little attention from medical professionals, yet the impacts on one's personal life are huge. The more you get women our age talking, most of them will admit that lack of libido has hit them hard. I even have friends in their mid and late 30s who are experiencing this.

It kind of makes me wonder if many mid-life divorces have their root in this problem. I've been married for 25 years and always had a very healthy interest in this area, but when it faded away, it happened so gradually that I wasn't even aware of it. Mostly, the idea of sex just dropped off my radar screen. From my husband's standpoint, though, it was seen as a sort of rejection.

For women who don't get help, I can see where this could snowball into a major marriage problem. In today's day and age, people in their late 40s or early 50s are still very young. Sexual enjoyment should still be an important part of a relationship. I hate to think of how many women out there are suffering in silence because they don't have the information they need.

Thank goodness for Power Surge! Hopefully as the word spreads about this website, more women will be able to continue to have fulfilling personal relationships.

[Kalanie]

Wow, Linda, I think you made an excellent point here... I have also found that lots of medical professionals we deal with don't want to talk about our libido and sexuality, and it's probably because they know so little about it, cannot admit that, and, besides, it's too embarrassing for them to talk about.  I know that I have received some raised eyebrows whenever I have mentioned my decreasing libido, and the verbal response has often been some unintelligible mumbling that I have construed to mean that it's not that important.  Well, it may not be to them, but it sure is to me, and to my husband also.  I am sure that I am not the only woman who has experienced this, so I am very glad to see this topic discussed here.  :)

[debrikkia]

I agree--I don't think this libido issue (lack of OR increased) gets near enough attention, and I DO believe that it could be at the root of many marriages in crises.  You're right, at 40-50+ we should still be enjoying a sexual relationship with our mate.  I think that the many "woes" of menopause consume so much of our thoughts that our desire for sex starts to fade.  We don't feel well, we ache, we can't think straight--who wants to have sex when all these problems are going on?  It (the desire) quietly slips away.  Along with this, mid-life itself poses it's own set of problems--kids need help, parents need cared for, husband gets laid off and because of his age, is having a tough time finding work, etc. etc.  Also things that tend to put sex at the bottom of the list (IF on the list at all!).  So what's the answer?  Who knows!  I think like menopause, it's an "individual thing" for each couple.  I do believe that communication is terribly important, and my heart goes out to all the women who have men in their lives that think it's "all in their heads".  Men who not only don't understand, but don't even want to TRY to understand.  Bless all the men who love their wives enough to seek information!  

I don't know if you've read it, but in the next topic on this board (about Lack of libido) there are a couple of posts by a man.  It was interesting to hear from his point of view, and bless his heart for chiming in.  Wish we had more men posting--I think it would be a great balance to alot of topics.

Thank goodness for Power Surge for those who have no one else to talk to!  We WILL get through this and it WILL get better!

Debbi

[knitmama2002]

Thank goodness for power surge.  I am feeling more normal rather than some middle aged woman obsessed by sex.  I am fortunate to be married to a very sexy 52 year old man who is enjoying (as much as he can) my increased libido.  Before reading these responses, I was wondering if I was weird or something since more is said about the decreased libido and not about an increased interest in sex.  

[Uilleanne]

Well I have had something strange happen this month!

For the past five years or so my libido has been steadily waning away to nothing.  Oh, maybe once a month I'd get a twinge, but that's it.

This month my period was 2 1/2 weeks late...it stuttered, it stopped, it stuttered again, and I have been bleeding for almost ten days, although not real heavily, but the strangest thing is, I feel like I am in heat lots of times during the day, and I'm having some erotic dreams at night.

I know it's hormone related, it's just  strange because it's so unexpected after all those years of feeling almost nothing......

[Blueschick]

Uilleanne --

My best guess is that the weird period behavior was due to a drop in estrogen, and with the estrogen drop-off, the testostoterone became more dominant. I've noticed that on nights when I have night sweats, I also seem to have more erotic dreams.

About a year before my period stopped for good (last Oct.), I had about a 2 month timeframe of feeling intensely aroused day and night. It was like sex was the only thing on my mind! After that subsided, I started getting periods only every other month, sometimes less frequently. So I think that before peri-menopause sets in for real, there's this window of high-test libido. I know some other women who have experienced this same phenomenon.

Don't worry about it, just enjoy the ride! :wink:

[Suzie]

Hi Everyone! My this is a lively board!!! Ha ha! I also have found that my desire returns just before and during my period. Guess that means that meno is near. So glad to hear from those of you who have noticed an increase in desire after meno is over. After all, that is one of "life's little pleasures" !  Ha ha! I agree that during these last periomenepausal years, we are overwelmed with our discomforts that the thoughts of sex just aren't there. It's like the peri really overtakes us. I HATE IT!!!!!!! Hang in there girls. Somehow we'll make it!

Suzie

[contraryjo]

Dear All,

Does anyone know if HRT (specifically estrace and provera) would balance the testosterone and make it less potent.  There are some of you who get "sexy" right before and/or during a period when estrogen and progesterone are low.  When those hormones kick back in, your sexy feelings diminish.I'm not taking HRT, now.  But I could and would, if it would help tone down this overactive sex drive.Any thoughts?Thanks.

[Gemini]

As a couple of others have said on here, I thought I was the only one to feel like that! You hear about decline in libido on the whole, not an increase.I agree with the earlier comments, we should just make the most of it, who knows how long it will last?!!

[Shadow]

Dunno if anyone still is checking out this board. I did, cuz I experienced a jump in libido last year at age 49. My husband, however, had not been "servicing" me for almost 2 years (his libido was lower than mine. I suspect mine was intact, but unawakened through lack of physical interest in my husband, who is a good guy but exudes NO sex appeal, nor tries to). I had a brief affair with someone I feel madly in love with and wanted to leave my husband for, but he cheezed out on me, the flake! I cried so much after that, I had to go on antidepressants.  It wasn't just the sex, but the sex with him was the pitiful best I'd ever had, and I miss it so. Breast cancer and chemotherapy pushed me into total menopause last year as well (all of this **** was going on at the same time), but my libido is still high. My whole skin aches for the touch of a hot lover, that's how horny I am...but my DH STILL doesn't do the trick, even though, incredibly, he put behind us the "affair" (which I didn't hide from him, out of RESPECT, not nastiness). So what to do when the man I wanted to leave because he was so boring is the man who wants to be with me DESPITE how I tried to leave the marriage...and the flake who I enjoyed sexually so much (and did love as well) turned the tables so cruelly on me (first offered a relationship haven, then took back the offer after I informed my DH I wanted out). I don't know if I should try to dampen my libido to get along better with my husband, or whether I should take the brief affair as a wake-up call.  Who wants to comment?

[Suzie]

Shadow ,Perhaps you could take a long look at your present life situation aside from the sex and maybe try to make a non emotional decision based on how your life really is now.  Consider your work, home life , personal relationships within your family and your values, goals and finantial security. Tnen take it one step further and try to predict what the outcome would be in your situation if you should involve yourself in an affair. Would life as you know it now change? Would your husband leave you? Would you be in turmoil emotionally ? etc........I don't think anyone else can answer this question for you -  only YOU know the answer that would be right for you! Let us know what you decide!

Suzie

[Shadow]

Suzie, thank you for your consideration. Yes, last year multiple life stressors hit all at once, and is even more complicated than I can say in a paragraph or two...the "affair" was incredibly brief, mostly virtual, and with a guy I had been in love with long ago, who briefly entered me life again to apologize for being a jerk 30 years ago, except he jerked me around AGAIN (with my permission, indeed, invitation). This all went on with job instability, marriage instability, and the breast cancer as icing on the cake. And while this was going on, at age 49 my libido suddenly soared and I craved a sexually charged relationship as I never have in my life! (My libido was never very activie, although I always was kind of a closet-romantic.) I was ready to ditch everything to risk a relationship with this guy, who had already proved to me he was unreliable. But love was part of the equation, too.  I love my husband, who stood by me and did not desert me through cancer treatment (like my lover did), nor kick me out for having an "affair" -- how could I not love him? But it is not a sexually charged love, and never was. When I married him at 38, I had given up on finding that kind of passion in my life....my "affair" guy had taught me early on (at 19) that passion is fleeting and guys lose interest quickly, like he did.  My DH represented a stable, committed person...and he is...only he has no sex appeal.  Sigh.  So I am sublimating myself, taking classes and antidepressants, and trying to get back some semblance of a life.  I needed to vent a bit, because much of this stuff I wrote is simmering in my brain...no one seems to know how conflicted I am. My DH has put it all behind us (wonderful man), and I am grateful for his truly caring attitude, but I still have a well of feelings, urges and conflicts difficult to resolve. But it took ALL of this...including the breast cancer...for me to see I had a hot, sexual nature that never had been switched "on" before...only now it's kind of late. Ironic.  It's been wonderful to read other women who have also found that, in their late 40s, they experienced a sexual renaissance, as one only hears about libido LOSS...

[Suzie]

Hi  Shadow,Good luck with your decison!

Suzie

[HippieHeron]

I had the increased libido about 2 years ago, when my periods started getting off schedule and I was having hot flashes.  I thought I would go crazy with all of the thoughts, feelings and dreams associated with it.  I, unfortunately, also developed a crush on someone (it was only a crush, nothing more than that in reality) but I felt guilty all of the time because I was having these feelings and having a crush on someone other than my husband.  To me, increased libido is no fun.

   Now, thank goodness, I do not have those feelings.  And I hope to keep it that I have no libido for the rest of my life.  I would rather spend my energy focusing on other things.  My husband has never been very interested in the physical side of marriage and I'm too old to have another child, so what good is sex to me?   I don't like being attracted to other men.  It makes me feel embarrassed and guilty.  I would rather look at people as being just people and forget about gender.  In marriage, I have certain responsibilities towards my husband, the same as I would have towards any other family member.  Socially, if a man can talk intellectually with me and I don't have to just listen to him build his ego, that's good.   That is about the best communication that a man can do.  (Well, sometimes they are good for joking with too, as long as its not misunderstood.  Laughter can be good for the soul)  

I am so thankful for Power Surge!  Now, at least, I understand what was going on with me during that time 2 years ago.  Its sad, the things that these hormones can do to us.  I feel like those emotions were such a waste, of time and energy and focus.  Time that cannot be gotten back.

(Edited by HippieHeron at 1:16 pm on May 28, 2002)

(Edited by HippieHeron at 1:21 pm on May 28, 2002)

[Suzie]

Hi Hippieheron,Yes I can relate to the feelings of wasting time during this transition...... What possible good can all these symptoms be ? I guess the libido increase ( still get it several days a month! ) is the only symtom I DON"T mind!

Suzie

[Shadow]

HippieHeron & Suzie -- thank you for your comments and personal perspective. My interest in the "other" man was much more than a crush, alas, so I am still mourning what happened...yet I hope I can look back some day and think this was a "wasted" emotion too.  However, I find that waking up late in life to sexual feelings is potentially rich and wonderful, and I hope I never lose it although it is painful because it is unfulfilled. My spouse is very loving, and we love each other on some level, but I don't have sexual attraction towards him...and never really did, although I had hoped that would improve over time. But, like trying on shoes, I now know it is important that the fit be good the first time you try 'em on. My husband finds me attractive, but he is very passive and reactive rather than proactive, and I don't feel all that proactive with him anymore...but I try to keep some embers in the fire, if for no other reason than sex will keep my parts in better shape longer, and is good for him too.  

[Suzie]

Hi Shadow,Have you tried telling your husband how you feel? Have you asked him to be more assertive in the bedroom? You might possibly find things could liven up a bit  since he's perfect in every other way.Sorry about your " other man" . It probably wasn't really meant to be. At least you have the memories!

Hugs,Suzie

[debrikkia]

Around 15 years ago, my closest friend asked me a question, when I was struggling trying to make a decision about leaving my first husband.  She asked me this:  "Can you live with things JUST as they are right now, for the rest of your life?"  My answer was NO.  She went on to say that you can't make a decision based on the hope that things will change......you need to decide if you can, or choose to live with things just as they are.  I've shared this with many people through the years who were struggling with a similar situation.  Strange how someone can ask you a simple question, and that the answer to that question will change your life.  Debbi

[Suzie]

That is a wonderful tip to share , Debrika. I remember when I was thinking about seperating from my 1st husband over 10 years ago . I was talking with my Dr. and he told me to seperate my emotions from my rational thinking . In my case I still loved my ex, but he was abusive to me and my children. Needless to say, I made the right choice! I definately couldn't have lived with HIM for the rest of my life as things were!!!

Suzie