Should He...Should He Not Options

[KrissyK]

Hello Ladies,

It's been awhile since I've written but I wanted to send out this question. Perhaps it's already been answered on PS before, but humor me.

My life has been very fullfilling where sex is concerned. I've always had a very large libido and it equally matched my husband's. However, with the onset of peri I realized that I'm not "in the mood" as much as I once was, and I feel for him. He tries so hard to be patient and understanding, but I can tell that its wearing on him. The other night I got up drenched from head to toe in the full throes of a night sweat and realized that he was not in the bed. Upon searching for him I discovered him in another room, watching porn. I think in our entire marriage I've only known him to indulge in this nastiness a few times but I was offended. (Whether I was truly offended or just so irritated with my sweaty self, it's hard to say) but a HUGE fight ensued. We didn't speak for a few days.

Here is my question: Do I like porn myself? No, I think its demeaning and show a huge lack of respect for women. However, I know that men are more "visual" people. Their excitement often derives from what they can see "right there" or with their mind's eye. I felt my husband had a good case when he stated, [b]"You're changing and I can acknowledge that. You are not interested in sex, you never initiate anything or you often turn against me if I do. You tend to go to bed early instead of staying up with me and you often don't feel well. But I haven't changed. My sex drive is the same, and although I go to the gym and try to rid myself of the building frustration, I need a release of some kind, some times."[/b]

He also agrees me with me in terms that we both feel that Porn of any kind can be a slippery slope. It usually takes more and more to help you meet your climax. I was wondering if any of you ladies know that your husband watches porn and do you allow it, or simply tolerate it, or how many actually forbid it, and if so, what does hubby do?

[Armadillo]

Actually, I sort of like watching soft-core porn with my husband, and getting busy with him afterward. Sometimes, I can't wait till the movie is over. He says that when he is on a business trip, he will rent a porn movie in his room at night, if he needs to "relieve" himself, if he cannot get in touch with me for phone sex. Sorry about being graphic, but that's the only time I know of that he watches without me. Except if he goes to a bachelor party. Then I don't want to know what goes on.

[debradoll]

Me & My hubby watch soft-porn sometimes,,,as for me it boosts up the sex drive,,which there are times i need alot of boosting (LOL) I have no problem with mine watching porn!!

[KrissyK]

WOW, thus far it's been positive although I thought more women would weigh in on this.

I think for me I work with some men who "indulge" quite a bit because their wives at home are completely uninterested. One guy does the porn thing, nightly. She seems to care less.

For me, I'd rather have hubby in bed, although I don't want him frustrated and miserable.

The testosterone cream did nothing for me. I might as well be rubbing water on my arms.

If he needs a "release" that is fine...but must he look at gorgeous women too?

I'm bummed....

[zen]

poor man.. i really do not see anything wrong with porn! my husband and i have our own collections of pics, we found out lately we like a lot of the same thing! lol.. we printed some out and stuck them on the bedroom walls! lol!!! anything that makes sex good for either of us, hopefully both of us at the same time, is a good thing! especially at this time in my life...

of course you would rather have your man in bed, but you have also said you don't feel like sex most times, so leave the poor guy something!!! like, he's not with other women, he's not paying for it, it could be a lot worse! porn isn't hurting you...

[Armadillo]

...but must he look at gorgeous women too?

I'm bummed....

Krissy, ALL men like to look at gorgeous women! But he still loves and desires you!

Let's face it, don't you like to look at handsome, young men? I sure do, but I love my husband. The young bucks are just eye candy for me, just like the women are eye candy for men.

[zen]

i am reminded of a saying i have always liked...

'i don't care where he gets his appetite, as long as he eats at home'

[Gia*]

..and ZEN has a YOUNG one! You go girl!

[zen]

and he still eats at home too..

[allyf]

My ex husband had a porn problem before we were married that I didnt know about. I was 11 years younger than him. Although I tried to be what he wanted(that sounds pathetic) I never realized the images I was up against. Eventually his 'addiction' led to call girls when he was out of town. He worked in Vegas alot. He left enough evidenct around for me to find.....I was stupid and blind. I guess if you both understand exactly where you are coming from and can be transparent with each other than it can be enhancing. It completely destroyed my first marriage. My husband (now) finds me tremendously attractive and never hesitates to tell me all about it. He despises porn as filthy and demeaning and so do I. If he needs a visual, he comes to me. (literally??) I do have times where I dont have any drive: due to bcp's or whatever, and so far he has been patient and we try to work together to make sure everyone is happy. Please be careful that you know each other well and how porn is being used, it can be destructive. ally

[KrissyK]

I find this topic enticing for many reasons. Mostly I think because I never quite got the "hang" of porn. When I watch a porn movie, within 5 minutes, I am bored stiff. Okay, they make out, then they get undressed, then that have sex with him on top, than she's on top, then he's behind her, then she upside down...I mean after awhile, even I'm too tired to have sex. I guess it's all about what turns you on or him on, or whatever. My husband is younger than me too and has a HUGE appetite for sex, and as I said, I used to as well. But over the years, I've simply found I just want to do it and get it over with. Don't misunderstand me...I do not like this about myself, but it's just "where I'm at right now." I could watch porn until the sun comes up and goes down...but I'd be unmoved by it. Whether it's one girl and two guys, two girls and one guy, one girl-one guy, an orgy, or individual masturbation...I'd be more turned on by watching paint dry or grass grow.

How sad is that?

[TidalWaves]

I'm just listening in and you all are totally hilarious!!!

Except, of course, for the situation with you, ally.

I really feel for you hon, but it sounds as though you have been more than paid back for the pain you had in your first marriage.

[TidalWaves]

And you too, Krissy. I didnt mean to leave you out, I just didnt see your last post here. So SORRY you are having such a difficult time!

Major Hugs,

bev