What have you lost that you miss the most?, You can't say your mind...we've all lost that! Options

[ladybugsforu]

I honestly think mine would have to be my ability to run my life. I used to really pride myself on being able to juggle the bills...now I have my accountant pay them all, I simply give her the checks because it overwhelms me and I shut down.

I think the scariest part for me is I never know what the next day is going to be like so I am finding I never make plans and or can't because I may not be able to commit. That part just pisses me off to no end!

How can something like menopause make us feel so empowered one minute and turn us into whimpering babies the next???

As far as my husband goes it's like this...I'm pretty sure I've got this down now I just need to let him in on it LOL!

"I love you, come here...opps you took to long and by now I hate you, go away" I can flip THAT FAST! Poor guy, I'da had me commited LONG AGO!

I KNOW all this stuff is normal but it can make ya just a bit cranky at times huh?

My motto for today: I can spend the day laughing or I can spend the day crying. Which will bring me through today better? Hmmmm...I DO have fresh pumpkin pie in the fridge and a can of whip cream....oh honeyyyyyyyy, where are you??????

[Shebee]

I honestly think mine would have to be my ability to run my life. I used to really pride myself on being able to juggle the bills...now I have my accountant pay them all, I simply give her the checks because it overwhelms me and I shut down.

I think the scariest part for me is I never know what the next day is going to be like so I am finding I never make plans and or can't because I may not be able to commit. That part just pisses me off to no end!

How can something like menopause make us feel so empowered one minute and turn us into whimpering babies the next???

As far as my husband goes it's like this...I'm pretty sure I've got this down now I just need to let him in on it LOL!

"I love you, come here...opps you took to long and by now I hate you, go away" I can flip THAT FAST! Poor guy, I'da had me commited LONG AGO!

I KNOW all this stuff is normal but it can make ya just a bit cranky at times huh?

My motto for today: I can spend the day laughing or I can spend the day crying. Which will bring me through today better? Hmmmm...I DO have fresh pumpkin pie in the fridge and a can of whip cream....oh honeyyyyyyyy, where are you??????

....and yes, it WAS my mind. I was so brain foggy that I could not even do simple math calculations. I stopped reading because my short term memory was gone. Notes on my hand....notes on my bedstand....notes on the refrig....notes everywhere, but I "forgot" to read them! LOL! Who knew that with my hormones restored, my mind would be, too?

I am heading out to the garden. It is amazing, but I still have a lot growing. Yesterday I picked enough greens for a huge salad. I had beets, peas, turnips, swiss chard, lots of lettuce, & etc.


Hmmmmmmmm....I think I might build a greenhouse today? (thinking is always dangerous for me...I wonder if my family liked me more when I couldn't think? LOL!)

Lady Shebee Bug

[Texasgirl]

I would have to say there's a few things I really miss that I've lost......

First, I miss my young, thin, firm, sexy body.

Second, I miss having a sex life.

Third, I really miss the energy I used to have, the motivation, the confidence.

[didgens]

physical strength and ability ,, when did I get so old ?

[DollieDee]

I honestly think mine would have to be my ability to run my life. I used to really pride myself on being able to juggle the bills...now I have my accountant pay them all, I simply give her the checks because it overwhelms me and I shut down.

I think the scariest part for me is I never know what the next day is going to be like so I am finding I never make plans and or can't because I may not be able to commit. That part just pisses me off to no end!

How can something like menopause make us feel so empowered one minute and turn us into whimpering babies the next???

As far as my husband goes it's like this...I'm pretty sure I've got this down now I just need to let him in on it LOL!

"I love you, come here...opps you took to long and by now I hate you, go away" I can flip THAT FAST! Poor guy, I'da had me commited LONG AGO!

Dear Ladybugs! I laughed so hard despite myself reading your post. What you wrote about flipping on and off with your hubby is how Ive spent the better part of the year with my fiance (not really sure if we are still headed down the aisle). Its absolutely scary how up and down your emotions can go. Its like I am literally a different person minute to minute....heck! second to second sometimes. There is no calm inside me anymore and I am just mentally exhausted from all of this.

Well, aside from my mind....which you stated was a given, and believe me mine is totally GONE.....I think I miss my passion for living the most. I used to feel so alive and engaged in the beauty of the world. it took almost nothing for me to be touched by something or excited about something. Sunsets, dolphins, roses blooming in my garden in springtime, playing with my cat, reading my favorite stories, or going to a movie, making love by a fire, Christmas shopping! going out for dinner, drawing...one of my lifelong passions and a goal I had recently set for myself to go back to school to become a graphic artist. There was so much enthusiasm always in my heart and soul. Setbacks never really bothered me, I always had so much resiliance and felt unstoppable! Now, I dont even want to wake up to face the world. I dont want to leave my bed, or the safety of my home. I have no desire to do anything at all, or go anywhere. I dont want my fiance to touch me, I no longer enjoy anything beautiful or wonderous. My mind is locked in a dark place where there is nothing beautiful or good to look forward to. All the things that once made me "me" have been taken from me. Its like I exist only in this hollow emptiness with no hope of feeling anything again. I think Morrissey said it best...."Every day is like Sunday, every day is silent and grey" So to answer your questions....the excitement and desire of living is what I miss the most.

[ladybugsforu]

Do you know the ONLY thing that has even touched me in the slightest way posetive (oh my I'm even forgetting how to spell!) is a music box at Costco that is all bell music. The top is lined with about 15 bells and it plays 50 different Christmas songs by banging these bells. It is SOOOOO soothing and I find myself going there just to listen to them. It is only 80.00 and I told my family "this BETTER be under my tree at Christmas!". I have not felt passion or want for anything in the last year but this I want!!! It calms me!!

[boohoo]

i miss:
my sexy figure
my thick hair -gosh, you should see it know
the feeling of being carefree and fearless
reading novels (can't concentrate anymore)
my friends (i'm retired and lost contact)
going shopping and actually enjoying it!
being horny!

[michuganna]

I honestly think mine would have to be my ability to run my life. I used to really pride myself on being able to juggle the bills...now I have my accountant pay them all, I simply give her the checks because it overwhelms me and I shut down.

I think the scariest part for me is I never know what the next day is going to be like so I am finding I never make plans and or can't because I may not be able to commit. That part just pisses me off to no end!

How can something like menopause make us feel so empowered one minute and turn us into whimpering babies the next???

As far as my husband goes it's like this...I'm pretty sure I've got this down now I just need to let him in on it LOL!

"I love you, come here...opps you took to long and by now I hate you, go away" I can flip THAT FAST! Poor guy, I'da had me commited LONG AGO!

I KNOW all this stuff is normal but it can make ya just a bit cranky at times huh?

My motto for today: I can spend the day laughing or I can spend the day crying. Which will bring me through today better? Hmmmm...I DO have fresh pumpkin pie in the fridge and a can of whip cream....oh honeyyyyyyyy, where are you??????

Ladybugs -- Your whole post resonates with me exactly down to the pumpkin pie (my favorite). I don't have the husband go away/come back syndrome yet, but, we kinda naturally have our own spaces and we connect every few hours to give a kiss or a hello, so that part makes it easy for me. I don't have an accountant (darn) but, there are times I just don't want to deal with the bills, but, I do. At least I can say that's my contribution, my husband is so good about everything else. Totally get it about not being able to plan from one day to the next. I feel so flaky, so I have a hard time committing to plans. I started pristiq about 16 day ago and I feel the anxiety and panic coming back with obsessive thinking. The Lexapro did wonders for that but I was kind of a blob and didn't want to do anything. I hate having to figure out the magic elixer that is going to bring me relief. But, I am considering blob mode is better than anxiety mode. Oh well, time for pumpkin pie, just gotta go get some.... oh great do I want to get in the car or not??? Indecision... another lovely symptom. Arghh, lol.

[caz-art]

I would have to say there's a few things I really miss that I've lost......

First, I miss my young, thin, firm, sexy body.

Second, I miss having a sex life.

Third, I really miss the energy I used to have, the motivation, the confidence.

OMG....I feel EXACTLY the same on all points (are we twins?!)

[stitchnanny]

I have to agree with Texasgirl, what I miss most (I miss alot) is the energy and confidence and motivation to go places on the spur and to do lots of stuff.

I feel as though I am still busy but I just cant seem to accomplish anything!!!!!!!!
Hugs,
Jeaninne

[alinam]

I miss everything that I was. I miss being able to relax and enjoy a Disney movie, a Gilligan's Island rerun, playing a video game for hours without feeling guilty that I'm not paying attention to my husband or kids every minute. I miss being able to sleep in, lollygag in bed, relax on a Saturday, to take a nap and not wake up in a panic for no reason. I miss the enjoyment I used to get from singing, playing my guitar, listening to music, seeing a sunset, a sunrise, a rainbow, a beautiful butterfly.

I miss ME. I wish I knew where I went. I'd go get me back.

Ali

[larafalcon]

i miss:
my sexy figure
my thick hair -gosh, you should see it know
the feeling of being carefree and fearless
reading novels (can't concentrate anymore)
my friends (i'm retired and lost contact)
going shopping and actually enjoying it!
being horny!

Boohoo (and also Texas girl):

You guys are not that old - what are you going to do when you truly become old - like 65+ - and ofcourse you probably want to live to be 90??? - so thats 40 year of not having a good body, thick hair etc. etc. leave alone the problems with the mind like dementia etc. now think again - do you still want to live to be 90 - what about 80? I say this because I do think a lot of people think they want to live to be old - but they forget how very very hard it is - when I was 19 I worked in an old age home - and the folks there ranged from 70 yrs all the way to 95 - and in my two years there I did not meet more than a couple of women who were happy to be alive - there minds were always in the past when they were young and happier - of course they had given up on firm youthful bodies because unless you have been an athlete for a greater portion of your life at 75 you are not going to have a good body - I am always horrified when I see naked older women in the changing room at my gym - its so sad to see the body deteriorate - so what is the solution ladies??? - to enjoy what we have while we are relatively young and hope that we do not live to see 75 - I know a lot of people will be horrified at this statement - but a lot of people will agree with me -

[soul survivor]

I would have to say I miss my energy(chi) because without that I can't do anything....no nice body cause I can't exercise,no nice hair
cause I can barely take a shower, no lovers cause I have no libido, no friends cause I could not visit or call anymore, no job cause I could not
work 12hr days anymore, no hobbies cause I can't focus, I sure miss "myself" oh where oh where can she be.....

[joyceveronica]

Boohoo (and also Texas girl):

You guys are not that old - what are you going to do when you truly become old - like 65+ - and ofcourse you probably want to live to be 90??? - so thats 40 year of not having a good body, thick hair etc. etc. leave alone the problems with the mind like dementia etc. now think again - do you still want to live to be 90 - what about 80? I say this because I do think a lot of people think they want to live to be old - but they forget how very very hard it is - when I was 19 I worked in an old age home - and the folks there ranged from 70 yrs all the way to 95 - and in my two years there I did not meet more than a couple of women who were happy to be alive - there minds were always in the past when they were young and happier - of course they had given up on firm youthful bodies because unless you have been an athlete for a greater portion of your life at 75 you are not going to have a good body - I am always horrified when I see naked older women in the changing room at my gym - its so sad to see the body deteriorate - so what is the solution ladies??? - to enjoy what we have while we are relatively young and hope that we do not live to see 75 - I know a lot of people will be horrified at this statement - but a lot of people will agree with me -

I am not in the least horrified by what you have said.It is hard to get old and see our bodies get less firm and our minds less quick.
We have to live in the moment-easier said than done-and enjoy the good times.
There are some older joyful people around.My grandmother was one.She died at the age of 94 sound in mind and in her own home.
I think attitude and acceptance of our new selves is what makes the difference between those who age gracefully and those who become bitter.
So long life and joy to all!
Elizabeth

[ladybugsforu]

I just don't want to live long enough to become a burden to my children. I don't want them to have to either pay to take care of me or be forced to do it themselves!

[chaotichar]

I would have to say I miss my energy(chi) because without that I can't do anything....no nice body cause I can't exercise,no nice hair
cause I can barely take a shower, no lovers cause I have no libido, no friends cause I could not visit or call anymore, no job cause I could not
work 12hr days anymore, no hobbies cause I can't focus, I sure miss "myself" oh where oh where can she be.....

I SO AGREE WITH YOU SOUL SURVIVOR.....

[Texasgirl]

Boohoo (and also Texas girl):

You guys are not that old - what are you going to do when you truly become old - like 65+ - and ofcourse you probably want to live to be 90??? - so thats 40 year of not having a good body, thick hair etc. etc. leave alone the problems with the mind like dementia etc. now think again - do you still want to live to be 90 - what about 80? I say this because I do think a lot of people think they want to live to be old - but they forget how very very hard it is - when I was 19 I worked in an old age home - and the folks there ranged from 70 yrs all the way to 95 - and in my two years there I did not meet more than a couple of women who were happy to be alive - there minds were always in the past when they were young and happier - of course they had given up on firm youthful bodies because unless you have been an athlete for a greater portion of your life at 75 you are not going to have a good body - I am always horrified when I see naked older women in the changing room at my gym - its so sad to see the body deteriorate - so what is the solution ladies??? - to enjoy what we have while we are relatively young and hope that we do not live to see 75 - I know a lot of people will be horrified at this statement - but a lot of people will agree with me -

Thank you so much for saying I'm not old! I don't really "feel" old....till I look at my naked body in that mirror!

[boohoo]

Boohoo (and also Texas girl):

You guys are not that old - what are you going to do when you truly become old - like 65+ - and ofcourse you probably want to live to be 90??? - so thats 40 year of not having a good body, thick hair etc. etc. leave alone the problems with the mind like dementia etc. now think again - do you still want to live to be 90 - what about 80? I say this because I do think a lot of people think they want to live to be old - but they forget how very very hard it is - when I was 19 I worked in an old age home - and the folks there ranged from 70 yrs all the way to 95 - and in my two years there I did not meet more than a couple of women who were happy to be alive - there minds were always in the past when they were young and happier - of course they had given up on firm youthful bodies because unless you have been an athlete for a greater portion of your life at 75 you are not going to have a good body - I am always horrified when I see naked older women in the changing room at my gym - its so sad to see the body deteriorate - so what is the solution ladies??? - to enjoy what we have while we are relatively young and hope that we do not live to see 75 - I know a lot of people will be horrified at this statement - but a lot of people will agree with me -

Lara;
thanks for the inspiring truth, i'm turning 50 this month and just miss the good ol days.....i also worked in a nursing home for years and fear i'm heading that way (already!) I really don't want to live to be 80, no thanks! I always say to my hubby, "geez, i miss the good ol days" and he replies, THESE ARE THE GOOD OL DAYS!

[DollieDee]

Boohoo (and also Texas girl):

- I know a lot of people will be horrified at this statement - but a lot of people will agree with me -

I am one who agrees

Dee

[larafalcon]

I am one who agrees

Dee

Hi DollieD:

I wonder if we are in a minority or people are too PC to admit this - I can imagine people wanting to live to be older if they are madly in love with their grandchildren and wish to see them grown up, - but on the whole people are terrified of death and also most importantly I think people do not really think of what happens to the body and mind when they reach 80 LOL - they think they will still look the same and think the same - Boy do they have a surprise coming their way - I used to teach Yoga to older women a few years ago - and they were all in their late sixties, seventies - I really did not get the same satisfaction from teaching them than I got from my regular students that ranged from 25-55 - they could hardly do any of the simple poses and they had no life energy - I do think the body deteriorates really fast in the the seventies - and sometimes, depending on the person, even in the sixties - having said that my Yoga teachers have great bodies and great vitality, (they are 63 and 65) but they have done Yoga for almost 35 years - so that helps, but normal people should really not want to live past 75 - My landlord is now 77 - and I knew him when I moved into the house when he was 73 - I have noticed that since the past couple of years he has really regretted turning old - last summer he said to me "Lara promise me one thing - that you won't get old" LOL - so its not just women that are worried about wrinkles etc and dread aging - its deeper than that - I think if one has lived a full life you really don't need to live to be old - if you haven't figured out what life is all about by 50 then there is something wrong with the picture -

[CSugarGrove]

I should start a thread about what we DON'T miss. I don't miss periods and greasy skin and pimples and all the hormonal ups and downs and having to be sure I had sanitary supplies in stock (haven't bought them in years--what a relief!) Migraine headaches used to kill me so badly I had to go to bed, and now I can't remember having one. My weight is lower than it ever was and I'm muscular and running over four miles a day, working on five miles. I love myself and don't care if my hair looks bad or my make-up isn't on exactly right--I don't even wear make-up on the weekends and don't care who sees me. What a relief not to feel compelled to look in the mirror all the time. I'm interested in people and their lives and experiences and their innate wisdom, instead of being self-absorbed and petty. I have compassion and sympathy, and can really laugh deeply at the funny things in life. I never could when I was younger.

I feel great and would never go back, not even five or ten years. And farther back? No thanks! The high school years were the most miserable of my life; the kids were incredibly cruel and I remember, most of all, being incredibly lonely, deep into my heart. The memories are so bad that I didn't even wish to attend my 40th high school reunion; I just wasn't interested. I had no friends back then and I remember, very clearly, all the name calling and cruel pranks and the misery, and feeling alone and scared. And later, in my twenties, taking a lot of garbage from people because I was timid. I'd NEVER take that stuff now!

I've learned how to fill myself up with joy and happiness for life as it is. No, I wouldn't trade any of this for anything.

[larafalcon]

I've learned how to fill myself up with joy and happiness for life as it is. No, I wouldn't trade any of this for anything.

Hi CSugarGrove:

I'm glad you have found present happiness, but I'm so sorry that you did not enjoy your youth or even your life 5 or 10 years ago - Most people have not had your experiences I think - - The people who do not wish to get old have probably had joyful experiences (even if they were fat and out of shape LOL) or maybe they had thicker skins so they could shrug off the teasing etc. I was a very short (I grew later thank god) child but I was rarely teased because I stood up to the teasing and also told my teachers right away - also you know me, I always "fix things" - so I had oily terrible skin for most of my twenties but then at 29 I took Accutane the Miracle drug that rendered my skin acne and oil free till now (32 years) - so I do think that people can do a lot to make their lives happier even if it entails risks - if the risks are worth it - for example before I started Accutane I had researched its dangers and they were quite a few but rare ones - but I knew how miserable I was with my skin and so I took a chance - and it totally changed my life - I was not very attractive mainly because of my skin and this transformed me into a pretty young woman - and also made me so happy that I was kind and generous to other people -and now I am very happy too, (even though I am not in my twenties) but its a deeper, more spiritual happiness - I get pleasure out of helping people and also rejoicing in their happiness.

[Webalina]

I miss my firm breasts. Up until about 3 years ago, my breasts were still as firm as a teenager. Doc said it was because I had particular dense breasts. Anyway, they were gorgeous. Now all that dense tissue has gone away, and they feel like bread dough-filled balloons. The shape is still OK and oddly enough I'm still the same bra size (42D), but they smush down so easily, are saggy and completely disappear when I lie down. I can't find a decent bra to hold them up. And while I used to cross my arms UNDER them, now my arms just go on top and smush them further. They were one of my favorite features and now....eh.