What Were You Like Before Menopause Started? Options

[sandy1416]

Hi all
I'm new here and cannot believe how common the symptoms are for this. I have gone through what most of you here have. I think I have sufferered for the last year and not realised it. In the last 6 months my life, as I knew it, changed. I became filled with extreme range. I began to talk to myself and cried all the time. My two beautiful girls (ages 21 & 23) stopped hanging out with me. They would leave the room when I got home from work. I would walk in the door and all the day's woes would come out and I would rant and rave about everything! I became sad about everything. My sex drive has taken a permanent vacation, which s*cks. I finally went to see my doctor and had a melt down in his office. I told him that I wanted to drive my car under an 18 wheeler and he decided to put me on anti depressants. They help with the rage that I had but the underlying problems are still there. Last week I became so stressed at work that when I got home I packed a bag and went to an hotel. My family called all night long but I felt I couldnt talk to them. My husband has had a close friendship with a woman at work (its been 10 years) and it never really bothered me before. Now It does and although I know he is not having an affair, their closeness bothers me - to the point where I have started to check how many times a day he talks to her on the phone and cant stand to hear her name mentioned. He tells me I am imagining things and it has started to affect our relationship. I guess it is anxiety and paranoia about my age affecting my looks and self image. I wasnt like this before and hate the panic attacks. My heart pounds so hard sometimes that I cant breathe. It is so sad but Im trying real hard to help myself.

[joliejacq]

Hi Sandy,

(((HUGS))) to you!!

I'm so sorry you're having these feelings. It is so hard to put up with this cr*p, isn't it???

Hon, I would feel EXACTLY like you do if my husband had a woman "friend" he was talking with several times a day! Regardless of how long they've known one another, etc., that kind of emotional intimacy should be reserved for YOU. And you need him right now! I would raise holy hell about this issue, myself. You must be a saint to have put up with it all this time.

Can you talk to your daughters about what you're going through? It might help them to know how hard this can be - they will be facing it themselves one day. Maybe then rather than leaving the room, they can come over and give you a big hug (or do something nice like fix you dinner!).

Girl, you need some support right now. Please be gentle with yourself, and help your family to understand what you need. It is very hard for us women to ask for help, or for nurturing, but dammit, after years of doing for others, we deserve to have it, too.

Welcome to the Power-Surge sisterhood! We hear what you are saying, and wish you well in all this. Let us know how you are doing.



Jacquie

[julief]

Im with Jacqui on the "friend" front -

The meno-monster takes no prisoners - including denial. 10 YEARS! - how hard this must have been .........no wonder you cant contain it any longer.

Glad you found this sight - its a safe place to unpack your baggage, take a break, seek new perspectives, learn new things, have a giggle, speak your mind and release your feelings and much much more.

Jacqui's right you need support.

Julie x

[Chewoo]

Sandy ~ {{ BIG HUGS }}

You are taking good first steps in trying to help yourself. By finding this board, you can read excellent information as well as finding support.

I was having rage for a while. It seemed that everything was making me mad and I was constantly upset with my spouse

What I did to help myself is number one and this may sound corny but I took deep breaths and would count to 20.

Next, I would make sure that I got myself moving around and was doing something. Re-focusing my angry energy helps immensely.

I also had to realize that I needed to try very hard to control these feelings. Easier said then done I know When you get in the 'grip' it is hard to break out.

I had my husband read several articles about perimenopause/menopause and afterwards we had a nice long discussion. I spoke about how I felt, how I felt out of control sometimes, depressed, lack of libido etc.

It was a productive conversation and both of us came away understanding how the other felt and most importantly he understands that I will not always be able to control things as I would like.

I also have taken responsibility of letting him know what I need of him as he can't read my mind. When I need space, I tell him as well as when I need lots of cuddles and snuggling

It doesn't always go smoothly, but its so much better than when I spent months being angry and snapping his head off.

Perhaps if you were to print up some articles for your family to read and then speak with each of them you will find and get the support that you need and deserve. They are all probably just as confused as you are.

As far as your husbands woman friend of 10yrs, you need to address this as well with your husband and let him know how it is making you feel right now. You know that old saying, "That was then this is now"?

You are a lovely woman and be sure to make time to pamper yourself. You are probably like most of us trying to keep up with everything and it just makes you more edgy.

I no longer push myself to get certain chores done at home that have always fallen on me to do *blah* I figure they will be there tomorrow and that my husband can pitch in and help. He does, but I have to tell him LOL. I wish he'd just see that something needs to be done and do it but there ya go

I'm wishing you the best and please let us know how you are doing

[sandy1416]

Hugs to you all - thank you so much for the kind words and the understanding I seek so desperately. I will keep you all up to date. I am trying to cook dinner right now so I have no time to myself. Thanks again - I have finally found friends who understand this madness!

Sandy

[rendy]

Sandy,

Thanks for sharing. I seem to need to hear this over and over. I started today throwing-up and shaking. sometimes I wonder if there is something more wrong with me than just perimeno.

Someone described this as the Meno Monster. They're right, nothing is sacred. My husband actually found this sight for me. He has been not only supportive but reminds me when I need to get off the pity routine and just get living. It is so hard and sometimes so scary I just want to hide in bed.

I agree, try talking to your hubby and share this website with him.

Hang in there, we're here for you!

[Dok Di]

Hi gals. Glad to find the board. I'm 15 years into menopause. Other than insomnia, it hasn't really been bad. My mom went through menopause at 35, so I counted myself blessed when it came at a normal time for me (age 50).

Some words on hot flashes... In German, the word for hot flashes is "hitze Welle"--heat wave, so when I flashed, I would sing a chorus of that old song, "We're having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave." The hot flashes were never debiliating (I didn't take HRT) and faded out after a few years.

Some words on insomnia... My sleep pattern has never returned to normal, but I've found ways around the disruption. One thing I do is keep the radio on all night, with soft meditative music. If I wake up at 3AM, I incorporate the nice music in my revelry. I've learned how to get rest even when I don't get sleep.

Some words on osteoporosis... My GYN tried to talk me into HRT. I'm an MD myself and had done my own due diligence. I wasn't convinced. She used bone density to try to convince me of my need. Low and behold, I had the bones of a young maiden, even without HRT. One of the fringe benefits of bone density testing is the questionnaire that comes with the test about diet and lifestyle elements that influence calcium absorption and retention. I found that the questionnaire was a healthy reminder that served as a cheer leader to remind me of what I should be doing. Over the 15 years without HRT, my bone density that was already normal has improved by 7%. I'm convinced that's from attention to things like Tums, exercise, veggies, dairy products.

A word about fibbing on questionnaires...The first time I had a bone density, I was embarrassed by my non-compliance with what I knew to be healthy life style and didn't want to 'fess up on paper. But instead of fibbing, I wrote. "Whoops, you caught me! Thanks for the healthy reminder." And then I cleaned up my act. A few months later, I saw a lead article in the New England Journal of Medicine on lifestyle and bone density. The study was based on questionnaires of women taking the test. This study was a good reminder to me that I can hurt someone other than myself with what seemed to be a "little white lie." And I wondered how honest the women were who filled out the questionnaires for this study.

So, that's my story. And here I am still awake at 1AM. But I'm retired now, and can catch a nap tomorrow! Happy heat waves!

[Dok Di]

[quote=Juliann,Apr 19 2005, 11:19 PM]
I'm not an expert on the store bought dyes, so I can't tell you which is good. I only have experience with professional products that are sold to stylists only.

A few thoughts on dying grey/white hair.

1. Several studies have now documented increased risk of lymphoma (cancer of lymph glands) in women who use dark dyes, esp with henna in it.
2. Grey/white hair softens the effect of wrinkles
3. Grey/white hair disguises normal thinning of hair and pink scalp peeking through.

[michal]

Well, I entered peri late as I had my third baby at 43 and nursed for 5 years! So I went from lactation straight to peri. Had a surgery at 48 and another at 49 (not gyn related). I used to be so full of energy and confidence....I was even a model in my 20s. Although I "look" good, I feel like a wreck. Had my first hot flashes last week during my period (I'm 50) and night sweats. Also, had my first ever spotting between periods of my whole life. I definitely have general anxiety disorder. Was always prone to it, but now it is full blown. I'm getting Claire Week's book to work on it. I really don't want meds, but if the book doesn't help, I'll need them.

I homeschool my 7 and 10 year olds (oldest is 27) and I am not emotionally present the way I should be. Feel like I really need time alone. My husband is great about watching the kids at night so I can go get massage, go to library, etc. Problem is, by evening I'm wiped out.

Still, after reading these boards, I've decided to keep up with my hair color (not let the roots get an inch long because I just don't care). I feel like it will help me mentally to make an effort to look nicer. Also, I invited company over tomorrow. I used to entertain a lot , but now rarely. I feel more human when I interact with people, even though my inclination is to be a hermit.

I'm really sad about the loss of my youth. I know it has been gone for a long time, but I've been so busy with the kids I didn't notice until now. It all went so fast. I never thought about old age when I was young....not until my forties really. I pushed it out of my mind always because it seemed so unpleasant. Well, now here it is. Maybe it would have been easier if I hadn't been in denial my whole life. All this of course, causes one to face mortality for real. I'm trying to be more gentle with myself and others now. We're all in this life together.

MIchal

[joliejacq]

A nice post, Michal.

You sound like a very dedicated person, homeschooling your little ones, and trying to make the effort with entertaining, keeping looking nice, etc. I know what you mean, BTW - in our 30's and 40's, my hub and I had many dinner parties here. Now - it's been 2 years since we've had anyone except my daughter over!

The fantasy is that when this crap is over, we can resume those things we enjoyed with some GUSTO.

Wishing you well.


Jacquie

[rendy]

Hi Michal,

I couldn't agree with you more. This is a time to reflect and recognize, maybe for the first time, that we won't live forever. I stayed up most of the night last night getting anxious about this. Typical, during the day I'm ok but it gets quiet at night.

My hubby, who is 10 years older than me, tells me it is natural to want to be a hermit and in fact he is trying to get me to do more of it. I can see his point. We're facing a big change physically and emotionally. It can't be avoided. Maybe part of what we need to do is take time to think about what we want, what we like.

Being kind to yourself, that is key. I first got anxious about stupid thoughts and then got mad at myself for not handling them better. Yesterday I was reading an article about a woman who always looked to her future and then suddenly realized she was getting to old to do this. The article was a kind of "self help" around how to make plans for the future but do what you want now. What I got out of it was that this is a time to begin to think about doing what we want now. We've been given the gift of life. There's an awful lot out there to enjoy!

For me, I'm signing up for the voice lessons I never took. I loved to sing but never would in public. It could be fun (and my daughter already does this). If I have time I'll take back up classical guitar. Last time I tried my kids were too young. Finally, I really want to learn more languages. I was always good with them but here in the US we don't get any practice.

I read a study last night which concluded that younger people worry more about their mortality than older people. Go figure. Must only get better then right?

[michal]

Dear Jacquie and Rendy,

Yes, I think we do need to know what it is that really makes us happy....spending time with family, friends, or time alone with ourselves. The latter is my biggest challenge as I have two still small children (7 and 10). My husband is 58 and he has always had a conversation with himself about death. Twenty years ago when we got married I thought it was weird, but now I see he is very at peace with the whole idea of it because it has been a companion, of sorts, all along. For me, it is thunder and lightening!

Today my hubby decided we should get out of the house and go to the mountains for a picnic. It was wonderful, beautiful, and really got me out of myself and all my problems. I ran into an old friend in the mountains and we talked for half an hour. I think she and I might start attending a bible study together. It was healing for the whole family. My kids saw me relaxed for a change:)

Someday I would like to learn some new languages too. I've studied German and Hebrew, but would like fluency. Something to do with my children in a few years maybe. I really love working in my garden. I feel close to God there. We downsized a year ago (even with the kids) for retirement and I'm starting over in the yard. It requires a lot of patience because I'm on a tight budget, but that is good for me too. The truth is, I don't have the energy and stamina for it now like I did 10 years ago. Oy, in my mind I'm still so young! However, this too is good for me....enjoying the process in small bites.

Blessings,
Michal

[rendy]

Hi Michal,

What a coincidence - I studied German and Hebrew too. Doesn't seem like a typical selection for most!

I also have 2 fairly young kids - 8 and 13 - so I understand what you mean.

[michal]

Rendy,

How about Yiddish? With the German and Hebrew I can understand a good bit of it:)

Michal

[rendy]

Wow, I never thought of that but it does make sense. I'd need to see if anyone in my family speaks Yiddish. I think that generation is gone.

[joliejacq]

Once we are 55, we will be able to join Elderhostel.

They have their program offering pamphlets at the local library, and there are some AMAZING offerings.

Can't wait to take some of the courses and do some travel-stuff!

A GOOD thing about growing older.

[shellbelle]

Jacquie, my parents used to do lots of Elderhostels. They loved it! Thanks for reminding me of a positive benefit of growing older

Shel

[junnepurl]

I don't think I have changed my personality since becoming peri.
Thankfully and for my hubby too, I don't get the mood swings.
I am still myself just some new things to deal with. My sense of humor is still intact and overall, I am still me, just wiser, calmer, better!!

[CSugarGrove]

I've worked full time for 36 years, since I was 18, and I'll be 54 in September. I've heard that people wish for retirement and free time until they have it, and then maybe for six months they're happy and get all those projects done that they've wanted to do (cleaning the basement, fresh shelf paper in their kitchen cabinets, etc.). AND THEN....there's nothing more to do, and they start to feel unhappy. I've heard that a person has to have a definite "plan" after they retire, because they CAN get depressed and bored, especially when they've always been used to a very tight schedule.

I don't really like a tight schedule anymore. Let's say it's getting old. I have to get up at 5:00 am, shower, eat, feed my cats and my dog, drive to work (an hour), work all day, drive home (another hour), eat dinner, try to get a couple of chores done, like a load of clothes or vacuum a room (if I'm not too exhausted), then maybe watch TV hopefully for an hour (and after I sit down for ten minutes, I fall asleep), then it's time for bed, and it all starts again. Five days per week, then a fast weekend that is gone in seconds, it seems. I have so many errands to run and any housework that I'd like to do must all be done on these two days.

My husband is six years older than me, and retired. It's hard for me to get up in the morning and leave while he plays with our dog and relaxes. He does help me, mostly doing errands that I don't have time to do, but he's not much for housework. I ask him to vacuum one room and often come home after work and it's not done yet. Or he takes the vacuum hose end and slides it around for five minutes. I feel like unless I do the housework myself, it isn't done right. I've thought of paying someone to do it, but I can't give in to that (yet). Tried a couple of different housecleaning services years ago and it was more grief than it's worth.

My husband says I should work until I get all the retirement benefits that I've earned all these years, but on some days (like today) I'm ready to retire the very split-second that I can, benefits or not.

[Ruby Rose]

  I've thought of paying someone to do it, but I can't give in to that (yet).  Tried a couple of different housecleaning services years ago and it was more grief than it's worth. 

CSugar...

I have had a housekeeper for over 27 years and don't know how I would cope without one! We had live-ins when the kids were little (it sounds extravagant, but it really wasn't!)....and for the past seven years I have had Lorena come to my house every Friday. It is a wonderful way to start the weekend! I have not done a load of laundry, nor changed the sheets, nor cleaned a toilet or tub for 27 years!

I've always believed if I work out of the house, I shouldn't have to work in the house!

Go for it, girl! It is sooooooo worth it!

[greenie]

I'm enjoying reading these recent posts!

I have a question. Someone above mentioned that hair dyes can cause cancer, including those that contain henna. I have never heard that henna can cause cancer, although I have heard that the ingredients in many drugstore and salon hair colors can cause cancer. That's why I stopped getting my hair colored in a salon and started using Light Mountain "Color the Gray" henna.

Can someone clarify the cancer info for me? Thanks!

Before peri started, I was quite energetic, sociable, and enjoyed sports. I was even a bit driven in regards to my career. Well, I quit my job a few years ago and pretty much enjoy being a hermit. Even though I know it would be good for me to get out and be more active, my favorite activity is sitting at home with hubby, watching TV or reading. Am I weird? Sounds like some of you feel the same way!

[CSugarGrove]

I've always believed if I work out of the house, I shouldn't have to work in the house! 

Ruby, well said! Since I spend all my free time cleaning my house, I love to imagine how it would be to come home and see that it's already clean, instead of coming home, tired out, and seeing a million things that need to be done.

I think the trick is finding a good housekeeper. We get flyers all the time about housecleaning services, but which one should we choose? Try several? I tried two in my lifetime. One was company-owned and I was not satisfied. They didn't clean the bathtub and they just folded the top sheet on the toilet paper roll into a point and put a gold sticker on it, like you see in hotels, as if this meant the bathroom was clean. I also tried a small cleaning service owned by one person, and they used my equipment. So the day they were to come, I had to assemble cleaning solvents, my vacuum cleaner and attachments, paper towels, and anything else they would need. On one occasion, I did all this and was nearly out the door to go to work when the owner called and casually said she couldn't send a girl today because she was short-handed. Another time, she sent two women who she said were "twins," and they yanked my vacuum cleaner cord out of the wall so hard that the plug prongs were splayed outward. I didn't want them treating my equipment like this, so I cancelled this one, too.

I guess it's like men---you have to try several to find the right one.

rsgreen, I don't have any info for you on cancer from hair coloring--sorry. However, it DOES sound good to watch TV. When I was home with my husband after his total knee replacement surgery, obviously he couldn't do much except his therapy exercises, so we watched TV during the day. It was good! I could do that...

[Foggybrained]

>>>I have a question. Someone above mentioned that hair dyes can cause cancer, including those that contain henna. I have never heard that henna can cause cancer, although I have heard that the ingredients in many drugstore and salon hair colors can cause cancer. That's why I stopped getting my hair colored in a salon and started using Light Mountain "Color the Gray" henna.

>>>Can someone clarify the cancer info for me? Thanks!

There have been a few scares over the years in which medical studies get into the media claiming that hair dye may, just may cause cancer, but no...it's not true. Recently read a great book by the consumer reporter/cosmetics guru Paula Begoin who's written all sorts of great books like "Blue Eye Shadow Can Kill You" and that sort of thing. Even she says, no, it's a myth, don't worry about it. Hair dye is safe. No cancer link. Think she talks about it in her book "Don't Go Hair-Care Product Shopping Without Me." Great book.

>>>Before peri started, I was quite energetic, sociable, and enjoyed sports. I was even a bit driven in regards to my career. Well, I quit my job a few years ago and pretty much enjoy being a hermit. Even though I know it would be good for me to get out and be more active, my favorite activity is sitting at home with hubby, watching TV or reading. Am I weird? Sounds like some of you feel the same way!

Yeah, ditto. Isn't it amazing? But hey, life is good this way, just sittin' on the couch with the hubby. Now I can see why he's done it for years!

[alice3]

I also thought henna was safe and only dark dyes cause trouble...still I once read that potatoes can cause cancer! That's all of us then!

I think they sometimes feel the need to scare us!

[Foggybrained]

I looked it up in my Paula Begoin books. It's in her "Beauty Bible," pages 499-501. She says that the hair dye issue began when a 1994 study by the American Cancer Society surveyed about a half-million women on their use of hair dye and found that those who used dark hair dye regularly for over 20 years showed a slightly increased risk of getting non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and bone marrow myeloma.

However the same study showed that overall women who used hair dye regularly had a REDUCED risk of dying of all types of cancer. Go figure.

So she runs through all the subsequent studies and there have been a lot of them since. All, except for the one mentioned below, found no correlation between hair dye and various cancers including one large study conducted by Brigham and Women's Hospital. There was also a study by the University of California in the late 90s that disproved that there was any link between hair dye and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Finally, there was one study by the USC in which 1500 women were surveyed, half of whom had bladder cancer. Those who had bladder cancer were more likely to have used permanent hair dyes (i.e., the long-lasting ones you get in beauty shops) once a month for 15 years than those who didn't have cancer. The study also showed a five-fold increase of bladder cancer among beauticians. But this might not even be statistically significant since the number of women sampled was small and the study didn't look at whether the women smoked, had a bad diet, etc. And who knows but the beauticians' bladder cancer could have been caused by something else, like all that ammonia in the air in salons.

So overall Begoin says the evidence is inconclusive, make your own judgement. She suggests that if you want to be super-cautious avoid dark permanent and semi-permanent hair dyes (those are the kind of dye jobs you get at a salon) and/or only get your hair dyed 7 or 8 times a year rather than every month.

I had stopped dyeing my hair when I read about the suspected cancer link and was relieved to hear that it might not be so.

I think that overall one's risk of getting cancer from driving the freeway everyday, going out without sunscreen, or living in a major U.S. city for that matter is probably far greater than the possibility of getting cancer from hair dye.

By the way, Paula Begoin's "Beauty Bible" has a great section on dealing with menopause skin. The book has saved me lots of money by dissuading me from buying all sorts of crap that wouldn't have helped my wrinkled skin after all.

[chauchat]

I used to have control over my weight. My body used to change when I decided to upgrade my exercise regimen. I used to juggle a hundred things at once. I had an active social life. I didn't watch TV. I loved sex. I laughed a lot.
Now I watch old Sex and the City and remember....

[Ruby Rose]

I used to have control over my weight. My body used to change when I decided to upgrade my exercise regimen. I used to juggle a hundred things at once. I had an active social life. I didn't watch TV. I loved sex. I laughed a lot.

Ain't that the truth!!

If I gained a pound or two, one or two days on a diet and I was back to bikini perfect -- now??? At the rate I'm going, I'll be 80 and back into the bikini - whatta sight, eh?!

I was the queen of multi-taskers - now??? Walking and chewing gum at the same time is difficult!

Sex??? Sex?? What is that??


Kidding aside - I am doing 10000000 times better since I started the bioidentical hormones! (People are probably getting tired of hearing me say it - but I am totally AMAZED!) I've even lost 9.5 pounds in 15 days - Finally!

[boyzmom]

Wow Ruby !! 9.5 lbs !! WoooHooo !! You go girl!

[aprillv68]

Before peri i would consider myself to be normal....i had normal menstrual cycle, day to day life was easier, i had a lot more energy, then everything changed, when it started i had  never even heard of perimenopause, my former gyn he never mentioned it, when i complaines about my crazy cycle & my severe cramps, the anxiety & emotional ups & downs he mentioned a hysterectomy. Well not too long after that i changed to woman gyn & she mentioned peri to me right away, before that i read about it in goodhousekeeping. At present i am in peri almost 100% & am due for a period but nothing is happening, also the PMS im going through is not like it was before all this happened. I get angry very easy, i cry easy, i also try to laugh a lot ( hats off to my husband for the laughing, he trys to find humor in this, dont get me wrong he is very understanding ) I am in constant PAIN right now & am forced to take lortab to ease it, i otherwise cant function. I feel im being punished for something bad i did & sometimes i want to give up but i know its not me. I kind of feel like im going through puberty again except in a different way. I dont think straight anymore, i cant remember simple things, i cant concentrate, i get upset over the smallest things, im paraniod I think noone likes me, i feel inferior to the outside world. Im normal on the outside but on the inside im falling apart, i just try to keep in mind that there is just a demon inside of me that will come out sooner or later,usually when i bleed i feel much better, so when am i going to bleed? I dont know. Ive been carrying tampons in my purse, which is a pain, for approximately 2 months, because i just cant keep track of my periods anymore. What a way to live ! It never used to be this way!  I came upon this site by accident & thank god i did, its become so helpful to vent my frustrations to women who have already been or are now going through this transition I to find out that I am not the only one. I come to this site everyday, even if anly for a few minutes, to just talk & listen & offer any advice. On the other hand, I am still young at heart & try to think on the positive side (im 42).When i get down on myself i ready to give up on life i make myself active like i was 20 again, sometimes it helps, i ache a little afterwards thats when reality sets in & i think gee im just about in midlife, no wonder I hurt   ! I welcome anyone's advice and a lot of much needed support. Power Surge, you ROCK       !!!

I just had to read that again, that was back in the spring & with what im experiencing now, thyroid problem, i wonder if i even really was in perimenopause, since being on antithyroid med the symptoms have just about GONE. Its rather embarrassing, but then on the other hand why should I feel embarrassed or even guilty, after all it was my former (YES FORMER : !!!) gyn dr who told me I was going through it and her words still stay in my mind "learn to accept it" . She never wanted to go any further with me other than hrt to make me happy, well it didnt! Yes i believe im starting perimenopause, maybe, maybe not....Im just waiting day to day to see what happens next. I do admit, though, i feel better than i did months ago, which is a good sign.

[Ruby Rose]

Wow Ruby !!  9.5 lbs !!  WoooHooo !! You go girl!

Thanks, boyzmom..... it feels good...but I have such a long weigh (oops...way) to go......

To think I weighed 128 and wore a size 4 only 24 months ago.......and now am at 174 and in size 14's (tight at that)....makes me want to PUKE.....

Today I saw a dress in my closet I wore just 2 summers ago... a little tiny thing. It made me sooooo very sad. I started to cry thinking of how bad it got over the last two years. Before all this, I was so cute and comfortable in my own skin.... now I don't even know this b-l-o-b of a woman....with rolls of fat... ughhhhhh.

I know, I know....it IS improving... but it is such a long haul to recover from the devastating affects of this meno crap.

And, today the doctor called me and told me I have yet another kidney infection.......it is my 5th one in two years. I now have to go to a specialist to see what is wrong.......

You think you finally are getting better and life throws another curve ball. <_<