What Were You Like Before Menopause Started? Options

[julief]

Jules - it broke my heart reading your story.....Youve been through all that (and more Im sure) yet you're still in touch with your gracious heart !!

BTW - theres never too much information in soul-ful relationships .........

Much love and respect ..

Julie x

[joliejacq]

Jules,

I do remember now your talking about your husband's struggles. Thank GOD the Lexapro has helped him. Living with chronic pain is a terrible thing. People have been driven to suicide by this - that he was able to hang on for 12 years is something else. He must, on some level, be tough as nails.

Oh, if only we knew when we cheerfully utter those vows: "In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer..." How do we fully understand as young healthy people what this really means?

You surely put in some big years with all this.

What changes - hub does a 360, kids leave home... They don't need you in the same way. Now, it's JULES' turn. What wonderful things will you do for yourself?

Because you have EARNED it, Girl...

[out of the rabbi...]

Thanks for all your inputs. I do remember feeling better when downing a couple of cups of this Russian yogurt daily that had aciddolpholis(sp?) bifidus and others added. Perhaps I shall go back to that. Thanks. Sometimes when I am in the middle of things not working as they should my memory does not kick in as to what worked before. Thanks for the jog! You all have a beautiful day, and I'll check with you later. Love you guys already. You all have been a immense blessing. I finally feel connected again with my feet on the ground--not crazy-up-in-the-air-let's-go-to-the-ER mindset. Byyyyeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

[alice3]

You can also buy them in capsule form Judy. Much more fun than not wanting to be too far from the toilet!

[Juliann]

Thanks Everyone for the kind words and understanding, you are precious sisters to me!!!!

Loneliness in a marriage is indeed a very hard instrument to play!!!! Many are doing it and living it, if anyone understands, its those of us that have been there!!!

On the brightside, its fun to learn how to live again. I'm really kinda stuck in my mode, and little by little I laugh more and play more. Its been healing. Then of course just as things pick up, peri hits me, lol!!!!! God must have a sense of humor. I think that life is like a puzzle, one piece at a time, and we get to figure out where it should go.

Thanks Jacquie, Alice and Juliex!!!!!

Love and Hugs~Jules

[Garden Gal]

Dear Ladies,
As I have been reading your posts, you've made me laugh and cry and feel like there is hope after all! I feel like that I'm done with doctors for the time being. I've seen so many and feel like it's been such a waste of time. I'm astounded that I've not yet found one that knows anything about peri-menopause and it sounds like all the ones most of you have been to, know very little either. Isn't it funny that there are probably thousands & thousands of women like us but no real clear way to handle it yet there are so many new versions of viagra out there!?
I'm learning to be less hard on myself in my failures to get things done, to find my car in the parking lot (HA) and in dropping and breaking things among many others!
I have a hard time with feeling guilty about not being able to do the things I used to- but this site is really helping in that area too. I guess one of the biggest things that bugs me (aside from not sleeping well) is how angry I get at times. I've always been pretty layed back but now I feel like Ulma Therman in" KILL BILL "when someone crosses me or wastes my time. I really feel like kicking A.....!
Sometimes I just even yell at people on the phone! I feel like a barbarian! I guess I need to go for a run (more like a slow waddle these days) or do something physical to get it out of my system! Any way, I don't always have a lot to say, but I really enjoy reading about how you all handle these PM issues.
Thanks ,
Lucette

[CathyW]

Glad to see you posting GardenGal and welcome!!!

Your friend from insta-chat

Cathy

[julief]

Hi Lucette - Welcome to PS .............. SLOW WADDLE .....LMHO

[joliejacq]

Lucette,

That is a REALLY pretty name. My mum is Lucienne. Lovely French names.

So glad you have found us!



Jules,

It is a thrash isn't it, just as we think we're changing in interesting ways, new things percolating in our lives, we're also hit with peri! But there are those blessed good days, and we KNOW better things are coming.

I BELIEVE.

[Garden Gal]

Cathy , Julie, & Jacquie,
Thanks for the warm welcome. It's nice to know that there is a place where real people understand. I've yet to read so much on this site that I know will further enlighten me about all this! If any of you have any other tips of good places to check out - I'm all ears (and eyes). I couldnt believe it when I read about the soles of your feet being sore (primarily your heals! ) Because I couldn't figure out what I had done to cause that! Then it goes away for awhile then boom I get my period and it's back! With the heart palps I have to lay flat on my back and deep breathe and sometimes hold my breath and bear down really hard to make it stop. Once I was at a street art show and had to go back to the car with the kids in tow, recline the seat all the way back and do my breathing. I'm glad the kids are older and didn't freak out about it! Any way I'm really glad I did find you all!

Lucette

[Juliann]

Hi Lucette, So glad you are hear with us!!!! I have a new saying lately myself, I think everyone is "stuck on dumb". I also get irritated, well, I've always been somewhat impatient (to be fare about this), but now its Attila the Hun at times, lol.

Now since Jacquie has reminded me to know that good days come and go, I am tracking my daily moods. I think it will show a cycle of some sort??? As I have experienced 3 good days in a row ((((yep)))). Thats been unheard of for me in the past year. So I am cautiously awaiting falling back into the tank, of fatigue and for lack of a better word, the yuks!!!!

I have learned so much here, found friends, and a caring place to come and chat with those who understand this phase in life. Its a blessing!!!!


JACQUIE, A quick hello, I was wondering if the snow is letting down a bit for you??? The weekends here, are you babysitting those lovely girls??? Or does grandma get to rest??? My daughters coming home on Wednesday for 2 wks to visit, she's home sick, ahhhhh!!!! I miss her lots.
Love and Hugs, Jules (sunscreen back on!!!!! )

[joliejacq]

Hi Jules,

Hey, watch that irritation when you've got the scissors in your hands! Yikes!

Daughter's coming on Wednesday? Get ready to spoil her. That's what I do when it's been awhile (and we live close by!), take her out to eat and otherwise just adore her. Even when she's getting on my nerves!

You've had 3 good days!!!! That is GREAT. There is DEFINITELY a cycling that goes on. I see it too - good days and bad, but sooooo nice not to be re-entering the gates of hell. Like the cycles are smoothing out along the way.

We still have no need of sunscreen here. But yes, the snow is melting....

My daughter is in North Carolina right now - her family went down to celebrate her in-laws' 50th wedding anniversary. Last early evening she called and said my littlest granddaughter (22 months) had found a toy phone and was talking to me in it, so she thought she'd like to say hi in person. She put Tula on and I heard:

HEWWWWO MEMAYYYY! (Memere, which is short for Grandmere - I'm French)

Soooo cute! Made my night.

Girl, you enjoy your raised spirits and sunshine!!!


Lucette,

That's a great story about lugging the kids back to the car so you could recline and deep breathe!! Talk about the resourcefulness of mothers!!!

Have a good Saturday, friends!!


Jacquie

[Garden Gal]

Jacquie,
That is such a cute story about your grandaughter. I don't have any yet- which is good because my daughter is only 16. I got a late start in life. Too many adventures I guess. I'm seriously thinking about volunteering in our church nursery because the little ones really seem to lift my spirits too. They are so sweet an innocent and it reminds me that life carries on.(Had ALOT of deaths in the family over the past two years)
Yeah, about the deep breathing- I guess we are nothing if not innovative through this journey huh?!

Jules,

What a funny mind picture- Atilla the Hun going off to battle with barber scissors in hand!
Take care all
Lucette

[Nonna]

Before MENOPAUSE (& Depression)

I was a nice person

I was fun

I was physically attractive

I was physicall active

I could think

I was pleasant to be around

I was not fat

I was not lazy

I could remember things

I was productive

I could work

I felt sexy

I loved my husband

I loved my life

Now I hate everything about me


I just needed to vent



Donna

[aprillv68]

Dear Ladies,
As I have been reading your posts, you've made me laugh and cry and feel like there is hope after all! I feel like that I'm done with doctors for the time being. I've seen so many and feel like it's been such a waste of time. I'm astounded that I've not yet found one that knows anything about peri-menopause and it sounds like all the ones most of you have been to, know very little either. Isn't it funny that there are probably thousands & thousands of women like us but no real clear way to handle it yet there are so many new versions of viagra out there!?
I'm learning to be less hard on myself in my failures to get things done, to find my car in the parking lot (HA) and in dropping and breaking things among many others!
I have a hard time with feeling guilty about not being able to do the things I used to- but this site is really helping in that area too. I guess one of the biggest things that bugs me (aside from not sleeping well) is how angry I get at times. I've always been pretty layed back but now I feel like Ulma Therman in" KILL BILL "when someone crosses me or wastes my time. I really feel like kicking A.....!
Sometimes I just even yell at people on the phone! I feel like a barbarian! I guess I need to go for a run (more like a slow waddle these days) or do something physical to get it out of my system! Any way, I don't always have a lot to say, but I really enjoy reading about how you all handle these PM issues.
Thanks ,
Lucette

[aprillv68]

Hi Lucette, i have the same experiences as you. I find listening to my favorite songs ( the ones in my yonger days, not todays kind of music) & daydreaming helps. Also relaxation. Welcome aboard PS

[Juliann]

Oh Jacquie, French is such a romantic language, do you speak it??? Your granddaughter sounds very cute, and I love her name. It does just melt your heart!!!

Well today is day four on the progesterone cream and I don't feel anything different, infact the fatigue wandered back in today, its monday and I'm still not fully even dressed at 2:45pm. I know that the cream will take even a couple months to show results, but hey I was hoping for a miraculous cure!!!!

Last night I went to bed, and must of fell asleep, didn't even realize I was asleep, I entered into the most scary dream, then at a certain point in the dream I just woke up, heart racing, just all freaked out. I was scared to even get up and go to the bathroom, whats that all about???? I haven't had something like that happen in years. Maybe its the cream????

I felt like I was 6yrs old and afraid of the buggy man, lol!!!

Jules

[joliejacq]

Oooh, Jules, so awful to have this kind of a nightmare. Did you notice somewhere there's a thread about people having bizarre, disturbing dreams with peri?

Yes, it's a little early to tell with the progesterone, but we do hope for that miracle, don't we?

I am of French-Canadian ancestry, and do speak a halting French. Being in Canada helps it right along - usually only takes a few days and I'm babbling with the natives.

Hope your energy levels spike up some. You have a good week!

Jacquie

[aprillv68]

Before peri i would consider myself to be normal....i had normal menstrual cycle, day to day life was easier, i had a lot more energy, then everything changed, when it started i had never even heard of perimenopause, my former gyn he never mentioned it, when i complaines about my crazy cycle & my severe cramps, the anxiety & emotional ups & downs he mentioned a hysterectomy. Well not too long after that i changed to woman gyn & she mentioned peri to me right away, before that i read about it in goodhousekeeping. At present i am in peri almost 100% & am due for a period but nothing is happening, also the PMS im going through is not like it was before all this happened. I get angry very easy, i cry easy, i also try to laugh a lot ( hats off to my husband for the laughing, he trys to find humor in this, dont get me wrong he is very understanding ) I am in constant PAIN right now & am forced to take lortab to ease it, i otherwise cant function. I feel im being punished for something bad i did & sometimes i want to give up but i know its not me. I kind of feel like im going through puberty again except in a different way. I dont think straight anymore, i cant remember simple things, i cant concentrate, i get upset over the smallest things, im paraniod I think noone likes me, i feel inferior to the outside world. Im normal on the outside but on the inside im falling apart, i just try to keep in mind that there is just a demon inside of me that will come out sooner or later,usually when i bleed i feel much better, so when am i going to bleed? I dont know. Ive been carrying tampons in my purse, which is a pain, for approximately 2 months, because i just cant keep track of my periods anymore. What a way to live ! It never used to be this way! I came upon this site by accident & thank god i did, its become so helpful to vent my frustrations to women who have already been or are now going through this transition I to find out that I am not the only one. I come to this site everyday, even if anly for a few minutes, to just talk & listen & offer any advice. On the other hand, I am still young at heart & try to think on the positive side (im 42).When i get down on myself i ready to give up on life i make myself active like i was 20 again, sometimes it helps, i ache a little afterwards thats when reality sets in & i think gee im just about in midlife, no wonder I hurt ! I welcome anyone's advice and a lot of much needed support. Power Surge, you ROCK !!!

[aprillv68]

I was updating the welcome letter a couple of weeks ago and suddenly found myself writing how it feels/felt so often since starting perimenopause . . .
"Sometimes it feels as though I'm
physically, emotionally and spiritually
trying to pull myself through the
eye of a needle."
Dearest

[aprillv68]

That just about says it all......

[joliejacq]

April,

You are just so in the thick of it right now. It is going to ease, but there's a period where everything seems to hit at once, and it's overwhelming! MANY of us have been there, and found that these things change. For me, it's all eased a lot.

Maintain hope, and do your best to take things only one step at a time.

Oh, and SPOIL yourself. You have earned the right to be fussed over and given treats!!

Hang in,

Jacquie

[Juliann]

Jacquie,

Great advice to "maintain hope" and take it one step at a time. I hope that April takes your advice, and to know that she will come through this.

Jacquie I did read the thread on bizzare dreams, thanks for that tip. It was enlightening to see how many ladies have these strange dreams, scary!!!!

Still using the progesterone cream, also been eating healthy with things like brown rice, tofu and veggies. I've been at this for about 3 days, and low and behold I even dropped a couple pounds. I'm lucky to have a fairly decent weight, but I did somehow gain some weight in the past month, lots of water weight???

Hope all is well with you!!!!

Love~Jules

[MizzUla]

Good morning all,
Just drinking my morning coffee reading through the entries in this thread. My experience prior to starting the meno journey,,,In my 20's I was struck with paralyzing panic/anxiety/agoraphobia. I went through two different episodes with it. The second time was truly debilitating. Fought and struggled my way through that darkness. I passed through that, and became a strong confidant woman, secure in the knowledge of who I was and what I stood for. My PMS I always referred to as PMR ( pre menstrual retardation) I would get foggy, would reverse words in sentences, drop stuff, have body buzz where I felt like I was just vibrating, strange head sensations, my vision would get strange, etc. Now for my preconceptions about meno. The older women in my family never spoke of meno. As a young girl I once witnessed my Mom shed her shirt and lie down on the tile floor in the kitchen with a hot flash. Hmmmm I thought. My oldest sister (12 yrs. my senior) tried to tell me about meno. I just scoffed. My thinking was...I am a stronger woman than her. Menopause will just be some hot flashes and a blessed end to this monthly bleeding. My sister had the book "Woman on the edge of two worlds" by Lynn Andrews. I read the entire book...in one passage it spoke of Native American women finding a nice patch of moss in the wilderness, and going there to bleed on the moss during their final cycle. That was the passage I latched onto from the book. I even had my patch of moss picked out. In my mind menopause was not going to be a difficult journey. I welcomed it. I was READY for it.
Good grief. Sometimes one looks back on previously held mindsets and wonders... HOW COULD HAVE I BEEN SOOOOOO WRONG???!!!???? Man I hate it when I get into Happy Zones. I have been blindsided by meno. I started into peri 4 yrs. ago. About a year ago, I noticed my joy and passion for life in general was fading. I was slipping into depression. Questioning who I was and what the hell good I was. Constantly having that feeling of being homesick for a place I knew I could never return to. This past Oct. I had a really bad reaction to antibiotics...one of things that happened was severe headaches followed by terrible nosebleeds. I was absolutely convinced that I had a tumor or some such malady. I knew I was dying. With that event, I started with panic, anxiety, and obsessive thoughts. The obsessive thoughts are the WORST. I also had them with the panic attacks in my 20's.
So...my symptoms are mimicking those that I had at different points in my life. All the PMS symptoms (Ohhh how I long for the PMS days, when it only went on for 3 or 4 days a month! )...the anxiety. Chuckling to myself...I thoughts that hot flashes would be the biggest problem. Although unpleasant, they are the least of my worries.
I would like to pose a question to those of you with adult daughters. How are you handling this with them? I've been telling my Nicole all about it. I've started to wonder if maybe ignorance of all of the joys of meno might be the best thing. I mean I came into this blissfully naive. I was looking forward to it for goodness sake. What would have happened if I knew how bad it was gonna be??? Would have I fretted for years? Because lets face it ladies....at this point in time there is really nothing we can do about this. We can strive for positive attitudes and hope like hell that our senses of humor can prevail. There are no pills, there are no magic bullets. Each of us have a different experience, but the bottom line is every woman on this planet is going to go through this if she lives long enough. So- should we educate our daughters on this? Or would it be better in blissful ignorance?
Once again I'd like to thank all of you for being here and taking the time to share your experiences.
Ula

[Nonna]

Mizzula

Well said - well writen

What do we do next?

Stop and let me get off.

[CathyW]

MizzUla

I too have been hit with this hard! I also did not have any idea what this would be like. Thought meno was hot flashes and your period stopped. When all this hit thought I was dying or losing my mind. Some days I still think that. As far as my daughter is concerned she is only 15 but I am speaking to her about what is happening to me. I let her know that this has not been easy. I in no way want her to be hit with this the way I was. Yes she is young and really is just beginning to get used to her own cycles but I want to be honest with her. I have been careful not to say to much and I will continue to speak to her more as she gets older. I have a 19 year old son who also knows that I'm struggling with this right now. My goal in telling him( I leave out the things he would not want to hear about---don't think he wants to hear about his mom's flooding problem!!) is to make him aware that this can be a hard time in a womans life. Someday he will be a husband and I want him to be understanding with his wife when the time comes. Maybe I'm too open with my kids but that is the way we have always been. Please take care of yourself.

Cathy

[otter]

MizzUla -

Boy - telling daughters about this is the $64,000 question, isn't it? I have told my 31 year old daughter about some of my struggles so she won't think she's nuts if this happens to her, too. Luckily she lives far away enough to not see all the gruesomeness. But I sure don't want her to live the next twenty years waiting for the axe to fall. On the plus side, at the early stages of this mess last year my ordinarily non-spiritual self slid temporarily into marginal temporary spirituality and so she and I were able to make a new connection since that's a big part of her life. Hmmm, I KNEW there was a positive side to this madness.

But my two closest women friends are fourteen years younger than I am and I also worry about telling them too much. One is now already worried and she has enough on her plate that I wish I could have shielded her from my difficulties. The other has just started peri, or at least has had some depression since the birth of her child a few years ago.

It's a tough call - we need the support and understanding, but sure don't want to make the younger women in our lives dread getting older.

Otter

[Nonna]

Cathy

You told me on the Fibromyalgia board that I have a way with words or somthing to that effect - Well so do you girl!!!!!!!

You know that I also have a daughter and a son. I have also talked with them both about what MOM is going throught. My daughter is now 31 and my son just turned 28 - both married with three and two little boys respectively.

My daughter is ultra supportive and wants me to tell her everything. She says someday "Mom I will need your knowledge and support when I go down that road of life." She is having really difficult periods now after having 2 yes 2 - tubal ligations in her life and 3 C-sections - lots of scar tissue proplems. The first tubal resulted in pregnacy with baby boy 3 being born 4 years and 2 days after her first tubal. She is about to have the lazer procedure due to excessive bleeding and she has PMS from bowles HE!!!

Son needs to know because he has a wife (who is bipolar & A nurse) and has PMS issues as well so I say be open be honest - let you feels out in helps to purge emotionally. He will need to give her more support that most with her Bipolar.

I am of the opinion that Ignorance is NOT Bliss in any matter of live ............ My daer mother thought that she could shelter me from every thing in life - she still tries.......... We do not mother in the same way....no doubt....



Mizzula

Good luck & Hang in there. My children are adults.......very successful - stable - self sufficent, well adjusted adults who have good lives. I raised them alone for 11 years - We shared EVERYTHING !!!!!! They tell me time and time again - "Mom Thank you for raising us in the real world!!!!!!!!!!!!"

BTW: I was raised in a Fairy Tale world by my parents< especially Mother-------
It makes life so much toughter to live as an adult -
when you life was FAIRY TALE PERFECT as a child, as mine was ......Trust me I know -----

The Silver Spoon in my mouth eventually Tarnished ---------I still have a difficult time getting the taste out of my mouth. Tarnished silver always turns that awful BLACK ------- it even has a horrible smell!!!!!!

Real world prepares you much better for everything........... I think a lot of my depression and my emotional upheaval is STIL a result of THE SILVER SPOON SYNDROME .......... I have had to learn everything the hard way as an adult...


Love to both of you!!!!!

Donna

[aprillv68]

Good morning all,
  Just drinking my morning coffee reading through the entries in this thread. My experience prior to starting the meno journey,,,In my 20's I was struck with paralyzing panic/anxiety/agoraphobia. I went through two different episodes with it. The second time was truly debilitating. Fought and struggled my way through that darkness. I passed through that, and became a strong confidant woman, secure in the knowledge of who I was and what I stood for. My PMS I always referred to as PMR ( pre menstrual retardation) I would get foggy, would reverse words in sentences, drop stuff, have body buzz where I felt like I was just vibrating, strange head sensations, my vision would get strange, etc. Now for my preconceptions about meno. The older women in my family never spoke of meno. As a young girl I once witnessed my Mom shed her shirt and lie down on the tile floor in the kitchen with a hot flash. Hmmmm I thought. My oldest sister (12 yrs. my senior) tried to tell me about meno. I just scoffed. My thinking was...I am a stronger woman than her. Menopause will just be some hot flashes and a blessed end to this monthly bleeding. My sister had the book "Woman on the edge of two worlds" by Lynn Andrews. I read the entire book...in one passage it spoke of Native American women finding a nice patch of moss in the wilderness, and going there to bleed on the moss during their final cycle. That was the passage I latched onto from the book. I even had my patch of moss picked out. In my mind menopause was not going to be a difficult journey. I welcomed it. I was READY for it.
  Good grief. Sometimes one looks back on previously held mindsets and wonders... HOW COULD HAVE I BEEN SOOOOOO WRONG???!!!???? Man I hate it when I get into Happy Zones. I have been blindsided by meno. I started into peri 4 yrs. ago. About a year ago, I noticed my joy and passion for life in general was fading. I was slipping into depression. Questioning who I was and what the hell good I was. Constantly having that feeling of being homesick for a place I knew I could never return to. This past Oct. I had a really bad reaction to antibiotics...one of things that happened was severe headaches followed by terrible nosebleeds. I was absolutely convinced that I had a tumor or some such malady. I knew I was dying. With that event, I started with panic, anxiety, and obsessive thoughts. The obsessive thoughts are the WORST. I also had them with the panic attacks in my 20's.
  So...my symptoms are mimicking those that I had at different points in my life. All the PMS symptoms (Ohhh how I long for the PMS days, when it only went on for 3 or 4 days a month! )...the anxiety. Chuckling to myself...I thoughts that hot flashes would be the biggest problem. Although unpleasant, they are the least of my worries.
  I would like to pose a question to those of you with adult daughters. How are you handling this with them? I've been telling my Nicole all about it. I've started to wonder if maybe ignorance of all of the joys of meno might be the best thing. I mean I came into this blissfully naive. I was looking forward to it for goodness sake. What would have happened if I knew how bad it was gonna be??? Would have I fretted for years? Because lets face it ladies....at this point in time there is really nothing we can do about this. We can strive for positive attitudes and hope like hell that our senses of humor can prevail. There are no pills, there are no magic bullets. Each of us have a different experience, but the bottom line is every woman on this planet is going to go through this if she lives long enough. So- should we educate our daughters on this? Or would it be better in blissful ignorance?
Once again I'd like to thank all of you for being here and taking the time to share your experiences.
Ula

[aprillv68]

Ula, I wish my mom had told me about this thing called menopause & what to expect--when i ask her about her own experiences she really has no recollection although I do remember a lot of times she was miserable. I have an adult daughter & we talk just about everything....you bet I will tell her about it.