What Were You Like Before Menopause Started? Options

[springsjean]

Simba - I have often wondered that myself - how so many women (famous or not famous) get thru this difficult time without ever flinching. I have always been what my doctor terms "a warrior woman". Always on the go, work full-time, exercise, totally enjoying life, my kids, work, etc. and then WHAM. I sometimes wonder if it is because I am not in control now. I have had numerous surgeries and heartaches and always picked up and moved on. However, this has really thrown me for a loop. I have "resorted" to HRT to be able to get my quality of life back and hope I don't regret it in the future as I have too damn much to do yet!!! Best of luck to you.

[simba2]

Springsjean and fellow surgers, it is so hard but we must try to hold on to what we were like before all these hormonal changes kicked in. I sometimes think it is so hard because its like Nature has finished with you once you cant reproduce anymore, which is absolutely unfair. Who can blame us for trying anything that can offer a solution? When I couldn't conceive, I looked for a solution and was lucky enough to have my lovely son. All of this gets to you when you feel you have lost your sense of control and wellbeing. Good luck with the H.R.T. I have just packed up on a continuous combined patch because the progestogen made me feel awful so now the sweats are building up again. Maybe something else will work. Simba 2.

[The Best NaNa]

Wow what an awsome place to vent. here is my story like most others, overnight!!! ha and I knew I was talking "diff." to my husband but somehow it seemed to be HIM not me at all. ha ha So time has gone by and guess what i think its me. ha ha I too only use to think of others and love to go all the time, keep my weight off, then low and behold NONE of that happens anymore. I had the palpitations, had all the blood work and all came back good except i was diagnosed with Mitral Valve Prolaspe (MVP) I am currently taking Toprol, it has helped so much. but the aches and pains of meno are creeping up on me i assume. I am 46 and never went to dr. except for typical female things. You name it least yr I had it and i have so many meno. symptoms. i have an appt. with my gyno in a month hopefully i can get things back in order. and my biggest thing to deal with is my weight and not feeling like myself. well thanks everyone for listening. I will be back and post again, this site is awsome.

[SallyannW]

Wow, I am amazed at how many of these posts could have been written by me! I am 43 and for the past few years I thought I must be going mad. I have been to the doctors with headaches, palpations, aches and pains etc that they simply had no explanation for. My periods have been irregular for the longest time but I kept getting told I was too young for it to be menopause related. My moods are terrible. I think my husband and kids think I'm an alien at times. I used to be happy, quietly confident, thin, able to concentrate and now all I want to do is cry, I've put on weight that I don't know how to get off, my concentration levels are so bad, I never know when my next period is going to appear and when it does it is heavy and I lose clots. I don't think I have ever felt so alone in my life as I do now.

[toknow4us]

Wow, I am amazed at how many of these posts could have been written by me! I am 43 and for the past few years I thought I must be going mad. I have been to the doctors with headaches, palpations, aches and pains etc that they simply had no explanation for. My periods have been irregular for the longest time but I kept getting told I was too young for it to be menopause related. My moods are terrible. I think my husband and kids think I'm an alien at times. I used to be happy, quietly confident, thin, able to concentrate and now all I want to do is cry, I've put on weight that I don't know how to get off, my concentration levels are so bad, I never know when my next period is going to appear and when it does it is heavy and I lose clots. I don't think I have ever felt so alone in my life as I do now.

[toknow4us]

I know what you are going through. When I was your age, my Dr told me I was not pre-menopause. I went to another and he gave me a shot of progestrone and I felt better within minutes. This is not in your mind, it is real. All test are not correct. We now what our bodies are telling us. This is just the beginning. Listen to your body and don't let dr. tell you otherwise.

[gigs]

Hi,
I am new to this sight. I've been reading alot of messages and I am hoping that I am in perimenopause instead of dying from some dreaded disease. I have had my period for over 2 weeks. I am 47 and it has never done this. I do have night sweats. Period used to be regular but over the last year noticed that it was getting shorter...little did I know I was gearing up for the record run! Frankly this has me scared. I do have an appointment with a Dr. the end of this week. Can somebody give me some encouragement to at least hold me to the earth until I find out otherwise? Has anybody else experienced this? It seems to stupid to ask if being abnormal is normal.........

[SallyannW]

I know what you are going through. When I was your age, my Dr told me I was not pre-menopause. I went to another and he gave me a shot of progestrone and I felt better within minutes. This is not in your mind, it is real. All test are not correct. We now what our bodies are telling us. This is just the beginning. Listen to your body and don't let dr. tell you otherwise.

Well at least I do have an answer now as recent blood tests show I am perimenopausal but I feel I've lost 3 years of my life.

[SallyannW]

Hi,
I am new to this sight. I've been reading alot of messages and I am hoping that I am in perimenopause instead of dying from some dreaded disease. I have had my period for over 2 weeks. I am 47 and it has never done this. I do have night sweats. Period used to be regular but over the last year noticed that it was getting shorter...little did I know I was gearing up for the record run! Frankly this has me scared. I do have an appointment with a Dr. the end of this week. Can somebody give me some encouragement to at least hold me to the earth until I find out otherwise? Has anybody else experienced this? It seems to stupid to ask if being abnormal is normal.........

My periods have been two weeks long for about 2/3 years now and in that I haven't been regular either. I am now three weeks into this period after being 4 weeks late. I have just been diagnosed as being perimenopausal. You are doing the right thing getting this checked but try not to worry about it. I know it is not easy though as I have thought I had some terrible disease over the last few years too. Let us know what your doctor days.

[bamboo]

Add me to the ranks of women who feel amazed at reading all these posts and identifying with almost every single peri-issue! I have also been to doctor after doctor who have told me everything from : it's nothing we can identify to everything else under the sun but they were not sure....sigh.... I just can't believe that so many of us suffer from the same things and that when you go to a doctor most of them can't diagnose correctly- at least not in my neck of the woods...er..ocean....what I have begun to do is trust other women- listen to their stories and compare them to mine even though we are all different there are so many similarities with this menojunks that I have found more help and relief just from listening to all of "you" and trying the different things that other sisters have tried....I can honestly say that I have never gotten any relief from anything I was told or prescribed by a doctor- but then again ...we don't have many doctors here...before this perijunks started I was...so full of energy, I could work from early morning to late at night with hardly a problem- I was mostly cheerful, I could handle several fairly stressful tasks at the same time and bounce back pretty quick from "over-doing" it and being tired....I could literally go,go,go! NOW...HA! Sigh....I can hardly wake up in the morning and many times I feel like I didn't even sleep- I can't handle stress very well anymore-and I can pretty much only do one thing at a time- I almost come unglued when I have to "multi-task" oh gosh how I HATE that newfangled modern word..."multi-task" blech! My boss must have an everready battery up his butt because he never STOPS...he practically runs from his desk to the copier and expects every one to do the same- and I just CAN'T...not anymore...I sit almost all day and now I swell....bloat...I get gas from everything...and headaches.....and I need a nap around 2pm but can't take one- sometimes I can't stand it so I go to the ladies room to grab 5 on the toilet.....I sit on the closed lid and lean against the wall....I can't help it....if people that knew me knew the real me I don't think they would believe it! I feel like I live in 2 worlds- one that I put on for the public ...and...reality...the reality that I don't let people know about....like taking a nap on the toilet because I couldn't sleep the night before.....I cry a lot now...sometimes for no reason...I get angry a lot too...screaming mad- I embarass myself with my nastiness...it just comes out of my mouth without warning....I remind myself of that comedy movie with Jim Carey...the one where he couldn't lie and he told everyone the truth....forgot the name of movie....(Liar, Liar..??) anyhow- yeah...things just come out of my mouth now and I'm shocked at times....I shock myself. I think the worst is the tiredness and mood-swings...or is it the nightsweats that keep me from sleeping that makes me dog-tired during the day and irritable..???? I don't know..one thing is tied to the other....and I can't figure out sometimes what is worse-sigh....I get pains in my lower abdomen- I have a feeling they are cysts but the doctor said that it might be a spinal problem....that's just nuts to me....they get really bad around the time of my period-really bad-sometimes I can't keep a straight face- and these hairs on my chin...YIKES! I'm constantly pulling out these stiff prickly hairs on my chin....!!!

OMG-I think I'm turning into my old aunt Freida...
Well.....at least I found this forum where no one will think I'm nuts .....

I hope I am making sense!

[bamboo]

oh..my..I rambled on and on about my ailments...I'm so sorry....I guess I just wanted to add a little about some of the positive effects of going through this perimenojunks.....before Peri I was so timid- I rarely ever gave my opinion about anything- I was so afraid of people and of what they would think of me- I thought everyone was way "schmarter" than me! But enter "perimenowoman"...badabing! What a change...now my opinion comes out of my mouth if I want it to or not! People don't push me around anymore like they used to- I was "picked on" a lot - specially by my X's family....not anymore! I feel a lot more confident in some ways-I'm not afraid to talk to people - and I'm honest now- gut level- I say what I feel-it's not that I was not honest before-but I didn't always say what I really felt-I kept it inside and tested the waters first-if it went againt popular opinion I stayed quiet....I'm finding that honest does not always sit well with people-funny..I never knew that before...sure helps you weed out your true friends! My spirituality has changed tremendously-it's become very personal and I don't agree with most of what I hear coming out of many religious folks heads....I'm tired of the non-sense fluff ideas and the scare tactics! I think that to my old friends it may seem that I have become LESS religious...I guess in a way they are correct- I've thrown out religion for deep spirituality- I've heard from an old friend not too long ago...she said I needed to "repent" and come back to God....I just had to shake my head and laugh a that statement.....I didn't even bother to respond. I think also one of the biggest changes in my personality is my zero tolerance for crap-and "busywork" I have no time for it anymore- I keep saying that I am going to quit my job and do something that satisfies me inside..and I am...my current job is endless paperwork that goes no where and I think is actually invented to make us all look like we are doing something important...to make the talking heads feel good ....sheesh...I have no time for it anymore....I am working on getting my yoga teacher training and teaching yoga to women like me...some of my friends think it's a great idea and a perfect fit and then there are the "professional" friends I have ( nothing against professional people...) who think I'm nuts to give up a career to be a "yoga" teacher....I also want to teach meditation...my religious friends blew a gasket at that one....

but I simply don't care anymore- perimeno has driven me to cut out all the non-sense and uselsess junk out of my life and cut to the chase-get to the core of what I really want- I know that sounds a bit selfish- don't get me wrong- I still love and care for my 3 kids...5 stepkids and 14 grandkids..and my hubby who reallyis a doll and my best friend..I'm very much involved with them and love it....it's all other stuff that I can't stand anymore...yeah...running from my desk to the copier...working late hours because the boss gets irked that he is the only one staying late...forget it..I'm not doing it anymore.....I can't ...............

I'll go nuts.....

don't get me wrong...I'm not yet where I'd like to be- but boy..I am working on it...with a passion....when I'm not too tired....

[Buttercup7]

Many of us never really thought much about menopause prior to "being there." And, if we did think about menopause before, it was likely that we thought it would be the end of our periods - and nothing like what it actually is.

As most of us know by now, menopause can be a time of difficult physical, emotional and spiritual changes - changes in temperament, changes in the way we react to everything we're feeling, changes in the way we interact with others - changes in our personalities.

At the same time, a common phrase I've used and believe in is, menopause doesn't happen in a vacuum. We were many things before perimenopause reared its ugly head -- some of us with certain temperaments before any of this started. Some of us always tolerated pain well. Some of us may have lived with more anxiety than the average person. Some of us may have been prone to depression. Many of us had/have more problems in general than the average person before menopause started. Some of us may have had marital difficulties prior to menopause.

One thing that's crystal clear to most of us is that menopause exacerbates ALL the pre-existing problems that existed before the perimenopausal years.

What I'm interested in having you all share is basically - when you introspect about who/how you were before and who/how you are now, what are the differences?

Have you become more fearful since starting your changes, or were you fearful prior to menopause whenever you had an ache or pain?

Did you go to the doctor a lot before menopause started, rarely - do you go more often now?

Do some of the severe symptoms of menopause cause you to think you may be having a stroke? heart attack? or developing some horrific disease?

Has menopause itself changed you and/or created a personality different from the one you had before?

None of this is meant to be judgmental in any way -- but to gain some insight into who and how you were before all this started and who and how you are now?

You don't specifically have to answer these questions, but just share who you were before -- if you remember as compared to who you are now.

Thanks

Dearest

Most likely this will be my sole post.

I’ve had hormone imbalance since I entered puberty that caused me to pull out my hair (I don't remember doing this but this is what the doctors claimed) when I was in high school and I had bald spots over my head, I 'saw' things that were not me in mirrors, had periods that would stop for months and years at a time, etc., then start and not be red or even brown, but black.

Disturbances continued to worsen and I was put into a hospital under partial out patient care which meant that part of the week I was in the hospital, and the rest I was at home. I was given mega doses of combined mood elevators and tranquilizers. I was informed many years after that this treatment was a now illegal protocol to lobotomize via medication. This was also what happened when I lost my children and 8 months of memory.

I had a partial hysterectomy at 28, the surgeon spent quite a bit of time telling me what they found (among sexual mutilation). I had one ovary that had been so extensively eaten by cysts that he suspected it had been going on for many years, and the other ovary had never opened up....it was that of a child of 10 years old. He explained that I had been existing on only fleeting estrogen (probably most of my life), but that once the second ovary had been stimulated (he did while I was still surgically open), it would continue to blossom and function and will still very full of eggs).

So, for me, menopause was delayed and even now I am probably not where most women my age would be. However, when I did begin menopause, my symptoms were severe again as they had been when I was younger, very close to suicide and violence.

I have been having hormone imbalance since I entered puberty that caused me to pull out my hair (I don't remember doing this) when I was in high school and I had bald spots over my head, I 'saw' things that were not me in mirrors, had periods that would stop for months and years at a time, etc. This was also what happened when I lost my children. Over the years symptoms got worse.

When I had a partial hysterectomy at 28, the surgeon spent quite a bit of time telling me what they found (among sexual mutilation), I had one ovary that had been eaten by cysts that apparently had been going on for many years, and the other had never opened up....it was that of a child of 10 years old. He explained that I had been existing on only fleeting estrogen (probably most of my life), but that once the second ovary had been stimulated (he did something that stimulated it while I was open), it would blossom and function and will still very full of eggs).

So, for me, menopause was delayed and even now I am probably not where most women my age would be. However, when it did begin, my symptoms were severe and violent, very close to suicide and violence.

Most of my teeth crumbled and abscessed, my hair fell out, hot flashes occurred every 15 to 20 minutes with such intensity that I had to keep windows open even in the winter and remained in room temperatures close to 30 degrees. I became sick with a fever well above 104 and continued working. I was nearly 50 then and helped install carpet.

I didn't have access to HRT though because I had no health insurance and no money so it was my county who finally got me to a GYN long after I should have begun this therapy. For a very short number of 6 years I have felt normal, in control. I have only been married two years now, a new beginning even at my age and.....

Still, when I read over the 34 symptoms, it became glaringly apparent that MANY symptoms were not only unrecognized by me as being menopausal, for reasons I cannot ascertain, a series of doctors sent me for a wide variety of VERY uncomfortable, costly, and time-consuming tests include a Pet Scan that resulted in ‘nothing’ from their specific areas of specialties.

I had to see a new GYN doctor who decided that my dose should be cut in half. Like many women I felt it would really be nice to not have to take anything. And of course as I said, I was feeling more controlled.....

I have been on the half dose for two months and among other moderate to not so moderate symptoms began to rebirth. A very violent episode now has frightened me half to death. For two days and nights I dared not let my new husband even near me, nor any of my animals. I did not bath, brush my teeth or hair, didn't change clothes nor did I sleep in our bed but isolated myself two stories below. I had in fact, gone back to all the years before having access to hormone replacement. I know the feeling and symptoms too well because I've lived with them for too many years.

I don't want to lose my husband, I don't want hate to rule my life especially when I can in no way identify the origin of such feelings and behavior.

I am reminded that there are many physical malfunctions that medicine controls and the entire world accepts that they must be:

Insulin is given to those whose bodies will not properly produce it
Heart medication is given to those whose hearts will not cooperate
Thyroid is given to those whose bodies do not properly produce

I think this list could probably go on…….yet

For some reason those of us who do not produce or never produced hormones in adequate balances are told we should not take them, that we will live longer……… Amazingly, these same physicians will readily offer anti-depressants, tranquilizers narcotics (to which the patient then becomes addicted) over simply giving the body what it really needs to be healthy.

I would rather die early than live many years filled with hate and not even know where it comes from, or with the fear I will hurt someone and have to live all those extra years alone because no one, not even myself can bear to be in my vicinity.

I would rather live a shorter duration and be with those I love in relative control and peace and love.

I do not think quantity should be preferred or valued over quality…..

[Buttercup7]

What I'm interested in having you all share is basically - when you introspect about who/how you were before and who/how you are now, what are the differences?

Have you become more fearful since starting your changes, or were you fearful prior to menopause whenever you had an ache or pain?

Did you go to the doctor a lot before menopause started, rarely - do you go more often now?

Do some of the severe symptoms of menopause cause you to think you may be having a stroke? heart attack? or developing some horrific disease?

Has menopause itself changed you and/or created a personality different from the one you had before?

None of this is meant to be judgmental in any way -- but to gain some insight into who and how you were before all this started and who and how you are now?

In spite of my earlier post (which I claimed would probably be my ONLY post) I wanted to respond better to the questions asked because I believe they are MOST relevant to women. They are relevant because females have consistently been problematic to doctors (no, not just men) from the age of 10 to 110. Men believe we are deliberately mysterious, and doctors have no better diagram to diagnose and appear to chalk all complaints up to being 'female' and shuffle us off.

Who I was before is the same person I am now. The main difference is that I was hiding inside the house-that-is-me then, and now I now I'm standing at the door of that house-that-is-me vocalizing. What I was afraid to share before, I'm more open to sharing now. My inside voice was always loud enough, but I kept it muffled so I would not interfere or intrude on others.

As far as traveling to the doctor.... I don't like going now. Part of this is because I used to trust them, I almost believed they were 'gods' who had the right answers but that was a VERY long time ago.

Now I view doctors mostly as dangerous in their interpretation of what should be normal, or what is physical from what is psychological. If a physician cannot easily define or diagnose a complaint, they simply hurl the 'offender' to another specialist or for tests that seem never to stop. I have found physicians frequently are off on tangents that become so far afield that the original sin-complaint goes away on its own, or the patient becomes so terrifically terrified and ill from the tests that the original complaint becomes something they'd rather live with or die with. The patient decides to hide the problem, pretend it doesn't exist, or just suffers in silence.

Physicians are so mired now in fear of law suits that they would rather make the boundaries of specific disorders or natural changes fit into very clear and easily tested definitions. Anything kind of deviation in complaint or concern that falls beyond those borders become fearful for doctors. Which is of course the greater part of the problem for women from the beginning of puberty until death. We are the 'unknown'.

Yes, I often think I'm on the verge of a stroke or heart attack. Palpitations are new to me and when I feel that flutter-bang it terrifies me, springs into a panic-attack that they produces adrenalin that makes my heart beat harder and even more irregular which scares me even further, which makes me panic................well, we ALL know where this goes.

I think we all have a right to be angry though, to an extent. We first figure if we can get through puberty (we don't think this consciously at the time because we're too young) if we can get to age 20, then we'll be okay and all the flooding feelings will be gone. Then we get pregnant, some of us multiple times and that makes it own set of emotional woes but we figure once all that's done, then we can just enjoy life with a family. But shortly we enter the first phase of menopause, and we realize the second set's got to be fought before the third step of it comes and we're really talking about years for each step.

That's when we FINALLY realize that being female is a mystery to not just everyone else, but to us as well.

[Oh2Escape4aDay]

Wow I've read so many things that describe me it's frightening.

I think I can pick things out of almost every post and relate them to myself.

The majority of my life I was clincally depressed and didn't know it. You learn to push things down and hide them from the world just to function day to day. Then it started to get to me and I got to a Dr and tried meds after meds after meds and none worked. I ended up doing bio-feedback and the light switched flipped and I saw things differently. I did not have all the sessions I should have, but that's because of logistics.

I did however have enough to learn that my brain wasn't firing properly. Instead of having peaks and valleys in my emotions, I was flat. I didn't have highs and lows like others. Just steady constant flat emotions.

When you live with it everyday for as long as you can remember you know no different. Luckily, I married a sensitive man. He was raised by a nurse and started to tell me that I was depressed. Best thing was he understood.

Shortly after getting past the depression, I noticed changes in my body. So I made an appointment with a GYN who said I was too young to be starting to change. She said my hormone levels were fine and not to worry.

But, I went from being regular, like clock work, to missing now and then. Then it became missing more and more, and finally it's been over a year since I've had a cycle.

Here I am 4 years later, confirmed post menopause. The hormone tests confirmed it.

I've had it pretty easy compared to most - I think. But I'm noticing headaches, either hot or cold flashes - it depends and makes no sense, I've been told I'm moody - but not me I can't be moody - and now some tingling.

Some of the symptoms I have are related to neck problems I have. I have 2 "bulging" discs and nerve damage on my right side. So, some of the symptoms I've been experiencing I've been blaming on my neck. Now, after reading so many posts, I'm sure it's a combination of my neck and my hormones going nuts.

Thanks everyone for being so open and sharing your experiences. They helped me to know I'm not really insane - it just seems that way at times.

I was sharing with my husband some of what I have been reading and he just laughed and said.....So this is normal and I just need to learn to stay out of the way.

[horsinaround]

Add me to the ranks of women who feel amazed at reading all these posts and identifying with almost every single peri-issue! I have also been to doctor after doctor who have told me everything from : it's nothing we can identify to everything else under the sun but they were not sure....sigh.... I just can't believe that so many of us suffer from the same things and that when you go to a doctor most of them can't diagnose correctly- at least not in my neck of the woods...er..ocean....what I have begun to do is trust other women- listen to their stories and compare them to mine even though we are all different there are so many similarities with this menojunks that I have found more help and relief just from listening to all of "you" and trying the different things that other sisters have tried....I can honestly say that I have never gotten any relief from anything I was told or prescribed by a doctor- but then again ...we don't have many doctors here...before this perijunks started I was...so full of energy, I could work from early morning to late at night with hardly a problem- I was mostly cheerful, I could handle several fairly stressful tasks at the same time and bounce back pretty quick from "over-doing" it and being tired....I could literally go,go,go! NOW...HA! Sigh....I can hardly wake up in the morning and many times I feel like I didn't even sleep- I can't handle stress very well anymore-and I can pretty much only do one thing at a time- I almost come unglued when I have to "multi-task" oh gosh how I HATE that newfangled modern word..."multi-task" blech! My boss must have an everready battery up his butt because he never STOPS...he practically runs from his desk to the copier and expects every one to do the same- and I just CAN'T...not anymore...I sit almost all day and now I swell....bloat...I get gas from everything...and headaches.....and I need a nap around 2pm but can't take one- sometimes I can't stand it so I go to the ladies room to grab 5 on the toilet.....I sit on the closed lid and lean against the wall....I can't help it....if people that knew me knew the real me I don't think they would believe it! I feel like I live in 2 worlds- one that I put on for the public ...and...reality...the reality that I don't let people know about....like taking a nap on the toilet because I couldn't sleep the night before.....I cry a lot now...sometimes for no reason...I get angry a lot too...screaming mad- I embarass myself with my nastiness...it just comes out of my mouth without warning....I remind myself of that comedy movie with Jim Carey...the one where he couldn't lie and he told everyone the truth....forgot the name of movie....(Liar, Liar..??) anyhow- yeah...things just come out of my mouth now and I'm shocked at times....I shock myself. I think the worst is the tiredness and mood-swings...or is it the nightsweats that keep me from sleeping that makes me dog-tired during the day and irritable..???? I don't know..one thing is tied to the other....and I can't figure out sometimes what is worse-sigh....I get pains in my lower abdomen- I have a feeling they are cysts but the doctor said that it might be a spinal problem....that's just nuts to me....they get really bad around the time of my period-really bad-sometimes I can't keep a straight face- and these hairs on my chin...YIKES! I'm constantly pulling out these stiff prickly hairs on my chin....!!!

OMG-I think I'm turning into my old aunt Freida...
Well.....at least I found this forum where no one will think I'm nuts .....

I hope I am making sense!

Whenever I read the posts I'm just amazed at how much alike our symptoms our. Almost like we're a bunch of clones. It's spooky but comforting at least. The question I have is - does anyone ever feel "normal" again or is this it?

[Ladydi617]

Whenever I read the posts I'm just amazed at how much alike our symptoms our. Almost like we're a bunch of clones. It's spooky but comforting at least. The question I have is - does anyone ever feel "normal" again or is this it?

I have like triple whammy. I have been severely anemic since October 2. I have had 3 blood transfusion from this date to March 8 when I had my hysterectomy, complete. I had very bad fibroid causing very heavy bleeding causing me to be severely anemic. Even after my surgery my Hemo was back down to 8 so had yet another blood transfusion. Now to date is is back up to 14.0 and I don't have to take the iron anymore. With the complete hysterectomy I went into Instant menopause...........Some days I cant stand myself, also during all this they found I have a very low thyroid that I am still trying to get under control. It is better but needs to level out. with all this going on it is hard to diagnosed what symptoms are what? Since the symptoms of thyroid are a lot of time mistaken for menopause...........I am doing better have some bad days, the irritability is the worse though is improving. There were weeks there I could not even stand myself. Ofcource I have also googled my self to death and just has caused so much fear in me. I have diagnosed myself with "Google diabetes" "Heart disease" I do swear every symptom you have on Google is all heart related. So off to my doctor I kept going, or the ER .......I am doing better with that though. My doctor is not much better than Google, but I was so lucky she referred me to a wonderful OBYGN..........Anyway googling did help me find this site and I don't sign of for many but after reading a few post I feel a little better and hope to get to know some of you.......Thanks Lady di from California

[Ladydi617]

QUOTE(Dearest @ Jan 27 2004, 06:08 AM) *

What I'm interested in having you all share is basically - when you introspect about who/how you were before and who/how you are now, what are the differences?

Have you become more fearful since starting your changes, or were you fearful prior to menopause whenever you had an ache or pain?

Did you go to the doctor a lot before menopause started, rarely - do you go more often now?

Do some of the severe symptoms of menopause cause you to think you may be having a stroke? heart attack? or developing some horrific disease?

Has menopause itself changed you and/or created a personality different from the one you had before?

None of this is meant to be judgmental in any way -- but to gain some insight into who and how you were before all this started and who and how you are now?


OMG this is my life right now.......I found this after I posted my last post........

Right now my biggest fear is I may have blood clots................
as said in post before they know me personally at the ER, I was going every two weeks for something. Only twice was there a reason my anemia was severe............................

[suzyq5558]

WOW! Iam truly blessed to have found this board! I realized about 8 yrs ago I could be going through peri. the mood swings, hot flushes at night somrtimes, but I didnt give it too much thought untill dec.05 I ended up in ER 5 times with wild panic attacks, feeling as though i was having a heart attack or worse. I have asthma so the docs were telling me that was the problem. then they discovered i have diabetes. told me i must lose lots of wieght.i weighed 254. So i went home and broke down. but took the weight loss to heart and have lost 80 pds. but the peri symptoms have really become awful. last month while biking with my DH i just started bleeding all over the place i looked like i had been shot or something we were 4 miles from the truck on a public bike path! blood was squishing out of my shoes for petes sake. i paniced and had to quickly down a pill then went into an asthma attack! my DH fell off his bike which made it all worseLOL I called my doc office that day but she was gone for the week and i talked to a triage nurse who just said welcome to the club. to make a long story short in the past month I have now had wild heart beats, horrible bleeding and now my hair is falling out Oh Lord when does this end???? my dr. has put me on meds to stop the bleeding which is working but all this other stuff going on leads me to believe that the me i used to know is gone she ran away the day the bleeding started! im thankful my DH loves me and is understanding. im glad to know that iam not alone in this wild transision and after reading some of your stories here i know im at home! thanks dearest:)

[mwmsdaughter]

When I review my life in terms of before and during (I haven't gotten to "after", as of yet) menopause, the things that stand out for me are kind of oxymorons, if you will. I will answer your questions, but not in the order you might want - my fingers are taking control of the keyboard! When perimenopause "hit" I found that I was becoming increasingly more anxious than I ever was before. Mind you, I come from an anxiety ridden family, but I never reacted all that anxiously to most things, except for small stuff, like having to stand up in front of a room to speak or when I had to take my road test or board a plane to fly. I would freak out of course, but once the event passed and I was actually "living it" I was fine. With perimenopause, all of that changed and my anxiety went out of control. In fact, it was so bad I actually started to develop panic attacks -- while driving, which was ever so much fun!

During that awful time in my life, I truly thought I had clearly lost my mind from all of the stress I was enduring at the time ( a separation and divorce, selling my marital home, relocating, moving, getting a new job the year before and then losing it for reasons that were never explained to me, along with having gynecological surgery for the umpteenth time). It never occurred to me that it was perimenopause until my female internist asked me how old I was and explained that anxiety and panic attacks were the norm for the age I was at the time (@41-42). I was shocked. Who knew? I certainly didn't and I read a lot about women's health. Anyway, even with the diagnosis I still felt like a crazy person, especially because I had endured far worse than what I was going through at the time, but that was when I was far younger and my hormones were relatively normal. I felt ashamed and broken when the attacks arrived, as much as I felt like a failure, especially considering all I had been through in life. What made it worse was the Paxil the MD prescribed. While it helped alleviate some of the panic attacks I had (although my true healing began when I simply buckled down and refused to give in to it), I gained about 50 lbs on my slender frame and ballooned up to over 185 lbs on that god awful drug. I felt sluggish and flat, along with fat. This only added to my lovely state of mind. I loathed myself and felt about as sexual and as beautiful as a broken lamp.

And yet, the weird thing of it all was this - and this is the oxymoron I mentioned above - when perimenopause arrived I was actually discovering my voice. I learned the fine art of saying "No" (I was always a "yes" person and excessively accommodated other people's needs before my own), and I ostensibly allowed people - including my oldest and dearest friends - to walk all over me. In effect, I was more of a mouse before - quiet and sweet and excessively patient - and I didn't make room for my self. When the perimenopause hit, I did. I cut my old friends out of my life because they were too toxic for me. I set limits and boundaries where I never did before. I stopped trying to please everybody, and learned - finally, to please myself first, even if I lost a few friends in the process. I know I shocked a lot of people, but the sad truth is that I ALWAYS had a voice before - along with opinions, ideals and commentary - but I was too chicken to express them; I was too afraid to speak to what I felt because I was afraid of being alone. That all changed when my hormones started to shift.

With perimenopause came other things. Fibromyalgia is one of them, even though I suspected I had it years and years before. I was always someone who walked and talked fast. If anyone could be described as a typical New Yorker I most certainly could have fulfilled that role. I was one. But with the fibromyalgia and the perimenopause (and probably the Paxil, too), I was more exhausted and drained than what I was used to being. This was hard for me at first - hard for me to see that my body's energy had become so depleted that I could barely sleep at night! In fact, most of the time I would wake up at least 20 times during the night, which actually is a hallmark of the condition. When that happened, my body ached terribly until I would eventually have a "flare". That's when the pain would hit and frankly, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. It was hard for me to cope with all of these changes in my body. I couldn't catch up and deal with the pain sometimes, but, I am stubborn and I continued to press forward, unwilling to give the fibromyalgia further credibility. Having this syndrome further fostered my need to place myself first. I live this way even now. I no longer take garbage from anyone, and that includes my husband, my friends, my family. I feel stronger now, in spite of the raging storm of my hormones.

The physical stuff - like the whacky periods, etc - are troubling for me at times, but I have always had gynecological problems, and I am kind of used to something going wrong inside my body. It started when I was twelve years old when I got my first period. From pelvic cysts, to uterine and fallopian tube deformities, to heavy periods, lots of pain, endometriosis and fibroids I've seen it all, so there really has been no differentiation in that regard.

And as for moods, well, I am moody anyway, so the additional mood swings are really the norm for me in a way. I guess the difference is that I am more direct about my feelings now than I was.

Let's talk about sex. What's sex? What's a vagina? What's LUST? Tell me what that is because I haven't got the slightest clue as to what that is! LOL! Perimenopause means that my interest in sex has taken an extended vacation to the furthest planet in the Universe. Any semblance of desire has all but disappeared or is pretty much fleeting. The only time I feel even remotely sexual - and I mean remotely- is when I am getting my period. After that, it's gone. I have no interest in it AT ALL. My husband is amazingly patient and kind with me, but I feel a lot of guilt about this. Before perimenopause I loved sex but now? I would rather read. or be alone...which brings me to the next point...

I am restless. Bored. I want to go back to my youth and do the things I didn't get a chance to do then. I want a "do over" in lots of things in my life. I want change, but I haven't got the slightest clue as to what I want to be when I grow up, but I am already THERE. I want to be free. I want to be alone. I want to be married. I don't want to be married. I want to be 30 again when my hair was its real color. I want to be thinner and get a boob job, but I don't really. The truth is that I have a great life - a great husband who supports me (emotionally, that is) to the ends of the earth; a great, interesting and well paying job I actually like. I have a gorgeous house, lots of friends, and everything I could ever want - and all I have earned on my own, but it doesn't seem good enough, somehow. This makes me nuts. I want change, but I am terrified of it. I have not one iota of a clue as to which foot I should place forward first. I feel stuck.

Before? My feet were firmly planted on the ground. I knew the direction I was headed in, but now I am just confused. And yet - more oxymoron's - I am more confident than ever. Go figure.

So this is what it's like for me. Nutso.

[jayel]

I was normal!

Now I'm

Thankfully I have a fantastic partner who's been wonderful.

[epdp2]

as i've begun to educate myself, i realize that this transition has been very gradual & that i could only connect some of the symptoms in restrospect. i have some chronic health issues, so i just thought that it was some more undefined weird stuff. it never occurred to me that i was beginning the transition (i will be 44 this fall).

i'm going to spare everyone the blow by blow details of the progression thus far. but this spring i had a fit a rage so amazing & so uncharacteristic that i quickly got myself into therapy. & then i got pretty sick as well for a few months, which made life much more difficult.

& yet with all of this, the range of symptoms, the confusion (which has been greatly improved, thanks to resources like this site), & the rest, there is an ongoing positive change that i can't even fully articulate yet. i am different - it's like suddenly i stopped waiting (though obviously nothing sudden about it).

i wasn't in therapy long & i've been congratulating myself on my progress. but today i realize that my hormones have been my partners in creating this different woman. i'm not sure where i will end up - lately all i want to do is be alone & dial down the stimulation from the outside world - but for all the struggle, i'm pretty excited to see where i will end up.

[resam10]

hI don't even really know if I have perimenapause. Its like Doctors don't know that word at all. But I am definetly different. I used to sing all around the house making up stupid songs that made no sense and of course would be the only one who would laugh......I was always cracking up about the dumbest of jokes or funny shows, yes and dancing around acting silly at almost 50. Not now. I am tired, achy, sweaty, dizzy at times, palpatations, irritable, scared, confused, and just mad, mad about everything. I hate it. My husband doesn't understand any of this, he did put 2 and 2 together and was the one who actually mentioned, "do you realize this has been happening really bad to you right when you begin your monthly cycle (actually the 2nd and 3rd day). I am getting rid of my doc, he started closing his eyes as if he was dozing off during a conversation where I was explaining my feelings. I left and just cried and cried, could hardly see my way home, and mad as ever. I felt humiliated, embarrased, stupid, ashamed, and just wanted to go drive somewhere out in the woods and hide. (not to worry, we have no woods around here in North Dallas) Just a thought.....I have got to get this under control, I feel like it is making me depressed, but I know what true depression is, had it 20 years ago, so I know it isn't the full blown depression. I am on Paxil for antidepressant, 40 mg. I have been on it for 5 years, can't get off of it, it too makes you sweat, and a beta blocker for blood pressure, and a water pill for diurectics. (I hate the diruetics, I don't pee at all.....I can go all day and not urinate even on them, but boy do I sweat. All of the really bad systems have just occured during the last 3 months, and worse 2 or 3 days into my cycle, I have noticed this one is alot lighter than normal, hardly going at all, but it doesn't mean the cramps in my back, stomach, legs and hips are better during that time, that just about cripples me. I get hot, start sweating everywhere, and I mean every inch of my body, then my skin feels cool and clammy to the touch, when it finally stops, I am exhausted and cold all over. Where are you wise one........dearest are you around>>>any feedback from anyone would be a blessing. Am I a bad person for not wanting to be around anyone that much anymore or getting more irritated with everyone??? I feel so ashamed, because I was never like that before. waiting to hear......Teri

[MaryRatMon]

I too am like so many of the women that have posted on this site----and as I approach 50--proudly I mght add--I am finally becoming "me" I too have learned to open my mouth, speak my mind, not pussyfoot around everyone---I never thought of it being perimenopause or menopause related---just realized I wasn't goingto be the "patsy" any longer--(spouse isn't liking it to much--oh well) --dealing with the trials/tribulations of menopause--are truly something else---along with everything else women go through in their lives---this is just another step if you will. Myself, I believe this started with me about 8 years ago---mood swings, night hot flashes periodically, now---I'm into full blown hot flashes daytime/nighttime, experience the palpitations--that was WILD the first time that happened, the fuzzy thinking, memory fog---it's crazy! Never ever had issues with period--until about 4 years ago---holy cow---what a change! Now, I laugh---have to be prepared at all times---have "supplies" in my car, in my purse, in my desk at work---cause hey "you never know!" Now it's been two months since I've had a period---which is fine with me--hoping I'm at getting toward the end of this "step in life!"

[freshstart22]

Wow, what a great topic, Dearest - this really made me think!

Way back, before menopause ever started, I didn't think much about it at all, of course. When I did think about it, it was along the lines of my period just stopping and that was it. No big decisions, no, symptoms, nothing like the reality of it all.

I have the dubious destinction of going through menopause twice, but the first one was MUCH easier than the real thing. In my early 30s, I had another hormone disorder caused by a (benign) brain tumor. The first symptoms of that - stopped periods - led my doctor to believe that I was in early menopause, after he'd ruled out the possibility of pregnancy. My periods had just stopped, and that's what I assumed real menopause to be.

Incidentally, that did happen for my college roommate - her periods did just stop - no fanfare, no flooding, no symptoms. Just stopped. She couldn't understand the big deal I was going through.

Unfortunately, after that other problem was cleared up several years later, the first thing to come back was my periods. The one symptom I didn't want fixed! I would have been delighted if my period had never come back at all - after all, I wasn't going to have any more children. So why would I need this thing?

Then a brief period of "normalcy", period-wise, anyway, then the real menopause started. UGH!

I had no idea what to expect. I thought it would be like the first time. The periods stop and I go about my life. Boy, was I wrong about that.

Some of those early symptoms, especially the 24/7 random itching, nearly drove me over the edge. That was so awful for me, disrupted my sleep, drove me nutty in the days.

I'm quite a different person now than I was in my younger years. I used to act like SuperWoman with all these ToDo lists, getting them all done, juggling all kinds of things. Nowadays, I don't seem to be able to fit into that cape anymore - I can't even find it under the rubble here The house used to be reasonably clean and tidy. Not any more.

I have not become any more fearful since this menopause started, although I was plenty afraid during the first, fake one. As it turned out, I had some good reasons to be afraid then and I learned that I could face death in a relatively calm way. I am no longer afraid of dying, but I am afraid of possible pain.

Generally, like most of us, I can turn any little thing into the worst possible scenario. Chest pains are heart attacks, other things are cancer. Interestingly, though, when I was in my younger teens I was sure that I had lung cancer - but I didn't tell a soul. Not one of my smarter phases

I go to the doctor much less now. I haven't found that doctors can always help me. I don't want to be prescribed tranquilizers when I say I'm not well, especially if a man in the same situation would get a full workup. I want to be taken seriously because I do know my own body and how it should feel and react - not be patted on the head and told to go away, because I'm a woman / fluffhead.

Usually, if I wait long enough, whatever the problem is goes away on its own, anyway.

I think that my personality has changed somewhat. Some things are better, some not so good. I think I'm a little more social than I used to be. Not a whole lot, but a bit. I spent my earlier life mostly by myself and my family. I have never been one to go out and talk to people or make friends. I'm happy to report that has improved since meno and I have Power Surge to thank for that. Talking in here, in the chats, in IMs has helped me a great deal with this.

I've always been a person who has lived by trying to "hide out", not be noticed by anyone. I would never call attention to myself in any way. Unfortunately, then I sometimes get depressed when no one notices me! Talk about your double standard. LOL

It will be interesting to read what everyone else has to say about these things. It's all very thought provoking to think about.

[freshstart22]

Ladies, I hope this might help someone, even one person. I have a wonderful GYN who has saved my life more than once. Three years ago, I was on just about every pain killer (monthly cramps), anti-depressant, and anti-anxiety pill known to man. My symptoms only got worse, but my primary care doctor just kept prescribing. I went to specialists about my insomnia, my night time bladder issues, and my pain. Finally, I went to this wonderful woman who is not only super intelligent, but never makes you feel stupid or crazy. She did a laparoscopy and I had tons of scar tissue (partly from my genetics, partly from a bad c-section). She scheduled me for surgery, but had me lose weight first so that my recovery would be better. A year later, I had dropped 60 pounds and felt great. When she opened me up, the scar tissue was literally pulling my organs apart, hence the pain every month. My bladder was fused to my uterus and I had a baseball sized tumor on my right ovary, which hadn't been there before. She cleaned everything up and left my good ovary to ward off surgical menopause (I was 38 at the time).

I recount this story to tell you where I am now. I have had 2 beyond horribly stressful jobs in the past two years, and I always made excuses about time, so I didn't do my follow up with her. My primary care had me on me on anti-anxiety meds so strong I couldn't stay awake at work. He put me on xanax to stop my anxiety attacks. My tight chest, the fear gripping my stomach, crying jags (great for my professional image), all just kept getting worse, but now the xanax suddenly made me think that cutting myself might be a good idea. My wonderful husband suggested I go back to my GYN (he hates my primary, but you know HMO's), and she did a saliva test on me. (My blood hormones taken at the doctor's office were supposedly within range)

This beauty of a test showed that my DHEA was 17 (should have been between 300-375) and my cortisol was so low that the lab retested it 4 times because they thought they might be misreading it. All my hormones were tanking. My endocrine system was shutting down; it thought from all the constant stress that I was dying. My thyroid was low because it had nothing to supervise. She took me out of work for 7 weeks, but me on homeopathic hormone creams compounded for my age, weight, only having one functioning ovary, etc. She gave me increasing doses of compounded DHEA. I have had an aunt (maternal) die from ovarian cancer and my amazing grandmother (paternal) died a slow death from breast cancer, so I am not willing to chance hrt.

I am sane again. I had cysts on my ovary and liver (they didn't have enough hormones to do their job, so their incomplete cycles produced cysts), but they are gone now, all by themselves. I found any sweating activity I could, mopping my long-neglected floors, calling off our landscaper and doing all my own yard work (with a walking mower), you name it. Nothing fancy, playing soccer and going on the jungle gym and swings with my sixteen year old daughter. I drank organic lemon juice in warm water every day, ate 6 small meals of protein and complex carbs, and I feel amazing.

I am strong again, which is ironic since that is partly what got me into this. I always thought I could do anything and I worked myself almost to death. With only one ovary, the stress of such an extensive surgery, two horrible jobs, and a divorce in the middle, my hormones couldn't handle what I was demanding. I am not on any prescriptions other than my DHEA and progesterone/testosterone cream. When I reported this back to my Primary care doctor, his response was, "Huh, hormones. Who would've thought?' I didn't hit him, or even care that he thought it was something in my head. All I know is that I didn't need surgery for my cysts, my hormone levels are stabilizing, and I don't freak out over the little (or even the big) things anymore. I am the strong woman I always knew I was, again.

If you can relate in any way to what I am saying, find a caring, open-minded doctor who is willing to give you a saliva test for your hormone, DHEA, and cortisol levels. She also gave me a fasting blood test to check my pancreas and thyroid. She gave me back my life, again. Good luck ladies, please don't lose heart. I am glad I didn't believe I was really done living at 42.

[kimberccc]

I'm intrigued . . . what are homeopathic hormone creams if they're not hormones? (It's just you had said you don't take hormone replacement therapy so I assumed there were no synthetic or bio-identical hormones in them). Is it something like soy, which I always hear referred to as having "estrogen-like" properties? Or something else entirely?

I not that familiar with homeopathy so excuse the stupidity.

Thanks,

kimber

[SadieBlack]

I'm intrigued . . . what are homeopathic hormone creams if they're not hormones? (It's just you had said you don't take hormone replacement therapy so I assumed there were no synthetic or bio-identical hormones in them). Is it something like soy, which I always hear referred to as having "estrogen-like" properties? Or something else entirely?

I not that familiar with homeopathy so excuse the stupidity.

Thanks,

kimber

I would like to know where we can get some non-prescription hormone creams as well. Especially progesterone/testosterone. I don't have health insurance and it's all on me to find out what works.

As for who I was before meno, and who I am now during the menopause process:

I've had a cessation of periods several times now. And I have to say that once you get off that monthly hormonal rollercoaster you step back and go WOW! I can THINK again! Sure, hot flashes are driving me insane, I have had terrible bouts of insomnia and pleasel dear Goddess, give me back my libido and the functionality of my nether regions!

BUT, I am lucky I guess. I've only had a few cranky weeks out of at least five years of this process. Who knows how long it will last, but at least MOST of the time I don't have hormones interfering with my emotions or brain. MOST of the time I feel so much better than I did, mentally and emotionally, when I had periods.

I hated having periods. From the very first day. I hated every minute of it and had terrible cramps. Oh, and haven't any of you had that periodic 200-yr-old Lady Day? That day right before your period, or the first day of your period where all your joints hurt like crazy and you can barely move and you swell up like a water balloon.....aren't you SO GLAD to say good bye to that?

[baby]

Peri-menopause hit without a warning. I am only starting to realize after finding this site, what my body has been going through for the last 2 years. Starting with a feeling of sadness and doom and gloom. (never felt that way before). Then the crazy heavy periods. Then anxiety, insomnia, dizzy spells and fog. The the joints and muscles on my body started to ache and pain for no reason at all. Went for every test imaginable to man and you guessed it.... all normal. I've been to the doctors office about 10 times in the last year and probably only 10 times total in my whole life. She has never ever mentioned peri-menopause. I have put the pieces together myself and after finding this site, confirmed my suspisions. Doc tells me I have fibromyalgia - all the symptoms seem to be the same as peri????
Is this crazy or what. Anyone else given this diagnosis?

hi im replying iv had fibromyalgia for years now im menopausal too im 40 had hysterectomy 2 yrs ago i have completley changed my personality is horrible hubby ready to put me away i blow up at dumb stuff i was never like this i cant stand my self and the fibromyalgia is so bad now some times i feel like i cant move never once has my dr associated the two together tho but i believe they go hand in hand

[lilyfields]

hi im replying iv had fibromyalgia for years now im menopausal too im 40 had hysterectomy 2 yrs ago i have completley changed my personality is horrible hubby ready to put me away i blow up at dumb stuff i was never like this i cant stand my self and the fibromyalgia is so bad now some times i feel like i cant move never once has my dr associated the two together tho but i believe they go hand in hand

[lilyfields]

I apologize. I am just getting used to posting here. I am replying to Virginia and fibromyalgia. I had a hysterectomy, a total oopherectomy actually, 20 years ago. I sailed through the operation. Two weeks later I hit a brick wall. My body fell apart. I had pain all over and felt like I was dying. I have since been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I believe it can be brought on by stress like surgery, an accident, etc. My friends would say they were fine after a hysterectomy. I would say but what about the pain? They would say what pain. I eventually found that estrogen helped with the pain, but that it wasn't menopause but the pain of fibro. I just want to say, Virginia, be kind to yourself. Let yourself rest when your body tells you. Have a good caring doctor who will help you with meds, especially to help you sleep at night. Don't beat yourself up with guilt when you have to cancel out plans. It also helps to have the kindest, most loving husband in the world. I had to get divorced to find him, but I have him now, and I thank God. Oh, and also, prayer and faith helps. Good luck to you! Love, Lilyfields