What Were You Like Before Menopause Started? Options

[boyzmom]

yeah me too. I did black before peri. Also in keeping with the thread..I could be a "B" before peri so I can't blame it all on hormones. In my own defense, it was mostly when I was pushed into it. Now I just don't have to be pushed too hard!!

[alice3]

Me too! I unfortunately passed this delightful trait onto my daughter.

Some people at my old works thought I was a bit of a toughnut but that is far removed from the real me. I just once read that if you held someones gaze then they could find it intimidating. I practised it and it does work. You don't have to do anything at all (just try not to blink too often). I used to make sure I sat directly opposite our section boss in meetings and would never take my eyes off his. He was a sarcastic bully and it made him nervous. He was always quite wary with me.

Goodness knows what he ever said...too busy concentrating on trying not to blink!

[boyzmom]

I guess it's a good thing I didn't have girls!
I find that I am much more aggressive with men yet have always preferred to deal with them in business rather than women. You can usually tell what men are thinking! But I loathe condescension from guys just because I'm a woman ... makes me that much more aggressive. I've always been very outspoken. Hubby's most well know phrase, "Aw come on, tell us how you really feel!! "

[Juliann]

Hi Everyone, I promised you all that I would let you know about the wedding, and so I'm gonna try and paint the picture. The bride, she was beautiful (of course, shes my daughter, lol). She's a size 0, so the haulter beaded top, flowed into a total cinderalla filled with sequins and pearls. The tiara, filled with diamonds and pearls, with a flowing veil behind her pinned up curls. She looked like Barbie.

The flowers EVERYWHERE, were deep red roses. The Groom in white. I think everyone showed up, we had a full house of 105. The bridesmaids where in black satin, with all the hair in updo's (thanks to me, I did them all the morning of the wedding, and the bride). Sprinkling of hair glitter on everyone, my favorite touch!!!!

The vows were touching, but when the minister turned them around and introduced them as mr & mrs.....it hit me, OMG, my baby is a married women, just like that!!!!! She looked down at me, a tear in her eye, as we had that moment, it was soul to soul (at least to a peri nut like me it was)lol

I had my hair (shoulder length, all curled) and pinned up, so it was a kinda messy, but put together updo. Looked good, lots of compliments. Family and friends were all so kind and we had a great time. Oh, and I NEVER did start my period, so I was not exactly at my best, still the peri thing continues......

Okay, now for the hard part, they flew out this morning, I droped them at the airport. She's gone, all the way to TN. I cryed all day long. I lay on her bed, just to smell her pillow, and feel close to her. I drank from her favorite cup, and cryed until it hurt. Its been up and down emotionally all day. I know this will all subside, its probably a process, feels like someone died!!!!! Oh to be a mother, its so very hard sometimes, we love so much, don't we??

Its very strange how we grieve. I sit in her room and everything is soooo sentimental, wow!!!!


Okay, sorry that I got so emotional, I know many of you have been their, please feel free to share, it would be appreciated. Thanks for caring, and all your great imput, my love, Jules

[joliejacq]

Oh, thank you so much for sharing your news about the wedding!!

It sounds like it was just beautiful. I love the color scheme, and your petite daughter must truly have looked like a "princess bride." Wow, she and the groom in white, and the bridesmaids in black - this must have been so dramatic! Bet the pics will be gorgeous...

I can not believe you did all the wedding party's hair that morning! Was it a good way to release some nervousness? I couldn't eat the day my daughter got married. It was a happy nervousness, as we love our son-in-law so much, and knew this was a good match. But I could barely comb my OWN hair, never mind take on the responsibility you did, LOL!

The pain of your daughter's leaving will ease. It becomes kind of bittersweet, really. There's the pride of seeing your child grown and making a living, loving a good man. Talking on the phone, you hear new strengths in their voices. But - it's never quite the same again. My daughter LOVES coming here - she just crashes on the couch like a teenager (she's 33, and the mother of 2 little girls under 5, and a 14-year-old stepson). But she goes "home" at the end of the visit. It's as it should be, but I do miss her very much.

I still love mothering her, even if from a distance at times. When she first moved away in her early 20's, I could NOT go into her room for awhile. Just kept the door closed. I couldn't hear any of the music she'd loved while in high school without crying. When I set the table, and saw "her" napkin and placemat, I wanted to bawl...

What will help you? Recognizing that no matter how old she gets, your girl is going to need her momma. When Jess is having a bad day, or has something wonderful to celebrate, who does she call? Me. It's such a blessing.

Thank goodness for phones and email. Can you imagine the days when people were going off like this, and it would take days and days even to get mail? In so many ways, this is a time when the relationship you have with your daughter can become deeper and richer.

And it is also truly YOUR time. After all the hard work of raising children! Consider what you've loved in the past, and really haven't had time for in those busy years. The wonderful thing about having grown kids is that this is a time of reclamation. We are growing and learning, as our children are, and we come together in a whole new way.

I'm so happy the wedding was beautiful, and wish your daughter a happy, happy lifetime with her "prince charming!"

Jacquie

[Juliann]

Thanks Jacquie!!!!

You are so right to say it is all so "Bittersweet", thats exactly how we feel. Its like her "presence" has left us. I have kept her bedroom door closed this week. How strange that we mothers think the same thoughts. I look through old pic's and kinda take a memory lane ride. This week has been rough, I didn't cry as much today as yesterday, but I hurt, my heart is torn.

Then, today, I started my period, at last. Finally this old body relaxed enough, to let it happen, I hope I start to "feel" better.

When you talked about Jess, your daughter, coming to visit, but its never the same, OMG, that made me cry. I truly understand, thanks for sharing that with me. It will be stored in my mind. Your so special, I can tell. You care.

Well the upside, we do have great cell phone plans, and hopefully she will get her e-mail set up soon, so there is much room to still talk, almost everyday, as the gap widens and becomes more settled.

Your right that she will always need momma!!!

The house stays clean, the grocery bill was alot less this week, and I took her off the car insurance, big savings!!!! But still so sad.

Thanks good buddy, for sharing all this, you made my night!!!! Hugs to you!!!

Love, Jules

[joliejacq]

Oh, Jules,

You made me smile with that line about the car insurance, and the grocery bill, and the clean house...

It's funny when our children are little, we dream of a day when we'll actually have a clean house! My daughter says this to me all the time, and I remind her: but your children will be gone, it will get very quiet. That's the bittersweet part!!!

Thank God for emails, as you say! Do you have a digital camera? My daughter and I send photos back and forth - it's fun to get some of the kids doing silly things (just got one of my 5-year-old granddaughter with a chin full of shaving cream, like her father!). And I sent her some of our last big snowstorm - we have beautiful trees here which she doesn't have in her new area, and she liked the reminder of "home." You and your daughter will have a wonderful time sending news back and forth. It opens up a whole new world, and you'll learn things about the area she's living in, the people there, and so on.

It really is a new beginning for the whole family, and when we get past our moments of sadness, there's some wonderful stuff about it! You'll be amazed at how quickly you get used to having no one to take care of but yourself (and hub)!!!

Spoil yourself, Jules!!!

[Juliann]

Hey Jacquie!!!!!

Just before we started planning the Wedding, my daughter Christine bought me a book, she said you need to start reading this. The book was called "Mother of The Bride Survival Guide". I was reading the last chapter of the book, called learning to be a good Mother-In-Law. It said alot of the things you and I talked about, and especially about the first year of marriage, and the fact that we (as mothers) need to butt out and not try to smother them. Its true that during all the planning and wedding stuff we are busy with them, then they get married and seems like they don't even call for awhile. Now I understand that this is a time of bonding and getting their own new life patterns formed.

I'm totally cool today I feel more at peace with the world (thanks to you!!!!) and I am gaining a grip on what just happened, lol.

I know that Gods timing is always right, because we have alot of things changing here at home that is for the better as well. My hubby has had a very long term (12yr) battle with chronic pain. He had cervical spine surgery back in August. Nothing seemed to help and we were feeling somewhat hopeless with the outcome of things. Then he started some great theraphy about 4 weeks ago, and he is changing by leaps these days (after 12 yrs, what do you know???). I think my daughter was a great pacifer for me during that time. Now he is suddenly feeling better, that means we can look forward to some kind of life, other than how its been for seemingly so long. Its all a blessing at once!!!!!

Anyway, your my angel, thanks for the talks, and I bet that it is just beautiful up their in Maine, wow!!!! Being a So. Cal girl, its hard for me to imagine. Do you live in a city area, or suburbs???

We've had our share of rain this season, and these Calif. people are complaining, the mold has taken over, cows are dying, houses are slipping, we can't handle much over here, lol. I myself was born in Buffalo, and I do enjoy some "weather" it adds charactor to life.

Hugs to you, and I will spoil myself, hummmm......Jules

[joliejacq]

Wow, that is amazing about your husband! It is truly wonderful that he is getting some help with his back - that can be so debilitating. He must be VERY happy these days! And you're right about God's timing - this was exactly the same with us, when our daughter moved out. Some wonderful things began happening with my husband's new business, and he has never been more satisfied with his life.

Yes, being able to just go do things with your husband is a joy! Our daughter and her family lived with us 3 years (in an apartment space up over our garage) while they saved for a home, so we generally did things with them, or with the grandkids during that time. Now that they have moved, it amazes us to think we can just go away for the weekend if we want to! And now that my peri stuff is easing, there's actually energy to do that - it's the BEST feeling!

Yes, being a good in-law is important, as I think our new family members can feel extra-sensitive about whether they are respected. Isn't there a line in the Bible: "A man shall leave his mother...." My own MIL made things very hard for my hub and me in the early days of our marriage, and I vowed to NEVER do that to my son-in-law!

We live in a suburban area of Maine (just outside of Portland), although saying "suburbs" in Maine is kind of funny. There are woods and trees all around pretty much anywhere you go here, except right along the Southern-area coastline! Maine is a "quiet" state. Portland is a lovely city, almost no crime, clean and safe. We love it here.

When you say Southern California, I think of a place that is quite warm and dry. Is that right? I've never been to California, but would love to. Back in the 60's, EVERYONE wanted to go to California ("with flowers in our hair" LOL).

Well, if you come from Buffalo, you certainly understand about "weather!" Don't they have like the highest snowfall of anywhere in the country each year? California must seem like a dream!

Well, enjoy the new changes in your life. What an adventure, huh?

[alice3]

Has your daughter moved far from you Jacquie?

[joliejacq]

Hi Alice,

She's moved an hour away - not like poor Jules, whose daughter has moved to a completely different part of the country! But given that we were in and out of each other's doorways for 3 years, it feels like a HUGE silence having her gone.

It's not that it's so far, but just overcoming the inertia to go see her is sometimes more than I can do - she's the same way, as for her it means carting child seats, diapers, extra clothes, etc. Remember those days? And the weather has hindered us - it's been a brutal winter here this year!

Is your daughter planning to move after she marries? Is she your only child? Big changes when our little ones grow up, aren't there?

[Juliann]

Hey Jacquie, Yes I'm adjusting the flowers in my hair right now, lol.

Alittle info on Southern Calif., we have beach weather, and inland weather. The beach is alittle cooler, and gets more overcast days. Inland, where we live is more desert climate. Most of the year is pretty nice, however the summers are on the hot side, and smoggy!!!! This season was more rain than usual. But we needed it.

I looked at my handy "Road Atlas" and your Portland area is coastal??? Are you near the beach??? Does it snow on that coastal area???? At any rate, it sounds just lovely and safe. I can't say as much for our neighborhood. We live in a nice area, but you have to keep things locked at all times. They stole our mail during the holidays, and many neighbors as well. We had to put locks on it. I have alarms on my home and business. It is always monitored!!!!! How sad???

Our home is about 35 min from Disneyland, bet you've heard of that place???? I have another bridal shower to attend tommorrow, it seems never ending, lol!!!

Daughters new hubby was called into the field until thursday, so she's all alone in her new place, she's trying to get the house in order. She's feeling the silence of being alone as well. We all miss each other, thats good. I like the fact that she is having to handle some real life situations, without me trying to fix it all the time. I can sit back and just resist the urge to jump on a plane and go help her. I prayed last night, that I don't hinder Gods ability to teach her, its new strength she will gain (as you have said).

Hey, do they have Star Bucks up there??? We have them on every corner here. I am getting addicted, lol.

You are sounding wonderfully adjusted to your new life, I'm glad that your peri is doing better, you have been through alot, yet your inner beauty shines through on these precious letters. All the ladies here benefit from your wisdom!!!! I know that I have.

Love Ya, Jules

[alice3]

Bet your daughter will feel homesick then Juliann. We have Starbucks over here in the UK too (in the cities). I had one when in Bath but found it was all froth and frankly preferred good old Marks and Spencer's version.. with a slice of cake YUM.

Yes my daughter is an only one too JJ but lives in town. We don't see or hear as much of her since she got a new job (which is more demanding and longer hours). She would ring about 4 times each day then but now we speak maybe twice a day on the phone and see her a few times in the week.

Well shocks, today we went to the garden centre, then round a little shopping town and I bought the wedding shoes and handbag (cream) Then...and a biggie for me ..had Sunday lunch out (roast beef and yorkshire pud). It was nice to be "the old me" and I'm determined to make it a regular again...life is too short!

[joliejacq]

HURRAH, ALICE!

Dinner out, and shopping - a good day!!! Perhaps you are turning the corner? I don't know, Alice, I'm feeling better these days, more my old self.... Maybe we really will get through - no, get OVER, this! I'm happy you had such a good day, and hope you have LOTS more.

Well, Yorkshire pudding - I've read about this for years, and do not have a clue what it IS. What IS it?


Hey Jules,

Thanks so much for your kind words. I love posting here and receiving your posts! 2 different coasts, but much in common!

I'm intrigued by the desert. My hub spent a week in New Mexico and Arizona last year, and just loved it, said he felt something very spiritual in the air there. The landscape is beautiful! That whole part of the country feels so utterly different from New England. One day hub and I want to go take some time to explore the area. What are the homes like where you live? As you can guess, our house is Cape Cod style!

Living so close to Disneyland, have you been a gazillion times? Do you have the experience that people visit you and Disneyland at the same time? LOL (I have a cousin who lives in Florida, and she talks about this!)

I live in the town of Gorham, about 10 miles outside of Portland. Our big claim to fame this year is that Julie from the last "Survivor" show is from Gorham, LOL - apparently she and the show's host Jeff are having a big love affair. Also, Trading Spaces shot a couple homes here 2 years ago (my daughter saw Paige and Vern at one of the restaurants in Portland). We are about 20 minutes from the ocean, which we don't often swim in. The Atlantic is WAAAAYYYY colder than the Pacific, you probably know! But the beaches are so lovely, we go and loll about on beach chairs, read novels, and occasionally wet our toes.

Oh, yes, it snows on the coastal area... They are predicting we'll get another FOOT of snow Monday night into Tuesday. Don't know where we'll put it! Feels like we've been digging out continuously since early January! But yes, the good thing is that it's very safe here. Our crime rates in Maine are low - it's too cold to go out and do bad things! I can feel for you having to keep things locked up tight. That would be upsetting.

Sounds like your daughter is doing well with keeping the home fires burning while her hub is away. She must feel lonely. Are there other young women in the area? Bet she'll connect relatively quickly with someone close by - those friendships become so important. Oh, you must just feel like jumping on a plane! I'm sure she's comforted by her phone/email conversations with you.

We do have Starbucks here, but not many stores. One in Portland, and one at the Maine Mall in South Portland. There may be others, but they are definitely not on every street corner as on the West coast! I love their coffee, but actually order my coffee from another California company, The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Have you heard of it? They neutralize the acid in all of their decafs, which is necessary for me as I have a sensitive bladder. At the same time, it doesn't seem to affect the taste - still nice and rich. Yum! We are getting more and more local coffeehouses, a great new one here just started by a guy from Seattle (of course!).

Well, I didn't mean to write a whole book! Sorry!

Hope you've had a nice (quiet!) weekend, and will have a super week ahead!

Love,
Jacquie

[shark1962]

Peri-menopause hit without a warning. I am only starting to realize after finding this site, what my body has been going through for the last 2 years. Starting with a feeling of sadness and doom and gloom. (never felt that way before). Then the crazy heavy periods. Then anxiety, insomnia, dizzy spells and fog. The the joints and muscles on my body started to ache and pain for no reason at all. Went for every test imaginable to man and you guessed it.... all normal. I've been to the doctors office about 10 times in the last year and probably only 10 times total in my whole life. She has never ever mentioned peri-menopause. I have put the pieces together myself and after finding this site, confirmed my suspisions. Doc tells me I have fibromyalgia - all the symptoms seem to be the same as peri????
Is this crazy or what. Anyone else given this diagnosis?

[Juliann]

Hi Alice, please do tell us what exactly yorkshire pudding is??? I'm glad that you were able to get out and about, and feel better, great for you!!!! Is your daughter also getting married???


Hey Jacquie, So the claim to fame is "Survivior", well I will be honest, I started watching it when it first came on, and was hooked for a while. Then had to work, to many thursday's. Speaking of that show, one of the Surviors, a gal named Dena, she was a DA, was one of my hair clients neighbors!!!!! Oh yes, Riverside CA has some claim to fame also!!!!lol

I LOVE Cape Cod, the look is so "old world", thats really neat. Our home is built on a slab, frame, 2 story, tile roof. Basic Calif, but I don't have any palm tree's in my front yard. They do line the streets here, very cool.

As for Disneyland, its very built up now, they've added more and more stuff, lots to do, and money to burn over there. I haven't been in a long while. Since I rounded the "bend", I haven't really liked large crowds and endless lines. Its like I'd rather be at the beach, or someplace soothing. We love a place called Pismo Beach, its about 5 hrs up the coast, its our favorite get-away. ITs a clam Chowder town, full of little shops and good eats!!!! We like the pleasant people and always have a great relaxing time.

Yes I have heard of Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, their is one in the next town, but not here in Riverside, as yet. For some reason, Star Bucks rules here. My daughter worked for them for a while, thats the only reason I started going, then the addiction kicked in.....oh well.

I had another bridal shower today, more games!!!!!! The new bride is a gal I work with, she's been with this guy for maybe 6yrs???? They are finally gonna tie the knot. I'm happy that they are. They already live together and each has a child from a previous relationship. She was pregnant, but lost the baby at about 3mo. last week. It was sad!!!!

Getting out and mingling helps my heart, a good laugh!!!!! I have such great lady friends, I include you all, in this group as well!!!!! Well, I'm sorry you have more snow coming, keep warm and cozy!!!! Do you ever journal??? I like keeping a diary, and then looking back over time, its amazing. I'm also knitting scarves, the cute fluffy ones, don't ask me why, but its something to do. lol.

Lots of Love, Jules

[alice3]

I've posted Yorks puds on Place to start your day.

How lucky you are having female company Juliann. That's what I miss about working out of the home. With women friends you can talk about anything. Men really aren't interested! How come a woman with an opinion is a nag!

[Juliann]

Hi Alice, thanks for the Yorks info, I will look it up. And yes it is great being in the business I am in (Salon), as I do interact with lots of females. I have many friends of all ages, but especially enjoy those that are older and yes wiser!!!! lol

As much as I like being around people, I do get my fill, and need to retreat to some solitude time. Now that daughter is gone, I am more alone here at the house, and its really going to be okay, I think. I had a time in the past, where my anxiety stopped me from so much of life, it was a difficult time, healing took very long to come, but it did at last. Now with Peri symtoms coming and going, its nice to be able to talk with others that are having these same issues.

Hey Shark, Welcome....... I think you stumbled onto a very informative site here. You did not mention your age, but I think its safe to bet that you are experincing these same issues. It all does seem to just start happening one day, and life is just not the same anymore. I've never had such crazy symtoms as in the past couple of years, seriously, I was overwelmed with it. My heart goes out to you!!! Just take it one day at a time, and we will get through it. Jules

[joliejacq]

Shark,

I agree with Jules about the similarity of symptoms so many of us feel. You're right that they seem to have some of the same qualities as fibromyalgia. I thought I had that (or CFIDS) for awhile there. Saw a neurologist, who ruled out fibromyalgia. It's really a matter of getting up each morning and checking in with your body to see what the heck's going on! Very tiring. Things have eased up for me in the past couple of months, and I'm praying this is a sign that the peri-nonsense is finally coming to an end. We'll see - I may be sobbing to you all tomorrow!

Yes Alice,

Thanks for the pudding info! I'll go check it out. It sounds so elegant, "Yorkshire Pudding...."

Jules,

We have another "wedding" link going on in the "Somebody Reassure Me" thread (that's in the Am I Losing My Mind? forum). Alice and Finola both have daughters getting married this year, too! So we've been chatting about their upcoming plans. Any advice for them?

Well, after posting this, I'm going to go look up Riverside and Pismo Beach. Your home sounds beautiful - I love that tiled roof look. Why did you go from Buffalo to California? Was it a bit of a culture shock? (Bustle to laid-back?)

Yes, I do some journaling, tho' forget to do it some days. You are so right - going back and rereading is quite an experience! I've been trying to write down some of the adorable things the grandchildren say, because I hate the thought that I will forget them.

You're knitting scarves? Would you ever have the weather to wear them? This is satisfactory though, isn't it - craft projects. When so much in the world (and in our own bodies, LOL) feels unsettled, just to make something beautiful and see it completed - such a nice sense of accomplishment!

I agree with Alice that it's wonderful that you've got that female connection. I haven't many friends right here in this town, but do belong to a Red Hatter's group that meets monthly, and is great fun! We dine and have games, etc. Next meeting we're going bowling, which I haven't done since age 17!!! One of our members is 76, and is the Senior Bowling Champ in Maine. This gal is full of life, so IMPRESSIVE!

Have a great night!

Jacquie

[Juliann]

Hey Jacquie,

So glad that you posted today, it always make's my day, to come here and just gab, lol. So much the better for finding people like you here. Now I must tell you that the crazy scarf thing is REALLY in right now. Those fluffy ones, they are made out of "Fun Fur". Kinda difficult to knitt or crochet, as the yarn is really fluffy and hard to see what your doin, but I got it down, lol. Your so right, it helps, and is therapeutic!!! I taught my daughter how, and now that she's been alone this past week, her first venture was to get some needles and yarn. Its hours of busy work.

Anyway, we moved from Buffalo when I was 5yrs old, so I didn't really have a choice in the matter. I have faint memories, but do remember the snow!!!!

So you belong to a "Red Hatters" group, thats really cool, we have that here also, I've heard of it. Its a big plus to just get out and connect with others, lifts you up a notch. Before I bought the salon, my life was really rather boring. I felt so unconnected. Now its very different, I have many people in my life. Some are great, others are a headache, but its been busy. I don't know that I like it this busy, well simply put, there's no pleasing me, huh????

Having a business is like having another child, its very time consuming and its never ending with things that have to be done, some days I just want to run away from the responsibilities of it. Other days I bask in the fun of it. Kinda like life???

You sound happy that the peri thing seems better, are you still having periods?? My other question is are you taking anything that seemed to help???

Since this past year was totally stressful, I wonder how much is gonna change now that many things are changing for the better. My emotions and body felt like it was run over by a truck, twice!!!! I take it day by day, cause I know that things do get better, and things do go crazy, right???

Good luck on the bowling, remember to keep that elbow locked, chin up!

Hugs~Jules

[joliejacq]

Oh, you know something about bowling!! How does one keep one's elbow in while throwing the ball? I'm the least athletic person in the universe!

It's great that you have this business - good for you for going for it! Do you find the business (accounts, taxes, etc.) end of it daunting? My hub has run his own business for many years (just closed one and opened another), and loves the work. The "numbers" stuff makes him NUTS. Thank goodness for good accountants, LOL. Are there other hairdressers working with you, or is it a small shop?

Oh, I wish you lived nearby. I have the world's thinnest head of hair. Also, I'm VERY SHY about going to hairdressers - don't know why. Sometimes I actually tremble in the chair, which is embarrassing. Do you find anyone else has this problem?

I think I know the scarves you mean - they are popular here, too. Kind of "fuzzyish?" The colors are wild and beautiful!

Well, you asked where things are period-wise - last year I had only 2 periods, 6 months apart. My last period was in mid-November, and I don't feel any of the usual pre-period stuff (sore breasts and bloating), so don't expect to get another any time soon. I WANT TO BE DONE! Really hoping this is it. I'm 52, which is the median age when women hit menopause.

Have I done anything to manage it? Well, ENDURED! I'm on an anti-depressant (Lexapro), because of severe anxiety, and then a depressive crash last spring. It has helped a lot.

Other symptoms - hot flashes, insomnia, night sweats, fatigue, have all improved a gazillion percent. I'm happiest to see the fatigue gone - there were days it felt like I was walking around in a fog. Praying the improvement continues...

Are you in the thick of perimenopause? You mentioned starting a period soon after the wedding (BTW, I did the same thing! Period was due around daughter's wedding day, and I was late a week - like the body was saying, "you have enough to deal with!" ) What symptoms do you find most challenging?

I really think most of these symptoms will pass. It's likely that the excitement/nervousness of the wedding did play a big part of your stress levels last year. Also, there's something about having the house to yourself, being able to focus in and do things in your own time. It's been very "healing" to me, at the same time that I miss my girl.

Well, I hope you have a great day, Jules! The snow is piling up here - think we've had about 8 inches so far, and they're predicting a foot before the day is over. Hub and I are in our pj's still, as we can't go anywhere until the driveway's plowed out! A nice enforced vacation day...

Love ya!
Jacquie

[alice3]

And the other thing Jules is that when you have appointments you have to force yourself to go.

Like I said in another post last week I started with a migraine when grocery shopping. Though I felt panicky and wanted to run I still chatted to the checkout lady as my shopping went through, like auto-pilot. Sometimes that forcing yourself to do things does help a bit. Like CW says you can't panic when you have to think of something else.


And snap JJ I don't like going to the hairdressers. I colour my own hair and a hairdresser comes to my home to cut it. I don't like anything where you have to sit in a chair for longer than 15 mins which is why I'm way past having my eyes tested!

[Juliann]

Hi Jacquie

I feel for you on the bowling thing, I bowled for a few years on a league. I even took lessons to help me out. Some of the things I learned I will pass on to you. When you release the ball, your hand position should be like a "handshake", thumb at about 9 o'clock position. My ball was a finger tip, so that may be alittle different. But always keep your chin up and hand releaseing where you want that ball to go, concentrate.......you'll do fine!!!! At least have fun with it. This sport takes alot of time to be any good at it. Hope for beginners luck, lol.

Okay, thanks for so many cool questions. My salon has 13 stylists, and 1 facialist. I consider it a nice size, but now days we have super salons in the area that have like 65 stations.....OMG!!!! I have my hands full already.

Many clients are nervous, at least when we first meet. I try to be a comforting and trusted friend to most of my ladies. They grow to trust me very much, and look forward to our time together. They become like my extended family. I have wonderful ladies that I personnally look forward to seeing every 6-8wks. I am mostly a colorist. I specialize in the working women, who like a well maintained look. But I also have men, and a few teens that I love.....my favorite is highlights and color. I do not do any children, being the boss has its advantages, lol.

When you posted about your symtoms of peri, they are very similar. My most awful one is also killer fatigue, and the brain fog feeling. I thought I had fallen into depression also, but figure it is just peri. My doc offered me lexapro, so I took one pill, in the am. I went on the magical mystery tour for the day!!!! I should of probably taken it in half, and at night. The nausea was awful. That was last June. I am just "Enduring" as you so "acurately" put it. I get tired all the time, I need naps, and feel blue alot of the time.

Over the past month with the wedding planning, I was having night-sweats and insomnia (really bad).

Anxiety is a real hard one!!! I had panic attacks for about 7 yrs. I lived in anxiety, and fear. I couldn't even go out to eat with anyone. I hated shopping or going to the bank, being in a line, just freaked me out. Don't know what that was all about, but it did get better, and I still have some anxiety, but I rarely have a full blown attack. I handled it with xanax, lots of books, and lots of prayer. It took time. The nerves are not quick healers.

My hubby is on Lexapro, he has done really well (started in dec), his depression was very bad, he smiles alot now. The doc is adding a small dosage of effixor to his daily med's. He started that today, so well see. Cause he is still having to much anxiety. He's been such a mess with his neck and surgery, for so long, it has depleted him. I need to be very patient, he is very needy and I need to just be there for him (hard at times). He is able to go to work everyday, and since he started the work-out theraphy, is doing much better.

Yes we both miss our daughters, I shipped 3 boxes off to her today, of stuff she had to leave behind. I stuck pictures and books in there. I already sent a card with $$$$ in it. Are we momma, or what???

Jacquie, please tell me how the lexapro helped you???? I am wondering if I need it?? Would some women take it for help in peri??? Hugs~Jules

(((Alice))) Your anxiety sounds very like mine was. Are you trying anything for it??? If so what??? My husbands new doctor, that seems to really care, said that with some medications, it can improve your quality of life.

[sybilleruth]

Before menopause, I knew me and could introduce me. Now - I don't know me and am really don't think I should introduce me. Heck, if I am a stranger to me - I am sure I will be a stranger to someone else.

[joliejacq]

Oh, Sybille, that's sad, and I know the feeling.... It will get better, keep telling yourself. One day you'll have the real "you" again.

Jules,

You asked about the Lexapro. I took it only after becoming utterly wiped out with depression last April. I had been having severe anxiety (and increasing cry urge) for months and months, and then was sick in January with a terrible flu. I think it put me over the edge. There were a couple months of feeling VERY emotionally wobbly, and then in April I just became unable to get out of bed. I completely stopped eating, would have hysterical crying jags, and although I didn't become suicidal, I had no idea how I was going to continue, feeling as I was. Very frightening!

I had handled the severe anxiety, but the depression was simply more than I could manage. There was no choice - the antidepressant was necessary because I honestly didn't know how to go on without some help.

How did Lexapro help? It got me back on my feet again. Not to say it wouldn't have happened anyway, but I don't think it would have happened that quickly. After 2 months, I was moving around more easily (yes, I spent almost 2 months in bed!), doing a bit of housework, beginning to go for walks by myself, etc. By 3 months, I started driving again. I've now been on for 10 months, and continue to see improvement - my life is pretty much back to normal.

My initial dosage was 5 milligrams, half that recommended by my doc. Because I'm so frightened of medication (and was especially so of anti-depressants), I was in panic state for the first 3 days, then realized that I was actually not having any severe side effects, and upped it to 10mg. I took it in the morning, because it seemed to affect my sleep when I took it at night.

I've tolerated it well. In the very early stages, I was also on Ativan (similar to Xanax), because I had terrible shakes in the mornings. I was able to wean off that very quickly, and haven't taken it since last August.

Some women who've posted on P-S have taken Lexapro for help with peri anxiety that's less intense than what I was feeling. I say "whatever gets you through the night." I would have appreciated it while going through the intense anxiety prior to the depression.

When you made the comment that nerves don't heal quickly, that is SO RIGHT ON! It's like certain bones of the body that take a really long time to mend when broken. We tend to have booboos in our lives that we know will heal, and we go on our merry way. But with the nerves, it seems to be a VERY slow process. Curious, huh?

Claire Weekes talks about depression coming after long periods of physical problems (so it's not surprising about your husband, given the pain he's suffered). I too felt so needy while going through it, so can understand where he's coming from. This will pass for him, Jules.

Wow, your salon is big! 13 chairs is pretty significant! I wish I lived in your area and could come to you - wouldn't we have plenty to chat about??

I'm sorry you struggle with the anxiety, too. We certainly aren't alone - SO many women have come to P-S looking for advice with this. It's what brought me here in the first place. The hot flashes, etc. were annoying, but it's the anxiety that was hardest to cope with.

We deserve to have some beautiful golden years after this menopause nonsense settles down!

Your bud,
Jacquie

[Juliann]

Hi Jacquie, Glad you posted!!!! As always your situation will speak to me and all others who will read it. Wow, you really went through the "ringer". Poor girl, I think you deserve a big hug!!!! My old counselor once told me that Anxiety and Depression are close cousins!!!! If you get one, you will also have some of the other, very true, huh?

I feel for all that you went through, and am so proud of you for working hard to get your life back, it wasn't easy I'm sure. Once you hit bottom, theres nowhere to go but up, lol.

I can honestly say that since the day I had my very first panic attack, 11 yrs ago, my life has never been quite the same, even though most days are okay, it always lurks around the corner, it seems. At my hardest time, I felt like I was losen it. I'm bascially a very strong independant person, I became so humble through that experience. It changed me alot, and in many ways for the better, as I learned compassion.

My hubby is also taking some huge new steps, OMG, its so wonderful to see him smile and have an improved quality of life, its amazing!!!! Thanking God daily for it. The Lexapro was the kick start to it!!!!

Yeah, I wish you were here to, and I could sit and chat with you, its very comforting, your very dear!!!! Some of my clients rush into my chair and say "just make me beautiful", and I say, I'm a beautician, not a magician!!!

Well, I had drama, drama, tonight at the salon. One of my young 30's client, who has had a rough go the past three years since her divorce. Told me she is dating a neat new guy and things could be getting serious. He's also divorced. He is partime student (at 39) and partime bartender. She had a cell phone that has pictures on it, and showed me his picture. Well, one of the girls I work with, is divorced and currently living on the edge, partying all the time, has had this new "bartender guy" calling her and basically meeting her for drinks. AND, its the same guy!!!!! Can you say "two timer"!!!! Oh, it was a mess, the girl left in tears going to break it off with the jerk.......just another day in paradise, eh???

These are the strange and crazy things that can just happen, I was so sad for her because she's a really nice girl and can't find a decent guy. But I told her that its a good thing she found it out now, then later......right???

Anyway, just rambling here, hope its worth reading!!!! You take care, you have a strong spirit, and great determination, a women of strength!!!!!!
Love ya, Jules

[joliejacq]

Oh, I'd be tempted to just do something SO MEAN to that guy!

I know at least 2 women in the past year who believed that they were getting serious with guys, and in BOTH INSTANCES they somehow got love-letter emails "mistakenly" sent to them when the guys thought they were writing to someone else! And one of the women stayed with the jerk!

How can some men DO this?! Makes my blood boil. You must have felt terrible! That poor girl.

Oh, thanks for the kind words about my pulling myself together, LOL - it's still a daily job! Yes, once we get the "anxiety bug," it's hard not to feel it's always potentially biting at our heels. Our only choice is to keep going on, huh? When I feel it really encroaching, I go back to Claire Weekes' books - Lordy, how they have helped.

Hope you have a wonderful day, dear Jules, no big dramas in the chairs. It must be so much fun to form those connections with clients you're fond of. They are lucky to have you!

Have a great one!
Jacquie

[Juliann]

Hi Jacquie, Hows the snow??? Thought of you today, as it was just chilly enough for a light jacket, are we wimps or what???

No major drama today, thank goodness!!! I had some time to kill this morning so I called an old friend that I haven't talked with lately. She was feeling kinda down because she has vertigo. She complained of feeling not herself lately and went on and on with things like what WE HAVE. I asked my friend how old she was and she said 50, so I told her she may be in Peri-land. As I started telling her these things, she was amazed!!!! She had NO-CLUE!!!! She thought she had some strange illness, that gave her fatigue, anxiety, etc. Made her day, to know that it could just be "meno" coming her way. Of course a DR should check it all out, but she said all her blood work was normal. (wondering why doctors didn't even mention this to her????) !!!

It just makes my day to know that I found this website, and became informed. Otherwise I would be thinkin the same way,

I wanted to thank you for all your info on the lexapro, its wonderful that we live in an age where things like that are possible, you know?? If we lived 100 yrs ago, we would have been burned at the stake or something. Classified nutty old ladies.

At what year would you say your peri started???

You have been a great strength, a very good hearted friend, thanks.......Jules

[joliejacq]

Hi Jules,

Well, I skipped a day here, as for some reason, I couldn't post yesterday. Could type out replies, but then when I clicked on the "Reply" button, it did nothing. Thankfully, it seems to be working again today!

It must have been so comforting for your friend to hear that she might just be having good ol' perimenopause. Isn't it nice to be able to comfort others like this? I have had the vertigo!! (and everything else in peri!). It goes away, but is very daunting while we feel so off-balance. A couple of other friends my age have also had the vertigo. So strange that we should be affected in that way, but hormones really do control just about everything in the body.

You're sooooo right - why didn't her doctors tell her she might be in peri? Women worry themselves sick over these symptoms. The fatigue can just be debilitating - I used to fear I was just dying!

We are all waiting for some balance!

My very earliest symptoms started when I was 39 - heart palpitations, mostly. But everything was minor and very manageable until the severe anxiety, and then depression hit, about 1.5 years ago now (I'm 52). Hot flashes, night sweats, headaches, etc. were bothersome, but not terrible. When I was beginning to have trouble coping with getting thru' the day, I googled menopause and found this site - THANK GOD.

Well, you are funny needing jackets on warm days! As we come out of winter, everyone pulls their summer clothes out of storage as soon as the days hit 50 - such a relief! It's been a brutal one this year - still snow as far as the eye can see, banks up over my head in the driveway. Enough! At least the birds are singing in the mornings - we're banking a lot on their sense of hope!

You are a wonderful P-S buddy - I so enjoy your posts. Hope you are having a great Sunday, getting in some good relaxation time, as your weeks sure do sound full and busy!

Jacquie

[Juliann]

Hey Jacquie,

Okay, I feel really bad needing a jacket when its only 65 degree's out, but I think our blood is very thin out here. I can't imagine summer starting at 50 degree, it would be like eskimo weather to me!!!!

Well gosh, I had two awful bouts of Vertigo myself, all in my late thrities. Hmmm, I guess it is really weird that we all have had it to one extent or the other.

I bought myself a FSH kit, its a do it at home test, it helps you see your level and if you are in or nearing menopause. I thought it would be a good test, will do it tommorrow morning. I'll let you know.

Am having a nice relaxing day, its amazing how nice it is to be home alone. Yeah my grief has settled, and its rather nice, hahahahah.

Will talk with you tommorrow, I am rushing out to the video store, we rented the movie "The Notebook", have you seen it??? I thought it was really good. Will talk more later......Hugs, Jules