What Were You Like Before Menopause Started? Options

[wet noodle]

I'm living pretty normally after almost four years. The anxiety and panic attacks have gone. Hot flushes are minimal or non existent, sleep is relatively OK. I wouldn't like to say I have the same resilience to stress that I had before peri, but I haven't put that the to test. I am supplementing with natural progesterone, phyto estrogens and other dietary supplements though.

However Miss Tibbs is right, everyone is different. We're all on a quest here to find the things that will work for us. As recently as a year ago I was still asking what you're asking - does it ever end, so I'd just like to say that in my experience, it does.

Thank you so much for the feed back//wet noodle

[libbyl]

I think having difficulty in remembering how to spell and trouble sleeping could be connected. When I had the interrupted nights I could barely function the next day sometimes, found it hard to get my thoughts together. Proper sleep put paid to all of that.

hi did you manage to get proper sleep?What makes things for you better now,I did not really understand that?When did things start to get better?Are you taking hrmones?Thanks for responding_I feel better already.

[Interactive]

hi did you manage to get proper sleep?What makes things for you better now,I did not really understand that?When did things start to get better?Are you taking hrmones?Thanks for responding_I feel better already.

Things really started to get better for me this year, from about May onwards, just over three years after I started peri.

I am using hormones, in the form of Natural Progesterone cream under the direction of a doctor. Also phyto-estrogens in the form of Estroven and Red Clover and various other dietary supplements recommended by the doctor including Omega 3 oil. I started using all these things a year ago as a result of suffering intense menopause symptoms when I was withdrawing from conventional HRT. Whilst on conventional HRT I still suffered anxiety and panic attacks. Since adjusting to this new regime I don't any more.

I'm not supplementing with estrogen as it's contraindicated for me. I am however using Estriol cream for vaginal dryness and external dryness in those parts - and the estriol cream has fixed that.

What used to interrupt my sleep was anxiety, hot flashes, adrenaline surges and palpitations. As I don't suffer these things now, with the exception of hot flashes which are mild and infrequent, I'm sleeping well. I also make sure I exercise - walking in the open air. When I've done a six mile walk I feel really relaxed. Unfortunately there isn't time to do a six mile walk every day but I usually manage 40 minutes daily. If I don't do it, I soon start feeling below par physically, which affects my sleep. I also practice the Alexander Technique from time to time which involves stretches. When I've relaxed my muscles with that and increased the scope of my movement with the stretches, I lie more comfortably on the bed, settle into the matress more comfortably somehow, and am less likely to wake because my body isn't stiff, it's supple. I imagine yoga would produce the same effect.

When I first went to the doctor about the problems I was having with peri and with withdrawing from conventional HRT, I was surprised that she recommended quite an extensive change of lifestyle.

Either all these things she's recommended are working, or perhaps I'm through the worst anyway after almost four years, maybe a combination of both.

Different things seem to work for different women. Other people on the board have discussed what has worked for them, as you've probably seen. If insomnia is a problem for you, somewhere there's a thread where people have posted what has helped them with insomnia. There seem to be a whole variety of different approaches and the trick seems to be to find a combination that works for you personally. I really wish you luck in your search. I'm convinced this does all end, all the misery of peri and menopause. A year ago I didn't think that way. There aren't that many seventy year olds still suffering this however!

All the best to you.

[RhiannonIOM]

Before I started this nightmare, I was extrovert, fun loving, energetic, happy, had a successful career (this didn't stop due to the menopause but thats another story), and had a wonderful sex life and social life. Where on earth has that woman gone to??? I just hope that post menopause, she may come back, possibly not as exuberant as before, but with my love of life restored. I love to walk, but, I just get so hot, sweaty and uncomfortable, that my walks are just a quick walk with the dog in the morning, and the occasional visit to town. The mad thing is, that if I do make the effort to do more, I do feel better, its just making that effort, but having read your post, I think I am going to force myself. After all, living in the lovely Isle of Man, I am not short of lovely walks, despite it being the wrong time of year, I dont drive, but even so, I can still visit the beach, and along the Prom, so come New Year, my resolution will be to start walking a bit further every day. Gosh does that sound like I am procrastinating, mmmmmm, ah well, maybe tomorrow!!!!!

Things really started to get better for me this year, from about May onwards, just over three years after I started peri.

I am using hormones, in the form of Natural Progesterone cream under the direction of a doctor. Also phyto-estrogens in the form of Estroven and Red Clover and various other dietary supplements recommended by the doctor including Omega 3 oil. I started using all these things a year ago as a result of suffering intense menopause symptoms when I was withdrawing from conventional HRT. Whilst on conventional HRT I still suffered anxiety and panic attacks. Since adjusting to this new regime I don't any more.

I'm not supplementing with estrogen as it's contraindicated for me. I am however using Estriol cream for vaginal dryness and external dryness in those parts - and the estriol cream has fixed that.

What used to interrupt my sleep was anxiety, hot flashes, adrenaline surges and palpitations. As I don't suffer these things now, with the exception of hot flashes which are mild and infrequent, I'm sleeping well. I also make sure I exercise - walking in the open air. When I've done a six mile walk I feel really relaxed. Unfortunately there isn't time to do a six mile walk every day but I usually manage 40 minutes daily. If I don't do it, I soon start feeling below par physically, which affects my sleep. I also practice the Alexander Technique from time to time which involves stretches. When I've relaxed my muscles with that and increased the scope of my movement with the stretches, I lie more comfortably on the bed, settle into the matress more comfortably somehow, and am less likely to wake because my body isn't stiff, it's supple. I imagine yoga would produce the same effect.

When I first went to the doctor about the problems I was having with peri and with withdrawing from conventional HRT, I was surprised that she recommended quite an extensive change of lifestyle.

Either all these things she's recommended are working, or perhaps I'm through the worst anyway after almost four years, maybe a combination of both.

Different things seem to work for different women. Other people on the board have discussed what has worked for them, as you've probably seen. If insomnia is a problem for you, somewhere there's a thread where people have posted what has helped them with insomnia. There seem to be a whole variety of different approaches and the trick seems to be to find a combination that works for you personally. I really wish you luck in your search. I'm convinced this does all end, all the misery of peri and menopause. A year ago I didn't think that way. There aren't that many seventy year olds still suffering this however!

All the best to you.

[RhiannonIOM]

Yet another inspirational post, gosh I am so glad I have found this site. I am on loads of sites regarding Wicca, but I rarely post, I have posted more on here in two days than in two months on those sites, and believe me I am a dedicated Wiccan. I know what you mean about fog, my head feels like its in a constant daze, but reading posts like this, really help. I have a book of Affirmations that I keep whenever I read something good I write it down, but thats as far as it goes, I think I will definately do something about them, and I meditate in the evening but I am now going to do another in the morning, like you say, I am going to pamper myself, and let the worries of the world wash over me, after all, I think they will still be around when I feel better able to cope with them.

Wet Noodle, I am so sorry to hear the mental anguish in your voice. I too have a husband that doesn't deserve to go through this. I have three daughters that have to feel their mom is gruff and distant and I don't know if they remember that I wasn't always like this.

I am (I believe) coming to a breaking point on my change. I'm 56 yrs old (when did that happen?) and my last cycle was in 1999. I have been in a fog for so many years that I can't tell you what I've been doing right since about 1996 or abouts. I was working outside the home, making more money than my dh; top in my field at that job when my whole world erupted. After 16 yrs at the same job, I thought it was the fast pace and job that was making me crazy. I went to another job and I have to tell you (with shame) I think I must have made those people miserable with all of my negitive feed back. A few years into that job and I went to another; a year into that job and I ended up in the hospital for an emergecy surgery on my intestines and that brought my world to a screeching hault for a couple of months.

During my recuperration at home, I realized I didn't know who I was any more. I couldn't relax, I angered easily, noise drove me out of my skin, I didn't want to be around people altho I felt alone in the world, I had hot flashes so often that I was driving myself crazy taking my sweater off and putting it right back on, a lover of the outdoors - I could no longer tolerate the hot sun, my focus was non-existent, I had little desire to work on any of my arts or crafts and for a person that loved to experiment in cooking - now found it difficult to even heat the food up to be consumed.

If I didn't like being around me how could I expect anyone else to be around me. If I didn't understand what I wanted and needed, How could I exspect anyone else to know what I needed. If I didn't know who in the world I had become, how could I expect anyone else to know me.

Women are not truely.... Queen Bee's! We don't just sit on our nests letting everyone serve us; women are usually the hub. Our family members come to us when they can't find where they misplaced something; can't figure out who to call or where to go to get what they need; need to be feed; need something to wear.............. When the woman is out of wack, the family is out of wack. What they say is right, "When Mama's not happy, nobody's happy!"

My point to you, Wet Noodle, Ellie, and other women reading this.......... BE KIND TO YOURSELF! Stop fighting the changes going on with your body. Stop trying to be 'super woman' while these changes have you off balance. Accept what is happening as part of normal life. Imagine a catapillar fighting against going into a cocoon and then fighting to come out before it's time is due? The catapillar has to quietly wait, accept that changes that are taking place, but not give up but prepare for the day of rebirth and rediscover itself with all the changes.

If your dh was all of a sudden going through some horrible difficulties, wouldn't you want to believe that you would cut him some space, pick up the slack and help him through his time? How about your children, wouldn't you do for them? I believe, the difference is......... my dh would quickly tell me that he needed help in picking up the slack and my children would be more than happy for me to help them out. We women hate to admit that for some strange reason, we can't be in control for this period in time; we now need to let someone else do the driving.

Oh, I know. They don't know how.... we have spoiled most of the people in our families, but they will have to learn. Communications is so important at this time. Let them know, you love them but need space; You want to do for them but have limited focus and strength. You would love to talk and listen but the anxieties are turning their voices into demons............. (what ever your pitfalls are at this time). Communications are a major factor. Don't expect them to understand...... we don't! Don't expect them to get all things right........ we have been doing most things for them up to now and anyhow, we're not looking to be replaced, but do let them kick in and help without feeling guilty.

While you are trying to find a new, temp. balance in your life and family, be kind to yourself. Take more time for yourself..... this is not learning to be self centered or selfish, it is to help relieve your mind and body of negitive energy so that you can be your best with other people. Find out what new little things do bring you joy and pleasure. (Warm bath with lavendar and candles? Watching your pets play? Reading a good novel?) Find it. Find yourself. When you do have anxiety, find how to battle it; meds, yoga, meditation, pulling weeds, working out at a gym? You have to discover the new you! But have patience with yourself, be kind to yourself, give yourself permission to be different, to have down times, to kick back, to be less than perfect, and to laugh (even at yourself).

If that isn't enough, look around your area for someone that is oviously worse off; elderly and ill, seriously handicapped, alone in the world (no family at all), etc and find a way to do something good for them. (Getting your mind off of you.)

Ladies, there is light at the end of the tunnel. It has been a long time coming and I thought I wasn't going to make it but with PS and the fine people I found here, I realized I wasn't alone and neither are you. Enough of the fog lifted for me to see.......... me! I gave myself permission to enjoy the little things again. Then I gave myself permission to laugh again. Now I have given myself permission to love again. Love who??? Me! And I want that for you too.

Best wishes,
Maggie (Your PS-sister)

[Interactive]

Before I started this nightmare, I was extrovert, fun loving, energetic, happy, had a successful career (this didn't stop due to the menopause but thats another story), and had a wonderful sex life and social life. Where on earth has that woman gone to??? I just hope that post menopause, she may come back, possibly not as exuberant as before, but with my love of life restored. I love to walk, but, I just get so hot, sweaty and uncomfortable, that my walks are just a quick walk with the dog in the morning, and the occasional visit to town. The mad thing is, that if I do make the effort to do more, I do feel better, its just making that effort, but having read your post, I think I am going to force myself. After all, living in the lovely Isle of Man, I am not short of lovely walks, despite it being the wrong time of year, I dont drive, but even so, I can still visit the beach, and along the Prom, so come New Year, my resolution will be to start walking a bit further every day. Gosh does that sound like I am procrastinating, mmmmmm, ah well, maybe tomorrow!!!!!

Gosh you're so lucky living somewhere like the Isle of Man for the walking. I walk at all times of year and have walked in some truly terrible weather conditions. However as long as you're properly protected and equipped I find you do warm up. You have to be safe of course and take account of bad weather conditions in certain locations. Some walks are safest done in groups I find. I wonder if the Isle of Man has a local Ramblers Association group?

I live in London so daily walking is on the flat unfortunately. However I get out of London for hill walking when I can, and that's when I walk accompanied as I'm not familiar with the area or the terrain.

Good luck with your resolution!

[samantha625]

"""""What I'm interested in having you all share is basically - when you introspect about who/how you were before and who/how you are now, what are the differences?

Have you become more fearful since starting your changes, or were you fearful prior to menopause whenever you had an ache or pain?

Did you go to the doctor a lot before menopause started, rarely - do you go more often now?

Do some of the severe symptoms of menopause cause you to think you may be having a stroke? heart attack? or developing some horrific disease?

Has menopause itself changed you and/or created a personality different from the one you had before?

None of this is meant to be judgmental in any way -- but to gain some insight into who and how you were before all this started and who and how you are now?

You don't specifically have to answer these questions, but just share who you were before -- if you remember biggrin.gif as compared to who you are now.""""

Wow! This is a great topic! I didn't realize it was originally posted in 2004 until I was ready to reply to it, but it doesn't matter does it? I was thinking the other day that it seems like what we are before menopause is directly related to what happens during and after, our personality types help to shape how menopause is for us. It took me awhile to figure this out- I've fought what I'm going through for along time now, thinking it must be all in my head, after all my mom had an "easy" time with it, why wouldn't I? Well, I have more of my dad's personality than hers. I'm more passionate, sensitive, and easily hurt, not to say my mom is not a wonderful woman, we are just different. I seem to feel things more deeply. That said....
One way I am very different is that I am much more fearful now than I ever was. I was always the one my family and my in laws used to say had the most courage. I would try anything, do anything. In 1993 I drove myself and my 5 small children through the Storm of the Century by myself 20 hours to get home up north from Georgia, no sweat. I wasn't scared to go anywhere alone, fly, build something, ride a horse, play a game, ski, rollerblade, hike miles through the woods alone. Now, the thought of doing anything like that makes me shudder. As far as my health goes, I'm about the same, aches and pains come and go, if I feel something is wrong I go to the doctor. I do have more strange things going on now, so probably visit the dr. more often.
My dad is a retired md, and he always avoided going to the dr. unless absolutely necessary- the way he put it was, you go in for one thing, they find two more things. I try not to go unless I have to. I will be going after the holidays are over, to have a physical because it's been two years, and because I feel I may be depressed.
I feel like my personality has changed, as I mentioned before, much more fear now of physical things, not medical problems though, but I also feel like my emotional stability has changed. I used to hate confrontation, now I have no problem with telling people how I feel. I've always been tactful, but that is fast changing. My husband is a controlling type, and I use to struggle when we argued feeling beat up sometimes, now when I stand up for myself he backs away, because he doesn't know how to handle it! Yay for me! I've also become more compassionate. I dont' know about the rest of you, but I cry when I'm happy, cry when I'm sad, cry when I watch a movie, read a book, hear a song, think of someone I used to know..... I feel sad more often, but one thing is, I never feel lonely....
Sometimes, this can all be overwhelming and I question myself. I question my husband, my friends.... even every once in a great while, my children, although I get along great with them. The only ones I don't question are my two golden retrievers, they are the best!!!

[Carolineuk]

In answer to What Were You Like Before Menopause Started?

Happy and blissfully ignorant

but really what a great question and a wonderful board.

[The Moll]

I had hints of anxiety .... more now - yippee
I had hints of PMS .....now .... lock the doors and windows and stay low.
I had an appreciation for life .... now I have a worry for the future and a big fear of death.
I had a slight worry for my health ... don't go to doctor more, but I am fearful of every little thing ... I notice and panic about way too much.
I had a competitive desire to succeed ... now ... I have a huge fear of failure.
I was happy and laughed ... am happy and cry.

Motto used to be "deal with it and get over it" ... now its .."LIFE ISN'T LIKE A BOWL OF CHERRIES OR PEACHES. IT'S MORE LIKE A JAR OF JALAPENOS. WHAT YOU DO TODAY MIGHT BURN YOUR A** TOMORROW."

Cheers - and great question!

[fairyhedgehog]

Six or seven years ago I was busy and active, doing a part time job that I loved and keeping fit and healthy. Heck, I didn't even take up springboard diving till I was 42! Then in my mid-forties I started to get tired and achey. Today, I can't walk for more than half an hour because it's too painful. If I push myself to do more, I feel even worse the next day. I used to have a very clear mind, although only an average memory. Today, it's all brain fog and not following quite simple trains of thought. I am irritable and tearful, although I do wonder how much of that is due to having no job, no social life and being unable to excercise to get the endorphins going. I feel like my life has fallen apart and I've had zero help from the doctors.

I'm looking at ways to feel better but it's hard to have to push stupid doctors when you're feeling so ill.

[wet noodle]

Six or seven years ago I was busy and active, doing a part time job that I loved and keeping fit and healthy. Heck, I didn't even take up springboard diving till I was 42! Then in my mid-forties I started to get tired and achey. Today, I can't walk for more than half an hour because it's too painful. If I push myself to do more, I feel even worse the next day. I used to have a very clear mind, although only an average memory. Today, it's all brain fog and not following quite simple trains of thought. I am irritable and tearful, although I do wonder how much of that is due to having no job, no social life and being unable to excercise to get the endorphins going. I feel like my life has fallen apart and I've had zero help from the doctors.

I'm looking at ways to feel better but it's hard to have to push stupid doctors when you're feeling so ill.

Keep an open mind, but know that this menopause thing is a very long slow process. You sound just like me . I am 57 years old and hopefully just had my last period. So I am sure I will have another 2 years of symptoms. I started with symptoms really severe about 7 years ago. it has been a real struggle and very depressing. To feel ill all the time is really the pits. I have had every symptom they list and got very litlle understanding from any doctor. Nothing I have tried has helped, from natural products to hormone replacement. Most things just gave me more headaches and dizziness. I had to quit my job because I am to tired to function. Oh there have been a few moments when I was hoping this was the end of menopause but they were short lived. I actually have contacted a web site called The Elder Wisdom Circle to ask if there is a light at the end of the tunnel and does menopause really end. They seem to think it will but it is murder while we have to cope. Most women will not dicuss it, I guess if we can't cope it is weakness. So the only thing that helped really was proclaiming myself mentally ill and taking medication to sleep and stop panic attacks. And belive it or not some antidepressants do cut down the hot flashes.. But some days I barely make it out of bed. Hope your experience is btter than mine. Keep smiling and hoping this will pass. ///wetnoodle

[fairyhedgehog]

Hi wet noodle,

Thanks. Just to find someone else who understands makes a huge difference. My closest friends and sister have all gone through the menopause with hardly any effects. "Oh, yes, I had a period last year but then it just stopped." Aaagh! I sometimes feel like I'm pathetic to be so ill with a 'natural process'. But then I didn't get on too well with being pregnant either. And the symptoms are real, whatever anyone else thinks.

I had an email from a friend yesterday telling me to get out more. I could have hit her. I go for a walk into town every single day: fifteen minutes each way, plus wandering around the shops. It's all I can manage but I do it. I don't need people to tell me what to do, if I could do it I would.

Today, the estragest patch (estradiol + synthetic progesterone) has brought me out in a local rash so I'm off to the doctor's again. The estradiol was reducing the hot flushes and night sweats, although it wasn't having any effect on the shoulder pain, the hip pain, the leg pain, the... you get the picture. Once the progestin was added in, the sweats started up again. I may just have to put up with that (two weeks out of four without sweats would be nice) but I can't stand the itching. So I hope my GP has some good ideas!

Sorry to ramble on. Thanks again for replying, it makes a difference.

fh

Keep an open mind, but know that this menopause thing is a very long slow process. You sound just like me . I am 57 years old and hopefully just had my last period. So I am sure I will have another 2 years of symptoms. I started with symptoms really severe about 7 years ago. it has been a real struggle and very depressing. To feel ill all the time is really the pits. I have had every symptom they list and got very litlle understanding from any doctor. Nothing I have tried has helped, from natural products to hormone replacement. Most things just gave me more headaches and dizziness. I had to quit my job because I am to tired to function. Oh there have been a few moments when I was hoping this was the end of menopause but they were short lived. I actually have contacted a web site called The Elder Wisdom Circle to ask if there is a light at the end of the tunnel and does menopause really end. They seem to think it will but it is murder while we have to cope. Most women will not dicuss it, I guess if we can't cope it is weakness. So the only thing that helped really was proclaiming myself mentally ill and taking medication to sleep and stop panic attacks. And belive it or not some antidepressants do cut down the hot flashes.. But some days I barely make it out of bed. Hope your experience is btter than mine. Keep smiling and hoping this will pass. ///wetnoodle

[frozentundra]

Have you become more fearful since starting your changes, or were you fearful prior to menopause whenever you had an ache or pain?

I'd like to try and answer some of these questions as best I can. I have gone through several major episodes of fearfulness - anxiety, panic, unrelenting fear. These included three major bouts with illness and when entering into this premeno phase. When I look at it, these episodes all involved hormonal shifts. The effects and what I worried about in each phase, or obsessed about rather, was different in each case. For instance, during puberty I might have worried over one thing, during disease the symptoms led to moderate depression but the worries were always about my health. I was able to resolve most of my fears and panic about health symptoms during those years and episodes. I still have a couple of health fear triggers and pretty much never go to doctors. After years of being guinea pigged and experiencing out of this world symptoms from meds, wrong meds, wrong med combos, etc. I have concluded I would rather die on my own than go through that sort of ridiculous and uncaring treatment. Having been through one near death experience I am stating what I consider to be a fact not a feeling. So, no, I stopped seeing doctors over aches and pains years ago. I told my current Dr, if you see me, take me seriously, I will never waste your time. Now I think she feels I have wasted her time because I sought her for anxiety reasons during menopause. Oddly enough, she was old enough to have experienced the pause for herself and SHOULD have understood. Evidently the pharmaceutical protocols are a stronger incentive than compassion or empathy for feminine sisterhood. This last battle with anxiety has been ongoing, somewhat sporadic at first but not a daily struggle for close to a year. The past six months have been complicated with moderate depression. After reading your site info here I realize that depression which comes after weeks of fighting anxiety IS anxiety related, something even my Dr could not elucidate. (BTW, I am dyslexic since childhood, it was under control until recently.) What characterizes this anxiety struggle over the others is that it is not over the physical symptoms I am experiencing. It has instead challenged the very roots of all that I am internally. It has caused me to go over my personal faith with a fine tooth comb. That did not help BTW. Faith doesn't work because you understand it. Otherwise it wouldnt BE faith. (duh!) I have a growing despair over the physical changes but even the pain I feel with them is not a critical factor to me. I have endured so MUCH pain during my life already with physical problems. I always felt BLESSED to have a day of feeling good, no pain, no anxiety. On days like that, rare as they are, I felt as if I was at peace and floating through the day. They were always surreal. Then when the last physical issue was finally adequately corrected I was suddenly 40. I have had like eight years of good health...no major illness, not hardly minor stuff even. THEN THE PAUSE HIT. I am still quite physically healthy but am inundated with emotional and personal internalizing. Its like I am taking some kind of personal internal inventory for unknown reasons and cannot stop until I reach the end of it.


Did you go to the doctor a lot before menopause started, rarely - do you go more often now?

No, I stopped doing that after the last major illness I had. I hate going to Drs. The nurses are often unsympathetic and when I tell them they are NOT going to take my BP (I take it at home since a Dr panicked me over it years ago) they get in my face. I realized I am 47 years old and still alive DESPITE many medical mistakes. Nobody is going to tell ME what I will or will NOT have done to MY OWN BODY. They still don't listen to me when I warn them about things I ALREADY KNOW ABOUT ME. The DRs rarely take into account the fact you have lived umpteen years and so many decades in the SAME BODY and there is a good chance you know alot MORE about that body than they EVER WILL. Going to medical school does not make you an expert on SOMEONE ELSES BODY. The day Drs are trained to LISTEN to patients and take into account what they SAY I will think about going back to a Dr. My husband says the same thing. HE refuses to go to Drs anymore unless its life or death. He was sickened and terrified by the things I went through and angered by some of the things he was put through. Now I know by reading YOUR stories, MANY of you gals have gone through a heckuva lot more than I have. Some of you must have come to the same conclusion. I PRAYED ALOT about my physical care and wisdom how to take care of myself. I believe GOD has provided that over and over. Now I have had good Drs and good nurses and good medical care but I would much rather trust GOD than any Dr. on earth.


Do some of the severe symptoms of menopause cause you to think you may be having a stroke? heart attack? or developing some horrific disease?

Panic attacks and anxiety make you feel like you are having a heart attack or whatever. If you can make yourself relax through any symptom you have and be calm enough to assess it rationally, you can make a better decision about how to proceed. Keep a blood pressure cuff (wrist is the best if you can learn how to use it properly) and learn how to assess your own pulse and respiration. Learn the symptoms of stroke - they are published everywhere - so you can assess yourself or another. IF you teach your spouse and those around you how to assess stroke symptoms you can ask them to make an assessment in a case where you feel incompetent to do so. In every case ,PRAY for wisdom. If you think you are having a heart attack, there are lists of symptoms...some of which just don't seem to always apply to WOMEN in particular but you can have someone take you into the emergency and check it out. I think women have trouble diagnosing their own heart symptoms when they do have them and this in part is due to the lack of attention the medical field has paid to women in general. Being emotional creatures, they are often not taken seriously. Now to address the emotional symptoms that lead to anxiety and panic, they all exist in menopause as far as I can tell. I dealt with panic attacks and agorophobia as a young woman. I am prone to anxiety so work hard to understand as much as I can so that I can differentiate between anxiety and genuine physical issues. It is easier at this time for me to ignore the physical symptoms (until they become impossible to ignore and then I deal with them one by one) and focus on the emotional or spiritual aspects.


Has menopause itself changed you and/or created a personality different from the one you had before?

I feel estranged from the woman that I once knew as me. Its like somebody is rearranging my brain and my heart without my permission. My emotions have gone from so deep and encompassing that I began repressing them to just not feel that sort of excruciating pain to fear I have put them so far away they are gone. This is just an anxious reaction to discovering your feelings really ARE that deep. Perhaps the estrogen of youth makes it possible to stay on top of that ocean by enabling an outward focus on DOING. In menopause perhaps the focus alters to the BEING. Since it is virtually impossible to explore the full depths of our inward being ALONE, we need spiritual guidance. First of all, God, is it necessary I know and explore the INWARD me this fully and deeply? Secondly, why should I do this if I have spent so many years already asking your help to maintain my inward self righteously? Third, what benefit can this introspection offer to anyone much less me? Thats the whole point. Whatever it is you FEAR you must FACE. In youth, I feared physical symptoms, illness and death. IN my middle age, evidently, I fear this microscopic inward scrutinization. Maybe I just have to go through all of this ridiculous inward speculation until I am satisfied there is nothing there to fear either. I don't know how this is going to change me because I am still in this process I am describing. Perhaps when I am satisifed there is neither anything to fear in the body or the inward self, I will go on and pick up my life again.


None of this is meant to be judgmental in any way -- but to gain some insight into who and how you were before all this started and who and how you are now?

Nobody around me seems to feel I am turning into another person. Although some months ago my daughter said it will be great when your NICE self returns! If she means the one it was easy to manipulate, pressure and walk all over, them days is over! I think that nice girl is gone now. But maybe there is another girl waiting inside. A more seasoned one that has a somewhat more objective opinion of herself and her life. I hope so. I know that some of the spiritual issues I have been tackling have given my mother cause for panic. I am a Christian and those are the teachings I follow. Some of them I think have become distorted or clouded or miss their mark owing to wrong translations. By experience, I know this inside myself and cannot rectify what I consider distorted teachings with what I know internally to be true. This puts me in a very sticky situation. I am forced to look through original word translations to find where the distortion occurred. When I find it, I am justified internally. In other words, I heave a sigh of releif. This kind of thing would make absolutely NO difference to the average person. I am keenly aware of that. I have NO IDEA why it bothers me so acutely. Before all of this I had the most secure, beautifully ignorant faith and I loved it. Loved it, loved it, loved it! I want that back. I liked that childlike darling faith and I grieve over its change more than I grieve this changing body. I haven't stopped believing but now I have to fight and struggle for my faith. Like other people do my husband assures me. What I had before was not like what most people, most believers deal with each day. My experiences have proven to me beyond a shadow of doubt that God and Jesus and the angels and heaven and satan all really exist. The spirit world is real. It feels surreal in this body but its real, more real than this life. Sometimes I wish I was there so all this struggle was over. But you can't go until God says you are ready. So, what has really changed? My life or my approach to it?

[wet noodle]

Have you become more fearful since starting your changes, or were you fearful prior to menopause whenever you had an ache or pain?

I'd like to try and answer some of these questions as best I can. I have gone through several major episodes of fearfulness - anxiety, panic, unrelenting fear. These included three major bouts with illness and when entering into this premeno phase. When I look at it, these episodes all involved hormonal shifts. The effects and what I worried about in each phase, or obsessed about rather, was different in each case. For instance, during puberty I might have worried over one thing, during disease the symptoms led to moderate depression but the worries were always about my health. I was able to resolve most of my fears and panic about health symptoms during those years and episodes. I still have a couple of health fear triggers and pretty much never go to doctors. After years of being guinea pigged and experiencing out of this world symptoms from meds, wrong meds, wrong med combos, etc. I have concluded I would rather die on my own than go through that sort of ridiculous and uncaring treatment. Having been through one near death experience I am stating what I consider to be a fact not a feeling. So, no, I stopped seeing doctors over aches and pains years ago. I told my current Dr, if you see me, take me seriously, I will never waste your time. Now I think she feels I have wasted her time because I sought her for anxiety reasons during menopause. Oddly enough, she was old enough to have experienced the pause for herself and SHOULD have understood. Evidently the pharmaceutical protocols are a stronger incentive than compassion or empathy for feminine sisterhood. This last battle with anxiety has been ongoing, somewhat sporadic at first but not a daily struggle for close to a year. The past six months have been complicated with moderate depression. After reading your site info here I realize that depression which comes after weeks of fighting anxiety IS anxiety related, something even my Dr could not elucidate. (BTW, I am dyslexic since childhood, it was under control until recently.) What characterizes this anxiety struggle over the others is that it is not over the physical symptoms I am experiencing. It has instead challenged the very roots of all that I am internally. It has caused me to go over my personal faith with a fine tooth comb. That did not help BTW. Faith doesn't work because you understand it. Otherwise it wouldnt BE faith. (duh!) I have a growing despair over the physical changes but even the pain I feel with them is not a critical factor to me. I have endured so MUCH pain during my life already with physical problems. I always felt BLESSED to have a day of feeling good, no pain, no anxiety. On days like that, rare as they are, I felt as if I was at peace and floating through the day. They were always surreal. Then when the last physical issue was finally adequately corrected I was suddenly 40. I have had like eight years of good health...no major illness, not hardly minor stuff even. THEN THE PAUSE HIT. I am still quite physically healthy but am inundated with emotional and personal internalizing. Its like I am taking some kind of personal internal inventory for unknown reasons and cannot stop until I reach the end of it.


Did you go to the doctor a lot before menopause started, rarely - do you go more often now?

No, I stopped doing that after the last major illness I had. I hate going to Drs. The nurses are often unsympathetic and when I tell them they are NOT going to take my BP (I take it at home since a Dr panicked me over it years ago) they get in my face. I realized I am 47 years old and still alive DESPITE many medical mistakes. Nobody is going to tell ME what I will or will NOT have done to MY OWN BODY. They still don't listen to me when I warn them about things I ALREADY KNOW ABOUT ME. The DRs rarely take into account the fact you have lived umpteen years and so many decades in the SAME BODY and there is a good chance you know alot MORE about that body than they EVER WILL. Going to medical school does not make you an expert on SOMEONE ELSES BODY. The day Drs are trained to LISTEN to patients and take into account what they SAY I will think about going back to a Dr. My husband says the same thing. HE refuses to go to Drs anymore unless its life or death. He was sickened and terrified by the things I went through and angered by some of the things he was put through. Now I know by reading YOUR stories, MANY of you gals have gone through a heckuva lot more than I have. Some of you must have come to the same conclusion. I PRAYED ALOT about my physical care and wisdom how to take care of myself. I believe GOD has provided that over and over. Now I have had good Drs and good nurses and good medical care but I would much rather trust GOD than any Dr. on earth.


Do some of the severe symptoms of menopause cause you to think you may be having a stroke? heart attack? or developing some horrific disease?

Panic attacks and anxiety make you feel like you are having a heart attack or whatever. If you can make yourself relax through any symptom you have and be calm enough to assess it rationally, you can make a better decision about how to proceed. Keep a blood pressure cuff (wrist is the best if you can learn how to use it properly) and learn how to assess your own pulse and respiration. Learn the symptoms of stroke - they are published everywhere - so you can assess yourself or another. IF you teach your spouse and those around you how to assess stroke symptoms you can ask them to make an assessment in a case where you feel incompetent to do so. In every case ,PRAY for wisdom. If you think you are having a heart attack, there are lists of symptoms...some of which just don't seem to always apply to WOMEN in particular but you can have someone take you into the emergency and check it out. I think women have trouble diagnosing their own heart symptoms when they do have them and this in part is due to the lack of attention the medical field has paid to women in general. Being emotional creatures, they are often not taken seriously. Now to address the emotional symptoms that lead to anxiety and panic, they all exist in menopause as far as I can tell. I dealt with panic attacks and agorophobia as a young woman. I am prone to anxiety so work hard to understand as much as I can so that I can differentiate between anxiety and genuine physical issues. It is easier at this time for me to ignore the physical symptoms (until they become impossible to ignore and then I deal with them one by one) and focus on the emotional or spiritual aspects.


Has menopause itself changed you and/or created a personality different from the one you had before?

I feel estranged from the woman that I once knew as me. Its like somebody is rearranging my brain and my heart without my permission. My emotions have gone from so deep and encompassing that I began repressing them to just not feel that sort of excruciating pain to fear I have put them so far away they are gone. This is just an anxious reaction to discovering your feelings really ARE that deep. Perhaps the estrogen of youth makes it possible to stay on top of that ocean by enabling an outward focus on DOING. In menopause perhaps the focus alters to the BEING. Since it is virtually impossible to explore the full depths of our inward being ALONE, we need spiritual guidance. First of all, God, is it necessary I know and explore the INWARD me this fully and deeply? Secondly, why should I do this if I have spent so many years already asking your help to maintain my inward self righteously? Third, what benefit can this introspection offer to anyone much less me? Thats the whole point. Whatever it is you FEAR you must FACE. In youth, I feared physical symptoms, illness and death. IN my middle age, evidently, I fear this microscopic inward scrutinization. Maybe I just have to go through all of this ridiculous inward speculation until I am satisfied there is nothing there to fear either. I don't know how this is going to change me because I am still in this process I am describing. Perhaps when I am satisifed there is neither anything to fear in the body or the inward self, I will go on and pick up my life again.


None of this is meant to be judgmental in any way -- but to gain some insight into who and how you were before all this started and who and how you are now?

Nobody around me seems to feel I am turning into another person. Although some months ago my daughter said it will be great when your NICE self returns! If she means the one it was easy to manipulate, pressure and walk all over, them days is over! I think that nice girl is gone now. But maybe there is another girl waiting inside. A more seasoned one that has a somewhat more objective opinion of herself and her life. I hope so. I know that some of the spiritual issues I have been tackling have given my mother cause for panic. I am a Christian and those are the teachings I follow. Some of them I think have become distorted or clouded or miss their mark owing to wrong translations. By experience, I know this inside myself and cannot rectify what I consider distorted teachings with what I know internally to be true. This puts me in a very sticky situation. I am forced to look through original word translations to find where the distortion occurred. When I find it, I am justified internally. In other words, I heave a sigh of releif. This kind of thing would make absolutely NO difference to the average person. I am keenly aware of that. I have NO IDEA why it bothers me so acutely. Before all of this I had the most secure, beautifully ignorant faith and I loved it. Loved it, loved it, loved it! I want that back. I liked that childlike darling faith and I grieve over its change more than I grieve this changing body. I haven't stopped believing but now I have to fight and struggle for my faith. Like other people do my husband assures me. What I had before was not like what most people, most believers deal with each day. My experiences have proven to me beyond a shadow of doubt that God and Jesus and the angels and heaven and satan all really exist. The spirit world is real. It feels surreal in this body but its real, more real than this life. Sometimes I wish I was there so all this struggle was over. But you can't go until God says you are ready. So, what has really changed? My life or my approach to it?

[katana]

Ladies!!!! I have been feeling so bad for the past 3 years (now 42) - all the usual symptoms, the worse being that feeling of not being 'normal', the person I used to be. I have fought with male doctors, had all the tests done - told me I was depressed - we all know that is not the case and we are not going mad! Finally I got to see a woman doc. Has put me on a small dose of HRT (propack-C). After only 10 days its like a miracle - I feel alive again and have energy. I want to do things that had become so hard to do - even like basic cleaning - everything was an effort. Fight for your cases!!!! I feel back to how I used to be - me!!!!!

[breann]

Many of us never really thought much about menopause prior to "being there." And, if we did think about menopause before, it was likely that we thought it would be the end of our periods - and nothing like what it actually is.

As most of us know by now, menopause can be a time of difficult physical, emotional and spiritual changes - changes in temperament, changes in the way we react to everything we're feeling, changes in the way we interact with others - changes in our personalities.

At the same time, a common phrase I've used and believe in is, menopause doesn't happen in a vacuum. We were many things before perimenopause reared its ugly head -- some of us with certain temperaments before any of this started. Some of us always tolerated pain well. Some of us may have lived with more anxiety than the average person. Some of us may have been prone to depression. Many of us had/have more problems in general than the average person before menopause started. Some of us may have had marital difficulties prior to menopause.

One thing that's crystal clear to most of us is that menopause exacerbates ALL the pre-existing problems that existed before the perimenopausal years.

What I'm interested in having you all share is basically - when you introspect about who/how you were before and who/how you are now, what are the differences?

Have you become more fearful since starting your changes, or were you fearful prior to menopause whenever you had an ache or pain?

Did you go to the doctor a lot before menopause started, rarely - do you go more often now?

Do some of the severe symptoms of menopause cause you to think you may be having a stroke? heart attack? or developing some horrific disease?

Has menopause itself changed you and/or created a personality different from the one you had before?

None of this is meant to be judgmental in any way -- but to gain some insight into who and how you were before all this started and who and how you are now?

You don't specifically have to answer these questions, but just share who you were before -- if you remember as compared to who you are now.

Thanks

Dearest

dearest, first of all, Power Surge is the best thing that has happened to me. before i found you guys, i felt so alone. what really amazes me is that when i read the other women's problems, its like i am reading my own life. i feel an immediate bond to all of you like we share something that no one knows about or about how we really feel. because this is something that in order to really understand the physical and emotional pain, you have to go thru it yourself. i have learned that.

but yes i did suffer with some depression, anxiety, had bad things happen to me like losing loved ones thru death. but i was able to cope better and move on. i even had adhd and didn't know it because i guess i acquired good coping skills. but when peri-meno hit me, everything came crashing down.; i had to get medicated for depression, anxiety, adhd, etc. because it all got the best of me. this was the first thing i noticed - was how i could not handle things anymore - not as strong as i use to be. i had never been fearful to do anything before, in fact, i would try new things all the time just to see what it felt like. when peri-meno hit and everything else that came with it i was so fearful that eventually i got agoraphobia and did not want to leave my house. i have tried so many doctors and therapists that i lost count. i just wanted and still want to feel better no matter what it takes. i always had a high tolerance for pain buy not anymore. i have become a different person in some ways. i am a social worker and have always been very empathetic but now i am so empathetic that it has been destructive to me in many ways. i have been taken advantage of because of my empathy for others. i have loss interest in doing things i use to do and don't have the enthusiasm to do new things. i have lost my marriage, some of my friends. when i think of how i use to be i feel like i am mourning for that person and feel now like she will never come back.

when i use to hear about menopause when i was younger, i too thought that it meant stopping your periods. even though i did hear about how some women went crazy, i thought it was only for maybe a year. never did i think it would be like this. and at first about a year into it i thought the old me would return soon. now, 7 yrs. later i don't think the old me will ever come back and maybe that is what the "chang of life" means. so starting a new life at 54 is not what i thought i would be doing when i was 30, but how we get here is not as important as what we do now that we are here. HUGS Breann

[seminole22]

I suppose that I always thoguht of "the change" being a shift from fertile to not, from young mother to empty nester, a sort of change in the balance of life itself, an indefinable shift toward the next phase in life. I knew it would come, and felt like I would be ready when it did. I thought about peaceful walks with my husband and dog, missing my children around the dinner table (sometimes even with longing!). I wondered what we would look like, be like, feel like. I thought about being able to live in a smaller place, being able to keep the house clean, being able to take up a hobby of my own. I didn't think about it much, but when I did, I thought about the positives.

WHAM! I never thought it would start in my 30's! I never thought my kids would only be 10 & 6 as I sit here searching for answers to every silly malady my body seems to have, I never thought it would be my personality, and my very core self that changed. I now wonder if that is why it is called the change. I wonder why I can't break out of this even when I know there is nothing I can do abouut it, even when I know I am not in immediate danger of dying, even when I know I am not being the Mom I can be.

I wonder now how to find enough energy and motivation to get through the day, how to stop focusing on that annoying pain under my left armpit, or the heart racing or the dizzy sensations I get here and ther. Or oops that was a sharp pain in my shoulder - me left one oh sh**. I wonder why I can't just look at the sky and think ooh it's a pretty one today. Why can't I thank God for all I have and be carefree again with my kids? Why can't I take a deep breath without feeling all the little quirks and buzzes, just take the deep and cleansing breath and enjoy the wonder of all that is around me. Why can't I watch the news without that horrible sinking feeling. or listen to my kids fears without feeling them myself?

Maybe it's time to get out and give back in the community somehow so I can stop focusing on me? I never thought about my health before, except to wish for a sick day every once in a while. Now I am always aware of eerything with my body. I think I hate that the most. How does one break that cycle?

Well thanks, I feel like I've just had therapy. I know this is a great site and I have learned SOOO much, but is there a thread here that helps us look forward, help is beat this thing, help us get over the hurdles to the other side. Is the other side good?????

[smartbambi]

dearest, first of all, Power Surge is the best thing that has happened to me. before i found you guys, i felt so alone. what really amazes me is that when i read the other women's problems, its like i am reading my own life. i feel an immediate bond to all of you like we share something that no one knows about or about how we really feel. because this is something that in order to really understand the physical and emotional pain, you have to go thru it yourself. i have learned that.

but yes i did suffer with some depression, anxiety, had bad things happen to me like losing loved ones thru death. but i was able to cope better and move on. i even had adhd and didn't know it because i guess i acquired good coping skills. but when peri-meno hit me, everything came crashing down.; i had to get medicated for depression, anxiety, adhd, etc. because it all got the best of me. this was the first thing i noticed - was how i could not handle things anymore - not as strong as i use to be. i had never been fearful to do anything before, in fact, i would try new things all the time just to see what it felt like. when peri-meno hit and everything else that came with it i was so fearful that eventually i got agoraphobia and did not want to leave my house. i have tried so many doctors and therapists that i lost count. i just wanted and still want to feel better no matter what it takes. i always had a high tolerance for pain buy not anymore. i have become a different person in some ways. i am a social worker and have always been very empathetic but now i am so empathetic that it has been destructive to me in many ways. i have been taken advantage of because of my empathy for others. i have loss interest in doing things i use to do and don't have the enthusiasm to do new things. i have lost my marriage, some of my friends. when i think of how i use to be i feel like i am mourning for that person and feel now like she will never come back.

when i use to hear about menopause when i was younger, i too thought that it meant stopping your periods. even though i did hear about how some women went crazy, i thought it was only for maybe a year. never did i think it would be like this. and at first about a year into it i thought the old me would return soon. now, 7 yrs. later i don't think the old me will ever come back and maybe that is what the "chang of life" means. so starting a new life at 54 is not what i thought i would be doing when i was 30, but how we get here is not as important as what we do now that we are here. HUGS Breann

Having read through so many deeply personal messages from all around the world since joining this site recently I'm beginning to wonder whether there is some connection between the level of suffering experienced at the peri and menopausal stages and personality types, and it's not just about the physiological changes taking place. Could it be that the do'ers, the givers, achievers and those who have always had to assume responsibility from an early age, or have had responsibilities foisted on them by others, those who are now reaching the menopause are physically and emotionally unable to give any more as they used to. But isn't this a time when we should be taking it a bit easier? I know its something that is often very hard if you've never allowed yourself to do it. I do hate the feeling of being so out of control of my body, my emotions, almost every area of my life,.but I know I've got to stop fighting against it and from experience (and in my logical moments which are very rare, but then I'm a woman so what the heck!!) i know that peace of mind comes through acceptance. Yes, it's very hard to accept that I can't be that strong person any more, but personally I'm wondering if this menopause is forcing me to make the changes that I should have made as a young adult, to recognise my limits and listen to my body, to trust my instincts, and allow myself to tread water sometimes instead of racing around trying to be everything to everyone.

[jv_98]

Having read through so many deeply personal messages from all around the world since joining this site recently I'm beginning to wonder whether there is some connection between the level of suffering experienced at the peri and menopausal stages and personality types, and it's not just about the physiological changes taking place. Could it be that the do'ers, the givers, achievers and those who have always had to assume responsibility from an early age, or have had responsibilities foisted on them by others, those who are now reaching the menopause are physically and emotionally unable to give any more as they used to. But isn't this a time when we should be taking it a bit easier? I know its something that is often very hard if you've never allowed yourself to do it. I do hate the feeling of being so out of control of my body, my emotions, almost every area of my life,.but I know I've got to stop fighting against it and from experience (and in my logical moments which are very rare, but then I'm a woman so what the heck!!) i know that peace of mind comes through acceptance. Yes, it's very hard to accept that I can't be that strong person any more, but personally I'm wondering if this menopause is forcing me to make the changes that I should have made as a young adult, to recognise my limits and listen to my body, to trust my instincts, and allow myself to tread water sometimes instead of racing around trying to be everything to everyone.

Very Well put and very moving. Treading water is a proper expression; that's what it feels like. Also, it definitely feels like everything is out of control. Inside and Out. Our yard needs work after it was partially dug up for a water leak, needs soil, grass etc; the outside needs some painting. The inside is in need of flooring, some furniture and some painting; not a lot but some. I use this as a metaphor sometimes; how the house and I both need healing. Right now, it stays as it is and I focus on one thing at a time. Hard to do because it all sends me over the edge at times; the 15 pounds I've gained, our financial picture; which is slowly getting better, our marriage after my husband working out of town for 6 years and now being home for a few years. I think that you become stronger now going through all this out of control whereas before you had the illusion of being in control.

There really isn't control in ways as everything changes including ourselves. This perimenopause definietly gets my attention; makes me slow down. Now, I feel centered, lots of times, I feel anxious and my mind is going very fast. Everthing takes longer and more effort. But also, each feeling/experience is more real and more experienced instead of me not being aware of it much. More consciousness; sometimes, too much; too much fear, anxiety.

Thanks for the great words.

Jan

[ERYNNSMAMA]

Hello everyone


I'm 51, last period december 07


Before meno, I was so happy, joyful, funny, full of excitement and looking forward.

Now I also had panic disorder, but for the most part i was still so vibrant.

I was a model, fitness instructor for a while, before that i was a registered dental assistant/periodontal/endodontal assistant in my early twenties

Now? I am tired, feel 'out of place' 'in a fog' VERY VERY VERY SAD reflecting back on my life ALL THE TIME WITH SEARING SADNESS INSTEAD OF JOY

Right now, i can't bear to look at old photo albums, because i want to crawl right back into the photo, and be able to feel the joy i was feeling at the time that picture was taken. Either that,
or it is just too painful for me to look at my life as 'THE OLD HAPPY ME'

MY COPING SKILLS ARE ZERO. Absolute zero.


I have had bouts of depression all my life. It runs in the family.

We are losing our house (and I'm a realtor, now how bad is THAT????)
Hubby got laid off, we are renting a condo, our beloved boxer katie has been so severly sick. Vet removed 6 lb tumor from her tummy, she has had seizures bad lately,
and i just get so upset, i have to go to bed for days. I made my dr. renew my xanax, and it helps a bit with sleeping, but i wake up pretty icky and depressed.
I quit coffee (i was on paxil for 12 years)

anyway, the main symptoms i have that bother me are NOT the hot flashes or vaginal dryness. Its the horrible depression, and mood swings that i can't handle.

[stitchnanny]

Perimenopause slammed into me with like nothing I ever expected. I knew it was coming but was under the impression that my periods would stop one day and I would be in menopause. I expected some up and down days but no major changes to myself or my life or my lifestyle.

What a big surprise I got! I used to be outgoing, ready to do most things. I enjoyed going places especially new places. I never went to the doctor but now I seem to go alot. I was diagnosed with not one but two autoimmune diseases that have put a dent in my life. The mood swings, irritability, and anxiety are horrible. I am on antidepressant but hate it with a passion.

I defintitely do not feel like the same person I was 10 years ago. It has amazed me over and over again how much I have changed since starting this madness.

I am hoping that once I start my count, I will start feeling like the old me again.

[NeedRelief]

yeahhhhhh Woo hooo good for you.. dont be afraid to treat yourself with a little estrogen. Much better than unnecessary psychotripics. We are not crazy and dont let them make you believe it. I went off BHRT and almost lost it without the smidgen of estrogen required to living a woman's normal life. Going back on em to get my happy life back, 2. Yea I was a basket case,, only due to the loss of ESTROGEN,,, NOT MY MIND...

Get those researchers off their "Butts"
Fight back ladies, fight back......Good Luck


Mad as hell, tooooooo

[edithb]

Hi,
I am 54 and have been in this process for the last five years. I keep expecting it to improve, or pass but it seems only to mutate into yet another phase. I so resent the loss of energy. I used to be vital, energetic, alive. I can track my estrogen levels by my energy and migraines. Just now I am in the grip of a three day migraine and have reached the end of my tether.

Truly I had thought that menopause would be liberating. I would go through a gate into a phase of my life which would not be dominated by hormonal swings and roundabouts. Ye ha... Freedom. What I didn't know was that the monthly cycle was also the power generator that was so part of me I didn't realise it's existance. There would be a two or three day blip just before the period when I was a tad snappy and not terribly nice... then there would be a week or more of unbounded energy when I would just do!! do and do more.. The physical energy underpinned my acheivements and contentment. There were also a couple of days in the month when I would retreat with a book and do nil. Zilch. Without guilt or difficulties.

What I now find is that the energy is not there. It is not that I am lazy, it is that I am incapable. The battery is not flat. The battery is dead.
I have tried HRT (with some limited success during the first two years) but it triggers migraine. A three week migriane is just tooooooooooooooo much. Has anyone advice about energy restoration. Done the black cohosh, star flower, evening primrose, agnus castus....

Blessings in advance.

edi b

[XIII]

Hi there,
This is a really good description of what happens to us in menopause. Tremendously insightful and accurate.
From your description, I suspect that your menopause is very similar to mine.
I have always been the energetic type and if my daily workload increased, I just used to peddle faster and move mountains. I just took the ability to be terribly efficient for granted.
Then menopause entered the scene.
The first years were dominated by crushing migraines, that were so severe, the neighbours often heard my cries of pain.
My gut appeared to be badly affected by the hormonal fluctuations and resulted in horrible colonic stasis and awful intolerance to many types of food. During the migraine episodes my pillow was often covered in hair, which appeared to fall out when I was in pain and I felt huge waves of heat but didn't really have a 'temperature' as such.
Periods were still regular at this stage. Then came neck, back and joint problems. I felt like a complete 90 year old wreck. My pelvis and everything in it, always felt tender and upset. This seemed to go on endlessly.
Quite suddenly I felt that the hormonal profile had changed and it all stopped. It was such a relief to get rid of the migraines because I had started to have 3 or 4 per month and they often lasted 2-3 days. The pelvis felt much more contented and the constipation eased. This all gave way to hot sweats and indescribable fatigue. I started to experience fits of deep anger, panic and rage. I had so much brain fog I could scarcely remember my childrens' names. Everything dried up including my nose and throat and allergies were exascerbated markedly. Sometimes it felt as if I were having difficulty with swallowing. Hello health anxiety and insomnia!
Periods stopped.
It has been a long hard haul but recently I see a glimmer of improvement. It has been 12 long years. I am looking forward to moving on.
Just don't ask me to do it all again...............


Cheers XIII

[alice3]

I found this thread very interesting.
When I first came here I would weep because somebody felt like I did.

I was afraid of the symptoms, I was agoraphobic, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't lay down in my bed at night as I felt I was suffocating. I wanted to wake up dead (you know what I mean ).

Like another poster I did all the doctor stuff as I needed certificates for work. I had a lot of time off work as I couldn't cope and I was threatened with the sack. Horrible things happened in my life (second parent died and DH had a heart attack at 43) and my periods went heavy and crazy.

I was afraid of the peri symptoms, especially the nausea (phobic), but I'm glad to say that I feel a lot better. I still get some hot flashes and migraines but I am not afraid of them anymore. I still get the dead battery thing. Most of all I have learned to say NO.

I may feel like a 20 year old in my mind but my body is 53 and I just say so!

[green pastures s...]

I can relate to the last few posts quite a bit. I am to be 60 next month. Some of the symptoms have eased, some are still up and down, but the stomach/digestive stuff is still a big deal on my plate. I am hoping it gets a whole lot better real soon. I am tired of spending so much time in the doc's office and am having way too many ER visits with palps. All this stuff has controlled my life for waaaaaayyyyyyyy too long. I hope we all get better really quick here.

J

[edithb]

I am amazed how many women have stomach problems... I have suffered for the last 5 years with this, bloating, wind, having to dash to the loo much to often. I hadn't put it down to menopause. What I found was a milk intolerance and I switched to soya. This helped somewhat. But it hasn't cleared it up. Is this yet another menopause symptom? My migraine of 4 days is now on the out. Thanking the good goddess for small mercies. hoping you all have a GOOD day..

edi b

[alice3]

I had stomach issues too. Dairy and shellfish mainly but the hot stomach cramps and sudden diarrhea made me wary of eating out and contributed to my anxiety. Even now I eat carefully the night before I plan to go out. I even started using immodium to go out (half an "Instant")


On holiday I had a potato with tuna and sweetcorn, then walking round the area afterwards was overcome with hot pain and the need for a toilet. We had to dash back to the holiday rental so I could go. I thought tinned tuna was a "safe".

Slowly I have reintroduced cheese, someday's OK, sometimes not. I drink Yakult and use a generic peppermint capsule (Colpermin), which I think has helped no end!

[KrissyK]

Well, I'm going to add my two-cents here, although after reading all of the posts I feel as if I've already spoken albeit from the mouths of others, but here goes:

I'm 47 and in many ways, I HATE MENOPAUSE!! I hate the hot flushes and those chills that only travel up one side of my body or the other. I hate the mood swings and the powerful emotions that come with it. I despise the vaginal atrophy that makes intercourse so painful that my husband doesn't even try anymore. I hate the heavy periods one month and the nearly nonexistent one the next, so I never know what to expect. I hate the insomnia and the heavy intense episodes of "thinking deep thoughts." I hate the change in my skin and in my overall appearance. I hate not feeling beautiful anymore or sexy. I detest feeling old.

However, since starting thru menopause I find I'm often in a different frame of mind than most of the women who have posted here. I do have mood swings and at times an anger problem but for me, my anxiety attacks happened when I was much younger. I struggled with panic and depression when I was a young single mother, and have found that as I draw closer to menopause, that this has truly eased up and I hardly ever suffer any type of anxiety. (touch wood!) I also find I'm more patient with the clerk at the store or more tolerant of the new waitress who's just learning her job. I'm more forgiving of a cranky co-worker or more accepting of other's flaws and imperfections. I no longer set standards for myself or anyone else that cannot be attained. I speak my mind and am no longer silent when I feel slighted.

In many ways, thus far, "the change" has been welcomed, but I suppose I'm vain. I hate the weight gain and I detest looking in the mirror now. Whilst never a raving beauty, I was attractive in my younger days. But now, I feel as if the dew is no longer on the rose and I'm left with a dried out old whithered person who stares back at me from the mirror. I hate when my husband turns and watches a younger sexier woman pass by. I turn out the light now while I'm undressing and am too ashamed to be seen naked by him. No matter how hard I work at looking younger...I simply look my age. My clothes don't fit, my face has changed, and I hate it. I've heard that one can "grow old gracefully," and I'm sure that this is true for many but for me, I feel sad that the young woman is fading and this "person" is taking her place. I cannot resign myself to it...I am truly lost.

[edithb]

Krissy in her last post touched on an area of menopause that I have struggled with as well. Vainity be damned. I was gorgeous but had no clue that I was. Perhaps not conventionally beautiful but vital, lithe, with legs up to me armpits and a grace of movement. I am convinced that God must be a man. I lose my fertility and he compensates with curves and breasts!! What the hell wos he thinking.. Well, this has had its moments.. I discovered Bra's when I was 50 and played with the cleavage line for a couple of years.. When you have never had a cleavage ever, this is fun. But, more seriously what krissy was expressing if I read her correctly is a form of grieving for the loss of a part of ourselves that is gone. I didn't know that I had never had to worry about being attractive or drawing attention through the medium of physicality. This part of myself is gone. Though it is ever amazing to me what people find attractive... As the flower fades a seed is produced. Or maybe a nut. But both these things have real value. They hold the sum of the beauty, grace, and life force.

edi b