Has anyone ever told you hot flashes are all in your head?, I sure as heck won't mention mine outside of this forum again. Options

[chocolatewoman99]

I was in a group tennis drill. The darn hot flash came on about ten minutes after we started and it really threw me for a loop. I mentioned it, in an off-handed way, to someone in the group--a woman in her late 30's I'd guess--and she told me just to hit the ball harder, use the energy, it was all in my head. Words like that.

I had no clue how to respond. I mumbled something and kept playing. The remark didn't affect how I played, but it was on my mind after. Why would someone say this? Did I embarrass her by mentioning the flash? Is this still something you don't talk about in public? Why are there constant commercials about erectile dysfunction but discussions about hot flashes are still taboo? Nobody I know talks about flashes, outside of this forum. Why?

[malkachava]

I share your frustration and resentment CW.

I don't know a single non-PS woman who has had a single meno symptom. Now given how many women I know (a lot, I will tell you), how likely does that seem?

For some reason, women continue to keep this subject under wraps. I personally talk about it in mixed company and don't blink an eye.

I am really sorry you had such an unpleasant experience. I imagine the age of the speaker did not help matters. But in my own experience, even women my own age do not speak of menopause.

It is time to stage some sort of revolution. I only wish I knew what it is.

Very best,
Marcy

[Floater]

Oh my, that does aggravate me!! I mean, honest to goodness...what is the problem with menopause?? If we live to be a certain age, we are gonna have it! So why is it some deep dark secret. The only thing I can figure is younger women don't want to hear about it!! And older women are ashamed of it, or something? Why be ashamed? Do women think they are now less of a woman? I mean, whats the deal??

I think menopause should be taught just the menstration is! And women should be prepared for what can happen. So middle aged women aren't suddenly suffering from "nervous breakdowns" and are treated for their real condition.

I could rant about this subject for a long time, as it really bugs me a lot!! WE as woman HAVE to make this subject acceptable! I saw one TV commercial regarding meno symptoms....where a woman in her jammies, housecoat and slippers ran outside and dove into a pile of snow and melted it right down to the grass...OMG, I laughed when I saw that commercial. And it disappeared off the air very quickly, I think it was deemed inappropriate and was removed. How sad is that?? It continues to be a taboo subject! But not for me, I will talk about it, mention it, bring it up in conversation....I want people to KNOW!!

[zen]

i have no words.. as hot flashes are one of my worst symptoms, and they are bad enough to melt snow too, i am just flabbergasted.. i hope that woman has at least one doozie of a hot flash when it's her time..

[Crazy in CA]

Ditto that Zen!!!!! That gal better watch out or all the crones here will cast the flashing curse upon her!

[Dotcalm2u]

I say we stone her!!

Seriously though.....when I am hotflashing I let everyone around me know.......it's the only way to explain why my reading glasses are slowly slidding down my hot sweaty face.....when everyone around me is shivering!! I also use the term 'brain fog' when I can not remember the simpliest of things. It amazes me how many women ....(when they hear me use the words....'hotflash' or 'brain fog') .....chime in....that they CAN relate.

I am not a shy person and I have NO qualms with sharing my hot flashing and brain fog moments with those that I come into contact with on a daily basis. Perhaps because most of my clientelle are in my age group, or perhaps because I say it in a humourous tone.......but regardless.....I for one will not allow one person.... man, woman or child....to deprive me of my Meno-Mama Rights to share in the glorious adventure of Menopause!!

And yes that IS sarcasm that you hear in my voice

Taboo? The very mention of THAT word makes me want to run naked through the streets with a protest sign. If you tell me that something is 'taboo' the rebel WITH a cause comes out in me!!

I am MENO WOMAN ~ HEAR ME ROAR!!!


Dottie

[Dotcalm2u]

One more thing......
Ya Just.........Gotta
Maxine

Dottie

[chocolatewoman99]

I knew you guys wouldn't let me down!

I used to think that person was nice, and I've told other people that. Maybe she showed her true self. Yeah, I hope she has has a meltdown that will make her think of what she said to me. I don't want to be mean, but what she said was cruel and stupid, as far as I'm concerned. I'm kind of getting mad, now that I've had time to reflect on how it made me feel.

I don't want anybody telling me I can't talk about what's going on with me, especially when I don't whine about it or expect THEM to do something about it. It's not like I'm spreading something contagious. Maybe she'll show up at tennis tomorrow and I'll show her a thing or two! Yeah, I'm almost 52 and I can still rock it, hot flash and all!

[chocolatewoman99]

Dottie! XOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXO!

My inner child must be a pyromaniac!

[chocolatewoman99]

Crazy, Zen, Floater, Dot, Mal--Thanks! This is the best I've felt in a long time. I'm glad you guys are here!

[suzpaterson]

Hi - I wonder if some women feel uncomfortable talking about this subject because to go from young vibrant warrior princesses to this is somewhat shocking and slightly disturbing to our egos? Many womem feel uncomfortable appearing weaker and looking and acting older? I admit it here and now that when I was young, I thought that some women used the symptoms as an excuse for their bad behaviour. I truly hadn't lived my life as yet and clearly I had no empathy or understanding whatsoever.

Her day/ze will come.

Suz

[Dotcalm2u]

Dottie! XOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXO!

My inner child must be a pyromaniac!

I know for a FACT....that mine is....that little devil .....hehehehehe

I would be ...pardon the pun here......STEAMING ....mad at her! She was rude, unsympathetic, and quite frankly....ignorant! If a tennis ball bounces into her eye causing it to swell....is that also considered...ahem.... all in her head? Hmmm....just a thought She better wear shades....baby! Ya don't make a Meno -Mama .............MAD!!
Silly Wabbit


((((((HUGS))))))
Dottie

[Dotcalm2u]

Hi - I wonder if some women feel uncomfortable talking about this subject because to go from young vibrant warrior princesses to this is somewhat shocking and slightly disturbing to our egos? Many womem feel uncomfortable appearing weaker and looking and acting older? I admit it here and now that when I was young, I thought that some women used the symptoms as an excuse for their bad behaviour. I truly hadn't lived my life as yet and clearly I had no empathy or understanding whatsoever.

Her day/ze will come.

Suz

Hmmm....interesting Suz. I know for me....I STILL consider myself to be a Warrier.....but I have gone from 'Princess' to.................QUEEN!!

Dottie....Queen Warrier

TAWANDA!!

[Duch]

My inner child is playing with a #%*&@!% Howitzer
– somebody stop her before she starts WWIII

Chocolate,

None of my friends discussed it either, until I did. Of those closest to me, two hadn’t begun and two had surgical meno. Can’t deny having that, so they were willing to swap notes as one was looking for natural relief (opium?) and the other was all for drugs or anything else that made her feel part of the human race. Our prattling has made it easier for the others to at least ask, and have some idea of what’s what.

I wish someone had told me.

Dot, you rock!! run naked through the streets.....

[DH59]

I think she would have had a tennis racquet wrapped round her head, if it had been me!!

I find that if you have not experienced an illness or certain symptoms, you don't really know what a person is going through. I certainly have a different outlook on people with depression now, having been in the pits myself over this past two years. As others have said, I hope she evenually gets a good taste of what peri is like.

[someone]

Hi I am forty just, i know women who are alot older than me,and they have nothing wrong with them.i have two sisters for a start they seem to have nothing and me everything and i am fed up with being the only one outside here, so its probably hard for these people to understand how bad it can be when they experience nothing, you find people like that if they havent got it then it doesnt exist.

[robin07]

Oh yes this really gets me going as well. I had a bad spell of night sweats last year and decided to go and see a different GP in my local practice.

The only woman GP in the practice.

I thought surely she would be full of sympathy and full of wisdom and reassurance. She would use words like 'menopause' and 'oestrogen' and 'fluctuation' and........most importantly..........she would then say....... 'solution'

After I'd explained the ritual of waking up feeling as if I was on fire, quilt off, quilt on, hang legs out of bed, freeze, put legs back in. Fall asleep. Wake up.......etc etc.

She looked at me and said:

'Well if you go to bed expecting to get warm you will do'

Hand me a tennis racket someone

[greenie]

Hi - I wonder if some women feel uncomfortable talking about this subject because to go from young vibrant warrior princesses to this is somewhat shocking and slightly disturbing to our egos? Many womem feel uncomfortable appearing weaker and looking and acting older? I admit it here and now that when I was young, I thought that some women used the symptoms as an excuse for their bad behaviour. I truly hadn't lived my life as yet and clearly I had no empathy or understanding whatsoever.

Her day/ze will come.

Suz

Suz, I think you are right on. I have had bad experiences with friends seemingly judging me because of my peri. One actually said she thought I needed to be on psychiatric medication! She also said, "I think it's sad that you're not the person you were back in college." Yea, it is sad...grrrrrr! I think younger women just don't understand peri and are clueless, as I was. I am on the young end, 42, and my friends are busy with babies and toddlers, so meno is the furthest thing from their mind.

I am now afraid to talk to friends about peri. I'm afraid they'll think I'm a hypocondriac. I'm afraid they'll think of me as weak, even though I used to be very strong and actually should be considered strong for surviving this peri stuff. I would dread mentioning anxiety to friends, as they might think I'm nuts and need medication. So it is the lack of compassion and understanding among my friends that has me keeping my mouth shut. Maybe if I was older, and my friends were going through meno too, it would be different?

I agree, our society is messed up about meno, and it is time for a revolution!

[chocolatewoman99]

Oh yes this really gets me going as well. I had a bad spell of night sweats last year and decided to go and see a different GP in my local practice.

The only woman GP in the practice.

I thought surely she would be full of sympathy and full of wisdom and reassurance. She would use words like 'menopause' and 'oestrogen' and 'fluctuation' and........most importantly..........she would then say....... 'solution'

After I'd explained the ritual of waking up feeling as if I was on fire, quilt off, quilt on, hang legs out of bed, freeze, put legs back in. Fall asleep. Wake up.......etc etc.

She looked at me and said:

'Well if you go to bed expecting to get warm you will do'

Hand me a tennis racket someone

Here you go. Have at it!
http://www.fotosearch.com/bigcomp.asp?path...13/RQCL0058.jpg

[chocolatewoman99]

I am now afraid to talk to friends about peri. I'm afraid they'll think I'm a hypocondriac.

I agree, our society is messed up about meno, and it is time for a revolution!

I make it a point not to whine about illnesses or make excuses, so I don't need it thrown back in my face. I also don't need anyone trying to embarrass me about something that is real and a part of my life. Just because you can't relate doesn't give you the right to try and make me feel bad. Yeah, we need a revolution! I'm not going to apologize for not being 25 anymore.

[robin07]

thankyou chocolate woman and well said

[RoundRobin]

How did I miss this thread? You gals are right on target with this one. None of my friends will acknowledge or discuss menopause. One even told me that there is "no way" I'm in menopause...it's all in my head (really...the lack of periods for 13 months is all in my head??) I think menopause is thought of as something that happens to very old women...

Here's a concrete example: Anyone remember an old episode of Seinfeld when Elaine had to get her urine tested for a trip she was going to take abroad with her boss? The joke was that she tested positive for opiates...turns out it was trom the poppy seed muffins she ate every day. Anyways, she needed a 'clean' sample and convinced Jerry's mother to pee in a cup for her. The results came back "Elaine you exhibit all the health problems of a 68 year old woman. Oh yes, and you're in menopause." 68 years old and in menopause??? Huh??? By 68 years old, most women are 10 years post-menopausal. See the misconception? And this was from a top rated TV show catering to supposedly an educated viewership.

The media hasn't done women any favors with how they protray 'the change.' Edith Bunker went through it in one day. One Day?????

There was ONE tv show...what was it...oh yeah, The Closer, with Kyra Sedgewick. She was having horrible hot flashes, sweating, and irritability. She went to the doctor to find out she was in perimenoapuse...and it was awful because she was newly engaged and thinking about having children.

That's part of the problem, isn't it? Everyone is confused. Are your mid-forties to mid-fifties a time when you're wrapping up your reproductive years or starting them? That guy in the news...the one that is pregnant (transgendered female who kept her uterus) is 45 years old. When I was a kid, any woman over 35 who was pregnant was considered unusual. Paula Abdul is 45 and she keeps talking about how she's "finally ready to be a mother." (Okay, so she's not exactly a great example of stability...but you get my point.) Didn't Diane Sawyer have twins at 52?

60 is the 40. 40 is the new 20. What's going on here?

And chocolate; you are to be applauded for holding your tongue. I would have let her have it!!!

[chocolatewoman99]

RR, the only reason I didn't let her have it is because I was surprised that it came from her. She has always been really nice to me in the past. Also, I just thought that anyone who would say something so stupid was beyond reaching anyway.

You said so many good things. Thanks!

[Dotcalm2u]

........Also, I just thought that anyone who would say something so stupid was beyond reaching anyway.......

Excellent Response!! ..........

Right on Sistah

I don't know much about.......severe allergies.
I don't know much about...... epilepsy
I don't know much about...... diabetes

I don't know much about a LOT of things.

BUT......I DO know how to be...empathetic....sympathetic......and caring about those that are suffering.....those that have disabilities......and those that are in pain.
I am SICK and TIRED of people who are so self absorbed, so self indulgent and so selfish as to only care about their own wee space.

You ARE to be applauded chocolatewoman........
Dottie

[Lady E]

I have been told to "just **** it up",it can't be that bad,or my favorite,I never heard of it being that bad.It make s me want to slap someone,then I want to cry cause of my emotional roller coaster.No one understands except for the ones suffering through it and a few loving family members,and even they really don't understand cause we all suffer in our own unique way.Thats why when I see a post on this board and no one has answered I try to at least tell that person,"hey I hear you,hope you find answers,and tell them GODbless,cause I know what it means to have someone actually believe me and care.This board has helped me so many times,like tonight,it has helped me release some pent up fear,anxiety,and sadness.May GODbless every woman who has ever been ashamed when they felt that familiar heat creeping up their bodies,or suddenly started tearing up while in a meeting,or talking to a teacher at their childs school(I did this)or had a horrible panic attack and thought they were dying only to be poo-pooed by an er dr who needs more bedside manner.GODbless you all-I love ya!!!!

[Duch]

I suppoooooose only a v naughty person would suggest slipping this woman 500mg of niacin, and then telling her the effects are in her head, soooooo I won't suggest it.

[chocolatewoman99]

I suppoooooose only a v naughty person would suggest slipping this woman 500mg of niacin, and then telling her the effects are in her head, soooooo I won't suggest it.

And only an equally naughty person would write this down on a sticky note so she won't forget the correct "dosage!"

[peri1961]

RR, I am a huge Seinfeld fan! Yes I remember that episode.

Now the celebrities that want to have babies at 45-55?
1. they froze their eggs years ago
2. Donor eggs
3.?

Ready to finally have a baby at 45!!! Wow! I had my son at 38 and feel like I am pushing it. Mostly because he has a Mom with 35+ peri symptoms

[RoundRobin]

Celebrities who have babies in their forties and fifties have nannys who do most of the work for them. The average woman would have a h*** of a time dealing with a small child AND menopause!

[larafalcon]

The guy on Oprah Show is 34 - not 45 (quote below from wiresmash.com)


Transsexual Thomas Beatie 34 years old really just shocked the world when a picture was released showing his bearded face and growing belly.