What Were You Like Before Menopause Started? Options

[Dearest]

I was updating the welcome letter a couple of weeks ago and suddenly found myself writing how it feels/felt so often since starting perimenopause . . . "Sometimes it feels as though I'm physically, emotionally and spiritually trying to pull myself through the eye of a needle." Dearest

[CSugarGrove]

I am much more compassionate now than I ever was before meno. I not only was harsh with myself, I was extremely critical of others. I'd see an older woman and wonder why she seemed so unattractive compared to a younger woman. Now I myself am "unattractive" compared to when I was 20, maybe, but I am a lot more sympathetic and far less harsh and critical of myself, too. I realize that no one wants to look old, but it happens to you and there is really nothing you can do (except maybe cosmetic surgery, but not all of us are comfortable with that idea). I'm a lot more grateful for good health and I live a lot better now than I did when I was young and reckless. I am far more likely to do good things now even when no one is looking. My conscience is stronger and I can't cheat or do things that are not quite honest because suddenly I have to face myself and if I do something that does not set right, I can't live with it until it is corrected. Sometimes I think that we weren't supposed to live this long and we were meant to die from illness or an accident when we are in our twenties or thirties, like people did many years ago and life expectancy was about 35. It seems that menopause is not meant to happen but it does because we outlive our intended time. But I guess that there have always been people who grew old and therefore the women must have gone through it. I just can't think that it is a bad thing. There are some good developments and maybe it is the journey through peri that is the hardest. I feel that I have completed that journey and things are calming down now.

[jadebear]

I am 39 yrs. old and going through perimenopause......who'd have thought?NOT ME! I woke up one day a few months ago and it was like "I" was gone and was replaced by this new person that i don't know or understand.I used to be so happy and confident,and i considered myself to be a strong,independent,intelligent woman.Now i feel scared of everything,all of a sudden even going to the grocery store causes anxiety for me.I can't think straight anymore and even forget how to spell simple words.I don't seem to get much sleep,and when i do sleep,i wake up from nightmares covered in sweat with a pounding heart.I find myself crying over silly things,even commercials on t.v.The next minute i might be dancing or singing .I don't seem to know if i am hot or cold either...part of my body can feel ice cold while other parts are sweating......But what bothers me most is I miss "me" and that person is gone.

[joliejacq]

Jadebear, You are absolutely describing me - those are all my symptoms, too! Hang in there, cuz' it's quite a ride, but there will be a levelling and easing of this stuff one day, I believe! And CSugar, I can't believe you've had the same idea as I that perhaps we're not meant to live this long - LOL!!! Shows you how unpleasant it can be, that we'd actually consider that in the natural world, God would "put us out of our misery" before we had to go through it! You power-surge sisters are AWESOME!

[leanne0721]

The most common thing talked about on this thread is CHANGE. It's like we all knew the game, and we knew the rules. We knew our bodies. So now it's a NEW game. Okay, it's not my choice, but if this is the way it has to be- I'll play. Thank God for you ladies, and this site, because now I just might have the tools to win.

[jadebear]

So,am i to assume that we should "accept" these changes,deal with them and move on with our lives instead of dwelling on them,wishing and hoping we'll become our former selves again and being upset and frustrated because these things are happening without our consent or control?

[joliejacq]

Well, somewhere in the middle! Sadly, I have to accept the fact that I don't keep up with my grandchildren as well as I did with my own daughter, but then again, I try to find ways to challenge my roller-coaster moods and other meno symptoms with natural/hormonal help. As I said before, it's a ride!

[jadebear]

I am only 39 and at first i was having a hard time with this,knowing i'm in peri....i really have no choice but to accept this,what other option is there?

[jeannec]

Great topic! I've enjoyed reading all of the posts. This is what makes interracting with others who are going through similar life changes so helpful. We are not alone. To be honest I don't really know when perimenopause began for me, I do know I noticed significant changes in myself when I hit 40 and I'll be 50 in a few months. Within these past 10 years I decided to give up a 20 year career that was totally non satisfying. My father died 5 years ago which totally knocked the wind out of me and I spent a year on meds for depression. It's only been the last couple of years that I feel like I'm finally 'waking' up. The only physical symptoms I notice are a few more aches and pains, some brain fog, weight gain, my periods are more frequent and heavier and I can't stand the heat anymore. I used to be a perfectionist, now it's just not important. I never used to notice things like the birds singing or the fragrance of the flowers and nature in general, now I revel in all of that. I used to be so worried about others thought of me, now I really don't care, I know I'm a good person. There was a time when I would have never stepped outside my door without makeup on, now phooey on that. I find I'm more assertive and more confident. The word no is slowly becoming easier and easier to say. Like some of you in some ways I really do feel liberated. I'm finding that this is the time for me to discover who I am and what I really want from life. More and more I want to move out of my comfort zone and try new and exciting things. Last year I kayaked for the first time, absolutely loved it. I taught myself to paint a few years ago and walked into a little art gallery in my town and ended up with my first exhibition. My emotions seem to be sitting right at the surface all the time from crying and freaking out one minute to singing with joy the next but I guess that's all part of the ride.

[jimi]

Ditto to most of your post jeannec ~ thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading it.

[dawn]

Jadebear, What eventually happened in my life was that I revised my thinking about what "normal" was. I knew the old me wasn't coming back (some of my acceptance had to do with physical limitations because of illness), but this also applied to emotional and physical problems brought on by perimenopause. So I redefined "me", and became more accepting of the new "me". The old "me" seemed invincible, the new me had definite limitations and if I lived within those limitations I was okay. I give myself permission to fail. If I plan to do a task, say go shopping, and I half way through I get pooped and have to come home, or have those panicky feelings like we were talking about in the other thread, I just do what I can do. Then I congratulate myself on what I was able to do, I don't condemn myself for what I wasn't able to do. (in the case of grocery shopping, some groceries are better than none, LOL) I'm just kinder to myself, and realize the new "me" is okay. It just makes it so much easier to accept the situation. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't or won't mourn the loss of the old you, but the mourning will slowly turn to acceptance. Like you said, "What other choice do we have."

[jadebear]

"I'm just kinder to myself, and realize the new "me" is okay. It just makes it so much easier to accept the situation." You know,you're right dawn,i think maybe i need to be a little kinder to the new me and accept myself as i am instead of longing for the old me and wishing i was still her.

[dancer]

Interesting way of getting us to think about all of this. In reading everyone's answers, I can't add anything, but wanted to tell you all that you are me. The "me" that is now -- I'm still missing the "me" that was then. The strong word is "change" -- some of us struggle with change in different ways, I guess I'm still trying to fight it.

[chriscarol]

Lord, I don't know if I can survive another round of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. This cycle was particularly frightening. Although I would not kill myself, death was looking like a reasonable option last Wednesday. Didn't get any relief from the misery, until I bleed fully. I've always been anxious, but functional. Not to mention somewhat tempermental, but never chronically depressed. Before my period, I've suffered for year, but this last cycle was by far the worse. I can't control my nasty mouth these days. I was always "such a nice person." Now I'm a demon around my period. El shrinko said, really no cure. No duh. In time I know it'll get better. Heck, it gets better after each period, but this is frightening. Lock me up next month, then put me on a Valium drip. Oh I forgot, medication does next to nothing. What's with this bull!! Thank God, I have a forgiving family, cuz I'm hell on wheels.

[chriscarol]

I'm also working on being kinder to myself. Hey, I can't handle my hormones, that's that. It's no excuse, it's just a fact. Thank God I have an understanding husband, who reassures me it's the hormones, not sheer insanity. All the crapola hits the fan, but I can't process it all at once. I think too much.

[virgomom]

This has been such an interesting thread to read. Thank you Dearest for starting it and thank you all for your contributions. Doesn't it help so much to read that others feel so MANY of the things that you personally are going through? Dearest, there has to be a special place in heaven reserved for you for starting this site! What did our foremothers DO during all this physical and emotional strife?

[dancer]

Well, I walked my fat ass on the treadmill for 45 minutes yesterday and walked around the block (fast) this morning for 45 minutes --- it's a big block! I was good, how come I didn't lose 10 pounds! I wanted my butt to firm up like Meryl Streeps' in "Death Becomes Her" -- remember when she took the potion and her butt just miraculously firmed up! Why can't that happen to me! ;)

[joliejacq]

Hey, dancer, Good for you for getting out there! Yeah, this stuff takes time, doesn't it? I've been doing yoga to help with anxiety, and there are days I'm trying to get my leg up by my head and thinking, "Good Lord...." They say this is all good for us!

[Mattia]

Before peri, I was an out-going, energetic, happy over-achiever. Had several wonderful careers, great loving husband, and 2 beautiful boys. By the end of 2000, I was feeling the full thrust of the peri symptoms. I was so overwhelmed with my emotions, anxiety, night sweats, flushing, hair loss that I decided to quit my job. Thus began what I call my mental melt down. I became a recluse - not wanting to leave the house. Interviewing for new jobs and calling in the day before I was to start and "quitting". Saw a physhiatrist and he gave me xanax which worked but I would not take it all the time - I would try to fight it. Moved to FL mid 2001 and all the symptoms seemed to worsen. I couldn't even try to be optomistic about these overwhelming symptoms that would appear any time they wanted and INTERRUPT my life. Now, to make the story short since I've written, deleted, and re-written this post twice is I went to the GYN last night to find out how back my endomentrosis has progressed. Had a sonogram done over a week ago and the endo is GONE !! What the doc is concerned about is that my ovaries has REALLY shrunk as well as my uterus. Combined with all my symptoms, he believes I am entering into menopause. I brought the menopause symptom list with me to the doctor visit, highlighted the symptoms I had/am having for him to see. I did ask for one more depo shot but he said it would be the last for he wants to see what my body is going to do after June when the shot wears off. He also is getting me the testerstone cream to give me back my libido. So, here I am in an in-between state feeling like I just want to hide from the world for a long time. It's so embarrasing to go to work with hives and high anxiety, feeling like I have this funky smell, face and neck flushed bright red and feeling dizzy and akward, and just don't have any energy wishing I could just crawl under my desk for a nap. I cannot even nap for I am so tensed up I can't enjoy a weekend nap any longer. But I try every single day to get up and out of the house because it's good therapy for me to interact with people which was one of my life's joys. Tina

[joliejacq]

Tina, I LOVE your quote! It's truly wonderful. The frustration you've been going thru' since 2000 is so clear - I really feel for you. What a difficult transition this can be for some of us. I hope that as the days go by, and the good weather comes, you'll be encouraged to do what brings you pleasure and a sense of meaning, even if that's not career-oriented. All work is noble, and if a full-time job is too much, there's always working part-time, or volunteering, or just making a home filled with richness and love. I wish you well in your journey...

[Mattia]

Hey Jollie: Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. One of my greatest motivators is my new job (4 months new) at a non-profit Hospice. I am the receptionist but I feel I help make a difference. I get to move around, get my back limbered-up and mostly I work with people (office, patients, and patient's families) which gives me such a feeling of accomplishment and fulfillment. I started with this company as a patient volunteer but as an employee now I cannot visit patients so instead I volunteer for fund raisers and community gatherings. My passion is people - I need the interaction even at times when I want to hide under the desk. It's what motivates me. In dealing with end-of-life patients, I feel it's like my soul-in-action work. It does drain me but I think it's what God put me here for. Another one of my passions is Power Surge. Reading and responding to all the other girls who have feelings and symptoms like me is such a RELIEF. Additionally, I have found a site where I can just lay it all out - the good and the bad and not be critized for it - instead I get messages like yours filled with understanding and encouragement. Thanks & take care, Tina

[jan5745]

This is a very interesting thread, and I would like to add my thoughts too...... I never really thought about meno when I was younger. Why worry about it until the time comes, right? I had to much living to do, and didn't want to think about what happened to me when I got older. I just knew that one day my periods would stop (thinking they would just quit abruptly) and I couldn't wait for that time to come. The only other thing I had ever remember hearing about was hot flashes. So I thought I would just have some hot flashes and the ending of periods, I can handle that.... Ya right! I have always been kind of high strung, and had lots of energy in my younger days and before Peri. Never had to go to the doctor much, so I was pretty healthy for the most part up to a few years ago when Peri started in. I am 46 now and altho I don't have alot of symptoms just yet, I do have enough of them to know that I am in it. My main physical symptoms so far have been heavier periods, more clotting, shorter cycles, (an average of 25 days now), and night sweats. I used to get a few night sweats before my periods started, but now I can have them before and during my periods. Oh joy.. NOT! Emotionally, it's another story, I started having more pronounced mood swings a few years back when peri started, and that was one of the main symptoms that made me wonder if I was beginning this stage of life. I am not only going through Peri now, but I also lost my dear husband of 22 years, just two years ago, so I have been going through the grieving process as well, which has been a very rough journey to say the least. The grieving journey along with Peri has also brought on short bouts of depression and more emotional moments and days. My mood swings have become even more pronounced of course than they were before my loss. Some days it's very difficult to just to get through, but counseling has helped me alot, and also having a loving and caring family, and close friends that I can be open with helps alot too. Without them, I would be a basket case by now for sure. I am more set in my ways, than I ever have been, very strong willed, and more apt to tell people what I really think, and more free to speak what's on my mind, rather than beat around the bush about it. I stand up for myself even more now, because I have to. I've had to tackle things alone that I never thought I would have to at this age. Altho I have always been somewhat independent, I am even more so now because I have to be. It's what's been handed to me, and I have to fend for not only myself but I try to be there for my 2 lovely children as well, who are now 18 and 20 years old, as they are transitioning into becoming young adults while going through the grieving process as well. I have become an even more stronger person because of all that I have been through. So, not all of my peri symptoms have been of the negative kind so far I might add...... All of us are different and go through the whole peri/meno process with different symptoms and at our own pace, yet we all reach the same goal in the end, and I can't wait till that goal has been reached! Here are some things that I have learned while going through Peri thus far, and the grieving process as well, that I would like to share with you all....... Having dreams and goals in life is good, and I think we all should have them. Whatever life throws at you, and how ever hard it may be, you can get through it..... "One Day At A Time" You can't change the past, and you can not predict the future, so live for the moment. Count your blessings, and make every day count. Be grateful and thankful for all that you do have from day to day, as you never know when something or someone dear to you can be taken away. I know that I have talked about more than my Peri issues here, but when I am in my emotional writing mood.....it's hard for me not to bring my grieving issues into the mix as well because it is part of my life now. This a great board for all of us to come to as we help each other going through these rocky times in our lives. Thank you Dearest for this wonderful board! We will make it through it all with the help of each other, our dear friends and loving families. Peace to all

[WhiteHorses]

Hi Jan! I read through your post and it all made a lot of sense to me and touched me. I have also had to be more self reliant then I ever thought I wanted to be or could be during a traumatic period of mixed illness, perimenopause, adversity and loss. One day I said to myself with some surprise "I believe I am strong because life just keeps turning up the heat and I am still standing and trying and still sane". I don't think of myself as a strong person but I guess I have my moments, and strong points. Do you ever have that sense of tapping skills and wisdom that you didn't know that you had? Sometimes I imagine that strength and skill that I didn't know that I had comes to me out of the distant past, from my ancestors.

[Sparks]

This is such a thoughtful, interesting idea for us all to consider...thanks Dearest! I'm in peri-hell and trying to stay optimistic, but truthfully, feeling very confused much of the time about WHAT IS NEXT? Before everything just was; it was easy, it felt right, it felt natural. Everything seemed in order. My body had a clear and reliable set of behaviors and rarely, if ever, veered from the customary patterns. Like all lives, mine was complicated, but this part of it seemed reliable. I liked being a woman who thought herself sensitive to her body's changes, and I liked respecting those changes. Now I feel like day to day, I don't know why I feel like I do. There are days when I feel bloated, but no period in sight. Then there's no period for months. Then I bleed for 19 days. I feel very betrayed and disappointed and well, shocked. Part of my shock is that I never had other female family members who I might have witnessed going through something similiar. So instead of it seeming natural, it feels somewhat frightening. Also, for me there is a big sense of loss. I feel like I'm loosing the self that used to be in tune. It's the self I know best, and this new, unpredictable and very uncomfortable one is a stranger. A weird stranger that is getting nastier and nastier each day. This website really helps a lot. I hope we can all continue to calm each other's fears and make this trip easier to take. With humor, courage, and knowledge!

[ainfante]

Hi everyone! I'm new here but not new to perimenopause. I'm 45 but actually my perimenopause started earlier. It began with weight gain, a shut down immune system (catching colds left and right) and sluggish and tired. About 5 weeks ago, that all changed. I became nervous, thought with anxiety attacks, wound up in the emergency room which didn't make things any better. Went to endo, went to cardiologist, took stress echo test and everything came out fine. My endo says my thyroid is fine. When I first got these feelings, I thought I was hyperthyroid again or subclinical since I have a slight goiter and my body had similar effects to my past problem. But everything has come out normal. I did feel swelling around my neck, my glands went crazy and insomnia (which I was getting before) really set in. Then came this body flush, from the navel on up, through my stomach, through my chest to eventually the skin of my face. I get them throughout the day and night, but sleeping better at night since I use the natural progesterone creme right before bed. If I need to, I will take a pinch of Xanax, just a pinch to chill. I don't like drugs but sometimes you have to do what you need to do. Sometimes I'm afraid to drive cause I might get one of those attacks, flushes, palpitations, hot all over then cold chills or cold flashes. But I'm trying my best to stay in control and am going to visit my Gyne on Monday. Also, the flushes were so severe, it hurt my stomach so bad that it irritated my espophagus. It felt as though when I would have a flush, my stomach and reflex, espophagus all were popping until there was pain and then radiate into my chest. Good God! I still have my period, but last month it came two times and had spotting this week. This is a nightmare for sure!

[topperhatter]

Originally posted by dawn Jadebear, What eventually happened in my life was that I revised my thinking about what "normal" was. I knew the old me wasn't coming back (some of my acceptance had to do with physical limitations because of illness), but this also applied to emotional and physical problems brought on by perimenopause. So I redefined "me", and became more accepting of the new "me". The old "me" seemed invincible, the new me had definite limitations and if I lived within those limitations I was okay. I give myself permission to fail.  If I plan to do a task, say go shopping, and I  half way through I get pooped and have to come home, or have those panicky feelings like we were talking about in the other thread, I just do what I can do. Then I congratulate myself on what I was able to do, I don't condemn myself for what I wasn't able to do.  (in the case of grocery shopping, some groceries are better than none, LOL) I'm just kinder to myself, and realize the new "me" is okay.  It just makes it so much easier to accept the situation.   Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't or won't mourn the loss of the old you, but the mourning will slowly turn to acceptance. Like you said, "What other choice do we have."

Thank you so much for this, Dawn. As I read your acceptance of your "new" self, I saw how unaccepting I have been of this "new" older self (I'm 60). There have been so many changes ... empty nest, health problems -- even buying a car that I could get in and out of without sitting on the floor -- everything I was seeing said, "Old Woman." Thank you for your positive attitude ... helping me like this new, often strange, body with the young spirit still inside. ~ Sharon

[chriscarol]

Airfante, I also have a small goiter, plus had subclinical hyperthyroism. I was diagnosed with Graves Disease. I discovered the hyperthyroism when peri hit. I had to search high and low for physician to treat my subclinical hyperthyroidism. I took the meds, and essentially traded hypo for hyper. The combo of peri and Graves made me contantly panicky. I'm much better, but still not having an easy time. The blood test for the thyroid autoimmune marker is abnormal, which means it's not in remission. I wonder about the correllation between this marker and a miserable peri. Did you have autoimmune hyperthyroidism??

[chriscarol]

I meant hyper for hypo. Another sleepless night, as it's 3:17am. Obviously the insomnia is still around, although I get much more sleep than when my TSH was non-detectable. Man, this insomnia is going to kill me. I have such difficulty falling asleep. Lack of sleep makes every last miserable symptom worse. Then I get anticipatory insomnia. On the bright side, I slept like a baby last night.

[WhiteHorses]

Hi Chris, I guess I am checking in with insomnia a few hours after you were here. I will likely be OK 'though, I just do my sleeping in two (or so) shifts. I get up in the middle of the night. I have a thick covering over the window to block daylight. I sleep in. Actually I have been staying in the bedroom for about 11 hours lately. I hope that you can sleep in.

[chriscarol]

Beth, Groan, no I couldn't sleep in. I have found a way around the ubiquitous 3a.m. awakenings, however. Don't fall asleep until 5:30am. Obviously the times on my posts are wrong, plus I'm too lazy to figure out how to change it. I'm glad I learned TM back in the day, since I did meditate part of last night. I need at least 7 or 8 hours sleep to be productive. Hope you managed to get back to sleep.