30yr marriage, luv hubby just can't imagine sex with him Options

[bobbisox2]

I feel so sad and dismembered! I too have no sex drive what-so-ever. the bio testro cream is expensive and not working.
I look at my husband and we are just roomates who do not even share a room anymore. My sleeping habits have sent him packing to the spare bedroom.
He has to use the little blue pill so even if for some strange notion my body wanted to be spontanious I would have to work so damn hard to get just a softy;) That thought exhausts me!
who wants a damn softy when the hard one feels so nice.
I grieve for my old self.
Just venting- I love my husband but we are drifting apart and need that closeness.
bobbi

[leanne0721]

Bobbi- I know your post is genuine and it took courage to write it, however I couldn't help but chuckle about it exhausting you A very honest heartfelt feeling!

I just wanted to point out that you can still have physical closeness without sex. Maybe the expectation is just too much for either of you right now??? Just take that off the table, and snuggle up together. Maybe just an extra hug or two during the day? Start with the little things.

[Texasgirl]

I feel so sad and dismembered! I too have no sex drive what-so-ever. the bio testro cream is expensive and not working.
I look at my husband and we are just roomates who do not even share a room anymore. My sleeping habits have sent him packing to the spare bedroom.
He has to use the little blue pill so even if for some strange notion my body wanted to be spontanious I would have to work so damn hard to get just a softy;) That thought exhausts me!
who wants a damn softy when the hard one feels so nice.
I grieve for my old self.
Just venting- I love my husband but we are drifting apart and need that closeness.
bobbi

I wish my husband would take a blue pill for me. He won't even try. Has had ZERO interest is sex for years. We've been married 30 years also.

[Fried]

Wow that is kinda familiar sounding.

[nc53215]

ill climb aboard this train to softsville !!!! my hubby has more problems in that area than i do, and dr told him hes too young for the blue pill!!!! ( 45) hell i dont want no 80yr old with a schong on for 6 hrs, ill be too old by then !!!

[Floater]

OMG!!! The 80 year old comment killed me!! LOL!!!

[Jan677]

ROFLMAO!!! Sorry, I know it's not a "funny" topic but some of the comments on these boards are just too funny!
Seriously though, the "softie" description really hits home with a lot of us I'm sure. Who wants that? At our age I guess it's becoming more of an issue and the "little blue pill" is used more than I thought. I remember some years ago being somewhat irritated that scientists were wasting their time developing these pills and not spending time on something more worthwhile. It seemed to me that by "that age" most of us wouldn't want sex anyway and would be thankful that our men couldn't give us more than a "softie" (LOL, sorry...I can't help it!). WOW, was I wrong about that! Now that I'm in my mid 50's and my husband is heading toward 58, I'm pretty darned happy those scientists wasted all that time on those "little blue pills". It's been a wonderful addition to our marriage since all of a sudden I've gotten extremely interested after years of almost complete indifference.
Bobbie, I guess what I'm trying to say is...try to get some of the romance back and don't focus so much on the sex. I don't know if either of you has an health problems that might be impacting this area but if so, get to a Dr. and get checked out. Some medications (anti-depressants and anti-hypertensives for starters) can cause a decrease in libido for both men and women. Could this be something to look at for you two? Stress is also a non-starter when it comes to romance. If you've checked out the health/stress/medication issues and both of you are ok then perhaps it's a matter of re-inventing the relationship. Sometimes couples who have been together for a long time have to work at falling in love all over again. I'm sorry I don't remember which of the ladies said this but I agree...just snuggle and cuddle at first. Say sweet little things to each other. Make each other laugh. Do fun little things together...romantic walks or picnics, etc. The things you used to do when dating will help rekindle the intimacy. Check out whether or not the dosage on your testosterone cream is adequate. It usually doesn't take much for a woman to get things back but maybe you need a jump start. As for you having to work so hard to get a softie...if your husband is taking a pill and he still has that result, he needs either a different perscription or a full urological workup to make sure there is not something else amiss. Good luck .... I REALLY hope you can get the mojo back. It has made a huge difference in our marriage and I think it will with yours as well if you can fix the problem.

[momzoffour]

I kinda sad reading these comments as the human connection in a marriage has always been so important to me and hubbie...he hasn't needed any help and our sex lives purrs along nicely but I fear the day it may "peter" out (hey, oxymorons can be fun! )...DH's father married a women my age (50 and he's 74) a few years back and they seem to be going strong ao if performance is in the "genes/jeans" ( ), maybe Dh is ok for another 20 years or so.....

I hope you ladies find some way to start the engines again....I saw a story recently about people who live on an island that were well into their 80s and 90s with no sign of illnesses. Their common denominator was lots of sex and sleep....my guess living on an island helped too

Hey and a nice gin and tonic never hurt on a warm summers night


Peace,
Momz

[bobbisox2]

Bobbi- I know your post is genuine and it took courage to write it, however I couldn't help but chuckle about it exhausting you A very honest heartfelt feeling!

I just wanted to point out that you can still have physical closeness without sex. Maybe the expectation is just too much for either of you right now??? Just take that off the table, and snuggle up together. Maybe just an extra hug or two during the day? Start with the little things.

thanks for the kind words. You are so right about the snuggling and to just take sex off the table for now. But, i do so grieve for those times. I am only 50!
does it get better after men-o-pause is over?