What Were You Like Before Menopause Started? Options

[Boone]

I can sure relate to the tired thing - and the feeling tired thing. I absolutely hate looking and feeling tired. I think inside it is a source of the peri anxiety I now have! I'm serious!! I just hate people being able to tell from my face that I don't feel as good as I used to.

Of course now that I have a full blown anxiety problem - I do like tired a lot! How ironic!!

Happy thoughts! This will get better with time!

[joliejacq]

I agree, Boone!

It is DEMORALIZING when people tell us we look tired, or worn-out, or like we're "not well."

After awhile, you get so you wonder why bother to even put on makeup, or try to dress nicely?

People can be so rude! When people say this to me now, I always smile and say, "Really?? Gee, I feel GREAT!"

[Juliann]

Thanks for the comments on the tired thing, the worst part of it all, was that I bought a cute new outfit, trendy, fit good, felt like I looked okay, then I get told you look soooo tired!!!! Darn.........I thought I was lookin Good.

Well, I figure anyone who deals with hot flashes, mood swings, night sweats, and anxiety, that could put together such a nice event, cook, and pay for it all, is worthy of some compliments, right??? I know you girls will agree. Plus my sister looked like she packed on some pounds since the last time I saw her, but I was nice enough not to mention that. Anyway, I am now dealing with the wedding, which is in a couple of weeks. Thanks for your good thoughts!!!!!

Love, Jules

[joliejacq]

Hey Jules,

If your sister has put on a few pounds, and you were in a trendy new suit - do you think there might be a little envy there?

You put all this together, cooked, etc., got into a cute new outfit, all while dealing with peri? - yeah, you deserved some major compliments, Girl!

Well, have a wonderful, wonderful time at the wedding! I've been a "mother-of-the-bride," and did get a little nervous, but just had the best time. My daughter was soooo beautiful, as yours will be. It's a joyous event! Bring tissues, Mom!

Jacquie

[Juliann]

Thanks Jacquie, your kind words mean so much. Her dress is "beautiful" and I know I will need tissues. Anyone who's ever gone through this process will agree that it is an emotional time, to see your baby leave the nest. We will become empty nesters now, ahhhhh, I think we will survive it though!!

I run a full time business, and have so little time as it is, these days its soooo hard to keep up with the demands on my life. I used to have energy to burn the candle at both ends and all that great cliche' stuff, but nowadays, I am dragging my butt around in a brain fog!!! I find lately, that once I get up and get going I am okay, but once I get home and sit down, baby its all over, I'm wiped out???? Does this ring a bell??? I wonder if this tiredness will ever go away???

Anyway, just venting my peri frustrations!!! Take care girl and thanks for the up lift. Jules

[alice3]

Poor you Julianne. I miss going out to work but on the other hand I'm glad I don't...somedays it's too hard to push myself.

[joliejacq]

Hey Jules,

That part about coming home and just falling over? Yeah, it rings a bell! I remember one night fixing dinner for my family, and then while everyone ate, lying my head down on the table. My time was 6:00 p.m. - I would absolutely sink onto the couch, unable to move... Many was a night my husband made us sandwiches for supper! And I was NOT running a full-time business at the time - you must have amazing stamina!

Anyway, I'm back to being fine in the evenings - I expect you will, too, as things settle. A wedding is a big thing!

There is an emotional component to the wedding planning, along with the busy-ness. What helps is that you can have this "passage" - a feeling that your daughter is being launched into a happy new phase of her life. It brings a lot of satisfaction!

Hope the wedding is beautiful, that you savor your daughter's beauty, the good food and friends, and girl, kick your heels up and DANCE!!! (You can nap when you get home, LOL!)

[alice3]

In your house did they sit waiting for you to get home from work to prep the evening meal?

[joliejacq]

Hi,

No, I can't say that - I truly love to cook! It meant a lot to have everyone around the table. We'd been doing it for a long time (our daughter & her family lived with us 3 years while saving to buy a house).

But I began slowing down more and more, and others had to take over. Sometimes my son-in-law would grill for us all, or hub would do sandwiches (Jessie at the time did NOT cook, but she's learning now in her new house without Mama to do it! )

They were all very gracious, and appreciative of being cooked for. Now they did have OTHER annoying traits (but I won't go into them here!).

The hard part since they've moved out is learning to cook for only 2 people. The fridge is full of leftovers all the time!

[Juliann]

I just knew that all of you have been there.....the cooking, the motherly guilt if everyone isn't supplied with their needs, oh brother, its hard.

My schedule includes working many weeknights until sometimes 8:30pm or so. Once I get to work, the sounds, music (salon stuff), people talking, its all so noisey, once I leave work and sit in the silence of my car, thats when it all hits me, I'm so tired out.

For years I have been doing this time management thing, I cook all day one day a week. I make a couple nice sized meals and then the family can reheat things as needed, if I'm not their for dinnertime. It works well for me, as I cannot cook at 7 or 8pm. I would rather die!!!!!

My daughters situation is scary to me, the day after the wedding she is leaving with new military husband, to Tenessee. She has never lived away before, so I am praying that she will adjust to her new life, she's only 20. I think they are rushing kinda fast, but, heck what do I know???right???

Jacq: Thanks for your words of wisdom, I am trying to enjoy the moment, without freaking out. Yes they all have to learn and do for themselves, without us having to do everything for them. Geewiz!!!!

Love, Jules

[joliejacq]

Hey Jules,

I think I'd have the same reaction to coming out of work and crashing in the car. Somehow we hold it together when in the "thick" of things, but after awhile having to be personable while dealing with people, hearing constant background music, etc., just begins to feel like an ASSAULT! Just wears us down.

You obviously do have the time management thing down well. You know, there are personal assistants who do that for bigwigs and make lots of money!

I can understand your concerns about your daughter. She is young, but love can carry us when homesickness kicks in. Thank goodness these days it's easy to pick up the phone, or email, or get on a plane if need be. She really is beginning an adventure!

Do you have other children still at home? Or will this be a truly "empty nest?" I have only one child, so having her move last October was pretty rough. Yet we talk on the phone every day - we just spoke this morning. They move on and away, but still remain close in our hearts (always)!

Jacquie

[Juliann]

Hi Jacquie,

Your a great discerning spirit, I guess you learned along the way, especially with going through it with your daughter. I can see you've adjusted well, and it is very helpful to hear a balanced reply. I agree with you that "love" does help, and I also think that the time comes for each of us to grow-up and learn about life, thats why we get grey hair, lol.

Anyway, yes this will put us officially in the empty nest stage of life. My son is almost 25yrs old and is in the process of buying his first house. He has a girlfriend of 3yrs, and I think there may be an engagement in that relationship on the horizon (and wedding, more money, OMG)!!! He has been on his own for the past couple years and is doing very well. He went to college, has his degree and landed a very good job last year. My daughter on the other hand is flying by the seat of her pants right now, with no money, just lots of LOVE!!!! I sincerely hope they make it and I of course want to resist the urge to step in and fix things, slap me if I start doing that, okay????

I really want to start working on our life, (my hubby and I), we've had so much stuff going on here all the time, that now it will be just us, I think I'm gonna like it. I think some of the stress factors in our marriage (or any marriage) are now at a time to focus and get some new things accomplished, or kill each other???

With so much Peri it is difficult to be at an even keel, you know what I mean. So I'm glad to have you and the gals here, to listen, at these life defining moments. Its really a blessing. Ohhhh, and I could never cook for the bigwigs, but I wish I could have someone cook for me, budget gourmet~

Hugs, Jules

[joliejacq]

Hey Jules,

Your attitude is so great!

I think you and hub will love re-connecting. Hub and I miss our daughter and her family very much at times, but we have been "dating" again - going out to eat, or just sitting at home watching a movie. Yes, we still bicker at times! But it's a special stage in our lives, as we're young enough to go out and do things, but old enough to enjoy the simplicity of a good meal right here at our own table!

It really is a time of change. Not just for you as a couple, but for you personally, Jules. It's YOUR time, to get to things put away long ago - a necessity while raising children.

I wish your daughter a very beautiful life - someone willing to "fly by the seat of her pants" for love seems endearing. Practical matters are important, but I have the sense she and her hub will learn that soon enough!

This will be a joyful wedding - bask in it, have fun!

[Juliann]

Ahhhh Jacquie, your so good hearted, I bet your a great friend to have around, and you are so REAL!!! I love what you said about simplicity, its what wisdom at mid-life teaches. I remember the olden days when my mantra was COME ON FRIDAY NITE.....yeah. Now its tea time and fluffy pillows, under my acking feet. Well, I do it in style anyway.... so much for us huh????

I'm all for serenity and down home cookin!!!! Its not necessary to have all that mind boggling stimulation of crowds and stuff, I myself don't like big crowds of people. While I do hair, I listen to women after women, tell me all her problems, everyday, I spend all my reserve energy, caring for them and gently pointing out the positives in any given situation (I'm diffinitely underpaid, lol). I have had to learn, the hard way at times, how to turn it off, and turn on my family mode when I get home.

Your position and attitude is very refreshing, keep the home fires burning, and stay in love. Its a blessing to have the chance for this at our turn in life. So many are hurting out there for someone to even love, I feel for them. I know that I'm willing to take the ups and downs (many of them, infact) and be thankful. The rest is just the daily task at hand, whether children, health, or peri. Its all hard, isn't it??? You have a great day, Jules

[joliejacq]

Hey Jules,

Yes, it IS hard - thank goodness there are the things that keep us going: family connections, tea time and pillows for our aches and pains as you point out (I've got a pillow tucked against my lower back at this moment!), and a million simple pleasures.

If the wedding is just about a week from now, things are apt to get VERY BUSY for you! Treat yourself with some moments of downtime and fun!

That "wedding week" was very special for my daughter and me. We shared some tears and frustrations, some real giggly laughs, some poignant moments, knowing things were about to change forever. And oh, when I saw my daughter look into her husband's eyes while reciting her vows......(sniff!)

When/if you have a moment this week, let us know what you're wearing to the wedding! I love little details like this! But if you're too busy, honey I UNDERSTAND!!

Enjoy!

Jacquie

PS: I've long believed that hairdressers make the best therapists!

[Juliann]

Hi Jacquie,

Yes this is going to be the wedding week, the wedding is on the 20th (Sunday). Rehursal on Fridaynite. Things are going good, so far. Its surreal, I know its like you said, nothing will ever be the same. Its very emotion packed, plus I'm due to start my period on Monday (This is were peri is so much fun). I'm feelin very pms, good timing huh???

The Wedding will be at 4:30, so its considered an evening wedding. The colors are black and white. My dress is black velvet, floor lenth. Some light beading at the top, the dress flairs out at the bottom, very stylish, great shoes, black with some rhinestones. Black satin drape over my shoulders, with little silver sequins, so cute!!!! Daughters dress is "Cinderella, lots of tooling" pearls and sequins. The flowers will all be "Latin Lady Roses" white with red tips. Red candles on the center pieces.

We have a friend that will sing the song "I can only imagine", and then for the father daughter dance, it will be Celine Dion, "Because you love me".

This is more info then you probably ever need to know, but I am excited!!!! My only daughter getting married (you know what I mean), I am packing the tissue.

Jacq, thanks for keeping me centered and giving me some room to share this with someone, your swell, big hugs~Jules

[Meg2820370]

Okay, I teared up at the part about the songs being played. This is going to be one fantastic, special day! Hope you all have the time of your lives!!!! I wish you many blessings!

[boyzmom]

juliann~ it all sounds so beautiful. When all the stress & insanity of planning is over, it will be a wonderful day to remember. All the best to you & yours!

[joliejacq]

Okay, I'm tearing up here, too! The songs are BEAUTIFUL!

Look for a tear or two in your hub's eyes (and your own) while he's dancing with "his girl."

You will be GORGEOUS in your black velvet - how elegant! And I love the idea of the satin drape - this is a beautiful look. Those two rich fabrics set each other off so well.

Adding that little shot of red to the black/white color scheme will give it real drama! What a lovely choice, to have the flowers with the red tips, and red candles in the centerpieces! Are you wearing a nice, deep-red lipstick? I have "discovered" red lipstick in the past year - could never wear it before, but I'd read in More magazine that it suits middle-aged women well. Tried it, and hub really likes it.

Well, it might be best that you are due for your period now, rather than next Friday! You can get the PMS over now, and hopefully ease up and be able to just feel GOOD for the wedding!

Have a GREAT week, dear Jules, as you do the hectic last-minute stuff. Get ready to kick up your heels and have fun! When things settle down, you can come and tell us how it went!

We'll be thinking of ya!


Jacquie

[julief]

Hi Jules -

All the VERY VERY BEST to you and yours, what a creative colour scheme !

There can never be enough details about a life-changing event such as this.
Your outifit sounds divine.

Cant wait to hear more.

Blessings ..........

Julie x

[Juliann]

You are all so sweet, thanks to each of you for your wonderful blessings and gestures. I'm so touched.... You will hear all about it, next week, I will post it all, brief summary, of course!!!! lol

Jacq.......Deep red lipstick????? hum, I never thought of it, thanks!!!! I will try some on this week, it might be what I need. Will be in touch, sending my love to you and yours, love, Jules

[joliejacq]

We'll be waiting to hear!

Enjoy your BIG WEEK (well, get through it anyway, and then enjoy the WEDDING!).

Have fun!

[leanne0721]

Oh my gosh......

What a JOY it was to hear of your daughters upcoming wedding!!!!

It all sounds so lovely!!! I hope you have the VERY best time!!!!

[joliejacq]

HAPPY, HAPPY WEDDING, JULES!! HAVE FUN!! WE CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR HOW IT WENT!

[leanne0721]

Neither can I jackie, LOL and I'm NERVOUS for her and I don't even know them!!

[alice3]

Yes, the word WEDDING makes me feel nervous

I bet the photos will be wonderful.

My daughter has threatened me not to wear black, which is my favourite colour

We're all looking forward to hearing how it went. You'll be my role model Leanne!

[Rebecca1955]

Hi Everyone,
Well this last 8 days has been a real experience. I'm 49 years of age and still have a regular cycle. So when last Friday I became a little dizzy and nauseated, and had a bad headache I thought I was coming down with something. As the days went on the headaches persisted and the nausea was awful. Wednesday morning I got into the shower and noticed a rash on the back of my arms, on my back and on my face. Yes I had waken up during the night with hot flashes but didn't realize then what it was. I went the entire week nauseated and with a headache. The rash didn't go away and so I decided to call my doctor. She said that I had a virus. Well after feeling so lousy all week and now through this weekend I thought this is not a virus. I started researching and I know these are all part of peri. So I've asked my daughter's ob/gyn that I trust, for a referral to a dotor that can help me. Or at least help me understand what is happening to me. I'm so happy that I found this website.

[alice3]

I meant Juliann (oops)

[boyzmom]

My daughter has threatened me not to wear black, which is my favourite colour

Me too alice. I'm wondering if I can get away with wearing black to my brother's wedding (2nd) next weekend. It's in a private home & most are doing after-5 to semi-formal. This probably isn't the thread to ask, but the wedding chat reminded me & with all this brain fog, I must seize the opportunity!!

[alice3]

That sounds fine. You can wear some brighter accessories...I've seen an outfit in black with light spots and a toning jacket, which is rather nice ... and to bring the thread back...I always used to wear black before peri. My husband says I'll be a glam widow as I look good in black.