Q: I am on my third relationship in a row where the guy has had sexual difficulties. we were all physically healthy people in our 30s. the issues lie around not being able to ejaculate (for 2 guys) and the third guy was a 38-yr old virgin waiting until he met his wife. all 3 came from traditional/religious backgrounds. I understand that if you are taught “sex is wrong” that you can have such issues. but how exactly does that work? and most importantly, what does it mean for me that I keep attracting guys with this problem? what can I change so this doesn’t happen to me again? please help.

A: Samantha,
Difficulty ejaculating can be a complex matter -- it often involves biological, emotional, and relational aspects and each situation is somewhat different. If the men are motivated to address their issues, I suggest they see a urologist (or their primary physician) first and create a comprehensive approach that works for them...

As far as whether you're attracting this kind of guy -- I think you're wise to ask yourself this question. It's important that we reflect on our own behavior to understand the "vibes" we send to others. A classic example is the controlling "mommy-type" woman who seems to attract the helpless "little boy-type" man. Traditional psychotherapy describes men who have difficulty ejaculating as either withholding (?angry at women, fearful of letting go and committing part of himself, or anxious for a host of other reasons ... you might want to consider whether you find these attributes on a regular basis in the men you find attractive.

Dr. Sandy Scantling
Author of Extraordinary Sex Now.
Visit Dr. Sandy's Web site at: www.drsandy.com

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