READ FIRST: Educating Hubby or Partner Options

[Lolly]

Aloha all.
I would love to have something that I could print out, and hand to my husband for him to read.
Not too lengthy, just a brief intro to peri, so he can better understand what I'm going through.
I made the first step last night, and actually told him what I'm going through.  It explains my mood swings, tears, maniacal actions etc!
But I would like him to see it in print!
Mahalos, Lolly

[Dearest]

This is a repost of a message I posted in response to Lolly. It must have gotten lost in the transfer to the new boards.

Hi, Lolly,

There are areas on the site containing articles that are perfect for everyone, especially men, to get the information they need. Case in point, in the Educate Your Body Library and the Newsworthy area. I could recommend What Is Menopause? It is a meno primer. It may, however, be too technical for men who aren't really interested in women's ovulation and how the process of perimenopause and menopause work. I still believe it's worth a read by our male counterparts. I would also have him read the What Is Power Surge? page. Within that one page is, I believe, a great deal of information that will help any man understand what his partner is going through - and it's pretty much to the point.

There are also two excellent transcripts that are part of a series I did called, "Man To Man... Women and Menopause" -- devoted to the men in the lives of menopausal women." The purpose of this series is to help educate men on the transition their wives / partners and, ultimately, relationships go through.

Dick Roth, a 53-year-old former Olympic gold medal winner says he nearly derailed his own marriage when his wife started to suffer hot flashes. "I was the typical clueless husband," Roth says, whose book is, No, It's Not Hot In Here: A Husband's Guide To Understanding Menopause has been very popular in helping to educate men about their wives or partners menopause experience. Both men and women are encouraged to attend this series of chats. Read the transcript of Dick Roth's visit.

A FEW OF DICK ROTH'S SUGGESTIONS FOR MEN:

* Accept what's happening.
* Don't go into denial.
* Menopause isn't an illness. It's demeaning to treat your wife as if she has a disease.
* Gain a little understanding -- get the basics of menopause,
and remember that every menopause is different.
* Open the lines of communication. Gain awareness.
* With awareness, you can respond rather than react, and you can make intelligent decisions.

SOME OF DICK ROTH'S TIPS FOR WOMEN:

* Men really care about their relationships with their wives.
* Be understanding and don't put all men in the same closet as the
"clod" stereotype.
* Work with men as if they care - give them a chance - learn to listen -
you may have to break the ice.
* Try to understand what they are going through too.
* Communicate.
* Men may be going through mid-life changes.
* They also may need air time, or time to be alone.
* Once you get men to talk, you'll have to shut them up!

Another guest in the series was Bruce Bekkar, M.D.  Dr. Bekkar, aka "Dr. Bruce," has a dry sense of humor and has a successful course for men on women's biology. He says he wrote the book, Your Guy's Guide To Gynecology: Everything You Wish He Knew About Your Body If He Wasn't Afraid To Ask to help the average man, whom he says is "completely confused about how women's plumbing works. This ignorance can adversely affect relationships." Men are encouraged to attend this series of chats to help them better understand their partners' menopausal experience. Read the transcript of Dr. Bruce Bekkar's visit.

You might want to look through the Men, This One's For You board. I put that on the boards because I figured some men would feel more comfortable in their own forum. A bunch of women talking about menopause, or anything for that matter, could be intimidating to a man who needs information. I highly recommend checking out that board.  

You also have to look around the entire site. There are so many areas and articles, newsletters, faqs, resources. There's even a Male Point of View page where I've done interviews with men regarding their feelings about women aging.

I would make every effort to read as many as you can of Steven Carter's transcripts. ****(I've given you the link to his first transcript, but he's done quite a few guest chats and the links to them are at the bottom of each transcript). The information he imparts is priceless. He's one of the country's leading relationship experts and a more articulate person would be a challenge to find. He's also Power Surge's Relationship Expert. I strongly urge you to send him any relationship questions you may have. I've known him for many years and he's right on the money all the time.

Steven is the author of 19 books including the New York Times bestseller,
* "Men Who Can't Love"
*"What Smart Women Know"
*"Getting To Commitment: Overcoming the 8 Greatest Obstacles to Lasting Connection (And Finding the Courage to Love)"
*He's Scared, She's Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships
*Help, I'm In-Love With A Narcissist
* Men Like Women Who Like Themselves: (And Other Secrets That the Smartest Women Know)
*"This Is How Love Works: 9 Essential Secrets You Need to Know" and numerous others.

Go through the transcript Library and you'll find the area of expertise of each guest. You're bound to find numerous transcripts of interest. another well known relationship expert, Barbara Deangelis, as well as Mira Kirshenbaum, Lee Raffel, Sharyn Wolf, Joy and Gary Lundberg and others. You'll find their transcripts in the library. Just look at the description next to their names.

An article I believe is tremendously helpful to men as well as women is Women and Sexuality at Midlife. Men may not be quite as interested in every detail as women are. However, throughout the article (especially at the bottom), you'll find many links to experts in the area of midlife relationships, intimacy and the various psychodynamics that affect the interaction between partners at midlife.

I strongly recommend taking the time to read the excellent 5 part series of Q's and A's about relationships by renowned relationship guru, Barabara De Angelis, Ph.D., who has been a guest a few times in Power Surge. You'll find them toward the top of the forum under Important Topics.

I hope this helps.

Dearest

[corblimeysheesh]

Ahh fantastic! Exactly what I was thinking of asking for, thanks Dearest!

[Paullie]

I see this is an old posting but still very much on topic. I found a book on Amazon.com called "Menopartners" - the guys guide to suviving menopause. It's written by a guy and I found it easy to read, without all the clinical stuff in most of the books on the shelves (I also read one of them). Not too thick, a good explanation of the things a woman goes through and what we hubbies can do to help.

[Judy L]

What a wonderful thing you are doing for your wife!Keep up the good work